"Uhh, what are you doing?" Unity asked curiously as she saw Lorimer taking a blood sample from one of her hosts
"I'm just taking a blood sample...for later" Lorimer replied with a forced smile as he pulled out a cube and injected the blood in it before putting it in his pockets.
Lorimer had split off from his siblings to do some...stuff...and was now trying to keep his cool in front of Unity.
"...are you trying to make a cure to me in case i become dangerous?" Asked Unity raising the brow of her host
"Oh, absolutely. So, please don't become dangerous and we'll be cool" said Lorimer nonchalantly "but how did you know?"
"Rick has made remarks about you, saying that you were quite...paranoid at the thought of having potential danger near you"
"I'll make a mental note to get back at Rick for that." Deadpanned Lorimer "now if you'd excuse me, I'll go start acting like how I'm supposed to now"
"And that is...?" Asked Unity in confusion
"Emo!" Said Lorimer before he began playing the guitar and then, it was time to...SING! "I-"
Lorimer was suddenly hit in his head by a thrown rock. He stopped singing after saying one letter to look at who threw the rock. It was Summer, who was rapidly approaching. She jumped onto Lorimer's back and covered his mouth.
"Stop that horrendous noise right now!" Ordered Summer angrily
Lorimer removed her hands off his mouth and spoke "i said ONE letter!"
"One letter more than we can handle!" Retorted Summer angrily as she tried to cover his mouth once more
"Was it really that bad?" Asked Lorimer in confusion as he got Summer off his back...literally
"You're an insult to every singer that has ever lived!" Yelled Summer angrily
Morty, who was watching from a distance, nodded vigorously while Unity had to agree. So, the three decided to tape Lorimer's mouth shut so he never tries to sing ever again.
Lorimer cursed his tone deafness under the tape that was forced unto his mouth.
"Don't wanna hear it!" Said Summer angrily "i really don't"
'You're acting as if i had committed heresy against music or something' Lorimer tried to say, but all that cane out were muffled jumbles
Lorimer's music career quickly ended before it started...for the well-being of the universe.
"I hope this makes up for what happened back there" said Unity with a smile as her hosts served The family burgers, cooled them down with fans and carved their faces into a mountain
"Look at em go! So coordinated! What's your problem? They're making you into a Mount Rushmore! They made burgers!" Said Morty happily as he got pampered "wait, Lori. Did you throw away your burger?"
Lorimer shook his head "did you eat it?" Morty asked.
Lorimer nodded and Morty looked very confused as Lorimer still had the tape over his mouth so he couldn't speak, let alone eat.
'Mouths are an evolutionary construct. Return to single celled organism, Mortimer' Lorimer tried to say, but all that came out of his mouth was nonsense
"Yes?" Said Morty with an awkward smile
'I'm gonna kill you in your sleep tonight'
"Ehh, great, i guess?" Morty replied to Lorimer's muffled noises
'okay, i know I'm supposed to act all depressed, but this is actually pretty entertaining' Lorimer tried to say to himself
"Oh come on, you two, open your eyes! There is no they! These poor people's' bodies are being used! They're a planet of puppets!" Summer exclaimed angrily
"I can hear you" said one of the fan holding Unity hosts
"Ugh!" Exclaimed Summer in frustration
'Cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese and more cheese. Cheese is great' Lorimer tried to say with a serious expression and tone as he glared at Morty
"See, Lorimer's saying the right things here" said Summer with a frown as she crossed her arms, causing Lorimer to begin giggling hysterically.
"Summer, i think he's just messing with you" replied Morty as he narrowed his eyes
'I absolutely am!' Lorimer tried to say, looking very offended
He didn't know why this was so fun. It was so stupid, but it was so hilarious.
"See! He's with me." Said Summer in a serious tone causing Lorimer to nearly pass out from trying to laugh
"Well, seems like everybody else here's cool with it. Except for all those redheads. They seem like they're in a hurry to be somewhere else." Said Morty as he watched Unity hosts in clown costumes heading somewhere
"Balloons, Summer, Lorimer, Morty?" Asked Unity through a clown host
'Shame i can't use the helium to make my voice squeaky while still having the tape' Lorimer tried to say with a contemplating look 'maybe i should switch for a bit..."
"What are you contemplating for?!" Summer snapped angrily "you're supposed to be on my side here!"
Lorimer struggled to breathe under the tape because of his stupid sense of humor 'Tape it is'
"No, we don't want your dumb balloons. We're bored. Take us back to Rick."
"Now's...not a good time." Said Unity calmly
'Summer is very annoying' Lorimer tried to say in in angry tone
"What he said!" Yelled Summer almost immediately after Lorimer made his muffled noises
Lorimer started tearing up from attempted laughter, all stopped by the tape on his mouth.
"Look! He's crying from this!" Added Summer
By now, Lorimer was vigorously pounding the ground with his fist.
In the end, Morty was the only sane one there. He sat as he continued watching Lorimer spaz out on the ground.
"Wake up people! You have to fight it! You're under the spell of an evil monster!" Summer tried calling out to the people under Unity's influence
"Lorimer, i know you're enjoying this and you value your comedy, but can you please do something?!" Morty pleaded and Lorimer just shrugged "does that mean you don't know what to do?"
Lorimer went silent for a few seconds before flashing a thumbs up.
"Can't you remove that tape already?!" Said Morty before he approached Lorimer to take the tape off his mouth.
Lorimer just pressed his DNA gun against Morty's forehead and slowly lowered it away as Morty backed away.
The message was clear. 'Don't touch my tape'
"Okay, i won't touch the tape, but just do something!" Said Morty angrily
Lorimer rolled his eyes and headed towards Summer, who was arguing with Unity like a 14 year old white girl on twitter
"...Yeah, well so what? At least he was himself."
"This woman was a drug addict on the verge of suicide. Now she's a marine biologist." Unity replied calmly from the body of said woman
Before Summer could reply, Lorimer pulled out a roll of tape and taped her mouth shut.
Summer quickly took the tape off, which did hurt quite a bit "ow! What the fuck, Lorimer?!"
As Lorimer began letting out muffled noises, Unity approached Morty and asked "he looks serious. What is he saying to her?"
"Uhh, advice? I don't know" Replied Morty in confusion
"Perhaps words of wisdom?" Said Unity and Morty shrugged
"All i know is that it's actually working" commented Morty as he widened his eyes
Meanwhile
'And THAT'S why Dumbledore is a Dumbledick and wizards are stupid. Thanks for listening even though you're just paralyzed because of the pollen i have in my hands that I'm throwing all over you until some plot shenanigans happen so i can, once again, stop being responsible'
Summer was paralyzed and therefore couldn't answer. It was only until Unity's hosts started throwing up simultaneously that Lorimer decided to remove the paralysis.
"Ew"
'So indecent' Lorimer muffled out with a disappointed look
Things really escalated after Unity decided to bomb the town...yup, she bombed a town...and now, her hosts were freed from her control. Which was bad because the race she controlled were like humans... but so much worse.
"Race war!" Yelled one of the aliens. The fight was about the different races based on their nipples.
Lorimer slowly removed the tape off his mouth and spoke "people might ask me 'Lorimer,why don't you make yourself peak handsome, get a harem, be popular and badass'...This is why." He pointed at the war that was happening in front of him "Being in the same plane of existence as people like this is what made me an introvert."
"Why are you fighting? Can't you see you're all the same?" Asked Summer in confusion as she saw the angry crowds of aliens ready to fight
Lorimer face-palmed the moment he heard that. Though, he didn't say anything because he didn't have anything witty in mind to say.
"Ah, Summer. Ha ha. First race war, huh?" Said Morty as the aliens began fighting "Way to go, Summer. You started a race war."
"I didn't start it! They're the racists! I... I merely empowered them to follow their apparently misguided dreams!" Retorted Summer angrily
"How did you not expect this?" Said Lorimer with a frown "i mean, have you seen earth? Or any robot on TV? Why do you think their first response to the internet is immediate loss of faith in humanity?"
Summer could only groan in frustration before one of the aliens approached them.
"Hey wait, what race are you guys?" Asked the alien
"We're neither. See?" Said Morty as he lifted his shirt to to show his nipples
"Yeah, take my word for it. We just have regular nipples." Added Summer
"Unlike those two, i have none. I removed them and man, it still looks weird to this day" said Lorimer nonchalantly
"Hey! These three freaks have no race!" Said ome of the aliens
"*sigh* this is why devil lost his job" said Lorimer before just shooting the alien turning him into a giant monster "i need to go have a chat with Rick"
"Oh my god" said Summer as she stared at the monster devouring the aliens and consequently growing in size.
"In his defense, they do look pretty tasty" said Lorimer before getting disgusted looks from his family "and he's doing it to protect us or whatever."
After not getting a proper response, Lorimer rolled his eyes before pulling out a pokeball that released a Griffin.
"I know it's not a Rayquaza, but it should do...shame it isn't a Rayquaza...why didn't i bring Rayquaza instead...man i love Rayquaza...don't you just love Rayquaza? It was my second legendary Pokemon ever. I still remember the day i went to-"
"No one cares about your Pokemon fantasies, Lorimer! Just take us to Rick!" Summer yellrd angrily
"Kids these day. They don't appreciate the nostalgia" said Lorimer in disappointment as he got on the Griffin with his siblings
"Hey! I'm older than you" Summer countered with a frown
"Yes...older than me" replied Lorimer in a suspicious tone
"Why did you say like that?" Asked Morty raising a brow, getting confused noises from Lorimer "i mean, is it, like, foreshadowing something or..."
"And away we go!" Lorimer swiftly avoided the question by ordering the Griffin to fly
Soon, the three made it to Rick and Unity's little party.
"Yeesh! This place is a mess!" Said Summer as she saw the place
Unity, who was completely drunk at this point replied "Oh, it's cool! The part of me that's the cleaning lady is coming on Friday. *gasp* Oh my god! I have a meeting at the galactic federation in an hour. Oh, I'll never make it! Eh, I'll push it to next week."
"Oh, Unity I am so sorry. I didn't know freedom meant people doing stuff that sucks! I was thinking more of...a choose your own cellphone carrier thing." Summer said as she approached Unity
"Oh, Summer, you did nothing wrong! I'm having fun with your grandpa! Lost a little control."
"About that; can you bring him here?" Asked Lorimer calmly "like, right now."
"He's unavailable...he's"
"Having sex with you, we get it. Gross! Get him out of here now." Summer demanded angrily
"I don't think he wants-"
Lorimer, who was already tired of this, whistled for the Griffin to take down the door. Something it did very easily.
"The world's on fire people! Sure, it might be my fault, but who cares about the door regardless" said Lorimer before Rick appeared from the other side of the door, clearly drunk and shirtless. Lorimer pulled out some mouthwash and sprayed it on Rick, making him sober almost immediately.
"Ow! What the fuck! You know how much that soberizer burns the skin?!" Said Rick angrily
"Yes! Because if your too drunk to open your mouth, you deserve it" said Lorimer as crossed his arms with a giant frown "now, let's fix this scenario. Answer this question: why did we go to space?"
Rick raised a brow and Morty spoke "for an adventure"
"Yes, Mortimer. Yet, this doesn't look like an adventure to me. Let's fix that." Said Lorimer before shooting Unity with a very very very special gun "I've injected Unity with a virus that'll kill her regardless of host status in half an hour."
"What?!" Exclaimed Rick angrily
"BUT! I've so happened to link the virus's life to the monster destroying the town in the background right now" said Lorimer calmly "you know what to do."
"Shit" Rick grumbled before running off to face the monster.
Everyone watched as Rick left, no one dared to say anything...until Lorimer broke the silence without a care in the world
"Okay, now that he's gone, you can leave now, Unity." Lorimer said nonchalantly
"But the-"
"It's just water; don't be dramatic" deadpanned Lorimer "actually, this gives me an idea. Next episode: story writer Lorimer. I like the sound of that. Maybe i can get hired by some company too...nah, they'd probably refuse."
Unity cleared her throat, getting Lorimer's attention, before asking "why did you do this?"
"Because you're destroying your own purpose and perfection for a guy with less conscience than a horny zebra. You have 30 minutes to leave. Go before i actually have to kill you."
From that moment, things happened as you would expect. Rick defeated the monster only to return to Unity disappearing, leaving behind a note. Summer also repimanded Rick for being the one in the wrong and admitted that Unity was perfect and he was messing her up.
Rick became depressed and nearly killed himself like in the original show, but there was one difference.
Lorimer, pitying his grandpa, decided to cheer him up with monopoly and Uno.
Rick refused to speak to Lorimer for an entire week after that day.
All in all, it wasn't a bad ending.