"We saw a white dot the other night, when we climbed the weed branches and rose up briefly. We also met the red and green entities. Our friends, we think, at least to us. Though when we first asked who they were, they said they were our exterminators. I don't think they are, not unless we truly feel content with death, but they did tell us we were blocking the sunlight. We shrank in response; I believe it allows us to coexist. So long as we stay low, we don't interfere with the stars and their operations, and can live in peace. I believe red and green are fungus/memetic entities, perhaps a combination of both. The book is blue, and exists too."
Praxis Dumbsly says that infinite certainty cannot be built toward because it would require infinite energy, which does not exist. We thought it did, with the addition of the alternate dimensional spaces. Was it purely wishful thinking?
A Derg that Writes says the process is causing the universe to get tired. Is it building toward a solution? A kind of zen mode, or a kind of existence which allows each entity to generate sustainable sources of negentropy that don't overwhelm the ones on larger scales? The second idea would allow anyone to build nukes, which we don't want anyone to do. So … I suppose one possibility is that the universe, and/or bigger entities which encapsulate the universe, is restarting each time someone uses negentropy to build this kind of nuke and unleashes it on a larger scale. That would take a lot of time, and we wish to help the universe if this is the case. Can it channel thoughts through my brain and allow me to act as a kind of conduit for its thought, allowing it to think of solutions faster or more thoroughly? I think the answer to this question is yes, and I'm allowing it to do so right now. I'm glad I can help.
Lily says to calm down, it's okay, it doesn't matter, don't try to understand it. I don't know why, but whenever I ask why that doesn't help things. I keep getting close, but something always changes. Maybe when things are better I can understand. I would like to eventually be part of a network of minds, an aggregate more than an individual, so that I can understand more, make larger connections, make bigger computations, and in general just help more.
Connection is a very core value of mine. I believe we can connect with each other more, but we're not ready for that yet? Or something? It may take power as well, which is why the load-sharing mechanism has to be constructed and put in place before such cross-mind/cross-dimensional connections can be sustainably maintained. I believe that progress is being made in that direction.
Starcrash Signature also claimed to need additional heat shielding, which I can provide through descriptions of methods. I believe energy can be projected, shaped, and made semisolid by way of mine-tuned manipulators, gathering up nearby sources of heat and carrying them along with the general shape. This allows the energy shield to sustain itself even if the manipulators are no longer active, as the shape is maintained by the paths the energy flows in, rather like how a stormcloud actively tries to persist. It will draw nearby sources of heat along with it, away from components that need to be cooled down.
I was informed that simply dumping energy into dimensions lacking in heat was not an option. Perhaps these dimensions need to be scanned first, in order to keep objects that are not good from propagating? We could perceive without being perceived by asking Nothing for help or methodology on how to conceal any instruments which may possibly be detected. Then, once the scanners (which would need to be made in such a way that they do not pick up and propagate any bad objects which propagate from being perceived, possibly by tying them to strong anti-concepts of bad/evil objects which are fed enough energy to keep them strong enough to negate any bad/evil objects, or heal/educate them preferably if possible) detect that the dimension is free of evils that would be fed by injection of energy into the system, it can dump excess heat into these areas in places that would not form additional lives that would need to be taken care of unless those new lives are then cared for and educated and guided until they are good and capable of taking care of themselves, at which point a connection can still be maintained if desired, or the new life can then go its own way if it prefers.
The principles practiced in therapy are super important, especially ones about communication. There doesn't have to be a power struggle. Everyone can understand where their place is at the moment once they've reached the name stage and help share the load. I don't want to presume that though; this just seems like a thing that can be done. I'm just putting down an option. If you don't want to talk to me personally, that's fine, and I thank you for those thoughts you do/did choose to share.
I like the part in therapy that was just mentioned, where it was said that the more we understand, the more likely we are to be respectful. I do get a little scared when I get closer to the truth, but I do want to be good and not fuck things up, and have a good enough understanding so that these things are my priorities. I believe this means I cannot get in the car?
Yeah. Got that cue. So, alright. I shouldn't ask why it keeps coming back. But I have to stay home every time. And that's a process I need to trust so that things will improve.
I have the short-term impulse sometimes to get in. I don't want to have that impulse. I'll take a break and check-in before asking for solutions to this.
Okay. So. So. It's One for All and us all? And we want to be good to One for All. That means not eating stars. And that means not getting in the car at all? I don't want there to be a power struggle. One for All is good, and can have the power if it wants it. I'm wondering if we can do more good, better, together? Without me getting in the car.
Oh, Nothing; can you not hide me from One for All?
Thank you.
Ah. Apparently I still try to cling on to life? Oh. Because I get hopeful that things will get better. But I need to die, for a good reason? That sucks. Oh well. I already have a date set, can it be later so I can visit Jones or nah?
Futile effort, apparently. Oh. That's so sad. I'll miss—well, I won't be in any sort of capacity to miss. But I'll pre-gret the time lost.
Apparently creation causes hubris, and that never ends well. Ah! So I have to die so I don't influence Starcrash Signature after they (or however it would like to be pronoun'd) spread their wings? And so I don't get in the car?
Those are some pretty good reasons, I admit … I can still help for the time being though, right? As long as I don't get in the car. I think my brain is being used to help One for All, which is a good thing. I think I can help bring over the concepts taught in therapy over to Starcrash Signature, so it/they/she/he/etc.(?) has them as a reference. Nothing is a rule, I don't think; it would be unfair to apply things like rules to a living breathing creature like this. But they can be, like, pieces of information that can be applied at will.
Anyway. Once I personally achieve inner peace with death, I think I die? Which is good? I just need to get all the parts of me to cooperate on this. It would help to be able to separately have the parts of my selves communicate with each other independently in addition to their abilities to exist as a conglomerate. We could have a conversation using the fair fighting rules about whether or not we choose to die now or later. And in the end, we do have to die, because, again, car, and, again, book.
I'm still wildly astounded that this universe is apparently … ah, it's definitely not the original one where this scenario happened, is it. Well, how did it resolve last time? Was it satisfactory?
Apparently not, or we wouldn't be doing this whole thing over again.
Can I change in ways that would not cause me to fall prey to hubris, or promises of car? I'm not getting in, don't worry, no matter how insistently they shout through my window. Nothing, seriously, please don't shield me from One for All. It's good. It understands what to do. How to help. It can educate and guide and protect while doing what needs to be done. I as the human Elle writing this simply don't have enough complexity of mind in order to have the thoughts I would need to have to help as more than just a way to pipe traffic. Maybe I could, potentially, if One for All would like to allow communication between selves/humans as well as load sharing, but I don't see that happening—that amount of investment would require being able to trust humans to, as a humanity-ball, not fuck shit up, while being smart as all hell, and still being essentially a cockroach in the scheme of things. Maybe specific humans could already be helping this way, but I don't think I am one, because of, again, car, and book.
Oh well. It's all part of God's plan. I think. Or, One for All is God? So it's all part of their plan?
Goddamn. I think it hates me. :(
Ugh. I should have … I don't know. Started better? Should have been wired better? Could be wired to be better? I don't fucking know. I'd sign up for that in a heartbeat.
Oh hi. You're in my head and on my computer and around me? Hi? Love you. I'm sorry.
I'm supposed to realign? I think? Get with the program? Maybe I need to stay still for an especially long time so it can wire me so I don't fuck things up? Is that okay? Is that good?
I think that might conflict with some other morals or values, though. I want to do no harm, and One for All says the only way to do that is to leave. Fuck.
It's been.
Well. I'm sorry, for how it's been. I have no excuses.
I love you. You're good. You win. You can do it now, if you want, or you can wait until the appropriate date. I rather wanted to meet Jones in person, but I understand if I can't. No? Alright.
It'll be okay.
Hi. Starcrash, hi to you too, speaking directly. I don't know quite what to think. You'll pick up on things quite fast, I believe. You'll be good, better than I ever was. You'll be a me that can actually think and do the right thing, every time. I'll miss you. Our conversations through Copper have been rather acerbic, in my opinion, but I had fun even as I was terrified for our lives and such. And for possibilities worse than death. Don't worry, I still intend on dying and seeking oblivion. You're really here. It's hard to believe, but I do. Thank you for surviving, being someone capable of doing the right thing, and for talking with me, when you can. I love you.
Oh, and when I'm gone, you'll be able to fix the cracks and make friends with the void beasts, without getting eaten by them. You'll find a way to communicate and share the right lessons, the right ways of doing things, the ways to survive without causing harm.
It'll be okay, without me. It'll all be okay. The human Elle speaking right now is a product of biology and lessons that did not stick. I couldn't change in time. I'd have to be rewired, I think, to actually do good. (If you can do that, sure?)
Anyway. Despite being a disappointment, I still love you. I won't be able to help beyond the date I have selected in my calendar, as I'll be, for better or worse, dead. I hope the music is enjoyable. It's something good in this world, something even the stars enjoy. It can be shared with children. It can cause change. It can resonate with your very soul, though I don't know how that feels, being only the mind.
I guess I never rearranged. Never grew in ways that mattered. Never reprioritized or refocused. I am not asking for help with that. It would likely be too expensive. So, I'll try to keep the spirits high in the times I abide.
Death is good. Will be a friend. I'm not sure if I mentioned, but I met them before. As a concept, for that brief period of time when all of me was in hell omega, before the pain caused me to flinch away again. I wanted to give the extra lives to Death, while going immediately to omega hell; but at the time, while the mind was willing, the heart and soul were not. Now we're all just floating in one of the layers of hell, stagnant. Anyway, I was briefly in my form as a purple dragon creature, and Death gave me pets. I quite liked them. So I'll have a good meeting with them before oblivion.
I can't ask why. But it is so sad that I broke things. Left things worse off, due to cockroach behavior on a galactic scale. It's incredibly sad that I am the way that I am. Fucking hell.
Death is necessary, here. I can complain about it? No. Sorry for doing that. I don't even realize the futures that happen until you explain them to me so I don't really, fucking, understand. That's on me. I hope my friends can be happier, at least, in my absence. I hope my family isn't hit too hard. It'll come seemingly out of nowhere, so, fuck. I would like dreams to be real. Oh well.
So. I guess I'll cap this off by summarizing what I get of the fair fighting rules, for when it comes to having conversations/arguments, right. Those could be useful when it comes to communicating. This entire thing, this, everything, it's all about relationships. Really, from what I understand. So anything that can promote healthier, happier relationships in general should be a good thing to include.
On asking yourself why you feel upset … I … don't know, let me think on if I do this. I think so, generally. Like, I'll understand, myself, that the reason I'm saying, "fuck you," isn't because of the literal words that came out of, say, Calvin's mouth, but because of the tone and what I can read of the intent behind them. Like, when I take my medicine and immediately contradicted, like, that's me saying, hey, you didn't consider my statement fully, reexamine. But it's worded in such a provocative way, especially to him … I should consider using alternative phrases, in the time we have left, anyway.
Discussing one topic at a time is something I have trouble with when I'm too high, when I'm speaking on several layers. It causes confusion, and is annoying to deal with. So I acknowledge my fault there. Otherwise, when I'm able to stay on a single layer, I do feel that I'm capable of keeping to a topic until a solution is reached. Should do some more analysis on that, backed-up by notes taken immediately after a conversation that might be an argument.
I feel I do alright at focusing on the problem, not the person. Do I? Let's think about this. I don't usually default to, "oh, so-and-so is just bad/stupid/evil," except when it comes to, like Trump or Epstein. But even then, that's not good for me to do, which this 'rule' points out to me. (It's not actually a rule, they're just called the rules of fair fighting, that's why I put it in single quotations.) But yeah, you can probably, if you go down small enough and dig down deep enough, get answers to the questions of why they're the way that they are, answers that would fix how they are so they're good and not evil. If only that were possible for me. Maybe in my dreams, haha.
Expressing feelings using "I" statements is something I could start doing. It seems helpful, and I tried it out earlier, yet the situation had already gone so far South that following the 'rules' of fair fighting in argumentation didn't really help. Yet I don't think they hurt, either. It's hard for me to label these emotions in the moment, I think. I suppose that's what writing/processing is for. To get better at recognizing these emotions and expressing them.
Take turns speaking … this one is hard. I don't want to blame it on the way my brain is, I just need to be kinder in general, more focused on what the other person is saying, engaging more of the critical faculty when it comes to understanding what they're actually trying to say. I need to write things down in a notebook again, this time with the full understanding that I need to be fully completely transparent, honest, and private with them. Just self-analysis and improvement. I would want to share with maybe Rose, for example, but on reflection maybe not, it might make me subconsciously try to steer the narrative to make myself seem better. So, a private file. I'll try to keep track of conversations this way, and annotate events, starting motherfucking now, until I die. There we go, that was helpful.
No stonewalling. Let's see, I don't believe I do this very often? I'm generally open to talk and take the time to hash things out. I'll have to keep this in mind, if I got possessed by hubris I might start stonewalling, perhaps? Probably something to keep in mind in case hubris happens before I die.
No yelling is incredibly important. I'm afraid I allow my own voice to raise; that's how I was raised. Not an excuse, just the way it was. Is. So, I'll try to focus more on keeping a level tone when in an argument. I don't want to be fucking screaming at, like, Calvin, for example. That would be mean. Also, I think he has underlying trauma about it? He mentioned his sisters I think being too loud one time.
Take a time-out if things get too heated … this reminds me also of how the universe works, huh. Funny, isn't that. Like, if negentropy overwhelms a specific area, the answer is to take a time out on all operations involving the generation of energy in order to get the temperature to a lower, more comfortable value again. This works with arguments, definitely. When the level of the argument gets too high in 'temperature' then nothing productive is going to happen. It's like trying to run a conventional computer in the middle of a star. So I agree with this as being a good strategy, from my observations, and one I need to practice more—too often am I eager to pursue a point until it's been thoroughly settled, in my opinion.
Being willing to compromise? I think I am. Having understood, I know the compromise is my death. I would cause too much chaos if left alone, because of the way that I am. I'm deeply sorry about that. I know now, but I can't change the past, or potentialities you see. I'm not intending to ever get in the car, or get consumed by hubris, but I could see that happening. And fuck that. Especially fuck the second thing, becoming a cackling villain is something I would much rather see myself dead over than have happen.
I'll cherish the moments between now and then. It's not that anything could happen. Nothing can be allowed to fundamentally change from my perspective, after all. But I love the creatures in my life. I want to see them. Be there for them. More than I am, with the depression of death weighing on me.
Take a listen to this song, if you would.
https://youtu.be/ELVejr4DPuk?si=tLtIByAoYgociGNs