As darkness engulfed Edmund, he began to hear voices — unfamiliar, watching.
"See?" one said. "I told you he would choose to continue."
"I always pick the best candidates."
"Whatever. You got lucky this time," another said. "The last one you picked outright refused to do anything, and we had to send them back."
Edmund slowly opened his eyes. Two figures stood before him: one a little girl, the other a tall, skinny man.
"Be quiet, he's waking up. Hello, and welcome to the Spessartine Conservatory. My name is Gulu."
"So this must be the afterlife. A lot more orange and crystals than I expected," Edmund said.
"But where are my manners? It's a pleasure to meet you, Gulu. I'm just a bit surprised to find myself here. I was expecting a much hotter location."
As Edmund looked around, he saw pillars of golden crystals that seemed to stretch endlessly.
"Now that I have introduced myself, I hate to inform you that you're dead," Gulu said.
Really? What gave it away? Here I thought it was a new reality TV show.
"But you have nothing to fear. I'll give you a new life, as you have answered the call of what drove you."
"Hunger? Is that what you're talking about? That's what I felt when I was being flash-fried. But why are you giving me this new life, if I may be so bold?" Edmund asked.
"Yes, quite bold, but I will humor you. Kidding — it's okay to ask questions. The reason is that you embody that hunger, and you brought it out in others. I was most impressed."
"The same could be said of that skinny guy over there, but for a different reason. He is here for you," Gulu said.
"In what way do you mean he is here for me?"
"Oh, I wasn't clear. As you displayed great hunger, you also showed a sense of apathy, which was only motivated by that hunger. So he should introduce himself — so it's not just me doing all the talking."
Gulu nudged the man sitting on the floor. She was ignored.
"GET UP AND DO YOUR JOB," Gulu yelled.
"Fine, fine. Just stop screaming. What a pain you are. My name is Sedrick. Do you need anything else, Gulu?"
"You know that I do. We need to explain to him what's going to happen moving forward."
"On the matter of questions, where am I exactly? I know you said this place is called the Spessartine Conservatory but where is this place?" Edmund said.
"I can answer that, so we are—"
As Sedrick covered Gulu's mouth, he spoke.
"You're right, Gulu. You do need my help. You tell them too much," Sedrick said.
"Let's get to the point. We're going to destroy your body and then—"
"You're going to what to my body? I just got it back," Edmund interrupted.
"Relax. Let me finish. Then we throw you out of here. See? That wasn't so hard, Gulu," Sedrick said.
"That sounds a bit extreme for my taste. Is there a second option?" Edmund said.
"Get your hand off my mouth! You're the reason they don't want to do anything, because you explain it like that."
"We aren't going to destroy your body — well, not exactly. We're giving you a new one that's better suited for the universe you're about to enter. You'll also have to choose a new name," Gulu said.
"Well, when you say it like that, it doesn't sound too bad," Edmund said.
"Then my final question: what do you want from me? You saved me from hell, I suppose, and you're apparently giving me a new life and a new body."
"Don't worry about that for now. Look at the positives," Gulu said.
"Okay… a bit suspicious. But you said you were going to destroy my body—" Edmund said.
"Like I said before, we're not destroying your body. Think of it less as destruction and more as… recycling," Gulu said.
"So what you're saying is I'm like a plastic bottle—recycled and made into something new?" Edmund said.
"I don't know what this 'plastic bottle' you speak of is, but yes, if you see it that way," Gulu answered.
"Yes," Sedrick chimed in. "Fragile. Breaks under pressure. In that new universe you'd be recycled like it—shredded into flakes, then remade from whatever's left."
"Ignore him. He's trying to frighten you. Let's get started," Gulu said.
"One more thing… is this going to hurt?" Edmund asked
"No. It's not going to hurt at all," Gulu said.
"Okay then. Begin whenever."
"For you, it's going to hurt a lot. But me? I won't feel a thing," Sedrick said.
"Wait—what was that last part—"
Gulu lifted her hands toward Edmund.
A warm orange light radiated up from the floor, washing over him in a fluorescent glow—warm, almost comforting.
"This isn't too bad. When does it start to hurt?" Edmund said.
"Soon. This is my favorite part," Sedrick said.
"Hush, Sedrick. You're ruining my concentration," Gulu said.
Edmund felt a pull from somewhere deep inside himself. He looked down, trying to find its source—
—and in an instant, his body came apart.
Not like flesh being cut, but like a shape being undone: every sensation flared at once, bright and total, then vanished.
For a moment, there was nothing left of Edmund at all.
All at once, he was whole once more. Edmund breathed raggedly as he dropped to his knees, palms pressed to the crystal as if the floor was the only thing keeping him together .
"Congratulations," Sedrick said."You made it through the fun part."
Edmund forced a laugh that didn't quite work. "Define 'fun'."
"Fun for me to watch. How was it? We've lost a few to that part — mentally and physically," Sedrick said.
"At first it was very painful. Really — even more than being electrocuted. Then, all at once, it stopped. It felt like I was everywhere and nowhere. Like I was nothing… and then I came back here."
"On that note, I have a question. Why is everything dark?"
"Well, you need to open your eyes," Gulu said.
"Oh. Yeah, that makes sense."
Edmund opened his eyes slowly.
Instantly, he was disoriented — as if two new points of view had been added to his vision. He tried to steady himself, but his balance and his new weight failed him.
A dull, heavy impact sounded first. Then a sharp, high-pitched crack — crystal protesting under his weight.
"So… sorry," Edmund said, trying to push himself up. "It seems like you changed some things with my body that I'm not quite used to."
"That's normal. It happens to everyone," Gulu said. Then she stared at the damage with genuine grief.
"What I'm most worried about is my floor. It can be fixed, but that doesn't mean I like seeing it broken."
"Sorry. Again. Next question… Why am I gray now?"
"To be clear, you're red-gray, to be exact," Sedrick said. "It's so you can camouflage more easily."
Who knew getting a new body would be so hard to manage?
"My last question: why do I sound so different? Did you change my voice or something?"
"What do you mean? That's a silly question. You're a woman, of course you sound different," Gulu said.
Edmund's four new eyes widened with disbelief as the words finally settled in.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M A WOMAN NOW?" Edmund shouted.
"This is the best one yet," Sedrick said, breaking into laughter and doubling over on the floor.
"He had more of a reaction to being a woman than to turning gray and getting an extra set of eyes," Sedrick added between laughs."