The system map flickered in front of me, showing blinking red dots.
A LOT of blinking red dots.
"…Hey uh, system? Why are there so many?"
The system paused like it was choosing its words carefully.
---
[Detected Threats: 17]
Classification: • 12 Small Predators
• 4 Medium Carnivores
• 1… VERY LARGE THING
Threat Level: "HAHAHAHA GOOD LUCK"
---
I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Of course."
The raptor crouched, eyes sharp, ready for war.
The monkey cracked its tiny knuckles like it was about to start a bar fight.
I… took a deep breath.
"Alright, boys… time to use our ultimate strategy."
The raptor screeched like, "YES MASTER!"
The monkey hooted like, "LET'S DO THIS!"
The forest trembled as the predators approached. Snarling, hissing, hungry.
The system chimed:
---
[Initiating Tactical Combat Mode]
Current Team Abilities:
• Hybrid Velociraptor – Speed, Bite, Trauma Resistance
• Primal Monkey – Fruit Throwing, Acrobatics, Pure Disrespect
• Host – Poop-Based Terrorism
---
"…Thanks for the reminder."
The first wave burst from the bushes—small, yappy dinos with too many teeth and not enough braincells.
"Raptor! Pincer Attack!"
The raptor zipped behind them like a scaly missile.
"Monkey! Air Support!"
The monkey climbed a tree and unleashed fruit hell from above.
Then the system squealed:
---
[HOST! UTILIZE YOUR PRIMARY WEAPON!]
Poop Intimidation Ready.
Cooldown: 0.0 seconds (unfortunately).
---
I groaned. "Why is my cooldown always zero?!"
Still… I reached back. The forest grew very quiet.
Even the predators hesitated.
The system announced like a sports narrator:
---
[HOST ACTIVATED: The Brown Comet]
---
I flung.
SPLAT.
Dino #1 stopped moving.
Dino #2 tripped over Dino #1.
Dino #3 passed out.
Dino #4 ran into a tree.
Even my own raptor gagged.
Then the second wave burst out: four medium carnivores, bigger, meaner, and unfortunately NOT learning from the others' mistakes.
"Alright team! Combo Move #2!"
The monkey screeched and launched itself at a carnivore's face.
The raptor tackled another.
I…
I activated my new ability.
The system chimed like a choir of unwashed angels:
---
[Ability Activated: Poop Command]
Your allies now gain +30% aggression and +50% intimidation while within 5 meters of your poop.
---
"…That's disgusting and awesome."
The battlefield turned into absolute chaos.
The raptor fought with the fury of a dragon.
The monkey threw fruit so fast it turned into a rapid-fire cannon.
And every time I threw a brown projectile, enemies screamed and ran for their lives.
Then…
THUD.
The ground shook.
THUD.
THUD.
THUD.
The trees parted.
The "VERY LARGE THING" arrived.
A massive, hulking dinosaur stepped out—part T-rex, part nightmare, part "why is evolution allowed unsupervised."
Its head alone was the size of a car.
It stared at me.
I stared at it.
The system whispered like it was terrified:
---
[New Enemy Detected]
Name: Titan Apex Therizino-Rex Hybrid
Threat Level: RUN
Resists: Bite, Claw, Raw Damage
Weakness: Unknown
---
I swallowed.
The monkey hid behind me.
The raptor trembled.
"…System," I muttered. "What's my plan?"
The system hesitated.
---
[There is… ONE strategy.]
[But it's forbidden.]
---
My eyes widened.
"…Forbidden… poop technique?"
The system stayed silent.
The Titan Apex took one thunderous step forward.
This was about to get stupid.
And legendary.