By the time Keika finally managed to extract himself from the mountain of fur, feathers, and bad life choices, the sun was already high in the sky.
"Note to self," he muttered, brushing off rabbit hair from his suit jacket. "Never feed a tiger, bird, or rabbit again. Ever. Not even metaphorically."
He sighed, straightened his tie—which was now 30% grass stain—and glanced around.
The forest had changed.There was a faint trail leading out of the trees, and smoke rising in the distance. Civilization.
"Oh thank God. People. Actual humans who speak actual words."
Then he paused, realizing something important.
"Wait. I still have a tiger army, a rabbit cult, and a flock of birds following me."
He turned around.They were all there.Marching in neat, synchronized formation like some nature-themed parade.
"No. No, no, no. You can't come with me! I'm trying to look normal!"
The red-eyed tiger tilted his head. "But My King, wherever you go, we follow."
"You sound like a romantic stalker!"
"We are loyal," the tiger corrected proudly. "Not stalkers."
Keika covered his face with both hands.
"You do realize people will think I'm starting a monster invasion, right?!"
"Then they shall tremble before your majesty."
"That's the problem! I don't want people to tremble—I want them to let me rent a room without screaming!"
Scene: Welcome to the Village of Misunderstandings
By the time Keika reached the nearby village, he had somehow convinced the tigers to stay hidden in the treeline.The birds perched in the canopy, "stealth mode."The rabbits? Yeah, no. They refused to leave.
So Keika walked into town with a literal carpet of hopping fluff following him.
"Please just pretend to be normal pets," he whispered. "Like—like emotionally stable rabbits."
"Kyu!" one squeaked, puffing its chest proudly.
"That's not emotionally stable, that's adorable terrorism."
As soon as he set foot in the main square, people froze.
A merchant dropped his basket.A child gasped.Someone screamed "IT'S THE FLUFF SAINT!!"
"The what now—?"
Within seconds, a crowd formed. Women clutched their babies. Men knelt. The local priest ran out of the chapel with tears streaming down his face.
"The Forest Guardian has descended again! All hail the Saint of White Fur!"
"Hold on, I'm not descended—I walked here!" Keika protested, waving his hands.
"Bless us, O Holy One of the Fluffy Dawn!"
"What kind of ridiculous title is that?!"
The priest pressed a trembling hand to his chest. "Your radiance, your sacred beasts grace us once more. The prophecy is true!"
"No prophecy! Just poor teleportation skills and worse luck!"
He tried backing away, but the rabbits happily hopped around him in circles, making him look even more celestial.
"Stop circling! You're making me glow with cuteness!"
The villagers, clearly misinterpreting his suffering, fell to their knees in reverence.
"He glows! Look! The Holy Light!"
"That's sweat! It's called sweat, people!"
The Shrine Incident
Before he knew it, Keika was being dragged—gently but inevitably—to the village's tiny shrine.They offered him food, flowers, and… was that a carved statue of a rabbit with his hairstyle?
"Where did you even—how did you—when did you—?!"
He tried to protest, but it was hopeless.Someone threw petals. Someone else brought incense.
The red-eyed tiger, having snuck closer, emerged from the forest dramatically.Gasps filled the air.
"Behold! The Holy Beast of Purity!" cried the priest.
"That's a carnivore! It eats purity for breakfast!" Keika yelled, half-panicking.
The tiger knelt solemnly beside him. "My King, this is your moment."
"My moment to die of embarrassment, maybe!"
The villagers began chanting.Rabbits hopped in perfect rhythm.Birds circled overhead in divine formation.
It was a full-blown festival now.
"WHY IS THIS ESCALATING?!"
The priest looked up, eyes gleaming. "Please, Saint, bless our harvest!"
"I—I don't even know what your crops are!"
"He's so humble! He hides his power with modesty!"
"No, I hide it with denial!!"
The Blessing of Accidental Agriculture
Cornered by sheer faith, Keika raised a hand in defeat. "Fine. Fine! Bless whatever you want blessed!"
The crowd cheered.Keika muttered something under his breath—half sarcasm, half desperation.
"If anything grows from this, I swear I'm moving back to Tokyo."
A faint spark of light flickered from his hand.The ground rumbled.The entire field outside the village suddenly bloomed with massive, glowing crops.
Everyone froze.
"..."
"..."
"HOLY SAINT OF ABUNDANCE!!"
Keika stared at his hand, utterly horrified.
"No. Nope. I didn't do that. That was—uh—global warming."
"He even creates miracles casually!" someone screamed.
"PLEASE STOP WORSHIPPING ME!!"
That Night: The Saint Who Wanted a Nap
By nightfall, the village had thrown a festival in his "honor."Children wore rabbit masks.The tigers were being fed like gods.Someone even made him a fluffy crown.
Keika sat slumped against a barrel, sipping lukewarm tea and glaring at a dancing rabbit.
"You know," he muttered, "I wanted a quiet, normal life after dying. Maybe work in an office. Find a cat café. Instead, I'm the unwilling messiah of the world's softest cult."
The red-eyed tiger sat beside him, purring. "My King, perhaps this is fate."
"If this is fate, I want a refund."
He sighed. Somewhere above, fireworks popped, shaped like glowing paw prints.
"I'm surrounded by idiots," he murmured.Then softer: "...and somehow, I think I'm starting to like them."
The tiger tilted his head. "What was that, My King?"
"I said I want silence!"
"Understood. I shall order the forest to quiet down."
"NO, THAT WASN'T LITERAL—"
Roar.The entire forest went silent.
Keika facepalmed. "...I'm living in a slapstick anime."