Keika was having a peaceful morning.
Which, of course, was a bad sign.
"It's quiet," he muttered, staring into his cup of tea. "Too quiet. I don't trust this."
The rabbits were behaving—sort of.The tigers were lounging lazily near the shrine, tails swishing in perfect sync.The birds… were suspiciously absent.
"Where are the feathered ones?" Keika asked warily."Usually, by now, they'd be trying to braid my hair or steal my breakfast."
The red-eyed tiger raised his head. "Perhaps they are hunting, My King."
"Yeah, and I'm the prey," Keika muttered darkly.
He stood, stretching his back—and that's when the shadow fell over him.A massive one.Winged.Feathered.And—judging by the wind gust—way too close.
"Oh no.""Oh YES," said the universe.
A deafening screech split the air.
"KYAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Keika barely had time to look up before a giant eagle—no, a whole mythical thunderbird—swooped down and grabbed him by the shoulders.
"HEY! PERSONAL SPACE—AAAHHHHH!!!"
Up he went, flailing wildly as the entire village gawked below.
"Our Saint has ascended again!!" screamed the villagers."NO, I'M BEING KIDNAPPED!!"
The rabbits saluted solemnly. The tigers roared in outrage.
"After him!!" bellowed the red-eyed tiger. "Our King has been taken by the Sky Sovereign!"
"I don't want a sovereign, I want a ladder!!!" Keika howled, disappearing into the clouds.
Scene: The Airborne Panic
Keika's world was now 90% wind, 10% regret, and 100% feathers.
He dangled helplessly from the talons of what could only be described as a bird-shaped disaster with a god complex.
"Okay—okay—think, Keika, think. You survived a horny king, a tiger harem, and an entire rabbit religion. You can handle a flying chicken!"
The thunderbird shrieked, lightning crackling along its wings.
"—Oh good, it's also electric. Because why not! Let's add electrocution to the itinerary!"
He looked down. Far below, the forest was a green blur. The wind whipped through his hair.
"This is not how I imagined my retirement!"
He tried channeling magic—just a tiny, harmless teleport. But his hands were too sweaty, and the bird's grip was like steel.
"Listen, Big Bird, I'm flattered, but I don't do aerial dates!"
The thunderbird screeched back indignantly.
A faint blue system text appeared in front of Keika's face:
[Divine Beast "Storm Roc" requests to join your Harem of All Kinds.]
"…Of course it does," Keika deadpanned. "Even the sky wants me now."
[Accept? Yes / No]
"NO! ABSOLUTELY—wait—why is the cursor moving on its own—HEY, DON'T—"
DING!
[Congratulations! New Harem Member: Storm Roc (Rank: Divine)]
"…You have got to be kidding me."
Scene: The Sky Castle of Chaos
After what felt like an eternity of high-pitched screaming, the thunderbird finally landed—on a floating island surrounded by thunderclouds and ancient ruins.
Keika, dizzy and windswept, stumbled out of its grip.
"You could've just sent a letter," he muttered, fixing his tie with shaking hands. "Abduction is not a valid form of communication."
The Roc bowed its enormous head, wings folding gracefully.
"Forgive me, O King of the Sacred Herd," the bird's voice echoed telepathically. "I have come to offer my allegiance."
"Sacred Herd—what am I, Noah?!"
The Roc tilted its head solemnly. "Your light reached the heavens. Even the clouds whispered your name."
"That's not light, that's stress sweat!"
Then, as if to make things worse, another smaller bird landed beside him—a bright blue one carrying flowers in its beak.
"Oh no. No more. No more!" Keika waved his hands frantically. "I already have tigers, rabbits, and cultists—I don't have room for avian roommates!"
The Roc blinked, unbothered.
"Then I shall make room."
The ground trembled. Lightning struck. A full-blown sky palace rose from the clouds.
"I SAID I DIDN'T NEED ROOM—NOT A MANSION!"
System window popped again.
[You have acquired: Floating Sky Castle (Home of the Harem of All Kinds)][Achievement unlocked: "Airbnb God Tier"]
Keika dropped to his knees. "I hate this world so much…"
Meanwhile, Back in the Forest…
The red-eyed tiger paced furiously. "He's been gone for hours."
The rabbits were crying. The birds circled anxiously.
"Do you think the Sky Sovereign will… mate with him?" one tiger whispered.
"IF IT DOES, WE'LL STORM THE HEAVENS!" the leader roared.
"But how?"
"We jump. With faith."
"That's not how flight works!"
Scene: Back to Keika's Sky Crisis
Keika was now sitting on a golden chair in what looked like a throne room—only it was filled with nests, feathers, and the constant sound of thunder.
"You know," he said flatly, "I used to have a job where women threw drinks at me. Somehow, that was less humiliating."
The Roc lowered its massive head. "O Great One, you now rule the sky and the land."
"No, I rule anxiety and bad decisions."
Lightning flickered across the ceiling.A group of smaller thunderbirds entered, chirping excitedly, and began arranging shiny objects at his feet.
"What are you—wait, are those gems?"
"Tributes," the Roc said reverently. "Please accept our humble offerings."
"Oh no. Don't you start this. Last time I accepted something, a whole village built a shrine to my tie."
The Roc blinked. "Then we shall build one to your suit."
"THAT'S WORSE!"
He stood abruptly. "Okay, listen up! I'm not a god, I'm not a saint, and I'm definitely not dating any of you feathered maniacs!"
The thunderbirds bowed.
"Truly, his humility knows no bounds."
"STOP PRAISING MY COMPLAINTS!!"
End Scene: Desperate Escape
Realizing he was not going to win against divine stupidity, Keika sighed and muttered a teleport spell.
"Please, for the love of caffeine, take me back to solid ground."
FWOOMP.
He vanished in a puff of light—
—then reappeared midair, above the forest.
"...oh come on."
He dropped straight into a massive pile of fur and fluff.The tigers, rabbits, and birds all gasped.
"My King has returned from the heavens!!"
Keika's voice was muffled by fur.
"If anyone calls me a god one more time, I'm smiting myself."
The red-eyed tiger smiled proudly. "Understood, My King. Shall I prepare an altar?"
"...I said smiting myself!!"