Anyone who's ever watched one of Thor's future highlight reels knows exactly how the guy throws down. To be generous? Call it grand and heroic. To be honest? He fights like a wrecking ball with daddy issues—no plan, no subtlety, just smash now, ask questions never. Basically, he's the MVP of the Intergalactic Demolition Crew.
So when the dust settled and the local king came back to see him, the guy decided to rebrand Thor as the "God of Destruction." And as a heartfelt thank-you, he gifted him—very generously, mind you—two ridiculously aggressive alien goats that bleated like they were born in a heavy metal concert.
Outside the screen, Stephen gave a dry chuckle. "Clearly, the king wasn't a fan of your… unique approach, God of Destruction."
Thor just shrugged, not bothered in the slightest. To him, the goats were just another headache—right up there with having Wade Wilson tagging along. Both were equally loud and equally hard on the ears.
And speaking of loud...
Deadpool had not shut up the entire time. He'd been yammering on and on like a caffeinated podcast host, driving everyone around him completely insane.
Back to the video—Thor graciously accepted the king's beastly gift, but the Guardians of the Galaxy weren't thrilled. Those goats screamed nonstop, like a fire alarm with abandonment issues. It was chaos.
Amid the bleating madness, the team started noticing a sudden influx of distress signals flooding in from across the galaxy. Thor's eyes widened when he picked up one of them—it was from Sif. And from the look of it, she was knee-deep in serious trouble.
Naturally, Thor was ready to jump into action. But that's when Peter Quill suggested they split up to respond to all the cries for help. There were just too many. And right then—right when things got urgent—Thor kind of… glitched emotionally. Slipped right back into that whole "existential funk" of his.
So Quill sat down for a heart-to-heart.
"Look, man," he said. "You've been alive for, what? A few thousand years? And you still don't know what the hell you're living for? I mean, I've been there. I was lost too. Until I found meaning. Found love…"
Peter's voice dipped, nostalgic and a little bitter. "Of course, that love got yanked away from me. Brutally. God, it hurt. But hey—even that pain? Still better than the empty nothing I had before. And I hope—someday—you find that kind of awful, beautiful feeling for yourself too."
Back in the real world, Peter quill and the rest of the Guardians were watching this whole thing from their ship, fresh off another wild adventure. They had the video livestreamed right there in space.
As Peter got all tender and emotional on-screen, reminiscing about Gamora, things got…awkward. Because, well, Gamora was also on the ship. And no, they hadn't exactly gotten together yet. In fact, it'd be more accurate to say Peter was still trying to get with her.
"Awww, true love filling the emptiness inside? Super romantic," Loki chimed in, giving Peter a mock-sincere pat on the shoulder. Then he shot a quick side-eye at Gamora, who was pretending very hard not to be flustered.
Peter gave Loki a grateful glance, ready to say something—
And that's when Rocket Raccoon decided to open his big furry mouth.
"Oh yeah, real deep," Rocket snorted. "Still better than falling in love with yourself, though. I mean, that's messed up. Totally bonkers."
Loki's face turned ice cold. He shot Rocket a glare that could curdle milk. "Say one more word, trash panda, and I'm launching you into the nearest star."
"Whoa, chill, Sparkles," Rocket held up his paws innocently. "Didn't name names. You're the one getting all emotional."
Ever since Loki had joined the Guardians, they'd developed a weird little family dynamic. A lot of bickering. Some bonding. Mostly chaos.
Peter cleared his throat loudly, trying to change the subject. "...So, uh. Don't you ever think about going back to see them?"
Loki gave a nonchalant shrug. "Still officially exiled. And honestly? Kind of enjoying the break. But hey—look who's coming to dinner: Gorr the God Butcher. Trouble's knocking, as usual."
He said it like it didn't bother him, but in truth, the mention of Asgard tugged at something deep inside. He missed it. He missed him. Not that Loki would ever admit he missed that big, dumb brother of his.
Back in the video, Thor finally opened up in response to Quill's pep talk. Really opened up.
He talked about his past love—how it ended, how he got dumped. How his home was gone, his family scattered, his entire world shattered. After all that, he was terrified to get close to anyone again. Too scared of losing them.
But since joining the Guardians, Thor had grown attached to this bunch of misfits. Which only made him double down on keeping his distance. So he decided to leave the team.
Peter was a little bummed, sure. But not heartbroken. Thor, on the other hand? Tried really hard to act like he didn't care either. Even went as far as offering to "gift" Peter the spaceship as a parting present.
"You're giving my own ship to me… as a gift?" Peter asked, deadpan.
For their farewell, Thor insisted on a ridiculously juvenile secret handshake, complete with finger guns and dramatic poses. Then he solemnly told Peter to look after his crew.
Anyone watching could tell—the one having the hardest time letting go… was Thor.
Peter flew off with the Guardians, while Thor left with Korg and the two screaming space goats. He summoned the Bifrost with Stormbreaker and set off to rescue Valkyrie Sif.
And then the scene shifted—Earth.
Jane Foster was lying in a hospital bed, pale and exhausted. She'd just finished another round of chemo. Turns out… she had cancer.
Off-screen, Thor clenched his fists, his eyes wide in shock. "No… Jane has cancer?!"
Wade immediately butted in with zero filter. "Relax, Goldilocks. You're a literal god, right? You telling me you don't have some sparkly divine cure for your ex-girlfriend? It's just cancer. NBD!"
Thor turned on him, face like thunder. "It's cancer, Wade!"
"Yeah, yeah, I heard you," Deadpool shrugged. "And guess what? I had cancer too! Look at me now—stronger than ever. Can't die, baby! Cancer schmancer!"
Thor blinked, momentarily thrown. He'd never really thought of Wade—loudmouthed, annoying-as-hell Wade—as someone who'd gone through something like that.
Stephen spoke up quietly, more serious than usual. "Maybe… maybe that's why she becomes the new wielder of your hammer."
Thor ran a hand through his hair, clearly overwhelmed. He didn't care about Mjolnir anymore—not when he was worried about Jane. Not when she might be watching these videos and learning what's coming.
Back on Earth, Jane looked like she'd been sucker-punched. She just sat there, frozen, staring ahead in disbelief.
To a normal person, cancer feels like a death sentence. Especially when you've just fallen in love, your career's taking off, and you're still young, vibrant, full of life. For Jane, it was too much to take.
Her friend Darcy reached over and took her trembling hand, gently reassuring her. "Don't freak out, okay? That's way in the future. We've got time. We'll exercise, get regular checkups. You'll be fine."
"I know… I know," Jane whispered.
She gripped Darcy's hand tightly, voice low and full of weight. "It just feels like… fate. You know? I tried so hard to stay away from Thor. Didn't want the future to decide things for us. But we still ended up together anyway. And now… now I'm thinking about how we'll break up, how I'll get sick... Can we really change the future?"
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T/N:
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