The Quirks of Love
'Why?!
Andrew, why?!
Is this all I was to you?
A few months is enough to forget me, and fall in love with someone else?'
Arabella cried for days and nights after reading Andrew's letter.
It hurt so much to accept it.
She did not want to believe it was so easy for him to let go and move on.
Every single day, she wrote letters to him that only ended up crumpled and thrown in the trash.
She wanted to say so much to him, but clinging to him when he was already in love and married to someone else would only make her seem desperate and immoral.
She was indeed desperate, though.
It was so difficult for her to stop herself from sending more letters to ask him why it was so easy for him to fall in love with someone else, when he said he truly loved her.
In contrast, her heart was still aching and longing for him even after what he replied to her.
Even after knowing he was already in love and married to someone else.
Even after he betrayed her.
She still loved him even after everything.
She wanted to tell him so.
But Arabella's pride as a noble lady and as the eldest princess of Lobelius stopped her.
Her mother told her it was time for her to let go since she was also engaged to another man and would be wed soon.
"You are the most beautiful lady in the entire continent.
You do not have to cry so much for a prince who's already moved on from you.
Love is not everything in a marriage, Arabella.
With your beauty and fame, you need a man who can keep you safe from your other suitors and the ladies who pursue them.
You are everyone's rival for their beloved men.
If you go to a weaker man, you'll be ruined and stepped upon.
Emperor Ferdinand is just the right person for you.
If you become his Empress, no one would dare hurt you again nor oppress you."
Arabella sobbed even more at her mother's words.
For her, it sounded like her mother was just trying to make her believe Emperor Ferdinand, someone they chose for her, was the best choice she could ever have.
She thought her mother could only talk in such a manner because she didn't understand how Arabella felt when she was betrayed by Andrew after raising her hopes.
She didn't know yet of the experience of a wizened elder who was merely stating a fact of the cruel world she had witnessed and experienced in the past.
Still, after crying for a long time and pouring her heart out alone in her room, Arabella braced herself and finally replied to Andrew and thanked him for his honesty.
But she could not wish for his happiness at all or say she had forgiven him.
Since then, despite the pain and her fears for the future, Arabella focused on preparing for her upcoming wedding.
Understanding she could not run away from it anyway, she decided to face it.
And a few months later, she was wed to Emperor Ferdinand.
The so-called evil incarnate of an Emperor married Arabella without a single smile on his lips.
Even so, Emperor Ferdinand looked dashing and regal on their wedding day.
But no expression aside from boredom crossed his face.
It was clear in his eyes that the wedding ceremony and the celebration were a bother for him to attend.
It was customary, so he simply went along with it even if he didn't want it.
If he were to be followed, Arabella surmised, they wouldn't have a wedding ceremony at all.
With the look of boredom and impatience on his face, he would have preferred going hunting or leading a war to being at their wedding.
He was also clearly not entranced with her famed beauty, either, as many men were.
The people around them looked charmed by her appearance, which all the others loved, but Emperor Ferdinand, her husband, did not seem to be interested in the slightest.
Even during the dance with her, all he had was a poker face.
She even thought Ferdinand would kill her on their first night for making him go through an entire duration of a boring wedding ceremony and celebration, but he didn't.
He probably didn't see the need since she had such a fragile-looking body compared to his strong and sturdy build.
Surprisingly, he was not cruel in bed either.
Her maids back in Lobelius had been worried due to his reputation. They thought she might end up having broken bones and a lot of bruises. Or even worse. But, she didn't.
Ferdinand was gentle enough and did things slowly.
For the first time, his eyes changed as well.
Even though he wasn't interested in her in the morning, his eyes turned dark with desire for her in the evening.
And Arabella experienced a totally unexpected side of the Emperor in her chambers.
His eyes were blazing, and his kisses were hot and eager. Yet, he touched her gently and softly as if he didn't want to hurt her.
As such, even though it was painful at first, she experienced pleasure the following nights.
Arabella mistakenly thought, perhaps, the Emperor liked her since he never failed to visit her chambers at night.
His cold demeanor in the morning was different from the Ferdinand who lavished her whole body at night.
Fickle as she was, her young and innocent heart soon fell for the Emperor, who seemed to cherish her and looked forward to the times they could be together.
However, Arabella couldn't be more wrong.
Once she got pregnant, Ferdinand no longer visited her chambers.
Ever since he heard the news, he only talked to her once a month to check on the condition of her pregnancy.
It greatly saddened Arabella since she finally had feelings for the cold Emperor, and yet, all of a sudden, he no longer visited her chambers as he used to.
The maids assured her it was because she was pregnant, and the Emperor didn't want to accidentally harm their baby.
Arabella believed them since she was hoping it was true. Or rather, she prayed, Ferdinand truly cherished her.
Instead of worrying for nothing, she took good care of her body and soon gave birth to a healthy boy who closely resembled Ferdinand.
And finally, her wish for the Emperor to visit her, not at night but in the morning, came true.
"You did well," he praised her for the first time, and Arabella was elated.
But Ferdinand only glanced at their baby for a few seconds and left.
He did not even carry their baby for a bit or give him a gentle caress. He did not even hold her hand either.
'Why?!'
Arabella was frozen, her heart breaking once again, as Ferdinand left without saying anything more.
He did not even say or do anything to show he cared that she made it through and did not die during childbirth.
He only visited for a few seconds. It was all the time he could give her and their child after she had just given birth.
Arabella thought Ferdinand would be happy to see his son. But instead, since then, he never visited her chambers. She only met him on official occasions, which needed her presence.
The maids said it was because, as the Emperor, Ferdinand, was always busy.
But Arabella soon realized they were only saying those so she wouldn't feel bad.
She overheard from the other maids and butlers in the palace that Ferdinand only went to her chambers until he was sure she was with child.
The truth was, he only married her because his ministers insisted for an heir. It was why Ferdinand completely ignored her once she birthed him a son.
All he needed was an heir, and Arabella had already fulfilled her role.
Meaning, he didn't have a reason to see her anymore.
Yet, like an idiot, Arabella still wanted to see him more often. But all pleas to meet with him were denied.
Thus, to get Ferdinand's attention, Arabella went on spending sprees, to an unreasonable degree, expecting to be scolded by him.
She didn't mind getting scolded by him, as long as he came to see her.
She cast away her pride just for a chance to speak with him, even if it ended with him getting angry at her.
But none came.
Ferdinand totally didn't care about her or what she did.
Still, she thought he would at least care about his son, but he didn't either. He never visited their poor child again after seeing him once.
Arabella felt so bad for their son, Fermin, and focused all her love on him until she no longer cared that much about Ferdinand either (or did she?).
With Ferdinand's lack of interest in visiting them, he didn't seem to care about them at all.
If he cared about either of them, he would have visited them again and given them even just a bit of his time.
But he didn't.
Arabella realized there was no use in begging for his love or attention. Her attempts to do so were useless, so she stopped them.
Thus, all she wanted now was for her son to grow up strong and healthy.
And since she had nothing to do, she focused on educating her son early on.
With Arabella teaching Fermin from a young age, when tutors were chosen and sent, Fermin was always praised for being outstanding.
It was her joy and pride to watch her son grow up quickly and outstandingly.
But when Fermin was twelve years old and starting to show even more prowess in academics and knighthood, he was poisoned to death.
Arabella did not even get the chance to hear any last words from him.
She could only watch as her son died in pain.
The doctors could not do anything about it either.
Fermin stopped breathing and turned dark and cold in her arms.
Arabella never forgot such a feeling.
No, she never forgot everything she felt on this day.
The excitement and happiness of preparing for Fermin's birthday turned into despair.
It turned into excruciating and maddening disappointment, sorrow, and grief.
It was worse than death itself.
Arabella's whole world collapsed.
She wished it was her who died instead of Fermin.
But no matter how much Arabella prayed for her life to be taken instead, her life continued, while her son never had a single breath of life again.
His body remained lifeless and unmoving even as she prayed to all the gods she knew to take her life instead and save Fermin.
The one who poisoned Fermin was caught and executed, but her son's life would never come back.
To her dismay and further anguish, Ferdinand never showed up, even at their son's burial.
Arabella was all alone as she wallowed in despair and agony for her warm and charming son, who had turned into a cold corpse and was burned to ashes.
Since then, Arabella never wore colorful clothes, shoes, or makeup again. She always wore dark colors wherever she went as she continued to mourn for Fermin.
Powerless and still in shock at how she lost her most precious in a single day, Arabella was drunk in despair and misery.
She refused to eat or drink anything since Fermin no longer could. She refused to sleep in her warm and comfortable bed either.
How could she when Fermin might be lost, cold, and hungry in the nether world?
Surprisingly, starving and dehydrating herself did not kill her. She always ended up waking alive, no matter how she wished to die.
And yet, as if to make things worse, she heard an infuriating and revolting revelation that made her blood turn cold.
It was Ferdinand himself who had their son killed.
The reason?
So no one could threaten his position.
It had happened in various kingdoms after all, sons removing their fathers from their position so they could be crowned much earlier.
But Fermin would never do such a thing. He looked up to his father like a hero, even when Ferdinand never visited him.
And yet, Ferdinand had Fermin killed because of the possibility. Because he was still strong and healthy and didn't need an heir at the moment. After all, he only had a son to shut up his ministers anyway, and he didn't need him now.
It was such a despicable act.
Arabella grieved even more. But this time, she was filled with hatred and fury.
How much more cruel would life be?
She only wished for Fermin to grow up healthy and strong; yet, he was taken away by no one else but his own father.
What could be worse and more painful to a son than this?
Thankfully, Fermin at least did not know it was his own father who had him killed. And Arabella prayed her son would never know.
Wait, pray?
No, she no longer prayed.
Gods didn't exist.
If they did, at least one of them could have saved her innocent son from this kind of fate.
What crime had her son ever committed for him to be punished like this?
None. Nothing at all.
Fermin was an upright citizen who wished to make Valeria even more progressive and make her and his father proud.
Arabella used to pray every single day for her son's happiness, safety, long life, and well-being. Yet, no gods saved him from his doom.
Thus, ever since Arabella learned Ferdinand was the one who orchestrated everything, and none of her prayers were heard, she stopped believing in gods and deities.
For her, they were nothing but lies. They didn't exist.
Formerly, in her agony, she would have followed her son since she had nothing else to do and treasure in this world anymore.
But after what she heard, not yet.
Arabella once again ate so her body could recover. And while she lay in bed, still weak, her mind worked.
She had one more thing to do before leaving this world - no matter what, she must avenge Fermin.
This was the beginning of everything.
It was when the villainess was born.
Crazed with anger and desire for justice and vengeance for her son, Arabella plotted her husband's demise and the fall of the Valeria Empire, which gave him so much power.
To topple such a formidable foe, Arabella became a villainess and used whatever she had.
Money, power, connections.
Even her mind and body; nothing was left of her anyway. There was nothing to be reserved for after Ferdinand did such a horrible thing to their son.
Who cares about what happens to her? No one anyway. What was important was vengeance for Fermin.
Arabella allied with Ferdinand's haters and joined forces with his archenemy, King Icarus, who was the next strongest on the continent.
As if the heavens willed it, with ten years of careful planning and execution, the Valeria Empire finally fell to ruin, and she succeeded in removing her husband from the throne he loved so much.
But Arabella trusted her allies too much. Or rather, she already knew.
She simply didn't care what would happen to her as long as she achieved her goal.
After her husband was dethroned, her supposed allies turned against her. It was fine with her since she planned to die after all this anyway.
But just when she was about to be killed, Ferdinand appeared out of nowhere and protected her despite his already weakened body.
Something inside Arabella that she refused to admit and didn't want to know stirred at the sight of this man she once loved, protecting her for the first time.
This was once her dream.
But it was too late.
No matter what Ferdinand did for her now, it no longer mattered after everything that had already been said and done.
'What is he playing at? Why is he pretending to save me now when he didn't even care about our son and me for so long?!'
Arabella was dumbfounded.
Why would he protect her? Someone he had been ignoring for almost 22 years.
It was like he was playing a joke on her after her years of hard work to drag him down. Was this his way to mock her?
It made her even more furious.
If Ferdinand dies, she would rather he die away from her. And not from trying to save her.
How dare he make all her efforts seem worthless?
If she knew he would do something like this, then she would have killed herself in front of him a long time ago.
But when had he ever treasured her enough to protect her even at the cost of his life?
Never.
So why did he do this?
She didn't need him to save her.
Likewise, she did not plan for him to die in her arms as her son did.
No matter how painful it was, such a memory was only for Fermin, the son she had lost because of Ferdinand.
She wouldn't have it replaced by the same person who had him poisoned.
"You bastard! Are you trying to act all nice now? I don't need your help. You heartless murderer!"
She grimaced at her husband as memories of her dead son and how he turned cold in her arms filled her mind once again.
Some memories never go away, no matter how many years pass by.
"I'm deeply sorry for everything… Even if the empire falls, you must survive, Arabella," Ferdinand said as he pointed to an escape route.
But why should she escape?
Arabella had no plan to live. She would stay right here and be slain.
Yet, why did she have to witness this sight and hear unexpected words from this man before she dies, too?
"Thank you for becoming my wife…" Ferdinand weakly smiled at her as he breathed his last in her arms.
It was the first smile he had ever given her.
It was the first thank you he had ever told her.
". . ."
Arabella's chest tightened and crumpled in pain and confusion.
'Why? Why is he saying such words now? Why did it have to be his last words?'
She didn't need to, and she didn't want to hear such words from him anymore.
He never told her so when she needed them most.
'Why now, of all times?'
Arabella trembled as she laughed mirthlessly and cried for the first time in years.
Tears streamed down her face uncontrollably.
She wanted to hate Ferdinand even more for making her feel like she was the worst after the words he uttered.
How could he apologize now after she had made Valeria fall?
Why did he apologize only now?
After everything that had already happened, it was simply too late to amend anything now, even if Ferdinand gave away his life for it.
And he even dared to die trying to protect her. Why did he try to save her only now when she could no longer be saved?
For so long, she had wished to be saved, but no one came to save her.
It's too late now.
She had long died.
Likewise, there was no need to save this tainted body.
Arabella's tears rained down on his corpse as she tried to get one last look at the Ferdinand she once loved.
But all she saw was a blur as her tears flowed without her consent.
Why was it so painful to see him die?
Didn't she hate him so much? Enough that she wanted him to suffer and die?
Then, what's with this excruciating pain in her chest the more she tried to look at his dead body in her arms?
She thought she had become numb to this kind of pain a long time ago.
Why could she feel it again?
Why is she hurting this much for this damned man she loathed?
She should have been happy and satisfied, or at least relieved with this outcome.
Yet, she wasn't.
Why were her tears, which hadn't fallen for years, flowing like rivers for him?
She loathed him and wanted to drag him to the pits of hell. So why?
However, Arabella had no chance to ponder it more as her allies approached her with killing intent.
"Heh. What a hypocrite! After all that you've done, you're here crying for him in the end. Haha. I'll end your suffering for you," one of her former allies said.
Arabella gritted her teeth and glared at them.
But they were right.
She shouldn't be crying right now.
There was no need to, since the end had finally come.
Thus, with her former allies approaching to kill her, Arabella smirked at them even with a tearstained face.
Valeria had fallen. Her husband was dead. Her goal was complete.
Who cares about how she felt?
There was only one thing left to do now. It's time to end everything once and for all.
Arabella stopped crying and dried her tears.
'Yes, there's no reason to cry at all,' she assured herself as she strengthened her resolve.
Ferdinand dying like this was not part of the plan. He was supposed to continue living, imprisoned as a weak person, and finally realized he needed his heir, Fermin. And that it was his sin and greatest mistake to have had his son killed. And thus, because of what he did, he now had to watch the downfall of what he built, then see his former power wielded by his nemesis.
And yet, Ferdinand somehow managed to escape from Icarus and came here to shield her instead.
Arabella didn't know what was in his mind and didn't want to think about it anymore. He was dead now, and she should not be mourning him. It was disrespectful to Fermin, who was killed by this man. Thus, she should not cry for Ferdinand anymore.
"Say your prayers now," her former allies said as they approached her.
"Idiots. I won't die by your hands," Arabella smirked, and slit her throat before they reached her.
After all, she never planned to live, nor did she plan to give her life to anyone.
Once she had her revenge, she planned to die and be with her beloved son wherever he was.
'Goodbye, Ferdinand. See you soon, Fermin.'
Arabella closed her eyes and welcomed her death.