Mum and I had been on the run for so long that I'd ignored these types of things. Only when my brother said I was ready to become an Exorcist on my sixteen birthday did I think about anything other than helping my Mum. It took just under a year and a half to travel across the continent to reach the City of Siciopolis.
I stood in silence, thinking about why I had spoken without restraint just a moment ago. I had been thinking about the same thing ever since Elara had made that first impression on me back on her farm. It was strange, but I couldn't help but feel attracted to these Holy State Sisters. Still, I stayed silent as having a relationship with a State Sister was a definite big no-no and the reasons why were obvious. It was funny that these attractive women were so off-limits, even if they were interested in me. I caught myself staring at Sister Rachael, finding myself getting lost in her deep emerald eyes. Even in her simple priestess robes, I couldn't help but feel the attraction creeping up on me again. She was just that beautiful. I wondered what her reaction would be to romantically finding a guy interested in her.
My gaze fell upon one of the newly-arrived State Exorcists as I observed her beautiful appearance. I couldn't help but take notice of her good looks when she first arrived at the Hall. Sister Rachel's long, straight hair and sharp, intelligent eyes were captivating, and she had a certain grace about her that made her seem like something out of a fantasy story. I understood why it would be easy to develop a crush on her, or any of the holy women for that matter. She had such a gentle and graceful air about her, almost angel-like. Her delicate features and delicate demeanor could easily draw someone in. Her charisma and demeanor made her seem almost otherworldly like she belonged in a dream world. I looked at her with admiration and respect, feeling drawn to her mysterious presence. I felt a strange mixture of emotions arise within my heart, as if I was struggling to suppress a crush of my own.
"Sister Rachael? Could I ask you a question, if you don't mind," I questioned. "Is it normal to feel... attracted to someone like you?" I wondered if she would be offended by my honest answer.
"My Lord, young man. Are you so smitten with women of the Holy State that you can not control your primal urges? Again, I am flattered that you find me attractive, but I must continue to remind you that I have more important duties than relationships.
"So, umm... What exactly do you do here at this Hall? I mean what do you do specifically? Is it to serve God or a Goddess and preach to the worshippers?" I asked, trying to change the subject. I felt dumb asking such a basic question.
"I have many, but I mainly serve as Mother Superior Euphemia's personal assistant," the nun answered.
"My apologies, I didn't mean to offend you. I know you have more important duties than relationships, but I couldn't help but notice your beauty." I responded, hoping to move on from the conversation.
"As for what I do here in this Hall, I serve God and the Holy State while preaching to the worshippers." She replied to my question.
I tried to stay focused and not let my admiration for her distract me anymore. I knew she had more important things to do and would rather not continue engaging in this conversation.
"It's nothing that remarkable, young one, but here at the Hall, I act as a counselor and a spiritual guide for those who come seeking comfort or assistance. I also assist in the teachings of the Goddess, as well as any other matters that may require my attention." She added, curious if I wanted to learn more about her duties. "As for what I do here at the Hall in my free time, it's all about serving God and spreading His word. No time for romantic relationships when there are sinners to save and the Devil himself to defeat. I feel it's a noble cause, and it's what I've always wanted to do."
"My apologies, my Lady," I said sheepishly, slightly embarrassed by my natural attraction to her. "But yes, I am quite smitten with women of the Holy State. I'll admit that I can't control my primal urges, and I shall try to refrain from such thoughts in the future."
We continued our conversation, and I felt a bit bashful as I realized I had been so easily distracted by my attraction to the woman in front of me.
"I understand your feelings and... erotic... attractions but each day, I study the teachings of our Gods and Goddesses. I continuously work to suppress any such desires. It is best if you follow such a regiment as I, young Adam von Yeager," Sister Rachel explained.
"My Lady, I can assure you that my intentions are not dishonorable, it is true that I find you alluring and beautiful, but I understand your duties outweigh any such desires."
I paused to consider what exactly I did in the Hall. "That's right, my Lady, it is to serve God and the Holy State, and to spread the message and ideals that they stand for." I began to speak confidently, feeling more at ease after changing the subject. I enjoyed conversing with her but knew it could be inappropriate under certain circumstances.
"It is good that you endeavor to follow the word of our God, but you must improve where your lustful desires overwhelm you!' she replied.
I was somewhat embarrassed but also amused by her response. "My apologies, my lady. It seems that I got carried away by your beauty. I shall not allow my primal urges to get the best of me in the future."
I bowed my head in respect, waiting for her response. "As for my purpose here, I am a State Exorcist and I am responsible for combating the threat of the monsters of our world and any potential monster worshipers. It is a dangerous job but it is also a necessary one, as it helps protect the Holy State and its citizens."
"That is comforting to hear, young one," Sister Reach said, smiling.
She refers to me and the other recruits, Evander and Elara, as young, but her age could only be a few years ahead of us, five at most.
"Um, Sister Rachael, can I ask you one more question about the Holy State Sisterhood?" I asked, feeling my face turn red all over again. This was my last attempt to break the awkward silence I had created.
"Sister Rachael sighed deeply before answering. "Yes, what is it, young Adam von Yeager? Another question about your attraction to Sister, I presume?" she questioned.
"I appreciate the warning, Sister Rachael," I replied, feeling embarrassed again. "I know you have to maintain a certain level of propriety for your position, but I have to admit... I find myself attracted to you."
I laughed nervously at Sister Rachael's response, surprised she had noticed my attraction to her. It was just a brief flash of emotion, nothing to worry her about. At least, I hoped it wasn't something to worry about. I was about to reply when I realized what I had just said. 'Did I really just say that with complete confidence that she would come around to the idea?' I couldn't help but smile at my boldness.
"You have stated your attraction to me many times in this conversation. I am well aware of your desires. Just please keep them under control. You have a lot to learn going forward. I do not wish to distract you from your training," Sister Rachael said.
"Yes, actually." I responded, feeling my face turn red once again in embarrassment. It seemed as though it was painfully obvious to everybody around me that I had a deep affection for Sister Rachael. Despite my attempts to conceal my feelings, it was quite futile as the cat was already out of the bag.
"But I have a different question this time." I quickly added, hoping to turn the conversation to a different topic that didn't have anything to do with my attraction to Sister Rachael.
I remained silent for a few seconds, trying to muster up the courage to ask my question. As silly as it sounded, I still wanted to know. I wanted answers and clarity. 'It couldn't hurt just to ask, could it?'
"Yes, if it wouldn't be too disruptive." I hastily replied, my face flushed from the embarrassment I had felt earlier. "Why... Why is it that the majority... No, all of the State Exorcist sisters are so beautiful?" I tried to sound casual while asking the question, as if I was merely curious and not at all interested in the answer.
Sister Rachael chuckled to herself for a moment before responding. "It's because we have to be the picture-perfect image of purity and devotion. We are expected to reflect all of the qualities our teachings espouse."
"But that does not explain why all the State Exorcist sisters are so attractive!" I countered.
I notice her cheeks grow red again as she tries to counter the holy woman's all attracted statement. "I can assure you, not all of the holy sisters we serve alongside are this..." she said, struggling to find the right word that wouldn't further prove my point. "Attractive."
She cleared her throat in an attempt to regain some composure. "A holy sister must be a symbol of virtue and devotion, regardless of her looks. I suspect you would have no problem finding women in the Sisterhood who did not meet your standards of beauty."
"Really," I said, raising my eyebrow.
"Attractiveness is ultimately a matter of perception, young gentleman." Sister Rachael replied with a hint of amusement in her voice. "However, if you refer to the physical appearance of many Sisterhood members, it could be a result of our rigorous training and devotion to our faith."
She paused for a moment, taking a moment to think. "One must keep in mind that the work we perform is physically demanding and requires a certain degree of stamina. As such, many of the Sisterhood's sisters maintain a strict regimen of physical training in order to be able to complete their assigned tasks effectively."
"Hmm... Well, I've only seen extremely beautiful sisters at any of the Holy Halls across the country!" I countered.
"It is true," Sister Rachael smiled fondly at me, "that many sisters choose to take on an appearance that is considered attractive." Her expression turned serious, and she leaned in close. "However, their true beauty comes from their dedication to their faith, their purity, and their service to God and humankind."
She put her hands behind her back and looked at me with sympathy. "The attractiveness you see in many sisters is only physical. It is superficial, and it is not what they truly embody. Beauty comes from the soul, my dear son."
I had another more private question, so I swallowed, gathering the courage to continue. My heart was pounding in my chest as I looked at Sister Rachael. I was nervous and embarrassed, but something about her close proximity to my body started to have a strange effect on me. Her gorgeous face was so close now as she looked up at me. By my estimate, Sister Rachel was about a foot shorter than me. I felt my body respond in a way that I wasn't expecting. It caught me off-guard and made me feel even more exposed.
I paused and took a deep breath, trying to choose my words carefully. "Um, there's something I wanted to ask you, Sister Rachel."
"Hmm... Is there something still on your mind, Mr. von Yeager?" she asked with a smile.
I took another deep breath and nodded. "Yes, there is. It's a little... personal," I said with a flush.
"Don't worry. I'm a sister of the cloth, so I can help you with any guidance concerns you may harbor," she said with a kind tone.
"Well, it's not exactly... about guidance," I said with a hint of embarrassment.
As I spoke, I watched her face for a reaction, hoping that she would understand what I was asking, "I have another more... private question... Sister Rachel, something that's been on my mind for a while now."
I took a moment to catch my breath and then continued, I didn't know how Sister Rache would respond, and butterflies filled my stomach as I waited for her answer. She looks at me as if she has an inkling of what I am about to ask.