I looked into Sister Rachael's eyes as she spoke, trying to read her expression. 'Was she appalled by my words? Angry?' I couldn't tell. All I knew was that I had let my emotions get the best of me, and now I was paying the price.
"I apologize, Sister Rachael," I said, my voice barely above a whisper as guilt weighed heavily on my chest. "I know my words were inappropriate, and I understand if you are angry with me. I let my emotions get the best of me, and I'm truly sorry for any offense I may have caused."
As I spoke, Sister Rachael's expression softened slightly. She looked at me with a mixture of disbelief and compassion, as if she couldn't quite believe what had just happened. It was as if she was watching this scene play out from afar, unable to be physically present in that moment. Still, her look spoke volumes. Her brows furrowed, almost as if she were questioning her own belief system. I couldn't help but wonder if her feelings toward me were clouding her emotions. Her eyes remained fixed on mine, and she listened with rapt attention. She seemed to want to say something but held herself back momentarily as she searched for the perfect words. I noticed her lips parted and her chest rising and falling rapidly as if she had trouble breathing. Her sweet eyes sparkled with tears, her voice trembling as she took in the shock of what had transpired.
At that moment, all the walls between us came tumbling down. I had never seen Sister Rachel this vulnerable, which made me feel strangely protective of her. "S-sister Rachel," I whispered, suddenly at a loss for words. All I could feel was the love and concern that flooded me instantly.
"I am sorry for my words, Sister Rachel, but you must understand, I am a normal man, who just happens to have desires that I cannot control. Do you truly think I am some beast for having these feelings? Please, I beg you not to be angry." I questioned.
There was a subtle change in her demeanor, her eyes showing understanding and empathy rather than judgment. I could tell she had been taken aback by my earlier actions, as if they had come out of the blue. But she didn't try to scold me for them; she just looked at me with tender concern.
"Well, I'm not angry, Mr. von Yeager," she said, voice softer than before. "But I do think you need to think carefully before you speak, especially when it comes to such sensitive topics… Especially related to your… Uhm… carnal desires… And… uncontrollable insatiable desires. I sense you have a rapacious thirst of unrelenting debauchery beyond what any mere man in his prime should ever possess, let alone one who is so young as yourself. I believe this is related to your… Tamer abilities."
When Sister Rachael mentioned my 'carnal desires and insatiable thirst.' I couldn't help but blush. My face felt like it was on fire.
"Oh my... I didn't mean to suggest..." I started but then realized how useless my explanation would sound.
Sister Rachael gave me a puzzled look as if slightly embarrassed by the suggestion. "I assure you, young Adam, that the Holy Sisterhood is most definitely not meant to be participants in a harem that I am aware of." She spoke in a stern tone, shaky voice, a slight grimace on her face. "As I have said before, the main objective of the Sisters is the service of our Lord. However, no rules or commandments explicitly prohibit such relationships or relationships in general. It is merely a practiced unsaid tradition among members of the Holy Sisterhood. I am sure you have come across rumors, but please, proceed in the future as if these rumors are nothing else… but rumors, young von Yeager."
I could see her considering her following words as she looked up at me with a soft smile, her eyes holding a certain degree of mischief. I knew what she would say before she even said it, yet her boldness still took me aback. When she spoke, the way her lips moved was a source of beauty in its own right, the words coming out as if from the heart.
"But that doesn't invalidate my question or change how I feel? I can't just turn it off," I countered.
"That is a problematic trait to have. Your carnal desires and insatiable thirst will never go away unless you find someone special. Someone who gives you the love and affection you craved for so long. You would do well to find a woman, someone who could love and fill your void. She must meet your needs and bring you joy, lest you seek it elsewhere. However, I cannot confide that I am such a woman as I have never been in an intimate relationship. I am afraid you must look elsewhere for proper advice," Sister Rachael explained.
I couldn't help but turn away in embarrassment, a soft blush forming on my face. I knew that Rachel was right, but there was something so embarrassing about hearing it like this. She looks away from me, her face turning a bright shade of crimson, and I know what she will say even before her lips part to let the words out; she speaks in a slow and soothing tone that fills my senses.
"I know that you have certain, uh... carnal desires and an insatiable thirst for intimate excitement that will never go away. I can… feel it, Sister Rachel," I whispered.
Her playful smile and how she moved closer made my pulse quickens as my whole body longed for her. I gulped nervously, not knowing what to say. All I could do was stare, taking in her every feature. She was a work of art, so beautiful that I could get lost just looking at her.
"I will not counter what you have said. I am like any other female in that regard. Your insight… Has wisdom someone of your age should not possess. A warning to my sisters may be in order, if not to alert them of your… abilities. I... understand your feelings... and believe that your desires are... normal... under the right circumstances." Sister Rachael said. A faint blush spreads across her cheeks, but it never seems to go away. Despite her claim that my urges were normal, I felt a twinge of guilt at how strongly I desired her body.
"Are you saying I am a threat?" I questioned.
"Not at all, I am merely saying, to be so consumed by carnal desires is to be a slave to the flesh, unable to see beyond one's own urges. Why, I could never imagine myself letting such lust overcome my reason and dignity, but I do understand them. I've felt the intensity of your ravenous needs the moment you walked into this Holy Hall, radiating off you as if you were born of sin," Sister Rachel said, her voice shaky.
It was as if being this close to me was causing her some physical distress. Her skin was rosy, flustered as if my presence profoundly affected her body.
"That doesn't answer my question and you've been dancing around it. Rumors aside, are sisters of the Holy Sisterhood allowed to have relationships?" I asked firmly.
Again, she blushes at my question, as if my words sent a jolt of electricity through her body. Her cheeks turn a fiery red, her eyes wide, and her chest heaving with quick breaths. She looks away, trying to hide her embarrassment, but it is all in vain. I can feel the electricity in the air as our bodies get closer and closer to one another. I lean into her neck and gently kiss her soft skin, a moan escaping me as our lips gently brush against each other.
"My, my Adam," she whispered, trying to hide her arousal as she brushed her hair aside, giving me a better view of her neck, "Why would you want to know that? You seem to want to press this issue. As a sister, I must be honest and open with all who walk these Halls."
Her voice was like a caress in my ears; the way she rolled her R's made me want to hold her close and never let her go. She was like a magnet to me, drawing me in with her sultry tones and mesmerizing blue eyes. I took it as a good sign and pressed on, my curiosity getting the best of me. With each word that I spoke in my teasing voice, the color in Rachel's face darkened, her embarrassment increasing. She would not meet my gaze, and I could almost hear her heartbeat racing in the air between us. There was a sudden rush of blood to her face, and I could see her struggle to keep up, her movements and facial expressions becoming more animated. She seemed to be struggling to keep up, and it was honestly adorable. She was flustered and confused, and I couldn't help but grin as she took in every word I said.
"So, will you answer my question, please?" I questioned.
Sister Rachel takes a long breath and looks me in the eyes.
"It appears you are also very stubborn and refuse to let this go or choose another line of questioning. As such, I will indulge your request. While some sisters choose to pursue relationships with others, it is not a requirement and is usually done with extreme discretion," she said, reluctantly.
She sighed and looked around the room. Her face was a shade of rosy pink from the nature of my question, but as a sister, she must be brutally honest with me. She sighed deeply and shook her head as if trying to convince herself that such things didn't exist. "Personally, I do not know of any sisters of the cloth engaging in such relationships. From my perspective, these are simply tales circulated around the lands, but I cannot say with conviction if these tales are the truth or simply tales. It is important to remain chaste and pure. Now, any more questions, my young Adam von Yeager?" Sister Rachel added.
I paused for a moment, considering what else to say. "I apologize if I offended you in any way. That was not my intention but I can only confess how I feel upfront. That is one of my core beliefs,"
I took a breath, waiting for her response.
Sister Rachael's face was soft and welcoming now. "If you really desire a wife, then I have no doubt that you will find one sooner than you think. Right now you need to begin your training. I'm sure in time you will find yourself. This isn't something you should rush into Adam. Now, this is a subject that we can address later," the nun said, gently smiling.
Before our conversation went any further, the two of us turned towards the Quartermaster's office as the door opened. Rachel's demeanor changed quickly, becoming more formal and collected than before. I suppose the talk we were having was not one that was typical in a convent, so she tried to change the subject. We both remained silent for a moment, but I continued to watch her. She was incredibly interesting, and I could tell that there was something more behind the calm exterior she was trying to portray.