If Janus didn't come, I shouldn't be so disappointed. I needed boundaries, and I needed to stop being so dependent on her.
On anyone. I don't need to rely on anyone; I can take care of myself.
I managed to fly back to Angels Cove, deliberately avoiding the spot where I had run away from my friends. I ended up in the large tree area, keeping my head down to hide my puffy, red eyes and nose. I didn't want anyone looking at me; I just wanted to lie down and forget that all of this had happened.
I stopped, finding a form leaning against my door. The pitbull snored, leg kicking off and on like he was running in his dreams. A small smile escaped on my lips, and I bent down to rub his head, which woke the pup up. Casper yipped, letting out a slight whine as he licked at my face.
"Hey buddy.." I giggled, pulling him into a hug. His wings curled, letting me hold onto him tighter. "I'm sorry for yelling at you… Don't be mad at me?" He barked, licking my nose with a goofy smile.
I laughed, pulling away before opening the door to let him fly in. I flopped on the bed, letting Casper curl into my arms so he was covered by my arm and wing. I was okay with him. I really wanted warmth and company right now.
I felt drained, and I knew I shouldn't sleep right now. I thought I might be able to just lie down, not fall asleep, but the urge was too strong; it pulled me down with a gentle tug.
I knew immediately this was different. I would thank the goddess if I weren't exhausted like I am right now. So my eyes shut, and let sleep take me into the dark abyss.
—
. . .
Far away, so far away that she cannot contain it all. She can feel every last pinch, every scream, and cry of agony. It hurts her deeply. She can endure pain, but this... this is too much for the goddess to bear. It feels as though her insides are being torn apart, and on top of that, her beloved angel is in pain while she remains powerless to help.
As a goddess, she protects all of Heaven. She welcomes new angels who have been wounded by the world, bringing them here where they can be free from their suffering.
Not her. Not Vienna.
Janus wants to know why. She tried to help the angel, take away her pain, and finally put her at peace. That is what she does; that is the most crucial purpose she holds in Heaven. Yet, with this angel, she cannot do it. Vienna was in canstant pain, constant fear, and Janus had no idea how to stop it. She doesn't even think she can stop it, and what if then?
She is useless, and Vienna is trapped in the same cycle that will continue to pull her towards the dark end.
Janus was desperate, desperate enough to go to the Lord Goddess for answers. She wanted to know anything about this anomaly. If she had to go to that goddess, she would do it for Vienna.
The room was dark. Janus always disliked going to the far end of the palace where angels could not reach. This was the main reason for her aversion; there was no sense of life from the angels, no feeling of love and passion from the Cupids, no joy and creativity from the Cherubs, and no physical loyalty from the Heaven Pups.
This place was void of all things that make up Heaven and make it what it is.
However, it was the only place where the Lord Goddess would actually make an appearance. Janus knew better than to hope for her to truly show up; the goddess preferred the Underworld to the mortal realm. This didn't necessarily mean she was occupied, but she certainly didn't care much for Janus's worries and concerns.
But Janus had to try. She would try anything for Vienna, even things that the other goddess forbade. They did not trust the Lord Goddess, and for good reason.
The Gate Goddess stood peacefully in the barren room. It sucked the life and light from her inner self, shifting her mood to a dull pain. The pain was nothing compared to what she felt with Vienna; nothing could compare to that.
Janus shook off those thoughts, focusing on contacting the Lord Goddess in the Underworld. It took a lot of her power and focus; thinking about Vienna would, of course, distract her.
It was hard, long, and grueling until Janus finally felt a sharp, cold dread slip down her spine. Her eyes opened to see a small shape gradually becoming visible. She stared down for a moment before it rose up and looked back at her. The empty void began to pulse like a living heart, and a cold, tense feeling swept through the desolate room.
She heard the soft drip of water, the icy sizzle of skin popping, until a laugh echoed through the lifeless walls.
Janus! O-M-G, how have you been?
She tried to ignore the rising irritation from the mere sound of her voice. The room was cluttered with distorted voices pitched in different waves, from high to low, from pained to smooth.
The goddess let out a sigh, staring into the void that she knew held the Lord's Goddess's physical body way down in the hellish dimension. "I am well. How are you?"
Oh, you know, loving my immortal life as best as I can down here. She chuckled half heartedly. You should come visit; it's much more eventful than that cotton candy land of yours!
"No, thank you, goddess." Janus politely declined, tightening her wings on instinct. "I actually requested to speak to you about a different subject."
The Lord Goddess hummed. Is it regarding a particular angel of yours?
She stopped herself from tensing up at the Lord's Goddess spot of observation. This goddess was clearly watching what's been happening here; if Janus didn't know any better, she was the cause of all of this.
"Yes. I have questions that I am certain you have answers to."
Mhm, and what makes you think that? Her voice joked, sending ripples of water running down the room. It was all her imagination, just the goddess's harmless tricks.
"This angel. You know already, so is there a reason you want me to explain it?"
No-No, you're right, I already know about her. She sighed as if she was annoyed. I must say, though, that this subject doesn't really intrigue me that much. I don't find joy watching it; many more creatures are withering in pain down here to watch than to observe that angel. If you know what I mean~?
It took a lot of willpower not to lash out. She knew the goddess was like her; there was no point in letting herself get riled up. However, the way the goddess spoke about the Vienna ticket set her nerves on edge. The Lord Goddess understood that only she could interpret her feelings whenever Vienna was around.
"You don't. I understand that, but can you tell me what you know about her? Do you know anything regarding this condition?"
A beat went by, and the Lord Goddess said nothing until a loud laugh came through the circle to Hell. Her laugh shook the ways, toppling beside Janus, who did not even give a glance to it. She waited patiently until the goddess finished and began to speak.
Have you not been listening to them, Janus? You, out of all the goddesses, should know better. You're smart!
"What are you referring to?" Janus growled up, trying hard to rest her expression back into neutral.
Well, you goddess already got the answer to that question!
Her wings flicked, and her skin suddenly became cold. The emotionless expression she had tried to maintain began to falter, her hands tightening and her body trembling from within. She scoffed slightly, her emotions faltering. "This is no subject to joke about."
But I'm not joking, Janus! The Lord Goddess laughed, sending the icy crease throughout the room. I mean, I know you love the poor creature- but surely you can't wrap your head around the obvious?
Janus struggled to speak and could hardly breathe. The realization washed over her with intensity before fading into a chilling calm. The echo of the Lord Goddess's laughter rang in her ears, mocking her with its audacity and the stark reminder of how far off she had been.
That Minerva.. Ballona…
Were right?
A harsh cry, and the Lord Goddess let out a sound. She sounded slightly disappointed. Well, this was fun, but I gotta end this.
A soft zap, the cold rushed away, leaving the room back to its empty, lifeless state, with nothing but the goddess standing in the middle of it all. She was so drained, so stupid, and even more useless than before.
Minerva.. Ballona. They were right…
Vienna is connected to the Underworld.
Janus wanted to lash out, yell, and wield power to vent her anger at the understanding. She tried to grab the Lord Goddess and scream at her, telling her to reveal the truth, to say it wasn't true, that there was a misunderstanding.
Janus tried hard to push the idea of Vienna away. Her sweet angel was connected to that place.
There was no point in trying to contact the Lord Goddess again; all that she had told her, the Gate Goddess could put all the pieces together and connect them all. Although it pained her to do that, to connect Vienna to the Underworld, to those evil Lords and creatures that could not gain peace.
The same is true of Vienna, the angel who could not find peace, even in Heaven.
Janus would not be able to give it to her, no matter how hard to tried, how hard she continued to push. She refused to give up on her; Vienna was her angel.
She was an angel who deserved peace.
. . .
—
There was no memory—only an endless dark abyss that surrounded me the entire time I was unconscious. It pulled me back to my love, where I felt the soft buzzing on my wrist. Turning around, I felt Casper shift between my legs. He stood up and then laid his paws on my chest. I gave his head a few scratches and motioned for him to get off.
He complied, sitting by the door as he waited for me to get ready. I made sure I wore everything correctly and handed over my Branchie before leaving Angels Cove. Instead of heading straight to the Battle Arena, I decided to return to the field.
When I landed, the warriors were already gathered. I made Casper head into the trees and noticed that, instead of being separated, we were all together. I approached Arthur, weaving past the other warriors, who made space for me to stand beside the shorter male. The line was longer than before, indicating that we had been upgraded from the younger warrior group and were now accepted as part of the more experienced warriors.
We had to stand in line for a while until Arden showed up. She came down on Becklewood, motioning for the wolf to go back to its den. She then gave us her full attention.
"Good to see you all here again." She huffed out, standing with the wings curled neatly against her back. "This will be new to a few of you, but I hope you will catch on easily. You will be training with anyone you want today; the subject will be hand-to-hand combat." She waved a hand quickly, dismissing us.
Arthur turned to me, "Do you want to spar?"
"Sure-"
"WHaT?" Casey quickly jumped out of nowhere, pulling at Arthur. The shorter male turned up to him, giving a slight frown at his sad expression. "But Arthur~"
"We always spar." The warrior tried to defend.
Casey crossed his arms. "But you always choose to fight Vienna. That's not fair!"
"How is that not fair?" I countered, turning his glare to me. "You and Arthur do all the time."
The warrior shrugged. "Honestly, I don't like how much time he's spending with you!" His eyes shifted behind me, a smirk appearing on his face as he pointed. "Why don't you spar with Axel? I know you two enjoy fighting each other!"
Axel was now beside me, hands on his hips. "What's going on here?"
I shrugged instead of answering, feeling a growing headache of annoyance. Arthur placed a hand on his partner's shoulder, trying to ease the others' anger. "Babe.. it's okay. We can spar next session?"
"But I want to spar this session." He pouted.
"You're such a baby…" I muttered, but the angel heard me. He glared even harder, and I just returned it.
Axel decided to jump in at that time. "How about Vienna and Casey spar?"
"What?" Both of us turned to him, and the male just gave a shrug.
"That sounds like a great idea," Arthur said, beaming. "You and Vienna have never sparred before." Casey frowned, clearly upset by the suggestion. I didn't feel much better about it either. Noticing Casey's expression, Arthur leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek along with a charming smile. "Please, Casey? Just this once, and then we can spar next session?"
Casey blushed, but smiled in return. "Fineee."
Arthur smiled even harder. I didn't really care; I would much rather spar with Arthur, but Casey would be better than Axel. Or at least that's what I think, he might be even more annoying than the latter.
I was about to find out anyway. Arthur and Axel ended up sparing, leaving Casey and me to go one-on-one. We did so, raising both of our fists to start the spar. He shifted slightly, dark brown eyes glaring right at me. I didn't know why he was mad at me, I guess he might be jealous that Athur likes me better.
That thought made me smirk. I felt like pissing him off with that.
I gave a small smile, and he saw it, and his glare intensified. "Are you mad Arthur likes me better?" He growled, fists tightening in his hold. "He definitely would rather spend time with me." That was a blatant lie; Arthur was almost always with Casey.
"Yeah, right!" Caey rolled his eyes, but I could see his skin darken with red. He pushed himself off the ground, aiming a strike that I blocked with my elbow.
I held it back, wincing at the intense pressure. I pulled my other hand back and hit him in the chest. It knocked him off me for a moment, giving me an opening to take my own strikes. I aimed for his side, under his ribs. I managed to get one hit, twisting around so I didn't get punched in my chest.
I took a step backs, warding off his strike with my arms coming up to block them off. I could tell he was frustrated by the way his eyes deepened and his hits grew harder. I felt myself stagger with a punch to my shoulder. I bit my lip, moving to the side before I pushed my head up to collide with his chin.
The angel stepped back, raising a hand to stop my incoming attacks. However, I didn't target his face or his exposed chest. Instead, I stomped on his foot, which made him momentarily freeze. I could see the discomfort on his face, but he still attempted to land punches at me. With both hands aimed at my chest, I had to use my elbows to protect my vulnerable areas while I looked for my next move.
Even though my arms were becoming sore from the hard hits, I still smiled. I felt confident about this, particularly in hand-to-hand combat. I felt like I had a gun; I would be even better. The thought of shooting it got me excited, and I finally saw an opening for the other warrior.
I let him get a hit into my side, using his bent form to push behind him and smash my elbow down into his back. He let out a yelp, tumbling over, only to be stopped when his foot was stopped. I used my leg and landed a hit into his chest that left him breathless.
But I didn't stop there..
He tumbled back when I finally let go of his foot. He staged, trying to turn and come back at me when I threw a punch right on top of his heart. That sent him completely back to where he was, falling onto his back with a loud clattering sound from his dented armor.
When he regained his surroundings, his wide eyes found me. I could see him seethe, clearly upset with everything that happened. He quickly stood, growling to himself. "That was unfair! You hit me in the face!"
"What are you whining about now?" I shrugged, feeling unfazed.
He stomped over, pointing a finger into my chest hard enough to make me step back.
"You headbutted me in my face. You know that's against the rules."
"I headbutted your chin." I countered.
"It's still going for my face! You cheater!"
I held my fists close together, growling between my teeth. That same rage fired back up I half expected that stupid voice to jump in, but it didn't. "I didn't cheat. You lost fair and square."
He began to argue with that, sending me over a steep edge, ready to burst back open. I could see a warrior in the corner of my vision. They stepped out and tried to calm Casey down.
"It's okay, Casey, don't fight-"
Arthur tried to reason with the other, but Casey argued again. Axel was there as well, looking slightly annoyed before locking eyes with me. I let out a scoff, trying to force myself to turn around and just leave this.
I wanted to hit the warrior so bad, smash my fist into his face to shut his ass up.
"I'm over this." I managed to let out a sigh, turning to leave.
"Yeah, just run away cause you know you're wrong!" Casey decided to let out, sending me over that edge.
"Hey, don't-" Axel's voice broke through my haze when I turned around and hit the stupid warrior in his face.
He let out a sound, and both Arthur and Axel gasped at my actions. He fell to the ground, cupping his nose with a shocked expression. He didn't expect it either; that was probably the first time Casey had actually gotten hit in the face.
His shocked eyes turned to look up at me, almost shell-shocked at my audacity. I sneered, "That's hitting you in the face, idiot."
No one responded, and I didn't give them a chance to. I opened my wings and took off, leaving the session early, even though I wasn't supposed to. But I didn't care; I needed to get away from there before I ended up hurting Casey until he was unconscious or dead.
NO!
I shook that thought off, immediately banishing it to the back of my mind. I may hate him, but I need to stop myself from getting into that rage.
It was hard.
Hard to stop thinking about it every time I see red.