Alright! After greeting literally everyone at the reception desk with my dazzling grin and overwhelming charm (trademark pending), I clap my hands together. Time to showcase the handsomeness in front of the masses.
So me, Cyno, Paimon, and Greg march into the main venue like some kind of discount parade. I'm hyped. Ready. My casual outfit? Perfect. My aura? Blinding. My destiny? Glorious. Or so I thought.
Because Blondie—yes, Lumine herself—is standing there. Waiting. Arms crossed. Eyes narrowed like I just tracked mud through her freshly cleaned floor. Nilou is beside her, hands delicately clasped, but her eyes are sparkling with quiet amusement.
I freeze, then beam at her. "I love how you look at me like I'm trash, Blondie. Love you too."
She sighs. Long. Painful. Judging. "Please change your outfit. It's not fitting for the occasion."
Ouch. Straight to the heart. Like she stabbed me with words sharper than any sword. I clutch my chest dramatically. "So cold… so merciless… if words could kill, I'd be a ghost haunting this venue already."
Nilou giggles softly. "You make it sound so dramatic."
"Because it IS!" I spin toward her, only to freeze again because—oh no. Oh no, no, no. She's glowing. Both of them are. Nilou and Lumine are dressed in outfits so stunning I nearly collapse on the spot. My brain short-circuits, my knees wobble, my heart screams: THIS IS UNFAIR.
I point at them dramatically. "Wait a sec… you guys are wearing different outfits today?! Gorgeous, striking, dangerously beautiful ones?! Well, crap. Guess I better wear a cool one too, huh?"
Nilou chuckles behind her hand, shaking her head. "You really thought you could walk in like that?"
Paimon crosses her arms smugly. "Yeah, even Paimon looks more formal than you right now!" She gestures at her little bow like it's couture fashion.
Greg flicks his tail at me, face full of judgment. Cyno just nods once and says, "They're right."
"Et tu, Cyno?!" I gasp like I just got betrayed in the Senate. "What happened to brotherhood? To solidarity?"
Cyno just stares. "You lost the right to solidarity the moment you walked in dressed like that."
Paimon points dramatically at me. "Yeah! You're basically committing fashion crimes in broad daylight!"
I throw my hands up. "Oh, come on! You guys are acting like I showed up in my pajamas!"
Greg slowly raises one claw, points at my shirt, then drags it across his neck in a 'yikes' gesture. Lumine just pinches the bridge of her nose while Nilou hides another laugh behind her sleeve.
So I bolt. Greg barely hangs on as I charge toward the mansion, lizard clinging to my shoulder like a man on a sinking ship. Behind me, I hear Lumine mutter, "Why did I agree to this?" Nilou's soft laugh follows, like bells. Paimon yells after me, "Don't take forever, Shigeru!"
I throw open my closet and—bam. There it is. The cursed gold coat. The one they made for me before. It glitters like a thousand mini-suns, searing my poor retinas. I squint and hiss. "Ugh. This coat still hurts my eyes whenever I see it."
I hold it up dramatically. "This thing is basically a portable flashbang! I put this on and everyone goes blind! Including me!"
Greg climbs onto the coat hanger and dangles there like a disappointed parent, shaking his little head slowly. He even folds his tiny arms, full-on mimicking Lumine's stance from earlier.
"Don't you mock me, lizard!" I wag a finger at him, but he just yawns dramatically.
Cyno, who peeks his head in again, deadpans, "Greg is right." That damn Anubis cosplayer bastard.
Then I spot it. In the corner, like a treasure hidden by the Archons themselves. A black coat with crimson linings, sleek and sharp. Perfect for my inner shirt. Perfect for my soul. Perfect for me. There's even a note attached. "We know you don't like the gold coat at all, so we made you a new one. With love, your future wives."
I choke up a little. Then I immediately grin like a maniac and hold the note high. "See that, Lizard? Blondie and the Goddess love me that much! Bet you're dying from envy right now!"
Greg just blinks. Tilts his head. His face says: I regret all my life choices that led me here. He then waves his tiny claw in a circle like, hurry up already.
I cackle anyway, already striking three poses in front of the mirror. "Damn! Look at this guy! He looks like he has his taxes filed! He looks like he pays rent on time! He looks like he eats vegetables willingly!"
I lean closer to the mirror. "Actually, no, scratch that—this guy looks like he cooks his vegetables properly. That's terrifying."
Throwing the coat on, I glance at the mirror. For a second, even I don't recognize myself. The reflection screams: this guy has his life together.
I mutter, "Man, I look like someone who's got his life figured out. Well, I don't. But at least I look like it."
Then my eyes fall on Greg. Poor, unsuspecting Greg. "Wait a minute. You can't go like that. Formal occasion, buddy!"
Before he can escape, I scoop him up and—voilà. A tiny lizard suit. Don't ask where I got it. Don't ask why I have it. Just accept that it exists.
Greg wriggles. Greg hisses. Greg glares at me with the wrath of a thousand dragons. He even points at the door like he's filing a complaint to Lumine and Nilou.
I pat his tiny suited head. "You look stunning, partner. Absolutely stunning."
Paimon floats in through the doorframe, eyes wide. "What did you do to Greg?!"
"Improved him," I say proudly, giving Greg a thumbs-up. "I've upgraded him from 'lizard' to 'gentlelizard.'"
Greg facepalms with his tiny claw. Cyno pokes his head in and says flatly, "He looks better than you."
I stagger back like I've been shot. "Cyno! You too?! I raised you better than this!"
Nilou calls out from the hall, voice lilting. "Shigeru, are you ready yet? Don't make us wait too long."
Lumine's sharper voice cuts right after, "If you take another ten minutes, we're leaving without you."
I take a deep breath. Hands on my hips. Ready to stride out like the king I am. "Alright! Time to showcase my new outfit and make Blondie and the Goddess proud!"
Greg sighs. Loud. Defeated. The kind of sigh that says, 'I need new friends.'
***
I take a deep breath, puffing my chest out like a man about to conquer the world. Alright. Time to showcase my coolness to everyone. The coolness of a man with not one, but two beautiful wives.
I strike a pose, finger guns included. "Bang, bang! Heart-shot straight to the ladies!"
Nilou giggles behind her hand, eyes shining with amusement. Lumine, however, facepalms with such force that I'm genuinely concerned for her forehead's well-being. She mutters, "Why do I even try…"
Greg, dressed sharply in his tiny suit on my shoulder, slaps my cheek with his tail like a disappointed parent. The betrayal burns.
"Greg! My partner in crime! How could you?!" I stagger dramatically, clutching my heart. "First my wives doubt me, and now you, my scaly son? Truly, I walk this cruel world alone."
Greg straightens his mini tie, giving me a smug little claw wave like do better, idiot.
Paimon laughs so hard she almost drops the stolen pastry she's munching. "Paimon thinks Greg's got a point. You're about to embarrass yourself in front of everyone."
"I—excuse me?" I raise an indignant hand. "I am peak husband material. No, premium! The deluxe edition of husband!"
Cyno side-eyes me, completely deadpan. "More like the cautionary tale they'll use in lectures."
I gasp, so loud the nearby guests turn their heads. "Not you too, brother! Betrayal upon betrayal! My soul bleeds!"
Lumine pinches my arm, glaring daggers. "Shigeru. Focus."
Nilou leans in sweetly, slipping her arm through mine. "Let him be, Lumine. It's our special day. The three of us together."
Her gentle smile disarms Blondie instantly. Lumine exhales, muttering, "You spoil the idiot too much."
"Paimon agrees," Paimon says with her mouth full, puffing crumbs everywhere.
Greg, clearly tired of me playing victim, lifts both claws and starts clapping. Yes—clapping! The little lizard is mocking me with sarcastic applause.
"Unbelievable," I whisper, shaking my head. "Even my own reptilian son applauds my downfall."
We finally step into the main venue. My grin falters instantly. On stage, who's hosting? Tighnari. And Collei. Hosting! Hosting! That's my gig! My spotlight! My destiny!
I mutter under my breath, "Should've been me, not them. This is so unfair."
Paimon elbows my head. "Shut it. If you hosted, we'd be cleaning up chaos in under five minutes."
Cyno doesn't even blink. "Correction. Two minutes."
I clutch my chest, staggering like I've been struck. "Et tu, Cyno?!"
Nilou squeezes my arm, soothing. "It's okay, love. Just enjoy this moment with us."
Her warmth makes my tantrum die down… a little.
Collei takes the mic, her voice steady but polite. "Honored guests, welcome to this joyous celebration. We thank you for gathering here to witness the union of three extraordinary people—Lumine, Nilou, and Shigeru."
Her respectful tone earns cheers already. Tighnari steps in smoothly, his voice clear. "We will now call upon a few distinguished guests to share their thoughts and blessings for the couples. Please give your attention."
The hall quiets as Collei announces, "First, we'd like to invite our first speaker, Mr. Zhongli"
Zhongli steps forward, every movement deliberate, the weight of ages in his gaze. His voice rumbles like distant thunder.
"Marriage is more than a contract—it is a covenant of souls. A promise to weather both storm and silence. I see before me a bond woven not only in affection, but in laughter, in trials overcome, in patience tested and rewarded. Lumine, Nilou, and Shigeru—you are an unusual trio, but that only strengthens your thread. For the strongest stone is one forged under pressure. May your love outlast the mountains, and may it echo across time, unshaken."
The crowd applauds, moved.
Venti fans himself with teary dramatics. "Why is he so good at this? I need tissues!"
Childe smirks. "Bet you'd still lose even if you proposed like that."
Tighnari coughs into the mic. "Thank you, Mr. Zhongli. Next, Shigeru's very own Master, Lord Mountain Shaper."
My old Master takes the stage in his human form, voice sharp and commanding."Love is no gentle stroll. It is the climbing of peaks—arduous, often foolish, yet rewarding. My disciple, you stumble often. You leap before looking. You falter. Yet, even in folly, you rise. May you rise not for yourself, but for those beside you. Treat them not as burdens but as your strength. That is how one endures the climb."
I instinctively salute, hand shaking. Nilou squeezes my arm like she's grounding me.
Cyno mutters, "He's about to faint."
Alhaitham flips his page. "Statistically, yes."
Collei bows. "We now call one of the most influential people in Inazuma, Lord Kamisato Ayato."
Ayato glides up with elegance. "Marriage is an art. A balance between compromise and joy, patience and passion. And Shigeru—if you can survive Lumine's sharp tongue and Nilou's endless warmth, then you have already proven your adaptability. Perhaps one day, your chaos will even become… tradition." He smirks faintly. "Though I pity the ones who must host such traditions."
The crowd chuckles. Lumine mutters, "I hate how accurate that is."
Collei: "Next, Acting Grand Master Jean. Would you please take on the stage."
Jean steps forward with calm grace. "Love is responsibility. It is strength found in another when your own falters. Lumine, Nilou, Shigeru—you've weathered danger, traveled together, faced chaos, and still you stand united. That speaks of trust deeper than most marriages I have seen. I wish you patience to endure storms, laughter to sweeten the calm, and courage to always choose each other, no matter the world's trials."
Diluc murmurs, pride warm in his voice. "That's my Jean."
Kaeya smirks. "She always makes me feel like a delinquent."
Collei smiles warmly. "Now, for Sumeru's most beloverd Archon, Lesser Lord Kusanali, Lady Nahida."
Nahida steps forward, small but radiant. Her voice is soft, yet it carries everywhere."Love is growth. It is nurturing, learning, forgiving. I see that in you three. Lumine, who found a home. Nilou, who found a light brighter than the stage. And Shigeru, who despite his chaos, found a way to make others bloom. May you continue to grow together, never ceasing to learn, never ceasing to cherish. That is the truest form of happiness."
The audience "awws."
Venti bursts into tears, grabbing Childe. "So precious!"
Dehya mutters, "He's crying before Shigeru even starts."
Collei beams. "And now… the stars of today's celebration—please welcome Lumine, Nilou, and Shigeru."
The hall erupts. Flowers rain. Applause roars.
Lumine takes the mic first. Her eyes sweep the hall, then settle on me. "I was a traveler without a home. A wanderer searching endlessly. But then I met him—an idiot, yes, but one who made me laugh when I thought I'd forgotten how. One who stood beside me even when he stumbled himself. Shigeru became my home. Somewhere along the way… despite everything, I fell in love with him."
The hall sighs in unison.
I clutch my chest. "Blondie, you're killing me!"
She smacks my arm without looking.
Nilou takes the mic, voice glowing. "I thought I was happy already. Dancing was my joy, sharing smiles was enough. But then I met Shigeru and Lumine. With them, life became brighter, fuller. Shigeru is foolish, yes, but he is also endlessly kind. And Lumine is my steady hand. I fell for them, both, not because they were perfect, but because they made me believe in happiness beyond the stage. I want to keep dancing through life with them—always."
Her words hit me harder than Cyno's punches. My eyes sting.
My turn. The mic is shoved into my hands. My chest tightens. And then—I explode.
Ugly crying. Full body shaking. Snot already making an appearance."I—" my voice cracks. "I'm so—so damn lucky! Do you know how impossible this is?! ME! The idiot who trips on his own shoelaces! And somehow I scored not one, but TWO goddesses who actually love me! Me!"
The crowd laughs, cheers.
"I swear! I'll protect you! I'll annoy you! I'll make you laugh so hard you wanna strangle me! I'll be there when you're sad, I'll be there when you're happy, and I'll be there when you're just plain sick of me! I'll be glued to you forever—no escape! Even Greg approves!"
Greg immediately facepalms.
"Don't you facepalm me, lizard son!" I point at him. "You're in this marriage too! You're part of this chaos! We're a package deal!"
The hall roars with laughter.
I slam a fist to my chest, tears streaming. "I swear it on my idiocy! On every dumb mistake I'll ever make! On every joke that'll make you groan! On every single stupid stunt that'll probably get me killed! I swear I'll love you both forever and ever and ever!"
I sniff hard. "Even when we're old and wrinkly, I'll still be there yelling at Greg to stop slapping me with his tail. I'll still be finger-gunning Lumine. I'll still be crying at Nilou's dances. That's my vow!"
The hall erupts—laughter, cheers, claps.
Itto leaps up, flexing. "That's my compadre! Woo!"
Lumine covers her face but she's smiling. Nilou wipes her own eyes. Paimon wheezes so hard she almost falls mid-air. Cyno mutters, "Why am I here."
I wipe my sleeve dramatically, salute the hall, and shout, "Now THAT'S how you make a speech!"
Tighnari sighs, exasperated. "Please, someone get him tissues."
Lumine pulls out a handkerchief anyway, muttering, "This disgusting idiot…" as she wipes my face herself.
Nilou beams, radiant, like I'm the most ridiculous treasure in the world.
And in my head, I'm grinning. Embarrassment? Worth it. Always worth it.
_________
End of Chapter 158
Quests Completed:
*Survive Lumine's wrath, dodge Greg's judgment, and resist the cursed gold coat.
*Force Greg into a tiny suit for the occasion.
*Deliver vows that combine ugly crying, chaos, and sincerity.
*Survive Zhongli, Nahida, Jean, Ayato, and Master's wisdom without fainting. (Notes: Emotional damage taken: Heavy)|
*Convince everyone that you are a peak husband material.
Rewards:
*New Outfit: Crimson-Edged Black Coat (actually wearable, no retinal damage).
*Greg's Respect (Temporary Buff) – lasts 5 minutes max.
*Nilou's Giggles (Healing Aura).
*Lumine's Handkerchief (Restores Dignity, Limited Use).
*Emotional EXP +10,000.
*Audience Approval (temporary shield against future dumb mistakes).
Special Achievement Unlocked:
"Peak Husband Deluxe Edition"
-Cry ugly. Vow loudly. Love eternally. Bonus points if your reptile son facepalms mid-vow.
*Reward: +1 Legendary Memory for all party members.
*Hidden Effect: Future children will roast you for this scene forever.