After the speeches and a round of pleasantries, the party finally kicked off. Music, laughter, fancy food everywhere. Lumine and Nilou both said they'd take care of the guests, which really meant one thing—Shigeru, don't cause chaos.
Naturally, I took it as a direct challenge.
I scanned the room, eyes narrowing like I was some kind of professional trouble-sniffer. The violin played in the background, couples laughed politely at whatever rich people laugh at, and waiters walked around with trays of things that looked suspiciously like food that cost a small fortune but could be eaten in one bite. It was fancy, elegant, cultured.
And then there was me.
"Oh ho ho," I muttered to myself dramatically, rubbing my hands together like a villain in a kids' cartoon. "Chaos... chaos never dies. It only hides until I, the chosen idiot, unleash it once more."
Greg the lizard blinked at me from his little perch on the table where I left him earlier. I swear that lizard judged me more than anyone else in this room. I pointed at him. "Don't give me that look. You're supposed to be my partner in crime. Instead, you're acting like my disappointed dad."
Greg blinked again. Judgingly. Very judgingly.
I sighed. "One day, you'll thank me when history books call me the brave fool who started the chaos revolution."
And then I spotted them. Zhongli, Ayato, and Venti, sitting together at one table like the council of cryptic gods and elegant gentlemen. My grin spread across my face. Oh, this was it. This was the moment. The secret meeting of the Teyvat Council was about to begin.
But first—I needed new recruits.
My gaze wandered until it landed on Flaming Wine Daddy himself, Diluc, sitting with Jean at the Mondstadt table. Perfect. Absolutely perfect.
I bolted straight toward them. "Flaming Wine Daddy! I need you for a bit!"
Diluc turned to look at me, face already saying this idiot is going to give me another headache. He sighed, the sound of a man already regretting life choices. He looked at Jean, expression softening. "Jean, I'll be going with this idiot first. I'll return as soon as possible."
Jean gave him a warm smile, ever the supportive wife. "It's fine. Go. Just... don't let him start anything too wild."
I clutched my chest dramatically. "Momstadt! Don't you trust me?"
She raised an eyebrow. "No."
Diluc smirked faintly at that. "She knows you well enough."
"Betrayal!" I gasped. "From both of you! And here I thought we were family. A broken bond, shattered in Mondstadt's very own hall."
Jean chuckled softly. "You'll survive."
Diluc stood, adjusting his gloves. "So? What do you need?"
I grinned wider. "Important matter. But first, we need to recruit more members. We'll drag them either by force or by bribe. Depends on the mood."
Diluc muttered, "This already sounds like trouble."
Before he could complain further, my eyes had already locked onto the Sumeru table. Nahida was there, watching her people with the kindest little smile, like a cute tiny radish mom.
"Target acquired." I whispered like I was some kind of spy. Diluc gave me a side-eye like I regret agreeing to this already.
I marched straight to her, dragging Diluc along. She spotted me and waved cheerfully.
"Oh! Shigeru! Hello!" she called out.
Without hesitation, I scooped her up and placed her on my shoulders like she was a kid. Nahida giggled, totally unbothered, even waving from her perch like she was some tiny monarch addressing her subjects. Diluc, meanwhile, gave me a look that screamed what the hell are you doing.
I pointed at her proudly. "This little cutie? She's Nahida, the Dendro Archon."
Diluc deadpanned. "Yes. I know. The host already introduced her. Why are you treating the Archon as if she's a little girl?"
"Come on, it's fine. Isn't it, little Radish?"
Nahida giggled again. "He does this all the time. I'm used to it."
Jean called out from her table with a faint chuckle. "Take care of her, Shigeru. Don't drop the Archon!"
"Pfft. As if I would ever—" I tripped slightly, catching myself just in time. "—drop her. See? Perfect balance!"
Nahida patted my head. "I'm perfectly safe, Acting Grandmaster, Don't worry."
Diluc sighed and introduced himself properly. "Diluc Ragnvindr. Husband of the Acting Grand Master."
Nahida tilted her head curiously. "Are you also a knight?"
Diluc shook his head. "No, milady. I'm nothing but a humble business owner."
I snorted. "Meh, don't believe him, little Radish. That guy is insanely strong for some reason. He's faced almost all the Fatui Harbingers and lived to tell the tale."
Diluc's eyes widened slightly. "How did you—"
"Anyways!" I cut him off, because secrets are boring when I can make things fun. "Where's the biceps Grand Sage, little Radish?"
"You mean Alhaitham?" she asked, blinking.
"Yep. Him."
She pointed toward the buffet, where Alhaitham was casually picking out food. Beside him, Dehya laughed at something he said.
My grin widened. "Perfect. Time to ruin their moment."
The three of us approached. I threw up a hand in greeting. "Yo! Waddup, Fire Mommy! Biceps Grand Sage! Enjoying some alone time together?"
Dehya chuckled, shaking her head. "With you around? Alone time is impossible."
I gasped dramatically. "Are you saying I'm the chaos that prevents romance? A villain in the love story of others?!"
Dehya smirked. "If the shoe fits."
Alhaitham just sighed like his soul was already tired. He turned his sharp gaze toward me. "Since you're here... and carrying our Archon... again... do you need something?"
"Of course I do. But first, introductions. Flaming Wine Daddy, meet Biceps Grand Sage. Biceps, this is Flaming Wine Daddy."
The two of them nodded at each other. No words. No emotion. Just broody guy telepathy.
I threw my hands up. "Ugh, broody guys and their way of greeting each other. No sense of grandeur, no fireworks, no theme music. What a waste."
Nahida patted my head gently from above. "Not everyone needs fireworks, Shigeru. Sometimes a nod is enough."
"Blasphemy!" I gasped. "If you're meeting another cool guy, you gotta at least do a chest bump or something! Or shake hands so hard the ground trembles! Or fist bump with an explosion behind you! Anything but this boring nod!"
Dehya laughed again, amused. "You're ridiculous."
Diluc muttered, "Finally, someone else who sees it."
Alhaitham's expression didn't budge. "So. Do you need something? If not, I'd like to resume eating."
I leaned in with the grin of a man about to ruin everything. "No no no, we definitely need you. Time to start the usual meeting for Teyvat's safety. Let's go!"
Nahida giggled. "You make it sound like a secret club."
"Exactly!" I pointed. "Council of the Cryptic, Round Table of Drama, Supreme Court of Archons and Hot People! Call it whatever you want, but it's happening."
Alhaitham pinched the bridge of his nose. "Why do I feel like I just lost a bet I never agreed to?"
Diluc muttered, "Because you did."
Dehya snorted. "Good luck. You'll need it."
And with that, I dragged Diluc, Nahida, and Alhaitham toward the table where Zhongli, Ayato, and Venti sat waiting, my grin wide and my heart ready for chaos. "Alright, gentlemen, the council expands. Let the nonsense commence."
When I finally reached the table where Zhongli, Ayato, and Venti were seated, I stopped dead in my tracks. Because sitting right there beside them, sipping wine like she owned the world, was none other than Signora.
I blinked once. Twice. Then grinned wide. "Oh! Fatui Baddie! You're finally here!"
She gave me a dismissive "hmph," the kind that could probably kill a weaker man. But I'm not a weaker man. I'm Shigeru. The very embodiment of chaos wrapped in handsome packaging.
So naturally, I grinned even wider.
"Oh, I see. Classic tsundere entrance. You missed me, didn't you?"
"In your dreams," she replied coldly, taking another sip.
"Exactly! You were in my dreams!" I said proudly. "Except you were trying to kill me with ice shards, but hey, still counts as a dream appearance!"
Alhaitham and Diluc sat down at the table like civilized people, while Nahida—poor Nahida—was stuck sitting on my lap because there weren't enough chairs. Totally not my fault. Probably.
Nahida giggled softly. "You could've just conjured another chair, you know."
"And deny fate?" I gasped dramatically. "Never. The Archons clearly decreed this arrangement!"
Zhongli, ever the calm parent figure, looked at me with his eternal patience. "Shigeru, I don't think that's a proper way to treat an Archon."
"Hey, it's not my fault she's adorable," I said defensively.
Nahida chuckled, her small voice light. "Don't worry, Morax. I'm used to it."
Alhaitham paused mid-sip. "Wait. Did you just say Morax?" He turned toward Zhongli, brow raised. "As in the Morax? But aren't you supposedly—"
Zhongli folded his hands calmly. "Yes. To the people of Liyue, I am already dead. Though, admittedly, it was a self-arranged circumstance. However, I am still bound by a certain contract—one regarding the preservation of Teyvat."
I smirked. "Come on, it's to save your wife, big guy."
Zhongli sighed like a man who had made many regrettable life choices. "As you can see," he said, gesturing to me, "he has a very convincing bargaining chip."
Venti, half-drunk already, leaned on the table and raised his glass. "And I got lured here by wine! Morax and Shigeru tricked me!" He burst out laughing.
I raised my hand. "Correction! Morax tricked you. I merely provided emotional support and snacks."
Zhongli gave me a side glance. "Aren't you the one who lured him in with wine and said it would be effective?"
I waved my hand dismissively. "Don't sweat the small stuff."
Diluc pinched the bridge of his nose. "I expect nothing less from our drunkard Archon."
Zhongli nodded sagely. "But come now, Barbatos. That was trickery with consent."
I slammed my hand on the table. "Exactly! Trickery with consent! Thank you, Morax! Finally, someone who gets it!"
Signora rolled her eyes. "And this is the idiot leading our so-called 'Teyvat Saving Meeting.' Wonderful."
I pointed a dramatic finger at her. "Hey, hey, you agreed to join, Fatui Baddie! No backing out now!"
She crossed her arms but said nothing, clearly regretting her life decisions. Venti looked between her and me, visibly twitching. Maybe remembering the time she punched him in the gut and stole his Gnosis. Awkward.
I leaned closer to him, whispering. "You okay there, Wine Fairy?"
"I'm fine," he whispered back. "Just trying to remember if I still owe her money or trauma."
I cleared my throat. "Alright, let's start with introductions again! I'll go first!"
I puffed my chest. "The name's Shigeru! Handsome hero, professional chaos distributor, future husband of two Goddess-tier ladies, and your favorite disaster extraordinaire! Saving Teyvat one dumb idea at a time!"
Venti raised his glass. "Cheers to that!"
Zhongli gave me a tired nod. "Zhongli. Consultant. Former Archon. Eternal babysitter of this man."
Ayato chuckled softly. "Kamisato Ayato. Commissioner of the Yashiro Commission. Diplomat and damage control expert for when Shigeru inevitably offends someone important."
Signora flipped her hair. "La Signora. Fatui Harbinger. Begrudging member of this ridiculous assembly."
Venti waved lazily. "Venti! The Anemo Archon! Bard, drinker, chaos enabler!"
Diluc exhaled quietly. "Diluc Ragnvindr. Businessman. Husband of the Knights of Favonius' Acting Grandmaster. Reluctant participant."
Nahida giggled. "Nahida, or Lesser Lord Kusanali. I suppose I'm the team's moral support."
Alhaitham adjusted his cape slightly. "Alhaitham. Acting Grand Sage. Skeptical observer of this so-called plan."
I clapped my hands together. "Perfect! Team assembled! The Dream Squad of Teyvat!"
Venti hummed. "Shouldn't we have a theme song? I can write one! Something like… 'Seven nations and one idiot!'"
"Make it happen," I said proudly.
Alhaitham sighed. "Now that the introductions are out of the way—what exactly is this meeting about?"
I grinned. "Hold your biceps, Grandsage, and listen to the greatest mind speaking!"
Before I could continue, Ayato smoothly interrupted me with his calm voice. "Allow me to explain, to avoid further confusion."
I frowned. "Oh sure, steal my spotlight, Hydro Daddy."
Ayato continued, his tone poised and elegant. "During our previous gathering—which, if I recall correctly, took place during Mr. Diluc and Jean's wedding—we discussed several key matters. Chief among them was the Tsaritsa's ongoing plan to challenge Celestia. It is not simply rebellion, but a carefully orchestrated revolution born out of necessity. Her goal is to free humanity from divine oversight—to give mortals control of their fate once more. But the scale of such defiance is catastrophic. Should she fail, the backlash could unravel the balance of the world itself."
He paused briefly, meeting each of our gazes. "The Archons would lose their connection to their nations. The leylines could collapse, and the very concept of divinity might shatter. We also discussed the Abyss Order's involvement—their manipulation of the Loom of Fate, an artifact capable of rewriting existence. If their goals align, Teyvat may not merely fall—it may cease to exist."
The table fell silent. Even Venti stopped giggling for a moment.
Zhongli finally spoke, his voice low but firm. "Indeed. The strings of fate and divinity intertwine dangerously close. That is why we gather—to create a failsafe for Teyvat's survival, should both sides falter."
Nahida looked up curiously. "So this coalition… is not to pick sides, but to preserve the world itself?"
Ayato nodded. "Precisely. We act not as nations, but as those who understand the cost of imbalance. We represent Teyvat as a whole."
I crossed my arms, muttering. "Man, what a nice way to steal the spotlight from me, Hydro Daddy. But—" I looked at Diluc and Alhaitham. "He's actually correct. That's our plan and what we're going to do."
Diluc inclined his head. "A gratitude for explaining it efficiently, Mr. Kamisato." Then he turned to me. "So? What should we discuss next?"
I grinned, leaning forward like a man about to drop world-changing nonsense. "Alright! Let's get this meeting started."
Venti raised his glass again. "To chaos, wine, and world-saving!"
Zhongli sighed. "Let us hope those three remain separate."
I smirked. "Oh, Morax. When have they ever been?"
And thus, the most chaotic meeting in Teyvat history officially began.
So I clapped my hands and leaned forward, flashing my trademark grin. "Alright! Let's start this meeting for real now! For starters—any progress made on our sides?"
Ayato was the first to respond, cool and composed as always. "Regarding the connections we intend to establish in Fontaine for expansion, I've already arranged an appointment with Chiori. I'll be visiting Fontaine for a cultural exchange during the Fontinalia Festival. Additionally, about the alliance matter a few months from now—I've already started the groundwork."
I whistled. "Damn, Hydro Daddy, you're as efficient as ever. I bet you even schedule your naps. Anyways, I'm already excited for your marriage with that feisty tailor. That will definitely be a hit."
He chuckled lightly. "Efficiency is key to diplomacy."
"Or to killing chaos before it starts," I said, smirking. "But before that happens, we might already be in Fontaine ourselves. We could set up something there too. Still, that's a great opportunity to expand our connections."
Everyone nodded in agreement. Even Alhaitham gave a small approving hum, which in biceps language is basically a standing ovation.
I leaned back in my chair, trying to look important. "You know, sometimes I think we're like those rich board members you see in fancy drama series. Except instead of business deals, we just cause international chaos. But hey, at least we're stylish about it."
Venti snorted. "That sounds about right. We should get our own theme song."
"Something upbeat," I said, snapping my fingers. "Maybe with a lute solo for you and dramatic violin for Zhongli. Ayato gets a koto intro. I get… drums. Definitely drums."
"You getting drums is precisely what worries me," Alhaitham murmured without looking up.
"Exactly why I'm the leader," I said proudly. "Leaders make people nervous. It builds character."
Venti raised a brow. "That's not how leadership works."
"It is now," I said. "Democracy by volume."
Even Zhongli sighed quietly at that, which, in Zhongli language, meant I was testing the patience of a 6,000-year-old dragon.
Then Signora leaned forward, smirking in that classy yet terrifying way. "I've already mentioned to the Knave that you have saved me back in Inazuma. You'll be well received in the House of the Hearth."
"Oh right," I said, snapping my fingers. "Scythe Mommy's there! Can't wait to meet her. Maybe she'll like me."
"Doubtful," Signora replied dryly. "But miracles do happen."
I gasped dramatically. "Was that sarcasm or optimism?"
"Both," she said, lips curving faintly.
She continued, "I've also begun contacting my subordinates. We're strengthening our foothold for when your travels eventually reach Snezhnaya. It would be wise to have allies ready."
I grinned. "Man, you're making me blush, Fatui Baddie."
She gave me a quick, sharp "hmph" and looked away. Classic tsundere energy.
Zhongli cleared his throat next, his deep voice steady. "Whenever I have free time, Barbatos and I have been researching the Abyss and its connection to the fall of Khaenri'ah. However, we're reaching many dead ends. Even though we witnessed the Cataclysm, the Abyss's true origin remains… foreign to us."
"Foreign? Like how?" I asked. "Like outer space foreign or like 'we forgot where we left our divine coffee' foreign?"
Zhongli ignored that. "Its essence feels unnatural, as though it doesn't belong to this world."
"Oh great," I muttered. "So it's alien evil goo. Perfect. I explain this multiple times already."
Venti raised his glass lazily, grinning. "Morax is right! We've been digging for answers, but it's like trying to sing without lyrics—we only know the melody, not the meaning."
Zhongli gave him a small nod. "A poetic description, albeit accurate."
I smirked. "You two sound like professors having a philosophical meltdown. Love that for us."
"Speaking of meltdowns," Venti added, "remember when you told me wine helps with research, and now we've gone through four bottles?"
Zhongli turned to him, unimpressed. "Aren't you the one who said wine is the answer and it would be effective?"
I quickly interjected, waving my hands. "Don't sweat the small stuff, Morax! It's called creative encouragement!"
Nahida tilted her head, thoughtful. "And if what Ayato mentioned earlier about the Abyss and the Loom of Fate is connected to the Ley Lines, then there's a high chance Irminsul could be vulnerable again. I'll do my best to ensure it doesn't get corrupted once more."
"Don't push yourself too hard, little Radish," I said softly. "You already carry enough weight on those tiny shoulders. Let us big people handle some of it too."
Venti nodded in agreement. "Yeah! You need more rest, Nahida. Unlike us irresponsible adults, you actually do your job."
"Indeed," Zhongli added, sipping his tea. "Balance between diligence and rest is necessary. Something our loud friend here should also learn."
"Hey! I balance my chaos perfectly!" I said, dramatically pointing at myself. "Fifty percent reckless, fifty percent good-looking."
Ayato calmly took another sip of tea. "That's still one hundred percent problematic."
Diluc looked around, his expression serious. "It seems like everyone here has their own major role to play. Is it really alright for me to stay here?"
Alhaitham adjusted his cape slightly. "I was about to ask the same thing."
I grinned at them both. "Flaming Daddy, your role's already halfway done just by marrying the current Acting Grandmaster. You're one of the most influential people in Mondstadt. And don't even get me started on your strength. Remember that little 'running rampant and getting banned in Snezhnaya' thing? Yeah, legend stuff."
Signora smirked faintly. "That's right. This redhead gave us more trouble than we expected."
Diluc smirked, meeting her gaze. "Can't believe we're meeting like this. Truly cliché, isn't it?"
Signora gave a short laugh. "It truly is."
"Alright, alright," I interrupted, clapping my hands dramatically. "Enough of your tragic ex-enemy reunion! Back to business!"
I pointed at Alhaitham. "As for you, Mr. Biceps—you currently hold the highest possible position in Sumeru aside from being an Archon. That means your influence is huge. You're strong, smart, and ridiculously competent. Honestly, you're like a hundred times better version of me."
Ayato sipped his tea and said with perfect timing, "Make it a thousand times better."
I stared at him, deadpan. "Don't insult me with facts, Hydro Daddy."
Ayato just smirked, clearly satisfied.
Alhaitham, however, took it seriously. "I understand now. I'll cooperate fully if it helps our cause."
"Absolutely!" I said, flashing my biggest grin. "All we have to do now is prepare for the incoming chaos. Celestia and the Abyss won't even know what hit them." I leaned back, raising my glass. "Probably rocks. And fists. Definitely fists."
Everyone collectively sighed. Venti started laughing. "I'm gonna drink to that!"
Zhongli rubbed his temple. "Truly, this meeting never fails to test my patience."
Nahida giggled softly. "But at least we're making progress, right?"
"Exactly, little Radish," I said, winking. "Progress with style!"
Ayato shook his head with a smile, Signora muttered something about regretting joining us, and Alhaitham quietly facepalmed.
I raised my glass high. "To progress, chaos, and friendships that somehow survive it!"
Venti cheered, Zhongli sighed again, and Diluc pretended not to smile. Even Nahida raised her cup of tea politely.
And just like that, our 'serious world-saving meeting' turned into another round of laughter, bickering, and light banter—the usual Teyvat-style chaos I loved most.
____________
End of Chapter 159
Quests Completed:
*Successfully gather representatives from multiple nations under one roof, uniting Archons, scholars, Harbingers, and gentlemen of questionable sanity to discuss the fate of Teyvat.
*Persuade (read: drag) Diluc Ragnvindr away from his peaceful dinner to join an unplanned, world-shaking council meeting. (Diluc's patience -10, regret +200.)
*Convince Nahida to join your chaotic crusade by carrying her on your shoulders and giving her emotional whiplash.
*Interrupt Alhaitham and Dehya's peaceful buffet moment in the name of "Teyvat's safety."
*Engage in high-level diplomacy (a.k.a. shameless flirting) with Signora until she reluctantly joins the cause. (Make sure the Blonde girl and the Dancer won't hear about it.)
Quests Failed:
*Convince Venti to stay awake and coherent long enough to participate in an important discussion. (Failed spectacularly.)
*Try not to make Zhongli sigh more than three times within the meeting's duration. (Zhongli sighed nine times. Achievement progress unlocked.)
Rewards:
*Artifact Set: Diplomat's Drip (5star)
+15% Charisma during chaos
+20% Likelihood of saying something stupid but endearing
*Item: Bottle of Vintage Dawn (Wine gifted by Diluc, probably to calm his nerves)
*Item: Tiny Radish Crown (+10% Cuteness when Nahida's nearby)
*Companion Buff: "Council of the Cryptic" — Increases synergy between chaos and intellect. (Bonus effect: Arguments now have background music.)
*Title Unlocked: "Founder of the Round Table of Hot People"
*Lizard Reaction: Greg blinked approvingly once. That's basically an A+ grade.
*Scroll of Sanity (Gifted by Nahida) "To remind you not to touch random artifacts again." (Effect: Prevents one existential crisis per week.)
*The Biceps Compendium (Borrowed from Alhaitham) "A book that mysteriously glows when flexed near." (Grants passive buff: +20% Logical Thinking, -50% Impulse Control.)
*Teapot Cleaning Voucher (From Zhongli) (Given as compensation for emotional damages.)
Achievement Unlocked:
"Diplomacy Through Dumbassery"
-Assemble the most powerful individuals in Teyvat, make zero concrete decisions, and somehow still strengthen the world's alliances through pure charisma and confusion.