My head was heavy , my eyes were burning . When I finally fell asleep , I had a dream , where a phantom walked into my room , it sat on the sofa and looked into my eyes directly . No gesture or sounds made , it asked in symbols , like it hijacked my conscience , all I had to do was think to myself .
I asked " who are you , why are you in my room ?" , it answers " I came to grant you a wish " . It peeked into my mind but didn't know what I wanted ? , another useless lucid dream , huh . I had my answer " look you're an obscure figure , likewise I need you bring me an answer to the most obscure questions , can you kill yourself and come back tomorrow to tell me how death feels like ? and what happens after ? " . I
I just said that to sound existential, deep down , wish I could run away to somewhere far away from here , all this noise and screeching .
somewhere where sunlight makes the crystal blue water sparkle ,where I could surf on top of an orca and keep it my pet , somewhere where time had stopped with no politics or economics just a peaceful survival and tasty food . I wish I could at least dream of that place once , that would make a day here more bearable .
it answered " deep within the earth , in a trinket of water hides the gold falcon , but beware it rejects an impostor somberly " , I just laughed at my own dream ,so fucking corny , boohoo so scary , " so you won't kill yourself huh , how about you give me head , here I'm wide open take a lick bitch " , the obscure figures hummed , it's voice cracked and it started laughing frantically , a familiar laugh , i broke down in laughter too . I was laughing with myself , because who would laugh at this joke if not me .
Memorable dream , but quite useless , woke up drooling from my mouth . it might've been the biggest laugh I had in a year , I check the date , turns out today is my birthday 29th july .
Nobody cared if it was my birthday, if I looked down , I was just like furniture around the classroom , in fact I was at peace receiving no validation until, the quiet kid gifted me a necklace for helping him with the notes . He comes over to my bench and says " hey man , wanted to thank you for the help , I only passed because of you , here take this , this is a custom made necklace for you , my mom and I made it ", him reaching out his hand waiting for me grab it he says "go ahead , TRY IT ON " with a weird grin , the necklace looked very intriguing now to me , shiny silver string with tiny inscriptions which made no sense , I accepted it with a heavy heart and puzzled mind , I thought to myself , " this guy is definitely a homosexual " , to tell him that I didn't swing that way was embarrassing , especially if he was not indeed gay .
He never approached me after that day again , he must've left this school . Him and his motives remain mysterious , not saying a final farewell to the person you gave a necklace to seems morally inconsistent but maybe there was a some reason he couldn't .
After a few months , I decided to leave too , school seemed inefficient and not worthy of the time it took up , being homeschooled also came with loads of problems especially frustrating when my youngest brother kept being clingy and bothersome .
The first session I gave after studying independently were all math exams , these were supposed to be good but when u do the wrong things at the worst possible moment things seem to escalate , I couldn't sleep the night before due to the nervousness and now I am almost dozing off in between the exams. As expected two months later the results came out and I barely passed , I would be disappointed I guessed but deep inside I was relieved , my standards for grades have fallen disgustingly low . I kept pushing on like this finishing high school with a mediocre gpa . I was relieved I at least graduated .
As soon as the results came out my father started bugging me about college , there were not many options for me , either I go to the same university abroad my sister is in or I stay and get enrolled in an expensive private university .