Jodi Miller storms the stage, AGT in sight,
Men are cats, she claims—moody, gone by night.
Women? We're dogs, loyal, up in your biz,
Waiting by the door, "Where you going? What is this?"
Men slink in, aloof, "Oh, you're home? That's neat.
Feed me, then I'll stare at the window, on repeat."
Women clean up messes, like a dog with no shame,
Men puke on the carpet—then whine, "Clean that, dame!"
My dog hits puberty, drama hits the roof,
One drop of blood, now he's giving me attitude—proof
That even pets can out-drama the average guy,
Who acts like a king, but just wants a pie.
Men say they want to "bag her," then "put her in one,"
Drama queens, every last son.
Meanwhile, I'm the fugitive, no trial, no plea,
Told my ex, "No Area 51, no buns for thee."
Should we escalate? AK or keep it light?
Jodi Arias got a fan club for drama and spite.
Jodi Miller gets laughs, no X from the crowd,
While Arias gets a mark that's dark and loud.
Joe Santagato, limp or limb, it's all the same,
Swing me, roast me, it's all part of the game.
You rate DJ Sammy? GPS Drew Lynch,
Turn around, you're lost—don't even flinch!
Locked up? Please, your cell's in your head,
MKUltra didn't break you, you just misread.
Cartel cosplay? You're not that tough,
More lost than a Roomba, stuck in the fluff.
Consent isn't "two-for-one," it's not a sale,
If you're hustling dummies, you're doomed to fail.
Forgiveness isn't a coupon, rage isn't a trend,
If you keep slamming doors, you'll break in the end.
So here's the roast, with extra sass,
If you're rolling with cartels, you're outclassed.
Leave the drama to Arias, the punchlines to me—
And remember: "Good jop!" is just dyslexic glee.
#Dipshits unite, but don't whine too much,
You're not cartel, you're just out of touch.
So before you embarrass yourself again,
Take a lesson from Jodi—just laugh, my friend!