Hunter slammed the gavel. "MIRROR POTTER WILL EXPLAIN HIS THOT STATUS."
"I'm not a thot!"
The spectral hand twitched harder.
"STOP DOING THAT!"
Original Harry folded his arms. "Go ahead. I'm fascinated."
Mirror Harry glared at him. "You think monogamy was easy?"
Harry glanced at Ginny. "Relatively."
"Fuck you."
"Apparently not."
Mirror Harry planted both hands on his lectern. "In my world, monogamy was the difficult route."
The laughter died.
Even Bo looked curious.
Harry frowned. "Explain."
"Gladly. Character reference. Hermione Granger."
The Hermione already standing beside Harry vanished.
Another Hermione appeared beside Mirror Harry.
She wore deep blue robes, carried a stack of documents under one arm and looked tired in the very specific way of someone who had spent years winning arguments against reality.
She saw Mirror Harry.
Then Original Harry.
Then Gandalf.
Then the glowing proposition.
"Oh, for God's sake."
Mirror Harry pointed at her. "Hermione, how many legally enforceable marriage contracts involving me existed when we were seventeen?"
"Twelve."
Original Harry's Hermione reappeared on his side.
Both Hermiones looked at each other.
They immediately forgot everyone else.
Mirror Hermione adjusted her grip on the documents. "You?"
"Zero."
Mirror Hermione closed her eyes.
"Of course."
Original Hermione frowned. "Why twelve?"
"Three inheritance consolidations, two treaty marriages, four old family alliances, one Veela compact, one covenant with a magical polity that technically predates Britain, and one contract written by someone who apparently believed consent was an optional innovation."
Original Hermione looked horrified.
Mirror Hermione nodded. "Exactly."
Original Harry pointed triumphantly. "See? He had twelve."
Mirror Hermione rounded on him. "And he fought them."
Harry stopped.
She slapped the documents onto Mirror Harry's lectern. "For six years."
Mirror Harry nodded.
"We litigated nine out of existence. He surrendered property, political authority, three hereditary offices, access to two family vaults and one frankly obscene annual stipend because accepting them would have strengthened contracts he did not want."
Hunter's smile faded into something more respectful.
Mirror Hermione continued. "He challenged the divine covenant personally."
Dresden blinked. "How?"
"Poorly."
Mirror Harry rubbed his ribs reflexively.
"He lost."
"Badly."
"He got up."
"Eventually."
"He challenged it again."
Original Harry stared at him.
Mirror Hermione's expression softened. "Seven times."
Harry looked toward Ginny.
Ginny was staring at Mirror Harry too.
"Why?" she asked.
Mirror Harry answered simply. "I wanted to choose."
That quieted the field.
Then Kenzi ruined it.
"So who'd you choose?"
Mirror Harry immediately looked uncomfortable.
Bo noticed.
"Oh."
Original Harry noticed too.
"Oh, no."
Mirror Harry raised a hand. "It's still monogamy."
"Who?" Hunter demanded.
Mirror Harry sighed.
"Ginny Potter."
Original Ginny smiled.
Mirror Harry added, "Character reference."
A second Ginny appeared.
She arrived holding a sword.
Original Harry stared at it.
"Why does she have a sword?"
Mirror Harry took one step away from her. "Long story."
Mirror Ginny looked at him. "What did you do?"
"Nothing."
She looked at the proposition.
Then at the spectral hand.
Then at the other Harry and Ginny.
Finally she looked back at her husband.
"You're being accused of being a thot again?"
Original Harry's head snapped around.
"Again?"
Mirror Harry winced.
Hunter slammed the gavel repeatedly.
"AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN!"
Mirror Ginny planted the sword in the grass. "For the record, my husband is monogamous."
The spectral hand stopped twitching.
"He has been monogamous since we married."
The hand moved away.
"He fought twelve contracts, two magical bonds, a Veela claim, an inheritance clause, a fertility covenant, three politically motivated seduction attempts, a literal goddess and Hermione."
Original Hermione choked.
Mirror Hermione folded her arms. "It was one time."
Original Hermione stared at her counterpart.
Mirror Hermione stared back.
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"I was contractually obligated!"
"YOU'RE HERMIONE GRANGER!"
"THAT IS WHY I FOUND A LOOPHOLE!"
Original Harry looked between them. "What loophole?"
Mirror Hermione lifted her chin. "The contract required me to make a sincere romantic attempt."
Hunter was already losing it again.
Original Hermione looked horrified. "What did you do?"
"I asked him to dinner."
Mirror Harry nodded. "She brought thirty-seven pages explaining why we were romantically incompatible."
Original Hermione's horror disappeared.
"Oh."
Mirror Hermione smiled.
"Good."
"Thank you."
Mirror Ginny continued as though this happened every Tuesday. "Then Fleur challenged him under Veela custom."
Original Harry looked at Mirror Harry.
"You fought Fleur?"
"Three times."
"Why three?"
"Best two out of three."
"Who won?"
Mirror Harry stared at him.
Original Harry's mouth fell open.
"You lost?"
"Fleur cheats!"
Mirror Ginny snorted. "Fleur flies."
"THAT COUNTS AS CHEATING WHEN I'M ON THE GROUND."
Bo leaned toward Kenzi. "I like his world."
"His world sounds exhausting."
"It can be both."
Original Harry was still processing. "So you lost the Veela challenge."
"Yes."
"And remained monogamous."
"Eventually."
The spectral hand twitched.
Mirror Harry pointed upward. "Technicality!"
Hunter slammed the gavel.
"EXPLAIN EVENTUALLY."
Mirror Harry looked desperately toward his wife.
Mirror Ginny smiled sweetly.
"No. You wanted character references."
"You are enjoying this."
"I fought a goddess for you. I've earned this."
Original Harry stared at her. "You fought a goddess?"
Mirror Ginny looked confused. "You didn't?"
"No!"
"Huh."
Original Ginny elbowed her husband. "Don't sound so relieved."
"I am extremely relieved!"
Mirror Harry cleared his throat. "The point is that I chose one woman despite my universe repeatedly, aggressively and sometimes literally attempting to make that impossible."
Gandalf finally spoke.
"Then your claim is not that temptation was absent."
"No."
"Nor that opportunity was absent."
"Absolutely not."
"Nor even that magical forces did not attempt to compel otherwise."
Mirror Harry shook his head. "They did."
Gandalf's eyes twinkled.
"Then your defense is stronger than his."
Original Harry's head snapped around.
"What?"
Hunter froze.
Kenzi's mouth dropped open.
Bo started laughing.
Original Harry pointed at Mirror Harry. "His universe spent his entire adolescence trying to build a harem around him!"
"Correct."
"He had twelve marriage contracts!"
"Correct."
"Multiple magical bonds!"
"Indeed."
"A Veela!"
"Apparently."
"A GODDESS!"
Gandalf stroked his beard.
"And yet he fought for monogamy."
Original Harry looked betrayed by the universe.
Mirror Harry tried not to smile.
Failed.
Original Harry pointed at him. "Don't."
"I didn't say anything."
"You don't have to."
Hunter slowly raised the gavel.
Original Harry turned toward him.
"Don't you fucking dare."
Hunter's grin became enormous.
The gavel came down.
"COURT FINDS MIRROR POTTER LESS THOT."
"THIS ISN'T A COURT!"
The spectral hand gave Mirror Harry a thumbs-up.
Original Harry stared at it for several seconds before looking at his counterpart. "I hate that this somehow became competitive."
Mirror Harry's smile was entirely too pleased. "You started with the stronger position. I had to overcome adversity."
"You had to overcome horny legislation."
"Among other things."
Mirror Ginny pulled her sword from the grass. "He's not wrong."
"Please don't validate him."
"Too late." Hunter gave the gavel a satisfied tap against the moderator's table. "Court has ruled."
"It's still not a court."
The spectral hand pointed at Hunter and gave him a thumbs-up.
Original Harry stared at it. "You're abusing a spell you didn't even cast."
Hunter looked up at the hand. "And yet it recognizes my authority."
"That is not authority."
The gavel glowed.
Harry closed his eyes. "I walked into that."
While Hunter enjoyed his increasingly questionable judicial career, Dresden had gone quiet. His attention had shifted away from the verdict and settled on Mirror Hermione, specifically on the stack of documents she'd brought with her and one phrase from her earlier testimony.
"Back up."
Mirror Harry immediately looked at him. "No."
"I haven't asked anything yet."
"You've got the look."
"What look?"
"The wizard look."
Dresden glanced toward Gandalf. "That's incredibly broad."
Gandalf stroked his beard. "Yet surprisingly descriptive."
Dresden ignored him and returned his attention to Mirror Hermione. "You said one of the contracts was a covenant with a magical polity that technically predates Britain."
Mirror Hermione's expression became carefully neutral. Beside her, Mirror Harry muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like a prayer for patience.
Dresden smiled. "There it is."
Original Hermione had caught the same thread. "You specifically called it a polity. Not a family, tribe, cult or private organization."
"Yes."
"And the covenant remained enforceable."
"Yes."
"Meaning whatever established it either still exists or possesses some form of recognized continuity."
Mirror Hermione gave her counterpart a long look. "Yes."
Both Harrys saw the direction of travel at once.
"No," they said together.
The Hermiones ignored them.
"How old?" Original Hermione asked.
"I'm not giving you a date."
"Before Hogwarts?"
Mirror Hermione hesitated.
That was enough.
Dresden straightened. "Oh."
Mirror Harry stepped around his lectern. "We're moving on."
"No, we're absolutely not." Dresden shifted his hockey stick against his shoulder. "I've got one question."
Mirror Harry pointed at him. "If it's what I think it is, the answer is none of your business."
"Atlantis."
Original Harry answered immediately. "No."
Dresden looked at him.
"I checked," Harry said. "Not in mine."
Then the entire field turned toward Mirror Harry.
He said nothing.
Kenzi's grin slowly spread. "Oh, that's a guilty silence."
"It's not a guilty silence."
Bo folded her arms. "Atlantis is real."
Mirror Ginny sighed.
Mirror Hermione suddenly found her documents fascinating.
Dresden took one slow step closer. "Atlantis is real."
Mirror Harry rubbed his forehead. "In my world."
Dresden went very still. "Actual Atlantis."
"Yes."
"The lost city."
"Yes."
"Under the Atlantic."
"Mostly."
Dresden froze.
Original Harry's eyebrows rose. "Mostly?"
Mirror Harry looked annoyed with himself.
Kenzi pointed at him. "You gave Tall Wizard a thread."
"And he's going to pull it until something breaks," Bo added.
Dresden was already doing exactly that. "What does mostly mean?"
"Some portions are underwater. Some aren't."
"Ruins?"
"No."
"Abandoned?"
"No."
Dresden's expression changed completely.
Original Hermione lowered her hands.
Even Hunter leaned forward.
"Occupied?" Dresden asked.
Mirror Harry sighed. "Yes."
"By Atlanteans?"
"That is generally what one calls the people of Atlantis."
Dresden stared at him. "They're alive."
"Yes."
"Right now."
"Yes."
"Living in Atlantis."
"Yes."
"Which still exists."
Mirror Harry's patience finally cracked. "Harry, I understand that you're processing this, but repeating the same fact with increasingly intense eye contact is not going to make it more real."
"It might."
"It won't."
Dresden considered that. "Still trying."
Original Harry had started smiling. Mirror Harry noticed and glared at him.
"Don't."
"This is fantastic."
"You were miserable ten minutes ago."
"Yes, but now it isn't my universe being cross-examined."
Hunter tapped the gavel. "Court recognizes Schadenfreude."
"This is still not a court."
The gavel flashed again.
Original Harry pointed at it. "I don't care."
Dresden had moved on. "How hidden?"
"No."
"Population?"
"No."
"Government?"
"No."
"Magic?"
"Obviously."
"Technology?"
Mirror Harry hesitated.
Dresden's eyes narrowed.
Mirror Harry saw it happen. "Don't."
"Technology."
"I didn't say anything."
"You didn't have to."
Original Hermione looked between them. "Is Atlantis technologically advanced?"
Mirror Harry gave her the deeply betrayed look of a man who had expected better from at least one Hermione.
"Yes."
Dresden's grin returned.
"How advanced?"
"No."
"Relative to Britain?"
"That's not a useful comparison."
"Why?"
"Because a toaster is technologically advanced relative to portions of magical Britain."
Original Harry snorted.
Mirror Harry continued before Dresden could seize on that. "Atlantis developed along different lines. Their magical and technological traditions weren't separated the way most surface societies separated them."
Dresden's amusement vanished beneath immediate professional fascination. "Integrated development."
"Yes."
"Magic designed around engineered systems?"
"Sometimes."
"Technology built around magical principles?"
"Sometimes."
"Devices where distinguishing the two stops being useful?"
Mirror Harry paused.
"Yes."
Dresden looked like someone had just handed him Christmas.
"No."
"I didn't say anything."
"Your face did."
"My face asked whether they take visitors."
"They do."
Mirror Harry stopped.
Mirror Ginny slowly turned toward him.
Dresden smiled.
Mirror Harry grimaced. "That came out wrong."
"Atlantis has tourism."
"Not surface tourism."
"But tourism."
"For other hidden civilizations."
Original Harry blinked. "There's enough contact between hidden civilizations for Atlantis to have a tourism industry?"
Mirror Harry looked at him. "Yes."
"Hotels?"
"Yes."
"Restaurants?"
"Yes."
"Gift shops?" Kenzi asked.
Mirror Harry hesitated.
Kenzi slapped Bo's arm. "They have gift shops."
"Every civilization eventually invents overpriced souvenirs," Bo said.
"Universal constant."
Dresden was staring into the middle distance. "Atlantis has hotels."
Mirror Harry pointed at him. "You are not staying in one."
"I have money."
"They don't use dollars."
"I have gold."
"That actually makes this worse."
"Why?"
"I'm not telling you."
Dresden narrowed his eyes. "Do they accept gold?"
Mirror Harry's silence answered him.
"Ha."
Original Hermione was more interested in something else. "How much of the original city survived?"
Mirror Harry's expression shifted. "That's complicated."
"Meaning?"
"Atlantis wasn't destroyed once."
The humor faded slightly.
Dresden lowered the drumstick. "How many times?"
"Depends what you count as destruction."
Original Harry stared. "That is an awful answer."
"It's the accurate one. Parts flooded. Parts sank. Parts were abandoned. Parts were rebuilt. There were wars, magical disasters, political collapses and at least one period where the city existed in two locations simultaneously."
Dresden blinked.
"How?"
"No."
"Temporal?"
"No."
"Dimensional?"
Mirror Harry paused.
Dresden smiled.
Mirror Harry sighed. "Both."
"That's disgusting."
"Thank you."
"I meant that positively."
"I know."
Mirror Hermione finally lowered her documents. "The oldest surviving portions are significantly older than the civilization currently occupying them."
Dresden looked at her. "Older ruins under Atlantis."
Mirror Harry's head turned. "Hermione."
"What? That's not classified."
"Nothing was classified until five minutes ago because nobody expected Harry Dresden to fall out of the sky."
Dresden raised a hand. "In my defense, I didn't schedule this."
Hunter nodded. "He did fall pretty convincingly."
Dresden ignored him. "How old are the ruins?"
Mirror Hermione glanced toward her Harry.
He shook his head.
She looked back at Dresden. "Old."
"Human?"
Another hesitation.
Mirror Harry closed his eyes.
Dresden whispered, "Oh, fuck me."
Bo and Kenzi both opened their mouths.
Dresden pointed at them without looking away from Mirror Hermione. "Don't."
Kenzi looked offended. "You're learning too."
Mirror Harry stepped between Dresden and Hermione before the interrogation could become an archaeological incident. "Atlantis exists. It is inhabited. It is magically and technologically sophisticated. It has history beneath its own history. That is all you're getting."
Dresden stared at him.
"No coordinates."
"I didn't ask."
"No maps."
"I didn't ask."
"No sympathetic links."
Dresden's expression became offended.
"I wasn't going to."
Mirror Harry glanced toward the hockey stick.
Dresden followed his gaze.
"Okay, I hadn't decided yet."
Original Harry laughed.
Mirror Harry pointed toward Dresden's coat. "You are the man currently carrying supernatural paperwork proving a burning building wasn't your fault."
Dresden immediately produced the certificate.
SERIOUSLY. IT WASN'T HIM.
Mirror Harry stared at it.
Dresden held it higher.
"Legally, morally, magically, karmically, narratively and for insurance purposes."
Mirror Harry read it again.
Then looked at Dresden.
"I wouldn't let you within fifty miles of Atlantis."
"That feels discriminatory."
"It is."
"Against wizards?"
"Against you."
Hunter slammed the gavel. "Court grants Dresden the right to burn down Atlantis provided it isn't his fault."
Mirror Harry wheeled around. "NO."
The gavel glowed.
Dresden looked at it.
Hunter looked at it.
Mirror Harry looked at both of them.
"No."
Hunter raised the gavel experimentally.
"Do not."
The spectral hand gave Mirror Harry another thumbs-up.
Hunter reluctantly lowered it. "Fine. Conditional travel rights suspended pending appeal."
"There is no appeal!"
"That's what people say before appealing."
Original Harry rubbed his forehead. "Can we please move to a trope that doesn't threaten an ancient civilization?"
Dresden opened his mouth.
"No Atlantis."
Dresden closed it.
Original Harry looked at his mirror. "Fine. Here's one I actually encountered often enough to check. Secret blood adoption."
Mirror Harry's face changed.
Original Harry stared at him.
"No."
Mirror Harry rubbed the back of his neck.
"Yes."
Original Harry groaned. "Who?"
"Narcissa."
Ginny blinked.
Original Hermione frowned.
"Narcissa Malfoy adopted you?"
"Black," Mirror Harry corrected. "By then."
Original Harry's eyebrows climbed. "Divorced?"
"Eventually."
"Lucius?"
"Prison."
"Draco?"
Mirror Harry smiled faintly. "Still an asshole."
Original Harry nodded. "That sounds familiar."
"Also one of my closest friends."
Original Harry's nod stopped.
"Of course."
Mirror Ginny leaned against her sword. "He's a good friend."
"Still an asshole," Mirror Hermione added.
"Those aren't mutually exclusive," Mirror Harry said.
Original Harry studied him. "And Narcissa?"
Mirror Harry's expression softened.
"Good mum."
That landed differently.
Original Harry didn't joke.
Ginny didn't either.
After a moment Harry simply nodded. "All right."
Kenzi looked between them. "Wait. Evil blond rich family turned complicated found family?"
Mirror Harry frowned. "That's a reductive way of putting it."
"So yes."
"Lucius later helped overthrow Voldemort."
Original Harry's head snapped up. "What?"
Mirror Harry winced.
"You can't just add that after 'prison.'"
"He escaped."
"Of course he escaped."
"Then helped overthrow Voldemort."
"Why?"
"Long story."
"Did he become good?"
Mirror Harry laughed.
"No."
Original Harry relaxed. "Okay."
"He tried to overthrow the Ministry afterward."
Harry stared.
"Why?"
"Taxes."
Hunter slapped both hands onto the table.
"No."
Mirror Harry nodded.
"Yes."
"Lucius Malfoy became a revolutionary over taxes?"
"He called himself a restorationist."
"Of course he fucking did."
"Narcissa became Minister."
Hunter stopped laughing.
Original Harry stared at Mirror Harry.
Mirror Harry shrugged.
"She was good at it."
The spectral hand slowly rotated toward Mirror Harry.
He looked up.
"What?"
It gave him another thumbs-up.
Original Harry pointed accusingly. "That has nothing to do with thottery!"
The hand ignored him.
Dresden leaned toward Hunter. "I think it just likes him now."
"Bias," Hunter agreed solemnly.
"YOU'RE THE MODERATOR."
Hunter considered that.
"Overruled."
Original Harry made a strangled sound, but Gandalf had begun smiling again.
That immediately worried everyone who noticed.
The old wizard rested both hands upon his staff and looked between the two Potters. "Your worlds differ not merely in the lives of men, but in the shape of history itself."
Original Harry eyed him cautiously. "Yes."
"Atlantis stands in one and never stood in the other."
"Apparently."
Gandalf's nine fox tails swayed behind him. "Then perhaps other legends deserve inquiry."
Mirror Harry went still.
Dresden noticed.
"What?"
Mirror Harry looked at Gandalf.
Then Dresden.
Then Original Harry.
"No."
Dresden's eyes lit up. "Oh, there are more."
"Of course there are more legends. That doesn't mean they're real."
"El Dorado."
Mirror Harry said nothing.
Dresden pointed at him.
"El Dorado."
Mirror Harry sighed. "Yes."
"Shambhala."
"Yes."
"Ys."
"Yes."
"Camelot."
Mirror Harry hesitated.
Gandalf's eyebrows rose.
Original Harry whispered, "No fucking way."
Mirror Harry rubbed his forehead. "Pocket realm."
Hunter grinned. "Holy shit."
Dresden was nearly vibrating. "Agartha."
Mirror Harry's face went completely blank.
Dresden stopped.
"Oh."
Original Hermione noticed too. "What?"
Mirror Harry looked toward his Hermione.
She shook her head immediately.
Mirror Ginny did the same.
Original Harry stared at all three.
"What the hell is wrong with Agartha?"
Mirror Harry answered carefully. "The last wizard I know of who found an entrance returned seven hundred years before he left."
Silence.
Dresden lowered his hockey stick.
Mirror Harry continued. "He founded a religion by accident."
Hunter's grin faded.
"And became his own great-grandfather."
Kenzi blinked.
"Okay."
Bo nodded slowly. "That's worse."
Dresden took a breath.
"Where is it?"
"No."
"Fair."
Everyone looked at him.
Dresden frowned. "What? I have limits."
Mirror Harry's expression suggested profound disbelief.
Dresden thought about it.
"Temporary limits."
"There it is."
Original Harry looked thoughtful. "Is Agartha even on Earth?"
Mirror Harry hesitated.
Original Harry's face fell.
"Why did you hesitate?"
"I didn't."
"You absolutely did."
"I was deciding how to answer."
"That is worse."
Mirror Harry folded his arms. "Next trope."
Original Harry studied him for another moment before deciding that whatever Agartha was could remain somebody else's problem. "Secret relatives."
Mirror Harry immediately groaned.
Original Harry smiled. "Finally. My turn. Voldemort isn't my grandfather, brother, secret father, immediate uncle or anything else people have somehow proposed."
"Neither is mine."
Original Harry blinked.
Mirror Harry smiled.
Hunter looked disappointed. "That's boring."
"Thank you," both Potters said.
Mirror Harry then cleared his throat. "Although Lily was a Gaunt."
Original Harry's smile disappeared.
"What?"
"My mother. Biologically."
Original Harry stared at him.
Mirror Harry stared back.
"So Voldemort was technically a distant uncle."
Original Harry closed his eyes. "You couldn't leave it alone."
"I didn't write the family tree."
"Neither did the people who started half this bullshit!"
Original Hermione frowned thoughtfully. "To be fair, given the intermarriage among old magical families, some distant relationship between Harry and Tom isn't particularly surprising."
Original Harry opened one eye. "Not helping."
"Just establishing scale."
Mirror Hermione nodded. "She's right."
Both Hermiones immediately began comparing definitions of acceptable genealogical distance.
Original Harry looked at Mirror Harry.
Mirror Harry looked back.
Neither needed to speak.
Hunter picked up the gavel.
Both Potters pointed at him.
"No."
Hunter slowly put it down.
Gandalf did not.
The old wizard had been watching the debate with increasing satisfaction, and now the unmistakable gleam returned to his eyes. His staff rose from the grass.
Mirror Harry saw it first.
"Oh, no."
Original Harry turned.
"Gandalf."
The wizard's beard shifted in a wind that had not existed a moment earlier, nine fox tails spreading behind him like a silver-and-red fan.
"I CAST CROSSOVER MIRROR!"
The debate ground rang like a struck bell.
The shining seam that had produced Mirror Harry flashed back into existence, but this time it did not remain whole. The reflection stretched wider, trembled, then cracked into three enormous vertical panes. Each caught Original Harry's reflection for a fraction of a second.
Then all three reflections changed.
Original Harry stopped breathing.
Mirror Harry's expression went from alarm to recognition to absolute horror.
"Oh, you bastard."
Dresden looked from him to the three mirrors. "What?"
Original Harry was already backing away from his lectern. "Those aren't mirrors of him."
Mirror Harry pointed at Original Harry. "They're mirrors of you."
Hunter looked between the two Potters. "Difference?"
"A significant one," both Harrys snapped.
The first mirror erupted with light.
Its surface filled with impossible motion, flashes of color and silhouettes moving far too quickly for any normal human fight. For an instant there was a city skyline. Then mountains. Then a school. Then something enormous moved across a moon that appeared to be considerably too close to the Earth. Symbols flashed across the glass, some Japanese, some Chinese, some Harry recognized from magical traditions that had absolutely no business occupying the same cosmology.
A third Harry stepped through.
Black hair, green eyes, glasses.
That was where the easy similarities ended.
His robes had clearly begun life as wizarding clothing before being subjected to years of practical modification by someone who had repeatedly discovered that traditional British tailoring was not designed for people who might need to sprint across rooftops, fight in midair or get thrown through masonry. A wand sat in a forearm holster. There was a sword across his back, several paper talismans tucked into his belt, and a small capsule clipped beside what looked suspiciously like a Poké Ball.
Original Harry stared at the ball.
Anime Harry followed his gaze.
"No."
"I didn't ask."
"You were going to."
"Is that a Poké Ball?"
Anime Harry sighed. "Yes."
Original Harry closed his eyes.
Mirror Harry looked almost sympathetic. "Welcome to the other side."
Anime Harry's attention moved across the courtyard. Gandalf. Dresden. Bo. Kenzi. Hunter. Two Hermiones, two Ginnys, two other versions of himself, a spectral hand, a moderator's table and a proposition concerning Harry Potter's alleged thottery.
He absorbed all of it with disturbing calm.
Then he looked at Original Harry.
"Prime-aware?"
"Yes."
"Fanon-aware?"
"Yes."
"Greater Earth?"
"Yes."
Anime Harry nodded. "Good. That saves time."
Original Harry pointed at the capsule. "I'm still going to ask."
"Don't."
"Is that Capsule Corporation?"
Anime Harry stared at him.
Original Harry's face fell. "Oh, fuck off."
Kenzi immediately perked up. "I don't know what that means, but I like how upset it made him."
Dresden was studying the talismans. "Those Japanese?"
"Some."
"Onmyōdō?"
"Among other things."
Dresden's eyes moved to the sword. "Spirit weapon?"
"Depends which definition you're using."
Dresden smiled.
Anime Harry pointed at him. "Don't start."
"Why does everyone keep saying that to me?"
"Because I know who you are."
Dresden's smile disappeared.
Hunter barked a laugh. "Welcome to the club."
Anime Harry finally noticed him properly. His eyes narrowed.
Hunter saw it. "What?"
Anime Harry looked him up and down, glanced at the detached rocket fist, the cast-iron skillet, and the glowing gavel, then returned to his face.
"Nothing."
"That was definitely something."
"I've learned not to antagonize people whose relationship with causality is visibly unhealthy."
Hunter considered that.
"Smart."
The second mirror opened.
Fog rolled across its surface.
Not magical fog, at least not entirely. London emerged behind it in layers that refused to agree on which London they belonged to. Modern towers rose behind Victorian rooftops. A police box stood beneath a streetlamp for half a second before disappearing when nobody was looking directly at it. A black cab crossed an intersection while something distinctly nonhuman watched from an upstairs window. A sleek black car shot past in the opposite direction. Somewhere in the distance, a church bell rang thirteen times.
Original Harry stared.
Mirror Harry stared.
Anime Harry winced.
"Oh," Anime Harry said. "One of those."
Original Harry slowly turned. "You recognize the category?"
"Unfortunately."
The second Harry stepped through.
His clothing was much closer to ordinary wizarding dress, although a dark overcoat covered most of it. He carried a wand, an umbrella, a battered leather case and the unmistakable expression of a British man who had spent years being told that the latest impossible event was outside somebody's jurisdiction.
He stepped onto the grass, looked around once, and sighed.
"Right."
Original Harry waited.
British Harry looked at him.
Original Harry gestured vaguely at everything.
British Harry nodded. "Yes."
"You don't even know what I'm asking."
"I've met enough versions of myself to make an educated guess."
Dresden pointed toward the mirror behind him. "Was that a police box?"
British Harry's head snapped toward him.
"No."
"I saw it."
"No, you didn't."
"It disappeared."
"Then clearly you didn't see it."
Dresden stared.
British Harry smiled pleasantly.
Original Harry rubbed his face. "Oh, I hate him already."
"You'll get over it."
"How many secret magical Londons do you have?"
British Harry's pleasant expression vanished.
Mirror Harry started laughing.
Original Harry pointed. "That reaction means more than one."
British Harry adjusted his coat. "The definition of London becomes complicated once you account for overlapping jurisdictions."
"How many?"
"Define London."
"Fuck you."
"That's generally where the argument ends."
Original Hermione was staring through his mirror. "Was that car government?"
British Harry looked at her.
"Which one?"
She froze.
British Harry gave her a tired smile.
"No."
"Oh, come on."
"The last Hermione who asked me that spent eight months untangling security classifications and was eventually issued three contradictory identification cards."
Original Hermione's interest increased dramatically.
Original Harry stepped in front of her. "Absolutely not."
"I didn't say anything."
"You were about to ask for forms."
"I like forms."
"I know."
British Harry looked toward Mirror Hermione. "Yours too?"
"Eleven weeks in Atlantis."
British Harry nodded with immediate understanding. "Library?"
"University archive."
"Of course."
The two Hermiones looked at each other.
The two Harrys responsible for them also looked at each other.
"No," both said.
The third mirror went black.
Not dark.
Black.
For several seconds it reflected nothing at all. Then lights began appearing within it. Headlights on an American highway. A blue police box beneath stars. The windows of a London flat. A motel sign. A cemetery. An old house surrounded by trees. A crime scene cordoned behind police tape. A bar where several patrons were very obviously not human. A cathedral. A bunker. A city street at three in the morning.
Then something with wings crossed the moon.
Something else howled.
A phone rang.
A man in a long coat ran past carrying what looked like a shotgun.
Dresden stared at the mirror.
"Okay."
Hunter looked at him. "What?"
"I recognize this flavor of bad decisions."
The third Harry walked through.
He was wearing jeans, boots, a jumper beneath a dark coat, and a wand holster that looked as though it had been designed by someone with strong opinions about concealed carry. A silver knife occupied one side of his belt. Several charms hung beneath his shirt. There was salt on one sleeve.
He took three steps.
Saw Dresden.
Stopped.
Dresden stared back.
Urban Harry closed his eyes.
"No."
Dresden's eyebrows rose. "Excuse me?"
Urban Harry opened his eyes and looked at Gandalf. "Send me back."
Gandalf smiled.
"No."
"Please."
The spectral hand patted Urban Harry sympathetically on the shoulder.
He looked at it.
Then at the glowing proposition.
Then at the four Harry Potters now occupying the courtyard.
"Why is there a cosmic referendum on whether we're sluts?"
Hunter slammed the gavel.
"THOT."
Urban Harry slowly looked toward him.
Hunter pointed with the gavel. "Terminology matters."
Urban Harry stared for another second before noticing the detached fist.
Then the frying pan.
Then Gandalf's nine fox tails.
Then Bo and Kenzi.
His eyes returned to Hunter.
"You're The Refuser."
Hunter grinned. "There it is."
Urban Harry muttered something impolite.
Original Harry stepped away from his lectern. "Let me guess. Prime-aware?"
"Yes."
"Fanon-aware?"
"Yes."
"Greater Earth?"
"Extremely."
Mirror Harry winced. "That's a concerning adverb."
"You have no idea."
Original Harry glanced toward the third mirror, where the police box had reappeared beside a motel while something enormous moved behind the clouds.
"I might."
Urban Harry followed his gaze. "No, you don't."
Dresden pointed at himself. "You know me."
"Yes."
"Personally?"
Urban Harry hesitated.
Dresden's expression sharpened.
"Personally?"
Urban Harry rubbed his forehead. "A version."
"What am I like?"
"Tall."
"Obviously."
"Smart."
"Naturally."
"Stubborn."
"Fair."
"Pathologically incapable of leaving supernatural mysteries alone."
Dresden nodded. "Reasonable."
"Your car gets destroyed constantly."
Dresden's face fell.
"Fuck you."
"Not my fault."
Bo's head turned.
Kenzi's did too.
Urban Harry immediately realized what he'd said.
"No."
Bo smiled.
"Nobody said anything."
"You didn't have to."
Hunter leaned back in his chair, delighted. "He's learning faster than Dresden."
Urban Harry looked at the hockey stick.
Then at the drumstick.
Then at Dresden.
"Why are you armed with sports equipment?"
Dresden looked down at himself. "Long story."
"I've had several of those."
"Do vampires exist in your world?"
Urban Harry stared at him.
Dresden's expression changed.
"Oh."
Original Harry pointed at Dresden. "Don't."
"What?"
"We are not doing the checklist yet."
Hunter slowly turned toward him. "Yet?"
Original Harry looked across the courtyard.
Five Harry Potters now stood there.
Himself.
Mirror Harry, whose universe had apparently taken every piece of ridiculous Potter fanon as a personal challenge.
Anime Harry, carrying a wand, a sword, talismans, a Poké Ball and technology from at least one universe that had absolutely no business sharing a planet with Hogwarts.
British Harry, whose London apparently required a flowchart merely to determine which secret government agency was denying that an incident had occurred.
Urban Harry, who knew Dresden, knew Hunter, had salt on his sleeve and had reacted to the sight of a police box with weary recognition rather than confusion.
Original Harry slowly turned toward Gandalf.
"What exactly did you cast?"
Gandalf's smile broadened beneath the magnificent beard.
"A crossover mirror."
"That's not one mirror."
"The spell disagreed."
Mirror Harry was staring at the newcomers with the expression of a man watching his own problems reproduce.
Anime Harry folded his arms. "So which one of us is supposed to be the reflection?"
Original Harry pointed at himself.
"You three are apparently mine."
British Harry looked him over. "Could be worse."
Urban Harry nodded. "Much worse."
Anime Harry glanced toward Mirror Harry. "And him?"
"Mirror image," Original Harry said.
Mirror Harry lifted a hand. "My world has the fanon bullshit."
Anime Harry nodded.
British Harry nodded.
Urban Harry nodded.
Nobody appeared remotely surprised.
Mirror Harry frowned. "That's it?"
Anime Harry shrugged. "I've got the fanon bullshit too."
British Harry adjusted his coat. "As do I."
Urban Harry sighed. "Unfortunately."
Original Harry went very still.
Mirror Harry's eyes narrowed.
"No."
Anime Harry looked at him. "Yes."
British Harry nodded. "Yes."
Urban Harry gave them both a tired smile. "Oh, yes."
Original Harry stared at all three.
"But you're crossover variants."
Anime Harry gestured toward the Poké Ball. "Correct."
"And you still have the Potter fanon nonsense?"
"Some of it."
British Harry raised a finger. "Local variation applies."
Urban Harry nodded. "Always check."
Mirror Harry's expression shifted.
The three newcomers had said the magic words.
Not literally.
Conceptually.
They weren't gullible Harrys who happened to live in absurd universes.
They were doing exactly what he did.
Checking.
Investigating.
Rejecting what wasn't true.
Accepting what was.
Their worlds simply returned far more complicated answers.
Mirror Harry looked at Original Harry.
Original Harry looked back.
"Oh, fuck," they said together.
Kenzi clapped her hands once. "I like the new ones."
Bo smiled. "So do I."
Dresden was staring at Anime Harry's Poké Ball again.
Anime Harry noticed.
"No."
British Harry looked between them. "What?"
"He wants to ask."
"Ask what?"
Dresden pointed.
British Harry looked at the ball.
Then at Anime Harry.
Then back at the ball.
His expression changed.
"Oh."
Urban Harry followed their gaze.
"Oh, for God's sake."
Hunter lifted the gavel. "Court will come to order."
All five Potters turned toward him.
Hunter looked across the suddenly Potter-heavy battlefield, considered the original proposition still glowing overhead, then looked at the spectral hand.
The hand produced a tiny spectral gavel of its own.
Hunter grinned.
"This court is now a fucking class action."
Original Harry slapped both hands over his face.
Kenzi looked from Anime Harry to British Harry, then finally to Urban Harry. Her eyes narrowed slightly as she took in the growing collection of tall, handsome men radiating enough magical energy to make the courtyard feel increasingly overcharged.
She raised one finger.
"For the record, if someone summons another tall, handsome man radiating that much magical energy, I swear I will cast MOUNT AND DO ME in front of everyone."
Bo turned toward her. "That's actually a good one."
"Thank you, Bo-Bo."
Hunter stared at them. "You two understand that nobody here is going to stop you from making increasingly bad decisions, right?"
Bo's smile widened. "That's what makes them good decisions."
All five Potters suddenly looked toward Gandalf.
Gandalf slowly lowered his staff.
Kenzi pointed at him. "Smart wizard."
Dresden looked around the courtyard. "I feel like we're focusing on the wrong part of that threat."
"It wasn't a threat," Bo said.
Kenzi nodded. "It was a promise."
The spectral hand gave her a thumbs-up.
Original Harry looked up at it. "You have completely abandoned your original purpose."
The hand gave him the finger.
Original Harry stared upward. "Mature."
The hand rotated its wrist and somehow made the gesture more emphatic.
Kenzi nodded approvingly. "I like Hand."
"Of course you do."
Hunter tapped his gavel against the table before the argument could become any stupider. "All right. Class action. Five Potters. One charge."
"One of us has already been acquitted," Mirror Harry said.
Hunter looked at him. "Less thot isn't acquittal."
Mirror Harry's face fell.
Original Harry immediately brightened. "Ha."
"You're still the original defendant."
Harry's smile vanished.
The three newcomers exchanged looks. Anime Harry seemed amused, British Harry looked resigned, and Urban Harry had the unmistakable expression of someone wondering whether walking back through the mirror would work if he moved quickly enough.
Hunter pointed the gavel at Anime Harry. "You first."
"Why?"
"Because you've got the most shit."
Anime Harry looked down at himself. "That's your evidentiary standard?"
"You have a sword, a wand, paper magic, Capsule Corp tech and a Poké Ball."
"Fair."
Dresden immediately raised a finger. "About the Poké Ball."
"No."
"You don't know what I'm asking."
"Yes, I do."
"What Pokémon?"
Anime Harry sighed. "Which one?"
Dresden stopped.
Original Harry stopped.
Mirror Harry slowly looked at the capsule.
Kenzi grinned. "Oh, he fucked up."
Anime Harry looked toward her. "Who?"
"Everybody."
Dresden recovered first. "How many?"
"I'm not inventorying my Pokémon for you."
"So more than one."
"Obviously."
"Do you have a Pikachu?"
"No."
Dresden looked genuinely disappointed.
Anime Harry stared at him. "You're a forty-something professional wizard carrying a hockey stick."
"And?"
"And that's the question you went with?"
"I contain multitudes."
British Harry snorted.
Urban Harry looked at Dresden. "You'd get along with the Doctor."
Dresden turned toward him. "The who?"
British Harry choked.
Urban Harry closed his eyes.
The blue police box in the third mirror chose that exact moment to drift silently across the background.
Dresden pointed.
"That."
British Harry stepped between Dresden and the mirror. "Nothing."
"It's a police box."
"Many things are."
"It's moving sideways through what looks like outer space."
"London traffic."
Dresden stared at him.
British Harry stared back.
"You're a terrible liar."
"I'm an excellent liar. That was simply a terrible lie."
Hunter lifted the gavel. "Court recognizes the police box."
British Harry pointed at him. "Court absolutely does not."
The gavel flashed.
British Harry stared at it.
"Fuck."
"Recognized."
Urban Harry rubbed his forehead. "Can we please not summon him?"
Nobody answered.
Urban Harry's eyes widened.
"That wasn't rhetorical."
Gandalf's staff moved perhaps half an inch.
All five Potters turned toward him.
Kenzi raised one finger.
Gandalf's staff immediately returned to the ground.
"Smart wizard," she repeated.
Bo laughed.
Original Harry pointed at Anime Harry instead. "Fine. Let's establish how bad the crossover problem actually is. Capsule Corporation exists."
"Yes."
"Pokémon exist."
"Yes."
"Onmyōdō."
"Yes."
"Spirit weapons."
"Several unrelated traditions use that description."
Original Harry grimaced. "Ki?"
"Yes."
"Chakra?"
"Yes."
"Those are different things?"
"Very."
"Thank God."
"Using both simultaneously is possible."
"Fuck you."
Anime Harry smiled.
Mirror Harry leaned against his lectern. "Does your world have magical cores?"
"Depends which magical tradition you're asking about."
Mirror Harry's smile disappeared.
Anime Harry continued. "Western wand magic has a measurable internal magical reserve. Chakra networks are a separate biological-spiritual system. Ki cultivation works differently. Reiryoku and reiatsu are related but not interchangeable, and if anyone calls all of them 'mana' within earshot of the wrong academic, you can lose an afternoon."
Original Hermione had already found something to write on.
Original Harry noticed. "Hermione."
"I'm taking comparative notes."
"You're making a chart."
"A chart is comparative notes."
Anime Harry looked interested. "Use separate axes for source, storage, circulation and expression."
Hermione's quill accelerated.
"HARRY."
"What? That's genuinely useful."
Anime Harry glanced toward the sword on his back. "And before anyone asks, no, this isn't a Zanpakutō."
Dresden's mouth closed.
Anime Harry smiled.
"It's a Sacred Gear."
Original Harry stared at him.
Mirror Harry stared at him.
Dresden stared at him.
Anime Harry held the expression for three seconds before cracking.
"No, it isn't. It's a sword."
Dresden pointed furiously. "You can't do that."
"I just did."
"That's cheating."
"No, that's what happens when you start identifying artifacts by genre."
Kenzi was laughing hard enough to lean against Bo.
Original Harry pointed at the capsule. "Fine. Is that actually Capsule Corporation?"
"Yes."
"The Poké Ball?"
"Also yes."
"The sword?"
"Made by a Japanese smith."
"Normal smith?"
Anime Harry hesitated.
Original Harry threw both hands up. "God damn it."
"He was technically dead at the time."
"THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT BETTER."
"He did excellent work."
Dresden nodded. "Some of the best craftsmen I've met were dead."
Everyone looked at him.
"What?"
Urban Harry gave him a tired nod. "Same."
Dresden pointed at him. "See?"
"That wasn't support."
Hunter struck the table with the gavel. "Artifacts. Empty your pockets."
All five Potters immediately said, "No."
Hunter looked delighted. "Oh, that's unanimous."
Original Harry pointed at the gavel. "You are not getting access to five Harry Potters' pockets."
Kenzi leaned toward Bo. "Phrasing."
"Don't."
"I didn't say anything."
"You inhaled suggestively."
Bo looked impressed. "That's a skill."
Hunter pointed toward Anime Harry. "Fine. One artifact."
Anime Harry considered him before reaching beneath his robes and producing a small red-and-white capsule.
Original Harry squinted. "That's not the one from your belt."
"No."
"What is it?"
Anime Harry pressed the top.
There was a puff of smoke.
A full-sized motorcycle landed on the debate ground.
Everyone stared.
Anime Harry gestured toward it. "Motorcycle."
Dresden walked around it. "You keep a motorcycle in a pill."
"Capsule."
"That's what I said."
"No, it isn't."
Dresden crouched to inspect the engine. "Does it run on magic?"
"No."
"Ki?"
"No."
"Pokémon?"
Anime Harry looked offended. "What kind of transportation infrastructure do you think we have?"
Dresden stood. "At this point? I don't know."
"Petrol."
Dresden looked disappointed again.
Anime Harry pointed at him. "Not everything needs to be supernatural."
A small paper talisman attached to the handlebars fluttered.
Dresden pointed.
Anime Harry looked at it.
"Anti-theft."
"Ha."
"Fuck you."
British Harry was quietly laughing until Hunter's gavel swung toward him.
"Your turn."
"No."
"One artifact."
"No."
"Court order."
"This court has no jurisdiction over His Majesty's Government."
The gavel glowed.
British Harry stared at it.
Hunter slowly grinned.
British Harry sighed. "I despise conceptual magic."
He opened the battered leather case.
Original Harry immediately leaned sideways to see inside.
British Harry snapped it shut.
"One."
"You didn't show us anything."
"I opened it."
"That's not the same thing."
"You failed to specify."
Hunter's gavel glowed again.
British Harry glared at it. "Oh, fuck off."
The case popped open by itself.
Something inside began playing music.
Everyone paused.
A guitar riff rolled across the courtyard.
British Harry went very still.
Original Harry's eyebrows rose.
Dresden started smiling.
The opening of "London Calling" continued from somewhere inside the case.
Kenzi immediately began moving with it. "Okay, British Potter has entrance music."
"I do not."
The case disagreed.
British Harry reached inside and started rummaging. "Where the hell is that coming from?"
The song abruptly changed.
"A Kind of Magic."
There was silence.
Then Kenzi folded over laughing.
Gandalf's eyebrows climbed.
British Harry stopped moving.
Original Harry pointed into the case. "Oh, that's perfect."
"It is not mine."
One dream, one soul, one prize, one goal...
British Harry shoved both arms into the case. "Turn off."
The volume increased.
Hunter was pounding the table.
Bo had started dancing.
Even Mirror Ginny was laughing.
British Harry finally hauled out a small black radio with no visible brand, three aerials and far too many dials.
Dresden stared. "What is that?"
British Harry hit the power switch.
Nothing happened.
Freddie Mercury continued singing.
"I hate this thing."
Original Hermione looked fascinated. "What does it receive?"
"Everything."
"Define everything."
"No."
The radio changed stations by itself.
A calm announcer said, This is the BBC. Reports of alien activity over Cardiff are once again entirely unfounded.
British Harry slapped the radio.
The announcer continued, Citizens are reminded that Torchwood does not exist.
Urban Harry groaned.
Dresden stared.
British Harry slowly put the radio back into the case.
Original Harry pointed at it. "Torchwood."
"No."
"It literally said Torchwood."
"It literally said Torchwood doesn't exist."
"That's worse."
"Only if you're nosy."
Every eye moved toward Dresden.
Dresden looked offended. "Why me?"
Urban Harry laughed.
Hunter's gavel moved toward him.
Urban Harry immediately pointed. "No."
"Artifact."
"No."
"One."
"No."
"Class action discovery."
"You learned that phrase five minutes ago."
"And I've been waiting my whole life to abuse it."
The gavel flashed.
Urban Harry stared at it for several seconds before reaching inside his coat. "Fine. But if anything happens, this is your fault."
He put a small brass key on the moderator's table.
Dresden leaned closer.
Hunter looked disappointed. "It's a key."
"Yes."
"What does it open?"
Urban Harry looked at him. "Doors."
Kenzi nodded. "Technically correct."
Hunter pointed at her. "Don't encourage him."
Urban Harry picked the key back up. "Satisfied?"
The gavel flashed.
"No."
Urban Harry muttered something deeply uncharitable about enchanted courtroom furniture.
Dresden held out his hand. "Let me see it."
"No."
"Why?"
"Because you are Harry Dresden."
"That's becoming discriminatory."
"It's becoming consensus."
Original Harry nodded. "He's got you there."
Urban Harry reluctantly held the key up between two fingers. "It opens doors that are locked."
Hunter stared.
"That's what keys do."
"Not like this."
Dresden's expression sharpened. "Any door?"
"Most."
"Physical?"
"Yes."
"Magical?"
"Often."
"Dimensional?"
Urban Harry hesitated.
Dresden smiled.
"No."
"That hesitation says yes."
"It says I'm regretting this conversation."
British Harry was staring at the key now. "Where did you get it?"
"London."
"Which London?"
Urban Harry looked at him.
British Harry's face fell.
"Oh, bollocks."
Anime Harry leaned closer. "Does it work on barriers?"
"Some."
"Seals?"
"Some."
"Domains?"
Urban Harry frowned. "Define domain."
Anime Harry smiled.
Urban Harry pointed the key at him. "No."
Mirror Harry looked around at the growing concentration of crossover nonsense and sighed. "I miss when my biggest problem was explaining marriage contracts."
Original Harry stared at him. "You had twelve."
"Exactly. Simpler."
The spectral hand patted Mirror Harry on the head.
He glared upward.
It patted him again.
Kenzi had finally recovered enough to straighten, though she was still grinning. "Okay. Anime Potter has pocket motorcycles. British Potter has BBC conspiracy radio. Urban Potter has the Skeleton Key from Hell."
"It's not from Hell."
Urban Harry paused.
Bo noticed.
"Not directly," he amended.
Kenzi's eyes widened. "Oh, that's so much worse."
"It passed through Hell."
Hunter slapped the table.
"How does a key pass through Hell?"
"Carefully."
Dresden looked impressed. "Good answer."
Original Harry turned toward Gandalf. "This is your fault."
Gandalf inclined his head with serene satisfaction.
"Indeed."
"You aren't even pretending otherwise?"
"A wizard should take pride in his work."
"Wizard swag," Kenzi said.
"Wizard swag," Gandalf agreed.
Dresden suddenly looked thoughtful.
Original Harry saw it. "No."
"I haven't said anything."
"You're doing the face."
"What face?"
"The same face you had before Atlantis."
Dresden pointed across the courtyard at the three Melting Pot Potters. "You realize what we've got here, right?"
"Problems?"
"Comparative cosmology."
Both Hermiones looked up.
Both original Potters groaned.
Dresden continued before anyone could stop him. "Three Greater Earths with overlapping franchises, myths, magical systems and artifacts. We can actually establish which things recur independently."
Anime Harry's expression sharpened despite himself.
British Harry muttered, "Oh, that's dangerous."
Urban Harry nodded. "Very."
Dresden grinned. "Exactly."
Original Harry pointed at him. "That isn't a positive."
"It is to me."
Hunter raised the gavel. "Court approves comparative cosmology."
The gavel flashed.
Original Harry stared at it.
"Why?"
Hunter shrugged. "Sounded cool."
Original Hermione was already writing a heading.
Original Harry looked over.
CROSS-REALITY RECURRENCE TABLE
"Hermione."
"What?"
"No."
"We have five Harry Potters."
"That isn't an argument."
"Three are from crossover realities."
"Still not an argument."
"We have a Maia."
Gandalf inclined his head.
"A succubus."
Bo waved.
"Whatever Kenzi counts as in this sample."
"Hot."
Hermione paused.
Then wrote it down.
Kenzi beamed.
"A professional wizard from another cosmology."
Dresden lifted the drumstick.
"And him."
Everyone looked at Hunter.
Hunter slowly raised the gavel.
Hermione stared at him for several seconds.
Under CLASSIFICATION, she wrote:
NO.
Hunter leaned over to read it.
"Acceptable."
Anime Harry snorted.
British Harry looked toward Urban Harry. "How long before this becomes a chart?"
Urban Harry looked at the parchment rapidly filling beneath Hermione's quill.
"It already is."
"No, I mean a dangerous chart."
Mirror Hermione quietly produced another stack of parchment.
British Harry sighed.
"Thirty seconds."
Dresden rubbed his hands together. "First question. Artifacts that exist in more than one universe."
Anime Harry's amusement vanished. British Harry looked toward his case, Urban Harry looked suspiciously at Dresden, and Mirror Harry seemed to realize exactly how dangerous the question could become.
"Don't."
Dresden smiled.
"Excalibur."
Four Harry Potters answered at once.
"Which one?"
Original Harry went very still.
Dresden blinked. "Excuse me?"
Anime Harry frowned. "You're going to need to narrow that down."
British Harry nodded. "Considerably."
Urban Harry looked toward Gandalf. "Arthurian?"
"What other kind of Excalibur is there?" Dresden asked.
The four crossover-aware Potters exchanged a look.
Original Harry saw it.
"No."
Mirror Harry rubbed his forehead. "This is going to take a while."
Dresden pointed at Anime Harry. "Start talking."
Anime Harry began counting on his fingers. "Arthurian Excalibur, obviously. I've encountered three weapons translated into English as Excalibur, one holy sword system where Excalibur is less a unique object than you'd probably prefer, and at least two people who named completely unrelated weapons Excalibur because they thought it sounded cool."
Dresden's expression became increasingly offended.
"That's not how legendary artifacts work."
Anime Harry gave him a flat look. "Tell Japan."
British Harry cleared his throat. "Mine is worse."
Everyone turned.
"There are competing Arthurian traditions."
"That's normal," Original Harry said.
"With surviving artifacts."
Original Harry stopped.
"Plural?"
"Yes."
"How many Excaliburs?"
British Harry's expression tightened. "That depends on whether you're asking historians, wizards, the Crown, three separate secret societies, or the sword."
Silence.
Dresden slowly lowered his hockey stick.
"The sword has an opinion?"
"Several."
Original Harry looked at Hermione's rapidly expanding chart, then at the four Potters who apparently considered this a perfectly reasonable answer.
"Nope. Next artifact."
Dresden protested, "We haven't established which Excalibur is actually Excalibur."
"Exactly. Next."
Hermione reluctantly drew a line through EXCALIBUR and wrote INCONCLUSIVE: TOO MANY beside it.
Anime Harry leaned over. "That's probably the safest classification."
"Next," Original Harry repeated.
Kenzi raised her hand. "Ooh. Magic jewelry."
Every Potter in the courtyard immediately looked at Gandalf.
Gandalf's hand settled protectively over his robe.
Kenzi's grin widened. "Oh, Wizard Grandpa has loot."
Gandalf regarded her from beneath his brows. "There are questions, young lady, which wisdom teaches one not to ask."
Hunter leaned over his table. "Court orders the wizard to show us his bling."
"No," Gandalf said.
The gavel flashed.
Gandalf looked at it.
The gavel reconsidered its position in the universe and stopped glowing.
Hunter stared down at it. "Coward."
Dresden was laughing until British Harry said, "Actually, jewelry isn't a terrible category."
That stopped him.
Original Harry looked suspicious. "Why?"
British Harry gestured toward Gandalf. "Because rings, crowns, torcs, amulets and necklaces turn up constantly. Unlike Excalibur, we can compare what they actually do instead of spending the next six hours arguing about Arthur."
Anime Harry nodded. "I've got several."
Urban Harry grimaced. "Same."
Mirror Harry sighed. "Unfortunately."
Original Harry looked between them.
"Why did all of you say that like jewelry has personally hurt you?"
Urban Harry pulled down the collar of his jumper just enough to reveal several charms hanging beneath it. "Because sometimes the ancient amulet is a protective ward."
Anime Harry nodded. "Sometimes it's a transformation device."
British Harry added, "Sometimes it's a badge of office."
Mirror Harry rubbed his forehead. "Sometimes it's a marriage contract."
The spectral hand immediately pointed at him.
"Fuck off."
Kenzi slapped Bo's arm. "Cock ring."
Every Harry Potter in the courtyard closed his eyes.
Bo considered it seriously. "Magical?"
"Obviously."
Dresden looked toward the heavens. "We went from Excalibur to enchanted cock rings in under thirty seconds."
Hunter raised the gavel.
"Comparative cosmology."
Original Hermione stopped writing.
"No."
Hunter looked genuinely wounded. "You wrote down Kenzi as 'Hot.'"
"That was scientifically relevant."
Kenzi beamed. "Fuck yeah, it was."
The discussion survived magical jewelry for another three minutes before collapsing completely.
That was impressive considering it had already included cursed rings, protective amulets, transformation devices, crowns that conferred actual political authority, jewelry containing pocket dimensions, jewelry containing people who objected strongly to being described as inside jewelry, and one extremely heated disagreement between Anime Harry and Dresden over whether an object remained a necklace if it could transform into a twelve-foot combat platform.
Kenzi's contribution had not improved matters.
Original Hermione had filled most of one sheet beneath JEWELRY and was attempting to establish subcategories. Mirror Hermione had abandoned subcategories entirely and started a second chart devoted to objects whose legal status changed depending on whether they were being worn.
Dresden was delighted.
Original Harry was suffering.
"This was supposed to establish recurring artifacts," he said.
"It has," Hermione replied without looking up.
"We've established that everyone makes dangerous jewelry."
"That is a recurrence."
"That's not useful."
Gandalf stroked his beard. "Many truths appear simple only after they have been discovered."
Original Harry stared at him. "You started this."
"And magnificently."
"Wizard swag," Kenzi said.
"Wizard swag."
Then Anime Harry stopped smiling.
It wasn't dramatic. He simply turned his head slightly, eyes shifting toward a point somewhere beyond the courtyard.
Urban Harry noticed a second later. His hand moved toward one of the charms beneath his shirt while British Harry's expression tightened and Mirror Harry straightened from his lectern.
Dresden noticed all four.
"What?"
Gandalf looked upward.
The nine fox tails behind him went still.
For the first time since the battle had begun, the old wizard's expression contained absolutely no amusement.
"Oh."
Hunter picked up the gavel. "What?"
Gandalf continued looking toward something nobody else could see.
"I believe," he said slowly, "we have attracted attention."
Kenzi glanced around. "Whose?"
A voice answered from nowhere.
"Mine."
Every active spell in the courtyard hiccupped.
Not failed.
Not broke.
Hiccupped.
The spectral hand froze halfway through giving Original Harry the finger. Hunter's gavel stopped glowing. The three mirrors rippled simultaneously, and Dresden's hockey stick emitted a noise disturbingly similar to a tuning fork.
Bo looked around. "Okay. That's new."
Gandalf's eyebrows had climbed.
Dresden tightened his grip on the hockey stick. "Who said that?"
The answer came with laughter.
Old laughter.
Warm laughter.
The sort belonging to someone who had spent a very long time watching younger people discover terrible ideas he had personally tried centuries earlier.
Gandalf's expression changed.
"Oh, dear."
Original Harry looked at him. "You know that laugh?"
"No."
A pause.
"Yes."
Another pause.
"Perhaps."
Hunter pointed the gavel at him. "Pick one."
"I CAST BULLSHIT!" Kenzi shouted.
Reality immediately supplied her with a large red button labeled PLOT ADVANCEMENT.
Kenzi looked down at it.
Bo leaned over. "Are you going to press it?"
"Obviously."
She slapped the button.
Nothing exploded.
Instead, a doorway appeared.
Not a portal.
A door.
Old oak, iron hinges, weathered stone frame, standing upright in the middle of the courtyard with absolutely nothing supporting it.
Dresden stared.
British Harry stared.
Urban Harry took one look at it and immediately backed away.
"Nope."
Kenzi pointed at him. "You have a magic door key."
"Which is exactly why I know better."
The door opened.
A man stepped through.
Not Gandalf.
Every Harry in the courtyard knew that immediately.
So did Dresden.
Bo and Kenzi knew him personally.
Kenzi's eyes widened. "Oh, fuck."
Bo's reaction was quieter, but no less immediate. "Merlin."
That got Dresden's attention. He looked from the man in the doorway to the two women beside him, then back again. "You two know Merlin?"
"Know him?" Kenzi gave him an incredulous look. "Tall, Dark and Hockey Stick, the guy taught us."
Merlin stepped fully through the doorway, amusement already visible in his expression as his gaze swept across the courtyard. He took in Gandalf with his magnificent beard and nine fox tails, five different Harry Potters, two Hermiones, two Ginnys, Dresden's improvised wizarding sporting equipment, Hunter's conceptual courtroom, the motorcycle, the three crossover mirrors, the autonomous spectral hand and the glowing proposition still hanging overhead.
RESOLVED: HARRY POTTER IS NOT A THOT
He stopped beneath it.
The spectral hand gave him a small wave.
Merlin waved back.
Original Harry stared at both of them. "Of course."
Bo folded her arms. "You don't look surprised."
"Surprised?" Merlin turned slowly, taking in the accumulated wreckage again. His smile grew. "No. Impressed, perhaps."
Kenzi immediately brightened. "See, Bo-Bo? Teacher's proud."
"I did not say proud."
"You used the impressed voice."
Merlin looked at her.
Kenzi pointed at him. "That one."
Bo smiled. "She's right."
Dresden glanced between them. "Hold on. You actually taught them to do this?"
Merlin's attention settled on the hockey-stick staff in his hands, then the drumstick at his belt. "Not precisely this."
Dresden relaxed a fraction.
Merlin added, "They have exceeded the curriculum."
Dresden's relief died.
Gandalf's beard shifted as he smiled. "A most excellent curriculum."
Now Merlin really looked at him.
Gandalf met the examination without the slightest trace of shame. His nine fox tails spread behind him with stately grandeur while the staff remained planted before him like the standard of an army that had conquered good magical sense several hours ago.
"You," Merlin said.
Gandalf inclined his head. "Merlin."
"Gandalf."
Original Harry looked between them. "You know each other?"
Both ancient wizards answered at once.
"No."
"Conceptually."
They looked at one another.
Merlin's smile widened.
Gandalf's did too.
Original Harry closed his eyes. "That answer somehow made things worse."
Merlin moved closer to the three crossover mirrors, studying the magical structure without touching them. "Crossover Mirror?"
Gandalf nodded. "My work."
"Interesting." Merlin traced one finger through the air near the nearest pane, watching several incompatible realities shimmer behind the surface. "You allowed the concept itself to determine what constituted the reflection."
"Naturally."
Anime Harry looked offended. "There was nothing natural about it."
Merlin ignored him. "Rather than forcing a predetermined interpretation."
"Precisely."
Merlin stepped back, visibly pleased. "Very good."
Original Harry threw both arms out. "THERE ARE FIVE OF ME."
"Yes."
"THAT IS NOT VERY GOOD."
"Your continued multiplication appears to be a side effect rather than a design flaw."
Mirror Harry snorted.
Original Harry pointed at him. "Don't."
Hunter lifted the gavel. "Court recognizes Merlin as expert witness."
Merlin glanced at the gavel.
It glowed.
His eyebrows rose.
Hunter grinned. "See?"
Merlin stepped closer, inspecting it with genuine interest. "You did not construct this."
"Nope."
"You appropriated authority from a conceptual framework that was never intended to become judicial."
"Yep."
"And reality continues to recognize the jurisdiction."
Hunter leaned back in his chair. "Fuck yeah."
Merlin nodded. "Excellent."
"STOP ENCOURAGING HIM," Original Harry shouted.
Kenzi slapped Bo's arm. "This is why I liked magic class."
"You barely attended magic class."
"I learned through vibes."
Merlin glanced toward her. "Unfortunately, that is not entirely inaccurate."
Before Kenzi could celebrate, a woman's shout echoed from somewhere well above the courtyard.
"COMING THROUGH!"
Everyone looked up.
Three full-sized wenches dropped out of empty air.
Penny came with them.
The four of them hit the grass in a chaotic pile, rolled through what remained of Hermione's comparative-cosmology chart and came to rest beside the motorcycle. Penny emerged from underneath an alarming quantity of skirts with his hair disheveled, his dignity missing and his staff somehow still clutched in one hand.
He staggered upright.
Saw Gandalf.
Saw the fox tails.
Saw five Harry Potters.
Saw Merlin.
Then looked at the glowing proposition.
Penny stared at it for several seconds.
"I leave for one kidnapping."
Kenzi lost it.
Bo leaned against her, laughing.
Gandalf stroked his beard with magnificent composure. "Welcome back."
Penny pointed his staff at him. "You."
"Yes?"
"I hate you."
Gandalf's eyes twinkled. "Understandable."
One of the wenches looped an arm around Penny's shoulders.
He froze.
"Do not."
She kissed his cheek.
Penny's eyes closed.
Merlin was openly smiling now.
Penny opened one eye and spotted him. "Oh, good. You're here too."
Merlin inclined his head.
"Your students have been inventive."
"They've been a fucking menace."
Bo looked offended. "We learned from you."
Kenzi nodded. "Literally."
Merlin accepted that without hesitation. "True."
Penny stared at him. "You are supposed to be the responsible one."
Merlin's expression became thoughtful. "Who told you that?"
Penny opened his mouth.
Nothing came out.
Dresden muttered, "I like him."
Urban Harry rubbed his forehead. "Of course you do."
Merlin's gaze returned to the battlefield, and this time he took his time. He examined the results rather than the perpetrators: spells that had taken language literally, spells that had taken it conceptually, magic that had interpreted intent through jokes, declarations that had somehow become temporary laws, artifacts dragged across cosmologies and several separate realities now touching because a Maia with too much confidence had declared that they should.
"This has gone considerably farther than the first exercise," Merlin said.
Bo smiled. "You noticed."
"Oh, yes."
"Are we in trouble?"
Merlin looked genuinely confused by the question.
"For what?"
Kenzi pointed broadly at the entire courtyard.
Merlin followed the gesture.
The spectral hand gave him another wave.
"No."
Kenzi pumped a fist. "Fuck yeah."
"However," Merlin continued, "you have reached the point where continued escalation is likely to become self-sustaining."
Hunter's grin widened. "That sounds awesome."
"It is."
Original Harry made a strangled noise.
Merlin added, "It is also how one accidentally creates traditions."
That quieted several of the wizards.
Dresden lowered his hockey stick. "Traditions."
"Repeat an act often enough, with sufficient magical weight, witnesses and conceptual reinforcement, and eventually reality stops asking why people are doing it."
Anime Harry slowly looked toward the proposition.
Mirror Harry followed his gaze.
Original Harry went pale.
"No."
Merlin looked up.
RESOLVED: HARRY POTTER IS NOT A THOT
The spectral hand proudly produced its tiny gavel.
"No," Original Harry repeated. "Absolutely not. We are not founding an interdimensional magical legal tradition around whether I'm a thot."
Hunter leaned forward. "Too late to withdraw precedent."
"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT PRECEDENT MEANS."
"I know enough."
The gavel flashed.
Harry pointed at it. "STOP AGREEING WITH HIM."
Merlin chuckled.
Then he looked back through the still-open oak doorway.
His expression changed, but only slightly.
Not concern.
Anticipation.
Kenzi noticed. "What?"
Merlin stepped aside.
A familiar Southern voice came from beyond the threshold.
"Why do I hear Harry Potter yelling about legal precedent?"
Josh walked through the door.
He made it two steps into the courtyard before stopping.
Nobody helped him.
There were five Harry Potters.
Two Hermiones.
Two Ginnys.
Bo.
Kenzi.
Penny and three full-sized wenches.
Harry Dresden holding a hockey stick like a wizard's staff.
Hunter presiding over a conceptual court with a glowing gavel, a cast-iron skillet and a detached rocket-powered fist.
Gandalf with nine fox tails.
Merlin looking delighted.
A motorcycle.
Three enormous mirrors into incompatible realities.
A spectral hand holding its own tiny gavel.
And above all of them:
RESOLVED: HARRY POTTER IS NOT A THOT
Josh read it.
Looked at the Harry Potters.
Read it again.
Then slowly turned toward Merlin.
"What the fuck?"
Merlin smiled. "They learned."
Josh looked at Bo and Kenzi.
They waved.
He looked at Gandalf.
Gandalf gave him a dignified nod.
He looked at Hunter.
Hunter raised the gavel.
"Court recognizes Joshua Myrddin."
Josh stared at him. "Why do you have a court?"
"Long story."
"Why is your fist over there?"
"Different long story."
Josh decided not to ask.
The System chimed privately.
[Would you like a summary?]
No.
[Wise.]
Josh's eyes shifted toward Penny, who was still partially surrounded by the three women.
Penny okay?
[Define okay.]
Alive.
[Extremely.]
Penny, somehow sensing that someone somewhere had just discussed him, pointed angrily at Gandalf. "And I'm still not putting the pipeweed back!"
Gandalf's expression hardened with ancient purpose.
"Penny."
Josh looked between them.
"Nope."
He turned away before the explanation could reach him.
That was when Kenzi looked up at him.
Then kept looking up.
Her expression changed.
Bo noticed.
"Oh."
Josh noticed that.
"What?"
Kenzi slowly raised one finger.
Hunter's eyes widened. "Don't you fucking dare."
Kenzi grinned.
Josh looked between them. "What am I missing?"
Bo's smile became dangerous. "Nothing."
"That is very clearly not nothing."
Original Harry pointed at Kenzi. "She threatened to cast something if another tall, handsome man with too much magical energy showed up."
Josh paused.
He looked at Merlin.
Merlin suddenly found one of the crossover mirrors fascinating.
"What did she threaten to cast?"
Kenzi inhaled.
Hunter slammed the gavel down.
"COURT ORDERS THE WITNESS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP."
The gavel flashed hard enough to throw shadows across the grass.
Kenzi's mouth snapped closed.
She stared at Hunter in outrage.
Josh stared at the gavel.
Then at Hunter.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
Bo was laughing too hard to stand straight.
Merlin finally turned back around, visibly amused. "There remains one practical matter."
Josh gestured at everything. "Only one?"
"Everyone should eventually return to the reality from which they were taken."
Original Harry immediately pointed at him. "Yes. That. Do that."
Merlin's eyes moved to Josh.
Josh recognized the look.
"No."
"I said nothing."
"You didn't have to."
Gandalf's beard shifted as he smiled.
Merlin's smile matched it.
Josh looked from one ancient wizard to the other and realized he had somehow become the responsible party in a room containing Merlin.
"Absolutely fucking not."
The System chimed.
[Counterpoint: it would be funny.]
Fuck you too.
[Noted.]
Josh exhaled, looked across the courtyard again and felt the accumulated conceptual magic hanging in the air. The entire place had spent hours rewarding confident declarations, linguistic loopholes and weaponized bullshit. Reality had already agreed to far worse ideas than the one forming in his head.
Merlin knew exactly when he figured it out.
His smile widened.
Josh pointed at him. "You don't get credit for this."
"I require none."
"Good."
Josh drew his wand.
Every Potter watched.
Dresden leaned forward.
Gandalf's eyebrows rose.
Even Hunter stopped playing with the gavel.
Josh swept the wand toward the entire impossible gathering.
"Fine."
He drew in a breath.
"I CAST BACK TO YOUR OWN REALITIES!"