♪ "I wanna see you out that door..."
♪ "Baby, bye bye bye!"
Deadpool from the main universe began dancing wildly to the beat.
The Deadpool from Hell's Kitchen, watching from the side, couldn't help but sigh. "You're such a little menace."
But of course, Hell Deadpool couldn't let the spotlight stay on his counterpart for too long. He jumped in, and the two began an impromptu dance battle. Their movements intertwined with a bizarre synchronicity, as if choreographed across the multiverse. Together, they delivered a visual and auditory spectacle that could only be described as chaos incarnate.
Meanwhile, the battlefield told a completely different story—Logan was fending off the Time Guards all on his own.
Back on the dancefloor (i.e., the middle of the battlefield), the Deadpools grew more animated. They got up in each other's faces, mimicked one another's moves, then spun apart to show off individually. Shaking their heads, smacking each other's asses, it was absurd and childish—and yet, disturbingly graceful.
(This dance is mesmerizing. But if you really want to witness my moves in their full glory, go see it for yourself. Words don't do justice to my world-class martial choreography.)
As the music climaxed, the Deadpools danced even harder. Meanwhile, Wolverine continued slashing through the Time Guards with unrelenting fury, growing more agitated with every verse of the damn song.
Finally, the last Time Guard dropped, and right on cue, the music cut. It was almost cinematic, like the universe itself had orchestrated the beat drop.
The two Deadpools, panting and beaming, exchanged nods of respect.
"Not bad," one said. "You got real moves, man."
"I bet I could outdance half the cast of Step Up."
"You've got hips that don't lie."
"I might be in love with myself."
As they basked in each other's ridiculous praise, Wolverine marched toward them, scowling, claws extended. He didn't even slow down—he just slashed at each of them with a clawed hand.
"Enough."
His voice was gravelly, filled with suppressed rage. Each syllable dripped with the sort of restrained violence that made both Deadpools freeze. They had been goofing off in the middle of a deadly battlefield—and Logan was done.
Logan had one thing on his mind: Get back to his own universe. The last thing he wanted was more time with Deadpool. And now he had two of them. Two relentless chatterboxes with the grace of circus clowns and the timing of a migraine.
"You." He pointed directly at the main universe Deadpool. "Get the grave ready. Dig up Logan and put him back. Now."
Deadpool—Merc with a Mouth, as the main universe knew him—lowered his head in mock obedience and grabbed the shovel. For once, he wasn't cracking jokes. He'd overstepped by digging up the Wolverine of this world, and now, if he wanted help fixing the timeline, he had to behave.
Then Logan turned to the other Deadpool—the Hell's Kitchen variant, who had gleefully danced through the chaos moments ago. "And you. Get your ass over here and help. This was your idea too."
The two Deadpools dropped their smug grins and reluctantly picked up their shovels. They began re-filling the grave, clumsily tamping down dirt over the skeleton of the dead Wolverine—adamantium claws and all.
As they labored, Merc with a Mouth cast a sidelong glance at his counterpart. "So, uh... how'd you end up here, bro? With that guy?" He jerked his head toward Logan. "Don't tell me you joined the X-Men? You do know all the Logans in every universe are grumpy bastards, right?"
In his own universe, he'd teamed up with Wolverine before—but back then, he hadn't yet become immortal. By the time his healing factor kicked in, Wolverine was already old and near death. Yet this Deadpool... he was working with a young Logan. That was impressive. Almost enviable.
The Hell's Kitchen Deadpool laughed. "Me? Join the X-Men? Nah, too many kids and too many lectures. I hang out in Hell's Kitchen. Way cooler crowd. All skilled, tight-knit, talk like badasses. You'd like it."
Merc with a Mouth raised an eyebrow. "Damn. Sounds like you're living the dream."
And then... it hit him. An emotion Deadpool rarely admitted to: jealousy.
That feeling exploded the moment Hell Deadpool casually pulled off his mask. His face? Smooth. Handsome. Full head of hair. The guy looked like a rom-com lead who moonlighted as a vigilante.
CRACK.
The main universe Deadpool felt something snap inside. "F***! Why don't I have that?!"
Why was this guy thriving? Why was his face shredded? Why was he bald?!?
Hell Deadpool winced. "Wait... you haven't healed your face yet?"
In response, Merc with a Mouth yanked off his mask. The pits and scars glistened in the sunlight. His skull was almost entirely bald—except for one sad, lonely strand of hair stuck to his scalp.
"DAMN YOU, FOX! DAMN YOU, MARVEL! GIVE ME BACK MY FACE AND MY GLORIOUS MANE!! F***KKKK!"
He roared toward the heavens for a solid two and a half minutes before collapsing dramatically on the mound of dirt.
Hell Deadpool squatted beside him, gently patting his shoulder. "Relax, bro. I got fixed thanks to a friend of mine. Alex Ray. Dude's got skills. Helped repair my face. I'm sure he could do the same for you."
Merc with a Mouth snapped upright. "Who the hell is Alex Ray? He healed you? Take me to him! I need my handsome face back. Maybe Vanessa will stop ghosting me!"
"You have a girlfriend?!"
"You don't?"
Hell Deadpool was stunned. He stared blankly for a moment... and then muttered, "Y'know what? Forget it. Maybe I won't take you to Alex Ray."
"Quit yappin' and get back to work!" Logan barked, cutting through the pity party.
Reluctantly, the two resumed filling in the grave. When the last shovel of dirt was placed and the tomb finally resembled its original state, Merc with a Mouth immediately dropped to his knees and hugged Wolverine.
"Please, brother! My universe is collapsing. Just stay here for a little while, alright?"
Then, breathless, Deadpool began recounting everything: his encounter with the TVA, the skeletal remains of the prime Wolverine, the search across the multiverse for replacements, and the looming destruction of his timeline.
He pleaded with Logan to stay in this universe a bit longer, to anchor reality, to give his universe a fighting chance.
Logan's jaw tightened. He looked down at Deadpool, still clinging to his legs like a wet cat, and sighed.
This wasn't over. Not by a long shot.
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Bonus Chapter - 150 Power Stones
2nd Bonus Chapter - 300 Power Stones
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