Whooosh~
Though they were indoors, a strange gust of wind stirred the clothes of the two brave duelists standing on the battlefield.
"Looks like it's just the two of us now, kid."
Gintoki popped a strawberry lollipop into his mouth, looking somewhat exasperated at the dazzlingly handsome boy in front of him—like he'd walked straight out of a shojo manga.
Seriously—this squinty-eyed guy probably had a huge female fanbase. Though... his personality was trash.
Who the hell just leaves their buddy to die like that? If it were him, he'd at least toss a gas mask or something!
Youth these days~
"Well, you know—the protagonist always shows up at the end to save the world."
Kamishiro Shiro smugly posed in a JoJo hand gesture!
Even though only Iori's pained moaning, Kagura's eating sounds, and the creepy laughter of Kohei and Shinpachi could be heard—
Style must never be forgotten!
"Oh? You sure talk big for a brat. You that confident you're the main character?"
Gintoki crushed the lollipop in his mouth. His aura shifted from sleazy old man to the battlefield-slaying "White Demon"!
The overwhelming pressure made Kamishiro feel like a wild beast was bearing down on him.
Too bad...
That kind of thing doesn't scare him.
He's the man chosen by the rules!
Kamishiro Shiro smiled, "Sensei, eat too many sweets and you'll get cavities, you know."
Gintoki chuckled. "Brat's throwing curses at his own teacher now, huh?"
"Just a friendly reminder~"
"Heh. Come on, kid. Tell me the rules already. Teaching little punks like you a lesson is something I'm quite good at."
"Wow, sensei, you make yourself sound like such a villain~" Kamishiro jabbed back, but didn't waste time. They were already halfway through this "class," and he needed to win fast.
"Strip Rock-Paper-Scissors! Let the final victory be decided with this!"
"Strip Rock-Paper-Scissors?" Gintoki's expression grew a little twisted, eyes glinting with mischief. As a veteran of many nights in izakayas, that game was child's play to him—he hadn't lost in ages!
"This isn't really something students should be playing, you know~"
"But sensei—we're already old enough to drink," Kamishiro Shiro smirked, eyes gleaming with cruelty.
Even though he'd only learned strip rock-paper-scissors after entering university, his experience was rich.
And!
His real-life experience had led him to a critical realization—
His underwear was unbeatable!
No matter how fearsome the white-haired bastard in front of him was, he couldn't beat someone empowered by the rules!
Mere mortal!
The smile on Kamishiro's face widened, like he was channeling an Uchiha.
"..."
Gintoki stared speechlessly at the squinty-eyed lunatic laughing like a maniac before him.
"Okay okay, stop laughing. Don't you know anyone who smiles like that always gets smacked in the next scene?
Let's get it over with. Sure, strip rock-paper-scissors without booze feels a little soulless, but whatever."
(′｀;)?
"What are you talking about, sensei?"
"Eh? Wait, you guys don't drink while playing strip rock-paper-scissors?"
Gintoki looked confused. Do people really play that game without drinking?
Didn't this squinty-eyed kid just say they were old enough to drink? Was it because they were lightweights?
BOOM!
Before Gintoki could think further, a pile of beer, sake, and foreign liquors appeared out of nowhere—brought in by Kamishiro Shiro.
"Of course we drink! Strip rock-paper-scissors is meant to include booze, the game, and stripping—those three go together!"
Kamishiro puffed out his chest proudly. Gintoki-sensei must've misunderstood. There's no way a member of PaB would ever run short on alcohol!
"???"
"!!!"
Gintoki stared dumbfounded at the boxes of alcohol that had magically appeared.
His terrifying warrior aura had completely vanished.
"Why do you have alcohol"
"What are you talking about, Sensei? Of course, this alcohol is for the duel later!"
"I know! But why is there alcohol here at all?!"
Gintoki's face twisted in confusion—he hadn't noticed when all this stuff appeared.
Wait a second...
Could it be?!
This squinty-eyed guy is actually an alien?!
Damn it, maybe he should just call the cops. There might even be a reward.
Gintoki's gaze toward Kamishiro turned increasingly dangerous.
(;?＿?)
"Oh, that? That was originally meant for celebrating the end of our first kendo class. Besides, if we have food, then having alcohol isn't that strange, right...?"
Kamishiro's eyes darted evasively. The truth was, the alcohol had been prepared for the fantasy version of the teacher he'd imagined—a hot white-haired beauty.
A social bonding tool, damn it!
Who knew it would turn out to be a scruffy old white-haired dude instead?!
Damn, if he'd known, he wouldn't have taken out all the good stuff. Should've hidden the expensive bottles.
"Well, when you put it that way, I guess it kind of makes sen—LIKE HELL IT DOES! The food was bought by this brat from the cafeteria! Why would alcohol be used to celebrate a kendo class?! And do you even remember that this is supposed to be a kendo class?!"
Even as Gintoki barked complaints non-stop, his eyes never once left that ridiculously expensive bottle of sake, and he was already swallowing hard.
Kamishiro glanced around silently—the college and high school students madly gaming on their R-18 games, the high schoolers stuffing their faces, the university student face-down in his own vomit...
Yeah... this really doesn't look like a kendo class anymore.
But... does that even matter?
Only the credits are real!
BANG!
Remembering his true goal, Kamishiro fired up with renewed determination!
"Let's go, Gintoki-sensei! Time for a duel!"
Σ(っ °Д °;)っ
"Hold on! I'm fine with a duel—but what the hell are we dueling over?! And why the hell are you suddenly down to just your underwear?! Where did your clothes go?!"
Kamishiro was fired up—so fired up he instinctively activated PaB's passive skill!
As long as there's alcohol, one pair of underwear is all you need!
Plus...
"Sensei, isn't stripping while playing yakyuken a totally normal thing?"
"Normal, sure—but we haven't even started yet! You bastard, are you drunk already?!"
Gintoki's mouth twitched like crazy. Technically, since the opponent was down to one piece of clothing, he should be laughing...
But this scene...
Forgive him, he really couldn't laugh.
Especially since this guy was his student.
Well, at least for now... this class was technically under his supervision.
"Oh, that? Don't worry, Gintoki-sensei! Even with just one pair of underwear, I can still beat you!"
!
Gintoki's usually lazy eyes sharpened instantly at those words.
The soul of a samurai returned!
A cruel grin crept across his lips.
"Brat, looks like you need a lesson you'll never forget!"
A Few Moments Later
"Σ_(???」∠) Ughh, brat, hold on, I can still drink, bleghh!"
At that moment, inside the sacred arena of their duel, two samurai—together wearing only a single pair of underwear—were locked in a fierce battle of yakyuken soul!
The battle was intense!
The white-haired samurai's drink-vomit-repeat energy disgusted everyone...
But also fired them up!
Meanwhile, the squinty-eyed samurai...
Ehhhhm...
Just stared at his white-haired opponent with a mixture of disdain and contempt.
That's right!
Kamishiro was glaring at his teacher Gintoki with absolute scorn.
By this point, the kendo class was completely over.
Gintoki's only motivation for continuing to drink was his obsessive will not to lose.
A complete waste of good alcohol!
Sigh~
Kamishiro sighed in disappointment and quietly walked away from the battlefield.
It wouldn't be long before this second battleground turned into a mess just like the first.
He might as well consider all that booze as an offering to the gods of class-skipping.
But honestly, after this duel, Kamishiro had to admit—Gintoki could drink.
At first, even though Gintoki kept losing, he looked completely at ease, enjoying his favorite sake—the kind he rarely could afford.
But after losing 18 straight matches, he started feeling something was off.
Because by then, he was also down to just one pair of underwear—and he couldn't believe the guy across from him had somehow taken off eighteen items of clothing.
With no other options left, Gintoki got serious.
He even dragged over Kagura-chan, who was busy eating, to make sure Kamishiro wasn't cheating.
And then...
He lost.
Completely naked in front of everyone, he returned to his purest form, one with nature.
Kamishiro even took a very friendly photo.
Technically, that should've been the end of the duel.
But Gintoki shamelessly moved the goalposts.
He insisted that since drinking, yakyuken, and stripping were all one activity, he couldn't be considered defeated until Kamishiro drank him under the table!
Yep.
Peak shamelessness.
But Kamishiro accepted the challenge anyway.
After losing 28 matches, Gintoki's favorite sake was gone.
With self-doubt creeping in, he switched to beer.
To slow his descent into drunkenness, he began drinking less each time.
After 38 matches, he started talking to his own hands, strategizing about how to beat Kamishiro.
After 48 matches, he started fighting his hands...
(Technically, it looked like his foot was doing the fighting.)
After 58 matches, Gintoki forgot what the duel was even about, and began recounting his heroic youth to Kamishiro.
After 68 matches, he fully let go—demonstrating how to pee over his own head.
After 78 matches, Gintoki—now with suspicious droplets on his white hair—asked to duel Kamishiros.
Then he emotionally shut down.
After 88 matches, he tied Lake Toya to his you-know-what, and, brimming with confidence, challenged Kamishiro to a size contest.
Finally, after 98 matches, Gintoki collapsed, still yelling "Brat, I can still drink!", his body operating purely on the will to not lose.
Through this alcohol-fueled showdown, Kamishiro truly realized just how shameless Gintoki could be.
Who the hell drinks ten-plus bottles of alcohol split into 98 rounds?!
Kamishiro gave Gintoki one last contemptuous glance.
Sure, the drinks were mixed—beer, sake, baijiu, whiskey—but his capacity was still meh. They hadn't even cracked open the hard stuff like Water of life.
"Mm~ that settles it, we win. Let that idiot know when he wakes up."
Task complete, Kamishiro stretched comfortably.
Then he casually patted Kagura-chan's head, but just as she was about to retaliate...
He shoved all of Gintoki's hidden candy stash into her mouth.
"Don't worry, I'll tell Gin-san he lost, aru!"
Bribed with a single lollipop, Kagura-chan immediately defected to Kamishiro's side.
Then, to Kamishiro's surprise, she walked over to Gintoki and used a full-on Lion's Roar in his ear:
"GIN-SAN! YOU LOST!!!"
BANG!
Poor Gintoki's eardrums exploded.
"Mission complete, aru!"
As Kagura-chan came bouncing back to claim credit, Kamishiro's mouth twitched violently.
For the sake of his own hearing, he handed over all of Gintoki's candy.
And in that moment...
Kamishiro swore he could see Sadaharu's tail wagging furiously behind her.
Yep. She's definitely an alien.
Ignoring the deceptively cute alien, Kamishiro—the victorious duelist—was ready to retreat.
It seemed class was almost over anyway.
But just as Kamishiro reached for the door to freedom, he heard voices from the hallway—voices that screamed corporate authority.
"Now then, Principal, this is where Trial Teacher Sakata Gintoki has been conducting his class."
"Ah, Sakata—I remember him! A lively young man, hahaha! Just what a school teacher should be. I bet he's getting along great with his students."
Hmm...
Also, that voice?
Totally Mediterranean-bald. But what stood out more was what he said.
Gintoki? Lively??
Do those two words even belong in the same sentence?
Gintoki is the very definition of slacker.
That white-haired idiot had to lie to get this job!
That's not the behavior of a good teacher, is it~
Wait, this must be an inspection by the higher-ups...
Should I hide?
Creeeak—
Too late.
The principal didn't give Kamishiro a chance—the door swung open.
Wait.
The principal... isn't Mediterranean...
He's completely bald.
That's even worse!
And the secretary Yep, cold, sharp-eyed, total boss-lady vibes!
On the other side, unlike Kamishiro who was busy judging them...
The principal and his frosty secretary never even got a good look at Kamishiro—because they were instantly traumatized by the scene before them.
The training hall had been completely taken over by two giant puddles of who-knows-what.
Right in the middle of one was their "very lively" Teacher Gintoki.
In his fully-naked version.
The other—if they weren't mistaken—was the current #1 trending topic on the forums.
In a corner, two otaku-like beings giggled perversely.
And worst of all...
That little girl holding the wooden bucket—why does it look so familiar?!
Isn't that from the cafeteria?!
Huff!
The principal, usually known for his grace and elegance, immediately began hyperventilating as the full picture came into view.
That eternal elegance the principal was known for completely collapsed. His fingers trembling, he pointed at the only person in the room still wearing just a pair of underwear and asked:
"Wh-What… exactly happened here?"
"What happened? Oh, nothing much. We just had a normal kendo class."
Pffft!
Hearing Kamishiro Shiro's words, the principal couldn't hold on anymore. His eyes rolled back, and he fainted on the spot.
"Principal! Principal!"
(;?＿?)
Watching the cool beauty of a secretary panic, Kamishiro Shiro immediately lost all interest in trying to get her number. He realized it was definitely time to run.
As for everyone else?
Welp—may the gods be with them!
Actually, Gin-san… guarding the school gate wouldn't be such a bad job for you~
(??ω??)