"This was all for the sake of not smoking everyone out!"
Iori declared proudly, head held high. The more he thought about it, the more genius his idea seemed. It totally solved the problem of smoke from barbecuing during class!
"Brilliant!"
"Truly a role model for good students!"
Everyone showered him with praise. After all, today's goal was simple:
Completely break down the professor's mental defenses!
"Damn it! Now you people develop some common sense?!"
Professor Ushironomiya clutched his face in agony. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he was kind of convinced by the excuse. When he thought about it... bringing a vacuum did make a bit of sense...
Like hell it did!
Since when did Izu University become a place where students were allowed to have barbecues during class?!
Realizing this, Ushironomiya began frantically spraying air freshener to eliminate the smoky smell from the room.
"Well, now I understand the use of the vacuum and the grill.
However, all unrelated items to class—turn them in!"
He bared his teeth in a wicked smile. He might understand, but that doesn't mean they're not getting confiscated!
Σ(っ °Д °;)っ
"What?!"
No one expected the professor to be this shameless, and they were all stunned.
"This is so low!!!"
"Abusing your authority!"
"Be honest, you just wanted to do this, didn't you?!"
"If it's confiscation, then take everything else in the bag too!"
After all, what that guy confiscated was their long-collected spiritual nourishment!
Looking at this group of angry brats, Ushironomiya's face lit up with a joyful smile.
That's right—this is how it should be. His class should be under his control. Why should these kids defy him?
"Don't talk back to me, you garbage students!"
"This is my class. I make the rules!"
Administrator privileges—ACTIVATE!
Ushironomiya didn't even intend to confront them directly. He simply used his admin powers!
"In that case... it really seems we'll have to go with the physical amnesia method, huh."
Seeing the professor's arrogant face, the usually "good-tempered" Kamashiro Shiro couldn't help but feel his anger rise. If subtle tricks wouldn't work, then it was time for more direct methods!
Besides, this teacher looked like a complete idiot. After he "forgets," they could just make up any excuse they wanted.
As he muttered this, he pulled out a baseball bat and a bottle of "Water of Life" from behind his back.
He called these two items his Time Machine!
As the name implied, it could instantly send someone forward in time by a few hours—perfect for skipping class or pulling off a quick heist.
Aside from a teeny tiny bit of risk, there were no downsides~!
The others nodded at Kamashiro Shiro's move and each pulled out the ropes they had long prepared.
After all, to be a proper piece of human garbage, one had to be prepared for anything. Only that way could they handle all kinds of unexpected situations—
Like, for example, this uncooperative teacher.
Kukukuku~
"Wait a minute!"
Just as they were about to make their move, the resident schemer Iori stepped in to stop them, giving them a calm-down-for-now kind of look.
They had discussed how to handle situations like this beforehand. Even though Kamashiro Shiro had dismissed those plans as too much trouble, clearly Iori wasn't ready to give up on them just yet.
Managing to hold back the beasts temporarily, Iori began his fake-ass performance, "Let's not resort to violence, everyone!"
"..."
The room fell silent. Clearly, everyone still preferred Kamashiro Shiro's solution.
Iori's mouth twitched slightly, but his strong mental endurance let him continue his solo act.
Putting on a model-student expression, he said, "Isn't it common sense not to bring unrelated items to class?"
As he said that, he was also desperately giving eye signals to the others, even giving Kamashiro Shiro a few kicks on the side.
Kamashiro Shiro noticed and gave him a "what-an-idiot" kind of look.
Had Iori forgotten? The reason Kamashiro Shiro objected to this plan in the first place was because the items he brought...
...were all bottles of alcohol! How the hell was he supposed to justify alcohol bottles as learning tools?
To stay alert? To draw perfect circles?
Luckily, the stuff the others brought was somewhat useful. Things had come this far, so the group decided to try out Iori's method.
And so—
Ushironomiya the associate professor got to witness the imagination of today's youth...
Using a DVD cases of AVs as a pencil case.
Using magazines as rulers.
Using adult videos to draw curves.
And you know what? The effects were identical to using actual tools!
"See? These are all class-related materials."
"So confiscating them would be a little unreasonable, right?"
(?°?д°?)
"You little brats, that excuse is too much of a stretch!"
Seeing this childish charade, Ushironomiya couldn't hold back anymore. Were they seriously treating him like an idiot?
"Yare~Yare, Seems like you're out of touch with youth culture, professor."
This time Kamashiro Shiro stepped up to explain. Since he had no actual stationery, he volunteered to give the demo—and those squinty eyes of his were weapons of sarcasm.
Like now—just looking at them was pissing Ushironomiya off.
"Huh? What nonsense are you spouting now?"
"These are what we call soft merch, teacher!"
Even Kamashiro Shiro's own mouth was twitching hard as he said that. If the nerds who made actual merch heard this, they'd probably tear him apart.
But fortunately, the professor didn't know a damn thing. He looked like someone extremely easy to fool.
"See, teacher? They look pretty much the same, don't they?"
Kamashiro Shiro stepped aside, revealing Kohei and Yamamoto behind him—both holding and biting onto their "stationery."
Hmm... quite the eyesore.
Kohei was okay, being a handsome guy and all. Plus, he was holding actual stationery—just anime-themed.
But Yamamoto...
How do you even describe a fat guy with thick lips, holding porn magazines in both hands and biting an AV DVD?
Ah! My eyes!
"Yeah... I guess they do look kind of similar."
Ignoring the models themselves, the materials were indeed... comparable.
"Exactly!" ×n
Ushironomiya's answer made everyone break out in smiles.
"Besides, this isn't high school anymore."
"Confiscating stuff in college? That's just unreasonable."
Kamashiro Shiro and the others looked mockingly at the associate professor. This was the effect they were after!
Let Ushironomiya go mad—but have no way to do anything about it!
Kukukuku~
So this was what being a villain felt like.
It was... it was amazing!!!
Seeing the smug grins on their faces, Ushironomiya's fury erupted. It was reaching critical levels.
"You're right, I don't have the authority...
But—
In here, I AM the rules!!!"
Suddenly, Ushironomiya went berserk, grabbing all the contraband from the desk and confiscating it. That smug "admin powers" smile returned to his face.
Σ(っ °Д °;)っ
"WHAT?!"
Everyone was too caught up in their smugness—they never imagined this professor could be so shameless! Even after all that, he was still using admin privileges?!
They stood there in shock as he took away all their treasures.
Why the hell was confiscation even a thing in university?! Want us to complain to the principal, you bastard?!
"Give them back, you jerk!"
"Return my daughters and wives!"
"You call yourself an educator?!"
"Wanna bet we'll expose you online and have you swarmed?!"
"Ahahahahaha! And so what?!" Ushironomiya laughed maniacally, facing their protests. "Anyone who defies me—repeats the year!!"
He pulled out his ultimate move. No student could ignore the threat of failing a year!
Let us all mourn for the education system of Japan once again~
"Looks like violence is the only way left!"
Kamashiro Shiro activated his red-eye special effects and once again pulled out his "Time Machine" kit!
Even Iori didn't stop him this time. Scum like this needed a simple, brutal solution!
"It's come to this—take him down, boys!"
"Don't come crying later, you future associate professor!"
"Shut up! It's professor, you rotten students!"
Facing seven students holding weapons, Ushironomiya didn't flinch at all. As a fine (scumbag) teacher, being able to fight was fundamental!
Inside the classroom—
The air grew still. Both sides glared at each other warily.
Gulp~
The sound of someone swallowing echoed like a thunderclap.
BANG!
Ushironomiya moved!
He threw a punch!
Countless afterimages of his fists filled the seven students' vision. They could practically hear the "ORA ORA ORA!" in their minds!
So how would the Scumbag Seven respond?!
Here it comes—
Their counterattack!
They... they chose to sacrifice the biggest guys—Yamamoto and Fujiwara?!
No!
They volunteered themselves!
On the battlefield—
Yamamoto and Fujiwara stood firm against the flurry of fists, using their bodies as human shields for their comrades.
"The rest... is up to you guys..."
"Yamamoto!"
"Fujiwara!"
BAM!
The fists landed!
Yamamoto, Fujiwara—OUT!
Watching their bulky comrades fly backward, the remaining five stood in stunned silence. Then, with resolve in their eyes, Mitorai and Nojima charged forward with ropes in hand!
They couldn't let the efforts of Yamamoto and Fujiwara go to waste!
"It's useless!"
Ushironomiya suddenly pulled out the confiscated AV discs. In that moment, those two discs, each bearing the image of a naked older woman, seemed to transform into samurai blades, completely repelling any attempt at approach!
The two of them even risked being counterattacked!
Too bad!
They still had three people on their side!
Kohei and Iori suddenly darted out from behind Ushironomiya!
"It's over!" ×2
"When?!"
Ushironomiya looked at the two who suddenly appeared in horror. He tried to retreat and defend himself, but Mitarai and Nojima gave him no such chance, clinging tightly to his legs!
"Don't even think about it!"
"It's time for you to witness the power of our bonds!"
Now that Ushironomiya's legs were restrained, he had missed his best chance to fight back.
Kohei grabbed his arms from behind, and Iori even stuffed a rope into Assistant Professor Ushironomiya's mouth!
"Final blow!"
With glowing red eyes, Shirou Kamishiro appeared in front of Ushironomiya like a ghost.
In his terrified gaze, the squinty-eyed man—like a demon—slowly began pouring a bottle labeled "96% Alcohol" into the assistant professor's mouth.
"Mmmmmmph!!!"
The burning sensation in his throat made Ushironomiya moan in pain.
Yet to the five demons, those moans were like the most beautiful music.
Jie jie jie jie jie!!!! (a sinister laughter)
As the liquid in the bottle steadily disappeared and the sound of scornful laughter rang in his ears...
Ushironomiya closed his eyes in humiliation. He could feel his strength gradually leaving his body.
Like a paper airplane struggling against a fierce wind...
Was this the end for Ushironomiya?
Falling in the classroom, bested by a group of students?
Then live a life as a friendly, well-liked, easygoing teacher?
Honestly... that didn't sound so bad.
But!
He refused to accept it! Absolutely not!
He hadn't even been promoted to full professor yet!
He couldn't fall here!
In that moment!
A golden light burst from Assistant Professor Ushironomiya's body!
GAIA!!!
(Cough cough… All of the above was just Ushironomiya's imagination. In reality, the eight of them just ended up brawling in a chaotic mess, all completely exhausted afterward. Though yes, that bottle of "elixir of life" was really consumed.)
"Haha… You brats… just how arrogant are you, hic (ˉ?ˉ;)…"
Ushironomiya couldn't understand it. Why did these brats have to go against him like this? Couldn't they just be like other students and quietly attend class?
"You're the one to talk! You still haven't apologized to us. Don't you feel the slightest bit guilty?!"
Kamishiro Shirou struggled to his feet, eyes full of defiance. He still refused to admit his report was trash!
"Apologize?"
"Say, 'It was wrong of me to say that kind of boring report was worthless!'"
!
Hearing this, Ushironomiya suddenly understood something. He looked at the seven stubborn students in front of him in disbelief.
"We didn't do this because we wanted to."
"We just want you to apologize for what you said!"
"That's what it's about."
"And also, we need those credits."
"Yeah, and good grades too!"
"And give me back my wife and daughter!"
"I want a different professor to review my report… uuuuhhh…"
After hearing their demands, Ushironomiya was silent for a moment, then relaxed his clenched fists.
"I won't take back what I said."
!!!
Kamishiro and the others looked grim. Was this going to end in a life-or-death battle after all?
"But…"
"If you all think my lectures are that boring, then I'll do some self-reflection."
(??д?)b
Everyone stared at Ushironomiya in surprise—they didn't expect such a dramatic turn of events.
But judging from his words…
They won?!
In that instant, smiles broke out on everyone's faces.
"Hahahaha, he finally understood us!"
"So he can listen to reason!"
"I need to make him re-evaluate my report!"
But before they could celebrate—
Ushironomiya's next sentence sent them straight into despair.
"So to make sure the class isn't boring anymore… let's begin a pop quiz!"
"..."
Their expressions instantly froze, turning robotically to stare at the now grinning Assistant Professor Ushironomiya.
So this bastard hadn't been repenting at all!
Looks like a real death match is still necessary!!!