"Finally, the goddamn production issue fixed. The moron customer was passing headers as sheet rows, not data points, so the extension couldn't calculate anything."
The stark, digital glow of his monitor's clock blinked 01:43, a relentless red eye in the pre-dawn gloom. Alex hammered his last commit, then slammed his laptop shut with a satisfying click. He surveyed the field of empty Monster Energy cans glinting under the dim light, kicking a couple aside on his weary trek to bed.
"It's okay. It's all gonna pay out in the end," he mumbled, pulling his worn beanie lower over his eyes as he slid under the covers. "Just $40,000 away from buying that little shed by the lake. I can already smell the fresh waters and roasted fish."
Suddenly, a blinding flash of light erupted in his window, searing through the thin curtains. He rubbed his eyes, groggy and disbelieving—"Is that a mushroom cloud? God, I'm working too much..."
A wave of searing heat slammed into him, the air igniting, and the world shattered into a profound, suffocating silence.
The searing heat vanished as abruptly as it appeared, replaced by an absolute, crushing void. No pain, no sound, no light. Just... nothingness. Alex drifted, a single consciousness untethered from a body, a life, a dream.
Then, a pinprick of light. It grew, slowly at first, then accelerated, pulling him through an endless, shimmering tunnel. Consciousness returned, sharp and bright, like a newly honed blade, the persistent ache of his last life simply... gone.
He stopped, not falling but simply being, in a space of boundless, shifting starlight. Pillars of nebulous light stretched endlessly upwards, and soft, resonant chimes echoed from unseen distances. Before him stood a figure, robed in luminescence that made their features indistinct, yet exuded an aura of ancient, weary power.
"Soul number 6f766572706f7765726564," the figure intoned, their voice ancient as grinding tectonic plates, "your life is no more. An unfortunate event, truly. I didn't intend to obliterate your entire city, you understand. I projected my power to shield as many as I could, but you... you were the only one caught directly in the explosion."
Alex stared at the cosmic being, then clutched at his non-existent hair, a phantom agony twisting his features, and screamed. His mind reeled. What was happening? A cosmic being? Soul number? Was this some elaborate, fever-induced hallucination? Had he finally snapped from the endless coding?
"For fuck's sake! I was almost saving enough money to retire, to live my quiet, mundane life fishing, and you dumbass had to kill me?! No, no, no, no! You will pay for this! Send me back, now!"
Golden veins pulsed on the being's indistinct forehead, and a flash of anger crossed their luminous face. "Calm down, you insignificant speck! I know I messed up. Unfortunately, sending you back to your original timeline is... complicated. However, I can offer you a choice: pure reincarnation without memory, or a new beginning in another world, with your memories intact, and three gifts as compensation."
"Heck no!" Alex immediately roared, cutting the being off. "Lose all my memories? All that hard work, all those late nights, all that progress towards my dream? Absolutely not! I'm keeping the memories, obviously!"
A cosmic sigh, barely audible, seemed to ripple through the boundless space. "Fine, fine," the being conceded, a hint of exasperation in its ancient voice. "Humans and their attachments. Very well. As for the gifts..."
As the being spoke, space around Alex warped. The shimmering starlight dissolved, replaced by a cavernous room vaster than anything he had ever conceived. Walls stretched into impossible distances, lined with glowing pedestals holding items of indescribable power and strangeness.
This was beyond anything he'd ever seen, even in the most outlandish sci-fi movies. His brain struggled to reconcile the impossible scale, the sheer, mind-bending reality of it all.
"You may choose three items from here," the being added, its voice echoing slightly in the immense chamber.
"Gosh, this is huge," Alex muttered, his voice echoing in the immense space. He still couldn't quite believe any of this was real. Was he dreaming? Was he dead and this was some bizarre afterlife? "I don't know what any of this is, though, so how will I even know what to pick?"
"Oh, yeah, that's true. My bad," the being replied, sounding genuinely apologetic. "I'll use one of your options to give you this: [Divine Eye of Essence]." A pulsating, purple blob materialized in mid-air, then shot towards Alex's left eye.
"Ahhhhhh, it hurts, for God's sake!" Alex cried out as a million flickering lines of text, symbols, and diagrams exploded across his vision, overlaying reality. The pain was sharp, undeniable, rooting him to this insane reality. This wasn't a dream. This was really happening.
His gaze swept across the vast chamber, and three pedestals, among countless others, drew his attention:
[Primordial Dragon Sword] Sword used by an unnamed god on the Ancient Battlefield war. 1.3 trillion lives were slayed and absorbed by the sword.
[Samsara Pearl] Pearl used by the Original Buddha. When activated, all life in a radius of a million miles are healed and restored to their peak.
[Ancient Titan Bloodline] Bloodline source of the ancient titan race. Whoever absorbs it will acquire the source bloodline of their race.
"Come on, this is too much to pick from…" Alex scoffed, ignoring the pain in his eye and the overwhelming descriptions. "Just give me a fishing rod and a bag to hold fish. I want to be as far away from these epic wars as possible. Oh, and I better wake up on a shed by the lake, with shorts, slippers, and a floral shirt. Hurry, hurry, let's go!"
The cosmic being sighed, a sound like grinding galaxies. "Fine, fine! Honestly, humans and their strange fixations." With a wave of their hand, the glowing pedestals vanished. In their place, the remaining two of your chosen gifts shimmered into existence before Alex.
"This," the being gestured to a staff that seemed to absorb all light, yet glittered with infinitesimal stars, "is the [Cosmic Reaching Scepter]—no, wait. For you, it's your [Void Fishing Rod]. It casts into the very fabric of existence, allowing you to reel in treasures, fragments, and perhaps even... entities... from the spaces between worlds. Guaranteed catch."
"And finally," the being nudged a small, nondescript leather pouch. "This is the [Dimension Weaver's Pouch]—no, scratch that. It's called a [Fisherman's Satchel]..." The being rolled its eyes, though its features remained indistinct. "Consider it a pocket dimension. And yes, your 'shed' is in there. Fully furnished with the clothes you so vividly described. Inside your shed's domain, you'll find an intuitive storage ability for whatever fish you manage to catch."
Alex felt a sudden, familiar pull, a sense of being stretched thin across reality. The cosmic being's form blurred.
"Now, off you go. And try not to get blown up again, you hear?" the voice echoed, fading.
The light engulfed Alex, and the profound silence of the celestial court was replaced by the distant, soothing sound of lapping water.