I hadn't expected the website to crash. Actually, I didn't expect myself to care this much.
But there i was, hunched over my laptop on a Thursday night, wrapped in a giant hoodie, hair up in a messy bun, eyes glued to the screen like a madwoman, refreshing, refreshing, refreshing.
Error 502.
"Seriously?" I muttered, slamming the spacebar like that would fix the server.
I had been in queue for the last two hours.
My tea had gone cold.
My butt was numb.
My anxiety was climbing by the second.
I didn't even know this group last week, and now i was apparently desperate to see them live?
Okay, maybe it had something to do with the tall, rude, elevator guy who turned out to be the Sebastian Blair Gutierrez—Filipino member of SOLSTICE, global heartthrob, and walking mystery.
I wanted to call it curiosity, but who was i kidding? It was obsession now.
The man annoyed me, yes. But he also fascinated me.
"Almost there..."
A glimmer of hope.
The loading bar crept forward like a snail on sedatives.
My hand hovered over the mouse, refusing to blink.
When it finally reached the payment page, i nearly screamed.
"Come on, come on, come on..."
I didn't hesitate. VIP. Expensive? Hell yes. But i clicked it anyway.
I used my Philippine card.
I wasn't even sure if that would work here, but it did.
Transaction approved.
I stared at the screen for a full five seconds before reacting.
"I GOT IT!" I shouted to absolutely no one.
I stood up, spinning in place like an idiot, before crashing back onto the couch, heart pounding.
"I actually got it."
Maybe it was just a concert.
Maybe it was me trying to prove to myself that i was still alive.
Still human.
Still part of something bigger.
Or maybe... I just wanted to be around people again, even if they didn't know me.
I spent the next hour down a Sebastian Gutierrez rabbit hole. Articles, fan threads, edits.
The man was everywhere.
His visuals alone could crash the internet.
Then there was his voice, deep, steady, laced with something... haunting. I didn't want to like it, but i did.
One clip showed him speaking in Tagalog during a concert in Manila.
"Wag kayong matakot magmahal ulit."
Don't be afraid to love again.
I slammed my laptop shut.
What the hell.
-
Concert day came faster than i expected.
I wore a long black coat, bucket hat, and a face mask. Not because i thought someone would recognize me, Korea wasn't exactly tuned into my past scandals but because it felt safer to hide.
The venue was electric.
Even from outside, I could feel the bass thrumming through the pavement.
Lightsticks glowed in every shade imaginable.
Fans held up signs.
Some were crying, others were laughing, and a few looked like they were about to pass out.
It was chaos. Beautiful, glittering chaos.
I hadn't realized how much i missed being part of something.
Just a face in the crowd.
A girl with no labels.
No headlines.
No blame.
Just a fan.
My seat was dead center, front row. I could practically see the sweat on their brows when they hit their opening choreo.
The lights dimmed.
The screams erupted.
And then they appeared.
Seven silhouettes.
One stage.
A sea of sound.
I found him immediately.
Sebastian.
Even under flashing strobes and a storm of pyrotechnics, he stood out.
His movements were sharp, confident. He had this way of locking eyes with the crowd, like he was looking for someone he already knew.
Then just for a second, his eyes swept past my direction.
They narrowed slightly.
I didn't breathe.
He couldn't have recognized me, right? I was wearing a mask, for crying out loud.
Still, something flickered in his gaze.
Confusion? Or was i just projecting?
The show went on, but i wasn't really watching anymore.
My mind was reeling. My chest felt tight. I kept waiting for him to look my way again.
He didn't.
After the final encore, I sat there long after the crowd had begun to leave.
People laughed, chatted, clutched their merch bags and signed albums. The air smelled like sweat, sugar, and perfume.
I hadn't bought anything.
I wasn't really here for souvenirs.
I was here to feel.
And i did.
God, I did.
-
Back in my unit, I peeled off my coat and tossed my mask onto the counter.
My cheeks were flushed. My ears were still ringing. I had three missed calls from Mom, two messages from my dad, and a short, blurry selfie from Mia that said:
"Saw you on the livestream. YOU WENT????"
Crap.
Of course she saw me.
She probably has eyes everywhere.
"Yeah. I did. Was fun." I texted back.
Three dots. Then:
"Fun??? GIRL YOU LOOKED LIKE YOU WERE HAVING A SPIRITUAL AWAKENING."
I laughed.
She wasn't wrong.
-
The next day, I decided to take the long way back from the café downstairs.
I wasn't stalking, okay? I just... happened to know where Sebastian lived now.
Blame the internet.
I passed his unit.
Lights were off.
No noise.
Whatever.
I wasn't expecting a movie moment or anything.
As i turned the corner toward my door, a voice called out from behind.
"Hey."
I froze.
That voice.
I turned slowly.
There he was.
No makeup.
No stylist.
Just Sebastian. Hoodie. Slippers. Holding a half-empty water bottle.
"You were at the concert," he said.
My heart dropped.
I tried to play it cool. "And you were the one onstage. What a coincidence."
"Do you live here?"
He didn't answer. Instead, he studied me like i was some kind of riddle. The kind he wasn't sure he wanted to solve.
"You looked different last night."
"So did you," I replied.
He smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.
"I thought you said you weren't following me."
"I wasn't."
"Yet here you are."
"Maybe you're the one following me," I shot back.
He looked amused now. "I doubt that."
"Well," I said, folding my arms, "You don't seem thrilled to see me."
He tilted his head slightly. "That depends. Are you always this defensive, or is it just with me?"
"Only with jerks," I said before i could stop myself.
Silence.
Then, he chuckled. "Fair enough."
He stepped aside, gesturing toward the hallway. "You're blocking the way."
I rolled my eyes and walked past him.
As i reached my door, I heard him call out again.
"I looked you up."
I turned.
"You're Margaux Imperial," he said.
I froze.
"I saw your season. Didn't finish it, though."
I swallowed. "You should. It gets... better."
"Does it?"
"You tell me," I said, unlocking my door.
He stared a beat longer, then gave a small nod. "See you around, neighbor."
And just like that, he disappeared into his unit.
I stood there for a full minute, trying to steady my breath.
Back inside, I collapsed onto my couch, heart still hammering.
Sebastian knew who i was.
And for some reason, that terrified me more than the entire internet ever had.
Because this time, it wasn't strangers judging me.
It was someone who actually saw me.
Not the headlines. Not the edits.
Just... me.
And i wasn't sure yet if that was a good thing.
But i was willing to find out.
Maybe.
Eventually.
After i recovered from the full-body panic that conversation gave me.