"You look beat-up every day. What's up with you, Sabuko?" Naruto said after they both finished a bowl at Ichiraku's.
Sabuko leaned back in his seat, picking his teeth. "I'm training for field duty now."
Naruto folded his arms and narrowed his eyes at him. "You look even worse off than I do after Sakura-chan touches me—"
"Hits," Sabuko corrected.
"EH!? H-how did you know that..!?" Naruto recoiled.
"Doesn't take a genius," Sabuko sighed. "She was like that in the Academy, too."
'Even if I hadn't watched a single episode of Naruto, it'd be clear as day, dumbass.'
"Shut up! I could've totally charmed her by now, you better believe it!" Naruto growled, turning back to the counter. "It's all because of that damn Sasuke. I'll surpass him, then become Hokage, and then Sakura-chan will be all over me, you better believe it!"
Naruto blinked.
"Ah." He looked at Sabuko again. "Sabuko, Sabuko. (hai, Sabuko desu) What's YOUR ambition?"
Sabuko flinched, then looked up and scratched his chin.
'Watered-down version, here we go.'
"To... enjoy life to the fullest, I guess?"
Naruto tilted his head. "What's that even mean? What the hell does that have to do with being a ninja?"
"I mean," Sabuko continued, "ninja have chakra, right?"
"Yeah, chatora." Naruto nodded.
'...This dumbass can't even pronounce the word chakra.' Sabuko deadpanned.
"So, the more you train, the more you have," Sabuko went on. "Then you can do more jutsu. Then you can enjoy life with those jutsu."
Naruto frowned. "That's like, sooo boring~" He slumped his shoulders, then poked Sabuko's temple. "Dream of something interesting or something. C'mon, you're the future Hokage's best friend, you better believe it. Show some spirit!"
"Shut up." Sabuko flicked Naruto's finger away. "I don't wanna hear advice from a dude who'd send a clone to his daughter's birthday."
"HAAAH!?" Naruto narrowed his eyes even more. "You're not making any sense now!"
"You can't even understand what I'm saying." Sabuko smirked smugly. "This is what I'm talking about, Naruto."
"I DON'T UNDERSTAND A WORD YOU'RE SAYING, YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT, YOU WEIRDO!" Naruto yelled.
Sabuko laughed.
"WHAT'S SO FUNNY, HUH!?"
Sabuko laughed some more.
Fourth Day Into Training...
"Tch. That damn brat." One of the ninja watched from the shadows. "He's always surrounded by jōnin. How are we supposed to get to him?"
"Patience, brother," the other whispered. "Mr. Gatō didn't put a deadline on this mission. The moment he's alone, we snatch him. It's bound to happen eventually."
"And if he resists..."
He chuckled.
"Haven't cut anybody up in a while."
Meanwhile...
"Ah." Sabuko spoke through a swollen nose and a face covered in bruises. "The clone training with Lee dispersed."
"HM!" Guy nodded. "Then hurry and make another one so we can return to your training!"
Sabuko pushed himself upright and formed the hand seal. "Shadow Clone Jutsu!"
POOF.
Another Sabuko appeared and immediately ran off, carrying the same bruises as the original.
"Huh."
Guy glanced at him. "What is it, Young Sabuko?"
"Nothing, it's just..." Sabuko scratched his head. "That's my fourth clone today, and I still feel like I can keep going. I'm pretty sure my max is five right now." His expression flattened. "How is that even possible, sensei?"
"WHY, IT IS PERFECTLY REASONABLE AND YOUTHFUL!"
"I don't think it is..." Sabuko looked down. "I trained the Shadow Clone Jutsu for more than fifteen days, and I completely stopped improving once I reached three clones." He raised his eyes again. "But after only four days training with you, I feel like I could make six if I really pushed it. Why?"
"Hmm!" Guy folded his arms. "Chakra is created from both physical and spiritual energy, Young Sabuko! Training ninjutsu alone developed your control and your ability to use chakra, but your body itself was still lagging behind!"
Sabuko blinked.
"NOW!" Guy grabbed him by the shoulders. "YOU ARE TRAINING YOUR BODY AS WELL!" His smile exploded across his face. "WHICH MEANS YOUR YOUTHFUL CHAKRA CAPACITY IS GROWING ALONG WITH IT!"
'Holy shit...!'
He gulped, fist clenching.
"...Hah."
Then he sighed.
'Look at me, getting excited over making six clones before collapsing, while that monster Naruto can make hundreds. Getting excited over being some normie ninja... swear ta god.'
Meanwhile, inside Guy's mind:
'DEFINITELY NOT NORMAL. SOMETHING IS YOUTHFULLY NOT NORMAL WITH THIS YOUTH!'
'Three clones after fifteen days... six after only four more!? His chakra capacity is exploding upward!'
Guy gulped audibly.
'JUST HOW STRONG WOULD HE BECOME IF I TRAINED HIM EVERY DAY FOR A YEAR?!'
Guy slapped himself.
"Sensei!?"
'NO, GUY! HE IS NOT YOUR STUDENT! CONTROL YOURSELF!'
"Alright, Young Sabuko. Let us continue training."
'BUT...' Sabuko blinked.
"Right!"
'...It fucking hurts,' Sabuko thought through his smile.
'I haven't been able to block a single punch or kick. And on top of that, every time I get hit, it feels like God himself bitch-slapped me.'
His fist tightened.
'But mommy harem. And housing. I fucking won't...'
An image flashed before his eyes.
'I fucking won't be homeless again—'
BAM.
Guy kicked him in the face, and Sabuko was flat on the ground again.
"Urhghh..." Sabuko groaned into the dirt.
"HA HA HA, SABUKO!" Guy shouted. "It's still too early for you to get distracted. You're still flinching at every hit! Get up when you can and come at me!"
"Righ...t..."
Fifth Day Into Training.
"AHHHK!!" Sabuko yelped as Guy tornado-kicked him into a tree.
His nose started bleeding.
'Housing... housin... g.'
Sabuko fell flat on his back, his whole face red, bits of bark stuck to his cheeks as he lay on the grass.
"WE'LL TAKE FIVE MINUTES! AND THEN SIX MORE HOURS OF BEATIN— I MEAN, TRAINING!"
'It's been five days,' Sabuko thought, squinting at Guy, who was happily kicking at the air. 'And I still can't see this guy's moves at all. Bolo's incomparably slower.'
He exhaled.
'I could look dead center at his fist, and after one blink, I'm on the ground.'
Sabuko deadpanned.
'Reminds me of Dragon Ball Z Abridged. How Piccolo just beat up Gohan while shouting at him to dodge.'
He chuckled.
"G... Guy-sensei," Sabuko cleared his throat. "Y... uh... you move too fast for me to see. Can you—"
"OHHH!" Guy shouted. "I move fast, huh!?"
"I... yes."
"I see... THEN IT'S TIME FOR ME TO MOVE FASTER! I'LL USE MY SPECIAL TECHNIQUE FROM NOW ON WHEN SPARRING WITH YOU!"
'NO.'
"WAIT, NO—"
"GATE OF OPENING!" Guy struck a pose.
'The WHAT?!'
"NOW I'M EVEN FASTER, SABUKO-KUN!" Guy yelled, his hair seeming to rise upward. "HURRY UP AND STAND UP!"
Sabuko gulped.
'I'm done for.'
Sixth Day Into Training.
"Haaaah... haaah... blurthghh." Sabuko threw up on the ground, hunched on his knees after a kick to the gut.
Hinata watched from a nearby tree, Lee standing beside her.
"Is... is this really okay, Lee-san?"
"YEP!" Lee nodded. "I'm so jealous. Guy-sensei is being really kind, teaching him like this!"
"B-but, he's just beating him up every day..." Hinata muttered.
"YEP! YOU'RE RIGHT!" Lee gave her a thumbs-up.
Hinata looked to the side. "...But I guess Sabuko's throwing punches more steadily."
"And his kicks have improved, too!"
Then Sabuko got kicked in the head and went flying into the dirt again.
"AHHK..."
"...Though I think that was more thanks to us, Lee-san."
Lee gave another thumbs-up. "Trust in Guy-sensei, Hinata!"
She nodded, then furrowed her brows. "But..."
"Yeah." Lee nodded.
Then they both spoke at the same time:
"His taijutsu's nowhere near good enough."
"But..." Hinata continued, "I'll... I'll trust Guy-sensei!"
"YEAH!"
'I wonder,' Lee thought to himself, 'why Guy-sensei told us explicitly not to spar with his clones at all?'
Seventh Day of training. The 30th.
"Where's Hinata?" Sabuko asked, looking around that morning.
"I told you, didn't I?" Guy said. "Today is the day the rookie teams go out on missions."
'Ah, right. After today's session, I'll have to go see Asuma before the day's over.'
Later...
Sabuko had fainted. He came to groggily, slumped against a tree, watching Guy spar with Lee.
'One thing I never got about Naruto.'
"HYAH! I'M CATCHING UP, GUY-SENSEI!" Lee shouted as he threw a punch.
"HMM!! AS EXPECTED FROM MY STAR PUPIL! BUT YOU'RE STILL NOT THERE YET! KONOHA WHIRLWIND!"
'They're yelling their attacks. Dragging fights out instead of ending them quickly.'
He subtly rolled his half-lidded eyes.
'Why're you two fighting like honorable men in some duel to the death?' Sabuko blinked.
He exhaled.
'Posing. Whirlwind kicks... techniques that intentionally look cool.'
He looked at Guy's and Lee's waists.
'Not a single kunai or smoke bomb, which you'd THINK would be especially important for someone without ninjutsu.'
Sabuko tightened his fist.
'You even get done in by Gaara because you're so honorable.' He frowned.
'One of the coolest fights in Naruto, sure. But if you'd just put ONE kunai to his throat to show the proctor you'd won, you'd have kept your legs.'
Sabuko looked at their smiles.
'Honesty. Transparency... You're fucking ninjas.'
He exhaled.
'Whatever.'
'I know everything will go to shit if my wish and my perversions get out.' His gaze flattened. 'Just like in my old fat-fuck useless life.'
"Sabuko." Guy was standing right above him. "I didn't beat you much today. Go. Go to Asuma." He smiled.
Sabuko looked back at him.
'Well. The best thing about the truth..!! GR..' Sabuko pushed himself off the ground.
"I'll be going, then!" he muttered as he turned and ran.
'...is that I don't have to tell it to anyone.'
"Guy-sensei," Lee said after Sabuko left, "do you think he'll pass?"
Guy smirked and folded his arms. "NOPE! BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING TO PASS!"
"W-what?" Lee scratched his head.
About an hour later...
"Sabuko," Asuma said, "there's no such test today."
The Ino-Shika-Cho trio stood behind him.
"What..?!"
"If you've improved on your weaknesses, that's great," Asuma said. "But we've already completed our first mission. I can't add you to the team on a whim like this."
Sabuko froze.
"But... The deadline..!"
"I never gave you a deadline. I just said that missions begin in a week." He scratched his head. "I'm sorry, I should've been clearer, Sabuko." Asuma closed his eyes.
"But..!" Sabuko gulped. "I'M... Guy-sensei trained me! He said he cleared it with you, and—"
"This is not a game, Sabuko!"
Asuma didn't yell. But his voice was firm enough to silence Sabuko.
"Being a ninja is dangerous. Expertise in one of the cardinal skills a ninja needs can't be attained in a week. Especially not in taijutsu, and especially not from the level you were at."
'..!? WHAT?!' Sabuko's eyes narrowed. 'You cocksucker!'
"Guy-sensei asked me when our missions start. That's all he asked." Asuma turned around. "You have potential. But potential alone isn't enough right now... I'm sorry."
He walked away as Sabuko stared at the ground, wide-eyed.
Shikamaru turned around first. "C'mon."
Choji and Ino looked at Sabuko a moment longer before turning away as well.
'Did I seriously...'
Sabuko's fists clenched.
'...assume I'm special or some shit?'
He sighed.
'Now what?'