The air in Davao felt heavier now. Not because of the heat, pero dahil sa mga tanong na hindi pa rin nasasagot.
We stayed another night.
Lucien was in the room next door. Calix was still out, buying bottled water and something to eat. Ako? Nakaupo lang sa floor ng hotel room namin, staring at the folder in my hands, photocopies of David Tolentino’s records.
School forms, barangay clearance, even a medical report from years ago.
Lahat 'to pinasa daw niya noong nag-apply siya sa local stable as a horse groomer.
But it didn’t tell me who he really was.
"Who are you, David?" I whispered, running my fingers over the edge of the paper.
I thought seeing him would fix something inside me. That maybe, somehow, if he was Paul... I'd finally stop feeling like a monster. But now that i’ve met him, I feel even more unsure.
David had Paul’s eyes, same shape, same slight downward curve sa dulo.
But his gaze didn’t have that spark i remembered.
His voice was deeper, rougher.
Wala na rin siyang accent.
He smiled differently.
Or maybe i’m just trying to protect myself from disappointment again.
The door opened. “Hey,” Calix said, stepping in with a paper bag. “Got you buko pie. You haven’t eaten since kaninang lunch.”
I tried to smile, but it felt weak. “Thanks.”
He placed the food down, then sat beside me on the floor, mirroring my posture. “Still can’t sleep?”
I nodded. “How do you even begin to accept someone who might be your dead child but doesn’t remember you?”
Calix sighed and gently held my hand. “You don’t. You wait. You dig deeper. You ask better questions.”
“Hindi ba ako masama if part of me wants him not to be Paul?” I asked, my voice cracking. “Kasi kung siya si Paul, it means buhay siya all these years... at iniwan ko siya. Hindi ko siya hinanap.”
“Hindi mo kasalanan ‘yon,” he said firmly. “You were a child. They kept the truth from you. Your parents lied. Lucien disappeared. You were manipulated, Aurora.”
I looked down at our intertwined hands. “Pero ako pa rin ‘yung nabuhay nang buo. Siya... siya hindi.”
Calix pulled me closer, pressing a soft kiss to the side of my head. “Then let’s find the truth. Together.”
The next morning, we went back to the small community where David lived.
This time, Lucien brought a printed photo of Paul, yung huling birthday niya bago ang sunog. Eight years old. Medyo chubby, awkward haircut, naka-pulang jacket.
David didn’t look anything like that anymore.
We asked the neighbors.
An old woman from the corner store squinted at the photo.
“Matagal ko na rin kilala ‘yang si David,” she said. “Tahimik. Mabait. Pero parang lagi siyang tulala. Hindi ko rin alam kung may pamilya ba siya. Basta lumaki na lang dito.”
“Kailan siya dumating dito, ‘Nay?” I asked.
“Mga ten years ago, I think. Parang may nagdala sa kanya—isang matandang lalaki. Tapos nawala na lang ulit ‘yung matanda. Si David na lang naiwan.”
“Wala ba siyang sinasabi tungkol sa past niya?” tanong ni Calix.
“Wala. Wala siyang maalala eh. Sabi niya, basta nagising na lang siya, may sugat sa ulo, tapos tinulungan nung matanda. Pinakain, tinuruan, tapos naiwan.”
I clenched my fists. “Wala ba siyang iniwang clue man lang? Kahit papel, notebook, drawing, anything?”
The woman shook her head. “Wala. Pero mahilig siyang mag-drawing dati. Nagugulat nga kami, kasi kahit walang pambili ng crayon o papel, gumagawa siya ng art gamit lupa at stick. Diyan lang sa likod ng bahay niya, minsan nakikita ko.”
Lucien’s eyes met mine. “We should check.”
We thanked the woman and walked toward David’s small kubo at the back of the barangay.
It was empty, David was at work but the small backyard was undisturbed. I stepped toward a corner of the lot, where the dirt looked slightly disturbed.
Then i saw it, scratches on the ground, like someone had drawn something with a stick. And when i crouched closer, I nearly gasped.
Horses.
A child’s version of a horse, drawn crudely with lines and curves. Next to it was what looked like a little girl with long hair. Tapos sa tabi, may initials.
“A. + P.” I swallowed hard.
“Aurora... at Paul,” Calix whispered beside me.
I touched the lines with my fingers. It was faint, barely visible. But it was real. And no matter how much I tried to rationalize things... my heart clenched.
“What if... he is Paul?” I whispered.
Lucien knelt beside me. “We’ll know soon. The DNA results should be ready in a few days.”
The next night, David finally came to the hotel.
He looked nervous, holding a plastic bag with some snacks as pasalubong. “Sorry po, late ako. Galing pa sa trabaho,” he said.
“It’s okay,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. “Thanks for coming.”
Calix stood beside me, arms crossed. Lucien sat across the room, observing.
David looked at me, eyes unsure. “I know this sounds crazy. I don’t remember any of you. Pero… nung nakita ko kayo, parang may kumirot sa dibdib ko. Parang… familiar. Lalo na ‘yung boses mo, Aurora.”
I sat down across from him. “Do you ever dream of fire?”
He blinked. “Yes. A lot.”
“Do you remember being in a big house? With horses?”
He paused. “Sometimes, yes. Pero hindi ko alam kung imagination lang ‘yun o memory.”
I stared at him. “Do you remember me?”
He shook his head slowly. “Hindi. Pero pag tinititigan kita, parang... may kulang sa akin. Parang... may hinahanap ako na hindi ko maintindihan.”
My heart sank.
David maybe Paul, stood up and placed something on the table. A small locket, old and rusted. “I’ve had this since i was a kid. Wala nang picture sa loob. But it’s the only thing i’ve kept.”
Lucien reached for it and opened it. Empty. But the engraving inside broke me.
“Para kay P., mula kay A.”
My breath caught. I remember giving that locket to Paul on his birthday. I was eight. I spent all my savings on it from the stable’s small souvenir shop.
“You gave this to him,” Lucien said softly.
David looked confused. “So… it’s true? Ako si Paul?”
“We don’t know yet,” I said quickly. “May DNA test. It will confirm.”
He nodded. “But what if... I don’t want to remember?”
I blinked. “What do you mean?”
“I’m happy here. Tahimik buhay ko. Simple. I’m scared na kung maalala ko lahat... baka masira ‘to.”
I stared at him.
Speechless.
That was when i realized—I wasn’t ready either.
Because if he’s not Paul, then the guilt stays. If he is Paul, then i’ve failed him again, by bringing him pain.
That night, Calix and I were alone again.
He poured us both a glass of wine, pero hindi ko man lang nagalaw ‘yung akin.
“Bakit parang mas malungkot ka pa ngayon?” he asked.
I turned to him. “Because i thought finding him would fix me.”
Calix gently tucked my hair behind my ear. “Aurora…”
“Pero hindi pala,” I whispered. “It only reminded me how much i lost. And how much I’ve become exactly like my parents. Controlling, desperate for answers, pushing for truth kahit hindi pa ready ‘yung taong involve.”
Calix cupped my cheek. “You’re not your parents.”
“No?” I whispered. “Then why do i feel like i’m forcing him to become someone he doesn’t even want to be?”
Silence.
Then, he said, “Because you want to believe that what happened 16 years ago still matters. That it wasn’t for nothing.”
Tears welled in my eyes. “What if... we never get him back?”
“Then you let go. But only when you’re sure. Only when you’ve given everything.”