The Quantum Blender docked at Conference Station Theta-HR, a rotating space-platform known for hosting cosmic team-building events and emotionally manipulative buffet tables. The crew was mandated to attend a seminar titled "Leadership: Sit or Be Sat Upon."
Bazook, bristling with disdain and poorly brewed coffee, entered the seminar hall alongside Carlton Zorp (carrying five notebooks and a single sunflower) and Deborah 7.1 (who had enabled Sarcasm Mode: Turbo).
The keynote speaker rolled in—literally. It was a plush, velvet couch named Gregoire the Soft, whose cushions swelled with passive-aggressive wisdom and the faint smell of betrayal. Gregoire spoke without words, projecting leadership aphorisms directly into attendees' hippocampi.
Bazook tried to ignore them, but found himself murmuring, "Vision begins beneath the upholstery." Carlton was weeping into his sunflower by slide three.
Seminar exercises included:
🧘 Trust Sitting: Participants sat on invisible chairs made of metaphor. Several attendees fell into existential spirals.
🎤 Empathy Karaoke: Deborah sang a haunting rendition of "You Raise Me Up (But Emotionally I've Been Squished)." The standing ovation was unsettling.
🪞 The Mirror Sit-uation: Bazook was forced to sit facing a mirror and recite leadership truths while resisting the urge to punch his own charisma.
Vicki the Croissant arrived disguised as a motivational pamphlet and began whispering self-help threats to Carlton. "Lead boldly, or be laminated," she hissed.
Toward the end, Gregoire revealed his tragic backstory: once beloved furniture in a failed galactic startup, he had been abandoned during a leadership crisis involving fidget spinners and karaoke debt.
Moved, Bazook led a group exercise in emotional reupholstery—he stitched together fragmented confidence using metaphor-thread and lint. Carlton gave a speech titled "My Captain, My Couch." Deborah live-tweeted every breakdown.
The crew received leadership certificates shaped like ottomans. Bazook's said "Mostly Bossy But Occasionally Reflective." Vicki vanished once again, leaving behind a folder labeled "Emotional Sabotage: Vol. 3."
As they reboarded the Quantum Blender, Gregoire whispered, "Good leadership is 90% cushioning." Bazook sighed, "I miss violence." Deborah muttered, "Same."