(Great, fuck you, you German bastard! What am I supposed to do with him? He's completely useless, at least in the anime, except for his constant outbursts in German! What is this? A creation? Can he do anything for me or help me? What kind of nonsense is this? How can I get rid of this clown? He's completely useless, and who knows how many endless minuses he has! I thought in a panic.
"Young sir, I am so glad to see you!!! Even though I am just a projection,
Ich bin sehr glücklich (I am very happy) to see you!!! How much you resemble Herr Einz!!! And Frau Albedo!!! All the best traits, miteinander verbunden (connected together), have produced a wonderful junger Meister (young gentleman)!!! - he babbled, gesticulating intensely.
(If this Fritz doesn't shut up now, I'll burn everything to the ground!!!) - I began to quietly lose my patience, although I must admit that this idiot did have a certain charm.
"Oh! I beg your pardon, junger Meister (young gentleman)! Allow me to introduce myself as treuer Diener und Beschützer (loyal servant and protector)!
(Come on?! Seriously?!)
"My name is Actor Pandora! And I am your assistant!" he said proudly, sticking out his chest.
(You bitch, what can I hit you with that's heavy enough?!) - I looked around for something heavy, when suddenly Ril came out of the frame and pointed her spear at Actor Pandora, making a gesture with her finger across her throat. "Here you are, my sweetheart, my clever girl, come here," I thought, when suddenly Ril smiled, licked her lips, ran up to me, sat down on the table, spread her long, slender legs wide, and began to beckon me with her finger.
(Wait... STOP!!! ARE YOU READING MY MIND?!) - to which she nodded and, looking at me with an excited gaze, began to rub my column with her leg. I should note that all of their shoes had high heels.
(Not now, Ril! At least not in front of him) - at which Ril stared at Actor with hatred and, clenching her marble spear until it cracked, reluctantly slid off the table and headed back to the frame, but I grabbed her by the arm, shook my head and brought her back to her place. - (You are the only one who can stop me from doing something rash, please stay with me.)
Ril smiled, blushed, sat back down silently, and with a kind smile began to stroke my hair and touch my horns. and I took her leg, which was surprising because even though it was made of stone, it felt like it was alive, and began to stroke it and put it back in its place near the column, whereupon she smiled coquettishly and began to massage me.
(High!!! God, I'm in heaven!!! Ril... you're incredible!!!) - to which Ril leaned slightly forward, kissed me gently on the lips and ran her hand over my face.
"So, Actor Pandora! I have a few questions for you!" she said with a grim expression and a matching voice.
"Ja, mein Herr!!! (Yes, my lord)
"What can you do, and how can you be of use to me?" I said, narrowing my eyes maliciously.
"Oh, Herr (Oh, master)!!! You look so much like Mr. Ainz right now!!! He looked at me the same way!!!
(You're starting to annoy me!) I thought, as Ril quickly jumped up, grabbed a spear and stabbed Actor with it.
"Don't try, miss, I'm just a hologram! I'm impenetrable!"
"Have you forgotten anything?" I asked irritably, the halo above my head glowing ominously.
"Oh! Forgive me, sir! That's right, I'm your assistant! I take care of financial matters and store your belongings in the treasury, and I can also perform many other functions, as Mr. Momong said before he became Ainz Ooal Gown: "You are now the AI of my son's home, and your task is to make sure he has everything he needs!" he said proudly, quoting his father's words in his voice.
"I see, and what can you tell me about the current financial situation?
(WE'RE IN DEEP SHIT!!! BUT WE'RE STILL FALLING!!!)
"Well... ahem... I expected... worse, sir." With that, he lowered his shoulders sheepishly and began to glance nervously at Ril, who hadn't moved a muscle, continuing to stand in the same position she had been standing in.
"I understand that," I said dejectedly. "What do you suggest we do?"
"Already, mein Herr (my lord)!!! I hacked into some financial servers at several banks around the world and am now heimlich und unmerklich (secretly and unnoticeably) filling your account!
"When did you have time to do that?" I asked in surprise.
"As soon as you finished reading the letter, mein Herr (my lord)! I woke up, connected to the World Wide Web or the Internet, scanned the stocks, estimated the possible losses, ruined a couple of corporations and destroyed a couple of factories, and was able to accumulate the initial capital for my young lord!
"And how much?
"Not much yet, sir..." said Actor Pandora, looking down. "Only $5,450,327... BUT I WILL CONTINUE TO SAVE, SIR!!! Ich werde nicht aufhören, während Sie nicht befriedigt werden (I WON'T STOP UNTIL YOU'RE SATISFIED)!!!
(DAD!!! I'M SORRY I WAS WRONG!!! This is the most awesome gift!!! Of all of them!!!)
"Well done, Actor Pandora! I am pleased with your efforts. - I said proudly and melodiously. - What would you like as a reward for your work?
The actor bowed his head and pressed his hand to his chest, saying:
"Only one thing: diene dir (to serve you)!
(Damn, that's nice, but I need to appease him so he'll try harder. He seems like a fetishist collector, right? I need to do something that won't cost me much but will satisfy him greatly.)
"The modesty of servants can offend their master!" I said sternly. "You're a collector, aren't you?"
"Ja mein Herr (Yes, my master)!!!
"Well, I'll allow you to create your own personal account where you can deposit money and buy your new collection, whatever it may be.
"Master, your generosity knows no bounds!!! Thank you, master!!! One cannot even dream of such a caring master!!!
"Well then, you may go, Actor Pandora! If I have any questions, I will call for you.
"hör auf meinen Herrn (I obey my master) - bowing, he disappeared.
"Phew!!! Now I can relax... - stretching out in my chair, I didn't notice how Ril darted towards me, wrapped her legs around me and, merging with me in a kiss, began to rub her hips against me.
"Ril... mmm... Ril... what are you doing... - and then I noticed that the other bar girls had come out of the frames with sweet smiles, baring themselves and heading towards me.
(It seems I'm not really a gentleman, but a sorceress, or rather a sorcerer) - I thought, realising what was about to happen to me...
***
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