Somewhere in Kivotos, Top Floor of a High-Rise Office Building
"…So that's the best those lowlife punks could do? I lent them a main battle tank, and still…"
A large, cybernetic figure—not a student, but an adult of high status in Kivotos—muttered alone in a dark room.
"An eye for an eye, a student for a student. Let's hire specialists. And have them collect on that loan while they're at it."
They made a call. After a brief pause, the line connected.
"Hello, we solve any problem—Problem Solver 68," a voice answered.
"I've got a job for you, Problem Solver," the figure said.
They discussed details, then hung up with a sigh.
"Seriously… 'One guy destroyed a tank and deflected shells, no lie'? Impossible. Even that Disciplinary Committee Chair couldn't pull that off."
They muttered, unconvinced.
Abydos, Lurking Kata-Kata Helmet Gang
The Kata-Kata Helmet Gang still had numbers, but today, they'd face annihilation—or rather, obliteration.
Mash had already wrecked their main base once, forcing a retreat. Their second attempt, kidnapping Serika, failed when their leader fled.
Now, with only a handful of forces left, they were easy pickings.
"Gwahh!" the last thug fell.
"Whew, we're done here~," a petite student said, her large bag emblazoned with "LOVE & VIOLENCE." Her weapon: an MG5 machine gun.
"Area secured, Boss," said another, her black-and-white hair sharply divided, her outfit marked "BORN.TO.KILL." Her weapon: a silenced P30L handgun.
"I-It's over, Aru-sama…" stammered a student in a small hat, her bag adorned with a noosed rabbit accessory. Her weapon: an HK FABARM FP6 shotgun.
"…Heh, weaklings. No wonder they got axed," sneered a student in a fur-collared coat, her horn-like hair curving upward like a crescent moon. Her weapon: an H&K PSG1 sniper rifle.
"This job belongs to us, Problem Solver 68," declared the one called "President."
A fallen thug rasped, "You… you'll… end up like us… against him…"
"'Him'? Whatever," the President scoffed, laughing off the warning. She knew Abydos' forces, but not him—Mash, a one-man army worth millions.
Abydos High School, Countermeasures Committee Meeting
"Now that Serika-chan's safe, let's start the meeting!" Ayane called.
Hoshino lounged on her chair, legs crossed, hugging a whale plushie. Nonomy stood behind Serika, patting her head—Serika resisted at first but gave up, slumping with her cheek on her hand. Shiroko fiddled with something in her bag, seated.
And Mash?
"The key to breakdancing is feeling the music in your body and expressing the rhythm perfectly… Headspin, huh? Let's try it." Munch, munch.
He was in an air chair, training, eating a cream puff, and reading a breakdancing book. Why?
A bag of something sat beside his chair.
The ever-quirky Countermeasures Committee—plus a weirdo—prompted a small sigh from Ayane. "Let's be serious, especially with Mash-sensei here…"
"Sure thing☆!" Nonomy chirped.
"Of course," Shiroko said.
"Leave it to me~," Hoshino said.
"I'm always serious," Serika huffed.
"Since it's my first time, I'll start by getting a feel for things," Mash said.
"Then stop with the breakdancing book and air chair. You're not blending in," Ayane said.
"Oh, sorry," Mash said.
"Ugh… Okay, let's get to it. Today's critical topic: 'How to repay the school's debt.' Let's discuss concrete methods. Raise your hand if you have ideas!" Ayane said.
"Yes! Yes!" Serika shot up, escaping Nonomy's patting. Nonomy looked sad.
"First-year Kuroi-san, go ahead," Ayane said.
"…Ayane-chan, can you stop with the last-name thing?" Serika asked.
"It feels more meeting-like…" Ayane mumbled.
"Wants to sound cool, huh? Me too," Mash said.
"Sensei," Ayane said, voice low and sharp.
"Sorry," Mash said.
(I've never heard Ayane-chan's voice like that… Kinda scary~) Nonomy thought.
"C'mon, it's fine~ Let's go with last names for the meeting~," Hoshino said.
"…I wanna see Sensei call Hosh—Kotoriyasu-senpai and Nono—Izayoi-san by their last names," Shiroko said.
"Aw, Shiroko-chan—no, Sunao-san's so cute~♪" Nonomy said.
"You guys adapt fast…" Serika muttered, slamming the desk lightly. "Anyway! As the committee's accountant, our finances are on the brink of bankruptcy. If this continues, the school's done. Everyone clear on that?"
"Yup~," Hoshino said.
"Monthly interest alone is 7.88 million. We're scraping by, but even that's shaky. Catching bounties, handling complaints, and volunteering won't cut it anymore. We need something big!" Serika said.
"Like what?" Ayane asked.
"This!" Serika thrust a flyer at them: "Germanium Barley Stone Bracelet—Your Path to Riches!"
The Abydos students groaned, "Oh…" It was obviously a scam. As they pondered how to break it to her—
"If those made you rich, everyone around here would be loaded. Why sell something that great?" Mash said bluntly.
"…True," Serika admitted.
Mash's deadpan logic hit like a truck. It was a shady multi-level marketing scheme.
"Serika-chan got scammed~ So cute☆," Nonomy teased, eyeing her phone—likely planning to make her gun sing soon.
"Geez, Kuroi-chan, you're so naive~ Gotta watch out, or bad adults'll ruin your life~," Hoshino said.
"Yeah, if you're like me, you can overpower scams with strength, but you're not that strong, so it's risky," Mash said.
"Thanks for the concern, but that last bit ticked me off!!" Serika snapped.
"'Overpower scams' is a new one," Ayane said.
"Don't worry, I'll treat you to lunch," Shiroko said, patting Serika's head, noticing its softness. She didn't stop.
"Okay, let's move on from Kuroi-san's idea. Other suggestions?" Ayane asked.
"Yes! Yes!" Hoshino raised her hand.
"Third-year Kotoriyasu-san. I've got a bad feeling…" Ayane said.
"Ahem!" Hoshino stood on her chair, shoes off to keep it clean. "Our biggest issue is we're the only five students. More students mean more power. Mega-schools like Trinity or Gehenna get tons of funding just from numbers."
"Really?" Serika asked.
"Yup~ So we need more students first. That'll give us leverage to send reps to the Federal Student Council and gain influence," Hoshino said.
"Sharp, but how?" Ayane asked.
"Easy~ Hijack another school's bus!" Hoshino said.
"What?!" Ayane gasped.
"Jack a school bus mid-commute and make them sign transfer papers to Abydos before they can leave. Uhee, instant student boom~!" Hoshino said.
"Interesting," Mash said.
"Kinda doable," Shiroko said, eyes sparkling.
Hoshino sweated, Oh, crap, they're into it.
"…Let's stop there," she said, joking a bit more. "Target Trinity? Gehenna? Maybe Millennium or Hyakkiyako? Strategy depends on who we hit."
"Hmm, Trinity's loaded… No, Gehenna—bad cafeteria food, so if we offer Shiba Seki Ramen, they might sign~," Hoshino said.
"We don't have a cafeteria. And stop treating my workplace like one!" Serika snapped.
"Wait, is that even allowed?! Other schools' disciplinary committees won't stand for it!" Ayane said.
"No prob, we've got Mash-sensei," Hoshino said.
"Leave it to me," Mash said.
"No way!!" Ayane yelled.
Ayane scolded them, and Hoshino climbed down, slipping her shoes back on, eyeing Shiroko warily.
"I've got an idea," Shiroko said.
"Second-year Sunao-san," Ayane said.
"Rob a bank," Shiroko said.
"What?!" Ayane gasped.
"Fast, certain, quick. Target: First Central Bank, downtown. I've mapped the vault, guard routes, and cash transport schedule," Shiroko said.
Ayane and Serika gaped at their meticulously criminal senpai. Hoshino muttered, "Uhee, knew it…"
"You've been rummaging in your bag—what, planning that?!" Serika said.
"Yup. Five minutes, one billion. I've got masks ready," Shiroko said, spreading out masks. She wore a blue one labeled "2," with holes for her beast ears.
"Wow, Shiroko-chan made these?" Hoshino laughed, holding a pink "1" mask with a hole for her ahoge.
"Look! Like a wrestler!" Nonomy cheered, donning a green "3" mask with holes for her curled hair.
"…I know this one's mine, but why no ear holes?" Serika grumbled, holding a red "4" mask with pointed tips for her ears.
"…Mine too," Ayane said, eyeing a yellow "0" mask with ear holes.
"Sorry, Sensei, I don't have one for you," Shiroko said.
"No worries, I came prepared…" Mash pulled a cute cream puff mask from his bag and put it on.
"For cases like this."
"What kind?!" the girls gasped.
"Cool and cute," Shiroko said.
"Not cute! Imagine that robbing a bank!" Serika said.
"Stick 'em up, give me the cash!" (A muscular guy in a cream puff mask)
"Terrifying and traumatic!" Serika said.
"No good?" Mash asked.
"Crime's a no-go. Rejected," Ayane said.
"…Mph," Shiroko pouted.
"No pouting either!" Ayane said.
"Sorry, Shuu-kun, no action for you yet," Mash said to the mask.
"It has a name?!" Serika collapsed into her chair, exhausted.
Nonomy raised her hand. "Me next!"
"Second-year Izayoi-san. No crime or scams, please," Ayane said.
"This one's clean and sure—idols! School idols!" Nonomy said.
"Veto!" Hoshino shot back, crossing her arms in an X.
"Why, Kotoriyasu-senpai? You'd be a hit with certain fans~," Serika teased, grinning wickedly.
"No way, only weirdos would like this scrawny body~," Hoshino said.
"I even planned poses…" Nonomy struck a pose by the whiteboard. "Water Girl Squad's Christina~♪"
"Lame!" Serika said.
"Aw, I stayed up all night… I even wanted Sensei to join," Nonomy said.
"No way!" Serika said.
"Shiny Muscle Squad's Triceps!" (Mash strikes a muscle pose)
"Why'd you plan that?!" Serika yelled.
"What's Triceps?" Shiroko asked.
"Means upper arm triceps~," Hoshino said.
"We're getting nowhere… Let's wrap up…" Ayane said.
"So, Sensei, which idea's best~?" Hoshino asked.
Mash thought seriously. "Idols seem least bad."
"Yay, approved!" Nonomy cheered.
"What, we're doing it~? If Sensei says so~," Hoshino said.
"If it's decided, I'll scout venues," Shiroko said.
"Whoa, Sensei's pumped. Wait, for real?" Serika said.
"I'll make Sensei's mask~," Shiroko said.
"Seriously?! We're going with this?!" Serika said.
"Action's best fast, right, Oku… Ayane-san?" Shiroko said.
Ayane trembled. The committee thought, Here it comes. Mash braced.
"No way!!" Ayane flipped the table, which Mash caught single-handedly and set down.
"Everyone, stop messing around! Be serious!" Ayane scolded.
They got a big lecture after.
"Sorry, my bad~ I'll treat you to ramen, so don't be mad, 'kay?" Hoshino said.
"I'm not…" Ayane mumbled, slurping noodles.
"Sorry, Ayane-chan. I'm not used to meetings or talks like that… I got carried away," Mash said.
"It's fine…" Ayane said.
"Here, as an apology," Mash said, offering a book: "Build Huge Arm Muscles—Even for Girls!"
"No thanks!! I'm an operator, I don't need training!" Ayane said.
"Oh," Mash said.
"Why Shiba Seki again?" Serika asked.
"It's tasty," Mash said.
"It's cheap," Hoshino said.
"It's easy to eat," Shiroko said.
"To see Serika-chan~," Nonomy said.
"Don't sync up! Did you plan this?!" Serika snapped.
Laughter erupted, lifting the mood.
The shop door opened, revealing a nervous student in a hat, clutching a shotgun, scanning the room.
"Welcome! How many?" Serika asked.
"Uh… What's your cheapest menu item?" the student asked.
"Cheapest is the 580-yen Shiba Seki Ramen. The special's great too, but this is our signature. It's delicious!" Serika said.
"580 yen…! Thanks! Four people, just a sec!" The student darted outside.
Moments later, four students entered.
"Found it—a menu under 600 yen!" said a student lugging a huge bag, laughing, her MG5 in hand.
"See? Every problem has a solution. All as planned," said a crimson-haired student with a sniper rifle, smirking confidently.
"R-Really? As expected of President…" said the shotgun student with the noosed rabbit bag, eyes shining.
"…Ugh," sighed a student with stark black-and-white hair, a handgun holstered.
"Four, right? This way," Serika said.
"Nah, we're only getting one bowl, so it's fine," the crimson-haired student said.
"One bowl? But… why not sit? It's quiet now, plenty of seats," Serika said.
"Wow, nice waitress! Thanks, and four pairs of chopsticks, kind waitress~," the machine gun student said.
"One bowl for four? …Sharing?" Serika asked.
The shotgun student trembled. "Sorry, sorry, we're broke, so sorry, no money, no better than a severed head, no right to live, worse than bugs, should just be blasted—!"
"Whoa, what?!" Serika gasped.
"She got super negative…" Ayane muttered.
The handgun student stopped the shotgun student from grabbing something from her bag. "Haruka, stop. You're loud and bothering people."
"S-Sorry…" Haruka said.
"No need to apologize!" Serika put a hand on Haruka's shoulder. "Being broke isn't a crime! Hold your head high! You're students, and you scraped together coins to come here, right? That's what counts!"
"Uh, y-yes…?" Haruka stammered.
"Wait here, I'll bring it!" Serika ran to the kitchen.
"…I think she misunderstood," the handgun student sighed.
"We're not always broke~ Aru-chan's just a big spender~," the machine gun student said.
"It's President, not Aru-chan, Mutsuki. Use my title," the sniper student said.
"But the job's done~ Why can't the President treat her staff to more than one bowl?" Mutsuki teased.
"Ugh," Aru winced.
"Even after spending all our funds on mercenary hires, you could've saved for four bowls," the handgun student said.
"Even you, Kayoko…?" Aru said.
"C'mon, you forgot dinner money, right, Aru-chan? One bowl's just luck~," Mutsuki said.
"…Heh," Aru forced a confident smirk, shoulders trembling.
"…Sigh. Investing in mercenaries to keep enemies off our strongest fighter, the President, makes sense. But is Abydos that dangerous?" Kayoko asked.
(Twitch!) Aru froze.
"Well…" Aru started.
"Aru-chan probably doesn't know~ That's why she hired so many, scared~♪" Mutsuki said.
"Who's scared?! It's all planned! No failures allowed, all resources mobilized—that's Problem Solver 68's motto!" Aru declared.
"But they said a guy destroyed a tank barehanded~," Mutsuki said.
"Silly, Kayoko, no such person exists. And no halo either," Aru said.
(Twitch!) The Abydos students, overhearing, froze—Mash was totally that guy.
Serika returned with the ramen. "Here's your 580-yen Shiba Seki Ramen! Enjoy it ho—"
Trip!
"Wah!" Serika stumbled, spilling the bowl toward the new group.
It'd burn them all… but—
Whoosh!
Mash moved.
"…Huh?" Aru blinked.
"The ramen… didn't hit?" Mutsuki said.
"…?" Kayoko tilted her head.
"Sorry, I tripped…" Serika said.
"It's fine. Where's the ramen?" Kayoko asked, looking around.
"Munch, munch, munch, munch!"
Mash was chowing down, holding the spilled ramen bowl.
(…Someone's munching like crazy?) Kayoko thought.
(I saw something unbelievable…) Aru thought. (That girl tripped, and as I moved to shield Haruka…)
Whoosh!!
(That guy dove in and…)
SLUUURP!!
(Sucked up the ramen with vacuum-like lungs! …What?!)
Aru was lost, unable to process her own thoughts.
Mash returned the bowl, apologizing. "Sorry, I ate it so you wouldn't get burned."
"It's fine~ …You ate it?" Mutsuki said.
"Here's payment as an apology," Mash said, handing over cash.
"No need, really," Aru said.
"Please, take it," Mash insisted.
"Thanks… (Wait, that was scalding hot—how's he not burned?)" Aru thought.
Mash quickly ushered the Abydos students out.
The ramen group left too.
"Nice guy, huh? Those kids seemed familiar…" Aru said.
"…" Kayoko rubbed her temples.
"Aru-chan, Aru-chan," Mutsuki called.
"It's President, Mutsuki. What?" Aru said.
"You notice?"
"Notice what?" Aru asked.
"Your eyesight's bad~," Mutsuki teased.
"…Sigh. President, that was Abydos," Kayoko said.
"Abydos… Our job's target?" Aru said.
"Yup," Mutsuki said.
"Wha-wha-wha—"
Aru's eyes rolled back.
"What's that?! That was Abydos—and that guy was Mash?!" Aru shrieked.
"That guy?" Mutsuki asked.
"N-Nothing… (What do I do? Fight that weird guy? No way!!)" Aru thought.
"But 'no mercy, anything for money' is Problem Solver 68's outlaw motto, right? Why worry now~?" Mutsuki said.
"Y-Yeah… No, I'm the head of a company! I can't back down! Rikuhachima Aru will face him, no matter how crazy he is!!" Aru declared, striking a dramatic pose.
"Let's go! Gather the mercenaries—to Abydos!"
A threat loomed over Abydos… maybe.