Mercenary Side Hustle
In Kivotos, alongside the Helmet Gang, another group thrived: the mercenary side hustle.
Unlike the Helmet Gang, these mercenaries didn't boast exceptional abilities. In Kivotos, students' accessories—bags, badges, charms, clothes, shoes, or gloves—altered the mystical power they wielded. It was a system tailor-made for fashion-conscious high school girls, blending style with practicality.
Mercenaries leveraged this, donning specific safety helmets that amplified Kivotos natives' already sturdy durability. The trade-off? Unless you were naturally exceptional, your unique strengths vanished, relegating you to a tank-like wall role in combat. Still, it made them perfect for tasks like continuing construction work amidst collapsing rubble.
Demand for mercenaries was decent, but the job was painful and lacked appeal, so motivation was scarce. In short, they were a group that'd do anything for the right price.
"Canceled!? W-Why so sudden… huh? You don't want to face that guy? Who's that—hey, wait!" Aru Rikuhachima's voice cracked over the phone.
"How many does that make?" Kayoko Onikata sighed.
"About half," Mutsuki Asagi chirped. "We had sixty, now we're down to thirty!"
"W-Why are they quitting all of a sudden…?" Haruka Igusa stammered.
The reason was simple: Mash Burnedead. One mercenary, visiting Abydos, had witnessed the infamous Serika kidnapping incident and recorded it. The footage spread, and after seeing it, half the mercenaries bailed, terrified.
"He must be that dangerous," Mutsuki mused. "So, what now, Aru-chan?"
Aru's eyes glinted with resolve. "Isn't it obvious? We hit Abydos with the forces we've got!"
"Really okay?" Kayoko asked, noting the tremor in Aru's voice over the call. "You sounded pretty shaky."
"I'm fine! (Probably that guy…) But with a group, it'll be easy!" Aru declared, trying to convince herself.
Her three comrades—Kayoko Onikata, Mutsuki Asagi, and Haruka Igusa—exchanged glances, then nodded. The mercenaries, paid upfront, had no choice but to move.
Post-Meal Mayhem
"Enemy forces spotted fifteen kilometers south of the school!" Ayane announced, her voice sharp.
"Helmet Gang?" Hoshino asked.
"No, not them!" Ayane corrected. "Their gear… they're mercenaries! Day laborers!"
"Huh, mercenaries? Those don't come cheap," Hoshino remarked.
"You've used them before, Hoshino-senpai?" Serika asked.
"Nah, just peeked at a catalog," Hoshino grinned. "Abydos can't afford that kind of cash."
"If they get closer, we're in trouble!" Ayane warned. "They could bulldoze their way to the school with sheer durability. We need to intercept them!"
"Got it," Mash said, standing to head for the gate.
Hoshino grabbed his arm. "Hold up, Sensei."
"?"
"You take the leaders or the boss. We'll handle the grunts," Hoshino said.
"But I could probably take them all out faster," Mash pointed out.
"Sure, but we can't keep relying on you forever," Hoshino countered. "Once the debt's settled, we need to stand on our own."
"Yeah," Nonomi chimed in. "We don't want to be babysat forever."
"Sensei, please handle the strong ones," Shiroko added. "Buy us time if you can."
"OK," Mash nodded.
"Alright, while Sensei deals with the big shots, we'll mop up the small fry!" Hoshino rallied. "Let's go!"
"Yeah!" the team roared.
"Enemy mercenary unit ahead! …Wait, those figures—" Ayane's voice cut through the comms.
"That's… from Shiba Seki Ramen!" Serika exclaimed.
Leading the group were four familiar silhouettes: Problem Solver 68.
"I just saw them, so no forgetting," Shiroko said. "Why are they here?"
"They got free extra-large ramen, and now this? Ungrateful jerks!" Serika fumed.
"Haha, thanks for that, part-timer!" Mutsuki laughed. "But that's that, and this is work."
"Sorry, but we keep personal and professional separate," Kayoko added coolly. "We finish the jobs we take. That's Problem Solver 68's motto… right, President?"
"Exactly!" Aru beamed. "You get it, Kayoko!"
"Looking that happy doesn't help," Kayoko muttered.
"So… enemies, right?" Mash stepped forward.
The mercenaries froze, shrieking, "Eek!?"
"There he is!" one cried.
"We're gonna get flattened!" another wailed.
"But we already got paid…"
"Still—!"
The mercenaries' panic at seeing Mash baffled Kayoko. "What's with them? Is he that bad?"
"No halo, looks normal to me," Mutsuki shrugged.
"What now, President?" Haruka asked.
"Uh, well…" Aru hesitated, then rallied. "(He's got no halo, so attacking feels off… Aha!) Everyone's got grenades, right?"
"Wait, no way—" Kayoko started.
"Front line! Throw grenades at the Abydos school!" Aru ordered.
"President, what's the plan!?" Kayoko demanded.
"It's fine, Kayoko. He's got no halo, so a grenade hit would hurt him. He'll have to dodge to avoid injury!" Aru explained.
"Makes sense!" Mutsuki nodded.
"Smart!" Haruka agreed.
"Here we go!" Aru shouted.
Ten front-line mercenaries readied grenades and hurled them at Mash. He'll retreat, and while the Abydos kids are rattled, we strike! Perfect plan! Aru smirked confidently.
BOOOOOOM!
"Aaaah!?" the mercenaries screamed.
"What—huh?" Aru blinked.
"Eh?" Mutsuki gaped.
"Wha?" Kayoko froze.
"Huh?" Haruka stammered.
The explosion erupted from the mercenaries' position. Problem Solver 68 stood slack-jawed. Aru peered closer—Mash was holding a metal bat.
"What just happened!?" Aru yelped.
"Premature detonation?" Haruka ventured.
"No, I saw it," Kayoko said.
"Really, Kayoko-chan!?" Mutsuki gasped.
"Yeah… the moment the grenades were thrown…" Kayoko recounted.
Mash had whipped out a bat, planted his feet, and—Whoosh!—moved at blinding speed, batting back every grenade with a flurry of Clang! Clang! Clang! sounds.
"He swung so fast he returned the grenades…" Kayoko murmured.
"What does that even mean!?" the group chorused, dumbfounded.
"It's gotta be a mistake!" Aru insisted, turning to Mash. "We just need to neutralize that mushroom-head!"
But Mash was swinging his bat furiously, the speed creating visible afterimages. "Batting them back… kinda surprised me," he admitted.
"Now's our chance!" Hoshino called.
"With the front line down, only the back remains!" Nonomi added.
"Sensei Mash! Take out the one called President!" Ayane directed.
"Got it," Mash replied.
"Let's do this!" Hoshino rallied.
Nonomi unleashed her minigun, and the Abydos team charged. They ignored the stunned mercenaries, focusing fire on those in the rear. Serika and Shiroko darted around, outmaneuvering foes, while Hoshino blasted anyone who approached, shrugging off their attacks.
"Keep moving!" Serika shouted.
"Feels easier now!" Shiroko noted.
"Let's finish this! Oh, don't bother attacking there—it won't work!" Hoshino taunted.
"Wahhh!" Aru panicked.
"Calm down, President," Kayoko urged. "They're focused on the mercenaries. We need to neutralize him."
"Easy for you to say, Kayoko! He bats back grenades!" Aru protested.
"Still, we've got no choice," Kayoko said. "Even if he's strong, bullets should slow him down."
"Haha, Kayoko-chan's right! Let's do this!" Mutsuki grinned.
"Sorry, sorry, please die, sorry!" Haruka muttered.
Problem Solver 68 turned their guns on Mash. Mutsuki struck first, firing while moving. Mash deflected the bullets with his bat—Clang! Clang! Clang!—and chased her.
"Wow, Mushroom Guy's intense!" Mutsuki laughed. "Wait, he's fast!?"
"Speed's my thing," Mash said.
"Cool… but sorry!" Mutsuki dropped mines from her bag as she ran, littering the ground. Mash stepped right on them—BOOM!
"He's done—huh!?" Mutsuki gasped.
Mash, unscathed, snatched her bag and batted it skyward. It exploded far off, leaving Mutsuki with a wry smile. "How're you fine? No halo, right?"
"Ran through before they blew," Mash said.
"They're mines!" Mutsuki protested.
"Yup… Next!" Mash deflected sniper and handgun rounds from Kayoko and Aru with ease.
"How's he blocking my sniper and handgun? I hid my presence!" Kayoko exclaimed.
"Bullets are useless. I can catch or deflect them all," Mash said.
"No one catches bullets!" Kayoko snapped.
Mash refrained from hitting the girls, knowing he could handle their attacks without striking back. Then—Click.
"P-Please… don't move," Haruka stammered, her shotgun pressed to Mash's head.
"Nice, Haruka!" Aru cheered.
"Al-sama praised me… hehe," Haruka giggled.
While Mash was distracted, Aru had signaled Haruka to sneak behind him. Got him! Haruka thought, beaming.
Whoosh!
"Huh?" Haruka blinked.
"Sorry," Mash said, now behind her. He grabbed her shotgun and tossed it away.
"Eek!?" Haruka yelped.
"Haruka!" Aru cried. "Wait, what's he doing?"
"No way… Is he serious!?" Kayoko gasped.
"What's he planning, Kayoko!?" Aru demanded.
"Look! It's a pro wrestling move!" Kayoko said.
Mash pinned Haruka's legs under his arms, gripping tightly. "Triceps Magic: Human Spin!"
"Triceps Magic? That's not magic—it's physical!" Kayoko shouted.
"No time for that, Kayoko! He's—" Aru started.
Whirrrrr! Mash spun Haruka like a Beyblade, charging at the others.
"No, stop—!" Mutsuki squealed, knocked skyward.
"Waaah!" Kayoko flew.
"Both of you!" Aru cried.
"Heeelp!" Haruka wailed, still spinning.
As a finale, Mash hurled Haruka at Aru's head. "Wait, stop, Haruka!" Aru pleaded.
"Sorry!" Haruka cried.
CRASH! Their heads collided, knocking them out.
"I don't hold grudges, but I won't go easy if you attack here," Mash said, gathering the fallen and heading to the gate.
"All done," Mash announced.
"What… what are you?" Aru groaned.
"Shale's Sensei," Mash replied.
"Shale's… Sensei!?" Aru gasped.
"Wait, how old are you?" Mutsuki asked.
"Sixteen," Mash said.
"Same age… and this?" Mutsuki marveled.
"Yup."
Mash tended to their injuries, showing mercy since they were reasonable. "Sensei!" Hoshino called. "Looks like you went all out."
"Yeah," Mash nodded.
"Good work," Shiroko said.
"You too, Nonomi, Serika," Mash added.
"Hmph, that was nothing," Serika huffed. "So, what about them?"
Mash pondered, then declared, "Let's have a cream puff party to make up."
"Why!?" Abydos and Problem Solver 68 chorused.
"Sensei, they attacked us!" Serika protested.
"But we beat them," Mash said.
"Still, making friends so fast? They might attack again!" Serika argued.
"They can't move, so it's fine," Mash assured.
Aru chuckled darkly. "You're funny, Sensei, but no dice."
"Yeah, Sensei, we can't just get chummy," Hoshino added.
"We're Problem Solver 68, true outlaws! We don't play nice with—" Aru began.
Nom! Mash stuffed a cream puff in her mouth.
"Mmph!?" Aru muffled.
"Chill out," Mash said.
(Did he just pull that from his pocket and shove it in her mouth?) Hoshino thought.
Gulp. "Delicious," Aru admitted.
"There's enough for everyone, even the mercenaries," Mash said.
"Really?" a mercenary asked.
"Yup. Attacking was wrong, but we won, and yelling now feels off," Mash explained.
He stacked a cream puff tower, and Problem Solver 68 and the mercenaries' eyes sparkled. The vibe turned festive.
"Aru-san, right?" Mash asked.
"Just Aru's fine, Sensei. We're the same age," she said.
"Aru-chan, then. You call yourself an outlaw, but you're good at heart. I can tell by your eyes," Mash said.
"Really?" Aru asked.
"Yup. At the ramen shop, you protected that girl first. And your first attack was to scare me off, right?" Mash noted.
"Urk," Aru flinched.
"So I thought we could be friends," Mash said.
"Haha, you're a good guy, Sensei!" Mutsuki laughed.
"Unbelievably so," Kayoko muttered.
"Um… we can take you up on that, right?" Haruka asked.
"Looks like it," Aru smirked.
Cream puff in hand, Mash raised it. "Today's enemies are today's friends. Cheers!"
"Cheers!" everyone roared.
"Wow, Sensei turned them all into buddies," Hoshino marveled.
"Impressive," Shiroko nodded.
"Sweet as these cream puffs," Serika grumbled.
"That's Mash Burnedead for you," Nonomi said.
"Let's dig in!" Hoshino cheered.
"Hell yeah!" the group shouted.
Thus, Abydos, Problem Solver 68, and the mercenaries partied with Mash's cream puffs, reveling in the absurdity.
Riiing!
"It's me… What? The attackers from Problem Solver 68 and Abydos are having a cream puff party!? Quit joking! I'm busy!" Click.
"What are my employees babbling about? Gehenna's outlaw-wannabe Problem Solver 68 doing that? I'm just tired," the mysterious figure sighed.
Dear mysterious figure, it's true.