"Can I... Can I know something about what happened?" Tsuna asked, his voice barely a whisper. "Probably not, but it didn't hurt to ask."
"Something, huh?" Reborn's tone was dry, but his expression was serious. "Let's just say you were forced to do something at an inopportune time, and things went down the drain from there. That's all I'll tell you, for now. Are you okay with that?"
"It's not like I can be bothered by something I don't know, Reborn." Tsuna shrugged, a habit he'd developed over years of being in the dark. He wouldn't be bothered by the lack of information; he was more than used to it.
"Hmmm..." Reborn's expression softened almost imperceptibly. "I'm sorry, Tsunayoshi." He paused, then asked, "So... tell me, what's the last thing you remember?"
"Well... having done very badly in an exam and I think I fell asleep in class..." Tsuna wasn't proud of it, but what could he do?
"Age?"
"14, close to turning 15." Tsuna looked away, a blush creeping up his cheeks. "And I'm supposed to be 24 at this point... how uncomfortable, to be honest..."
"Hmmm..." The data point—almost 10 years... wasn't it too much of a coincidence? Reborn's intuition said yes, and his intuition was never wrong. "You're 24, you're the Tenth, and you've been a very good boss. You've gained a lot of allies..." That wasn't easy at all, but Reborn wasn't going to tell him that.
"Seriously?" Tsuna's eyes widened in disbelief. "Hadn't I screwed up all the way in?"
"You're not a perfect brat." Reborn pushed him somewhat annoyed with a finger, he didn't like it when people had that... type of thinking. "You know, while we're at it, I'll tell you straight: I've never liked the kind of people who don't believe in themselves, especially when they're capable of doing amazing things if they put their minds to it..."
"D—"
"You defeated Xanxus, Mukuro, and in the process you took him out of Vendicare. You defeated Byakuran of 10 years in the future..." Reborn paused slightly, his gaze unwavering. "You've kept this mansion standing for years. You've defeated me—it took a long time, but you did it. You've put all your guardians, including Hibari, in their place..." Reborn looked at him again, smiling almost sarcastically. "And you still think that you are useless and that you can't do anything right, am I wrong? You even doubt my words..."
"...Well..." Tsuna's shoulders slumped. "Yes, it was totally true, I couldn't believe that—wait..." He looked up at Reborn, confused. "Reborn, you've always helped me. I've never done anything—"
"Pffft, I only trained you and gave you support, nothing else. You are the only one who has done those things..." Reborn's smile vanished, and he didn't show the sadness he felt when he said: "Your problem, your main problem has always been the same... You don't believe in yourself; you think you're a useless good-for-nothing. When you forget that, when you're pressured or very worried, when you don't have time to at least remember who you think you are, you glow, brat."
"...I'm sorry..." Tsuna's voice was filled with self-reproach. "I had bothered him, hadn't I?"
"No, it's not your fault..." If anyone should be apologizing, it was him. "In part, it's mine. I didn't find any way to solve that problem permanently..." Forgetting here and there that it was "Dame-Tsuna" was just a wild card. "Your parents are also to blame..." His father, for not being aware of him, and his mother for ignoring and sometimes affirming in some way what her son believed about himself. "Your family, your friends, we share guilt too..." For not realizing and acting, the two of you together.
"But—"
"And finally, the one who is least to blame, but at the same time the one who has the most weight, is yourself, Tsu. Affirming and believing that you are a useless good-for-nothing will only make you become that, cutting off all your potential... and do you know what you had when I met you? Potential. A lot of potential that few could see, and that you hid even from yourself."
That was incredibly frustrating, a total challenge, because Tsuna could be seen as a simple and easy person to deal with, but he was stubborn, very stubborn and at the same time very shy, calm, fearful. He was like a porcupine, all shy and calm, but when the pressure became too much, thorns came out everywhere and even he himself came out thorny. Honestly, Reborn didn't know who to blame, his father for turning a blind eye and not even visiting to see things (and if he did he would get drunk), his mother for, in one way or another, strengthening that belief, his classmates for obvious reasons... or the same, for not finding a good solution to the problem in the shortest possible time. The worst thing, in his opinion, was that now he had the doubt... The doubt that... would he have really solved this problem, or did he just cause a time bomb without realizing it?
"...Reborn..." This time, Reborn didn't interrupt him. "Honestly... I'm flattered that you think that of me, but..." Internally, Reborn prepared to hear something he wasn't going to like. "You have to admit that..." Yep, he wasn't going to like it at all... "You're giving me a lot of credit..." Did this guy really have the courage to say that he, the best hitman in the world, gave more credit than he has? He would enjoy it when I proved the truth to him... "I mean... there's a reason I've been called Dame-Tsuna all my life, don't you think?" Tsuna looked anywhere else but at the other two presences in the room.
"..."
"I'm not good at math, or science, or politics, or sports... not even making friends..." In the last part his voice broke. "I didn't have any friends, the few I had became bullies..." Reborn didn't say anything at all, he was just paying maximum attention to what he was saying, taking mental notes. "I was nobody, Reborn... I was nobody until you came into my life..." No friends, no talent, no goals in life, only with his mom... "But... do I really have to be a mobster to have what I have now?"
"..." "He just said Reborn. "And you don't have to force yourself for an answer now..." He didn't even have all of his memories to begin with. "No need. Even if you decide to simply leave this life, the vast majority of us will follow you or keep in touch with you, even if they have to hunt you like a deer."
"Huh, why—"
"You have Dino and Emma, they are not going to leave their lives, but if they have to hunt you down to know about you and communicate with you, do not doubt that they will." If they had to turn the world upside down, they would do it without thinking twice.
"...That... that seems a bit exaggerated to me..." He wasn't important enough for them to do something like that...
"Tsk, tsk... Tsu, remember that you're 24, don't you think that in 10 years you've become very good friends? 10 years is a long time, remember that, brat." I was pretty sure that it wasn't necessary 10 years to reach that level of friendship...
"Still..." Tsuna turned off, looking at him shyly. "Is everything really okay now?"
"You are an excellent brat boss, if there is anyone who is not happy now, it is you." And by happy he meant being happy with the decision to take the position of Tenth Vongola. Currently, few in the family were happy with the situation... he couldn't say that to Tsuna, he would take it badly and feel guilty and God knows what madness he would do next...
"I see..." It made him sad, but I knew it was a possibility...
"If you were sad, or didn't want to be in this place, no one would know how to tell you... you were almost always smiling, or upset because someone decided to blow up part of the mansion, and you were rarely sad, you were having fun..." Although sometimes he went too far with that, but who could blame him with so much paperwork?
"You know, everything has been surreal since I met you, or at least that's how it feels..." Tsuna smiled a little, closing her eyes. "As if it were a dream... a rather strange, bizarre one, and funny and frustrating in certain aspects..." Tsuna glanced at him out of the corner of his eye without changing his expression. "It's hard, having no friends, no talents, nothing, and so, on a normal, ordinary day, a well-dressed baby appears, claiming to be my guardian, and then almost 10 minutes later, tells me that I will be the next head of the Vongola family, a mafia family, which was..." Tsuna shut down. "It's just like a dream, it doesn't feel real, and no matter how much I deny it... It's a good dream, and in spite of everything, I don't want to wake up and see myself alone again, as if nothing had happened, where you are not and where no one makes me go through a disastrous and stupid event..."
"Well, this dream is quite real in my opinion..."
"I don't think you understand..." And maybe it was better that way. "Only mom loved me. My father could be in I don't know where and I wouldn't mind, since I don't even know him..." A deep sigh. "I lived life just for the sake of living. I was just happy playing. I had nothing else to do. No friends, failing at everything no matter what they did. I stopped trying years ago. I had come to the conclusion that I was not going to get better and I would live a normal and mediocre life once I graduated from high school. I was not smart enough to go to college, and frankly I don't know what to study if I were going to go to one. I didn't even bother to make goals... I lived to live, Reborn... I didn't do or plan to do anything crazy to take my life just for two things: the first is my mother. I wasn't going to hurt her like that. She loves me if she's been taking care of me since I was born. And the other reason is that I'm a coward and a fearful person... as if being useless wasn't enough! Hehehe..."
Honestly, Reborn didn't see anything funny in what he said, but apparently Tsuna did... Tsuna never talked about these things with him before...
"...I never dreamed or expected to go far, not even to have a girlfriend. I mean, who would want to have someone like me as a partner? No one, obviously..." That didn't make him sad or anything; it was a fact for him... "And as if nothing happened, you arrived, and you demanded my attention, my life, my effort... and you declared, you affirmed, as a fact, that I would be the next boss, the Tenth Vongola, one of the most important mafia families in the world... Do you have any idea how absurd that still sounds to me?"
"No, not really." While it was true that he did not have a rosy life, he never believed himself as little as Tsuna did. In any case, he tried, he firmly believed that he could do it, and so he did.
"At first, I wanted to get rid of you. I didn't want to strive for something so crazy. It was impossible for me to become something so big or important, but in the end... You won." Reborn raised an eyebrow, did he win? "You won my attention, Reborn, maybe out of mostly fear, but you won my attention..." Having seen firsthand who I was, what I was, seeing why everyone called me "Dame-Tsuna," you stayed. I had hoped that once you realized that, you would leave like the few who tried to be my friends before, that once you heard "Dame-Tsuna" and reason, you would leave as if nothing had happened... But you stayed. No one had ever done that for me, and therefore... You won my attention. If you thought it could change, that it could be better... then it must have been true. Of course I was afraid of you; I was very afraid. I am still afraid of you; you are a sadistic Spartan."
"...Brat..." First narcissistic, and now sadistic Spartan?
"It's the truth, and you're also a narcissist. You have more lovers and money than I could imagine and yet it's obvious that your ego is matched only by your love for yourself."
"Brat..." Don't kill him, don't kill him...
"I repeat, it's the truth, Reborn. With all the talents and skills you have, it's no wonder. In any case, I don't care if you're happy like that." There were much worse things. "And at least you don't spend time in front of a mirror 24/7. Anyway, my point is that you're awesome, and if someone like you believed in me... then who am I to deny you?"
"...You know that doesn't sound good when you put it like that, right?" It was official, this boy suffered from depression and low self-esteem... shoot.
"I don't care, really... very few things really matter to me. My games and my sleeves are one, my family and friends are another... And I think that's as far as I go. Whatever they think of me... never mind. You believed in me, you're the first person to do that... Even Mom gave up on me, but you didn't. You make my life hell, true, but you never gave up on me, you were just looking for another way..." A bigger smile, but not for long. "Thanks to you I have friends... thanks to you I am no longer alone... but it is thanks to you, by myself I would not have come to anything. If you hadn't believed in me, I wouldn't have put in any effort... It will still feel like a good dream, whether it is or not, I really don't care... If there's one thing I want, it would be that I wouldn't be ignored so much when I try to say something, or that they wouldn't interpret it any other way... but, I guess it's normal, it's not that I have many things to say, or something interesting..."
"Tsu..."
"Hmmm?"
"Anything you want to say is important. It's wrong to think it's not so, and you shouldn't keep it quiet. It should be like it's happening right now..." Heavens, what a mess... "Tell me, doesn't it feel good to talk like this?"
"...Actually, being as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders..." If you started to think about it, it was rare that I had a conversation like this... It felt good.
"Wouldn't you like it to be more often?" Seeing the boy's nod, Reborn smiled. "Then come in, brat."
"Hey?" What the hell was he—
"Speak. Repeat. Get attention. Continue until they give you due attention. If you have to get upset to make it clear that it is serious, do it. A lot of times you speak so softly and shyly that people don't notice it, or interpret it differently, and because you shut up and go with the flow, or just regret it, people take that however they want or just ignore it." Gokudera interpreted it in his own way, and since his personality was much more violent, Tsuna ended up intimidated and accepting anything that happened... and now that I thought about it, that happened a lot at the beginning, with everyone... and then, when Tsuna became more assertive, he only spoke to them about important things in such a way that the message would reach them. Very rarely did he sit down with them to talk about their problems or anything, but on the contrary, they would talk to him. "Don't just accept what happens. If you have to make a bad face and stare at someone for at least an hour, do it. No one will bother with you, and they'll realize that you really mean something. Your friends aren't stupid, but unlike you, they are or have been popular in some way, so they're more... open, while you are more closed, and they either forget or have not noticed."
"Ehhh... I don't think that's a good idea..." I didn't even think I had enough—
"Tsu, believe it or not, people are dying to hear you here. Anything you say will be taken seriously, whether it's silly or a joke." Guilt could do that to people, make them regret small, but vital things like that.
"Uh, but..." Before Reborn's serious look, Tsuna swallowed dryly. "Uhg... why? He usually doesn't pay attention to me unless it's a very serious matter..." Every time they ended up flying somewhere was a clear indication of it.
"Why? What a funny question, Tsu..." Reborn laughed a little, but not out of happiness. "Did you see yourself in the mirror? I know you did..."
"Yes, but—oh..." Tsuna stopped smiling... "Was it that serious?"
"You don't have an idea, and maybe it's better that way..." If I knew everything that had happened... I would be insulting them all, or doing crazy things thinking that this was all just a dream... it had already happened several times. "Perhaps this could have been avoided if we had listened to you more carefully. I think with that you can understand that no one here will ignore you..." No matter how uncomfortable you feel about that, brat.
"I see..." It was difficult for him to understand... "I'll try to listen to you, but I don't promise anything..." I didn't think I had enough courage to insist on something like a conversation...
"Are you ignored a lot?" Reborn asked, his voice low and serious. Yes, a lot, according to his sources, but it was another thing to hear it from Tsuna's own mouth.
"Yep," Tsuna confirmed, looking down at his hands. "I didn't have many things to say or show either..." He usually talked to Natsu when they were alone, and before that... well, he just cried from time to time.
"Well, remember that you are not alone now. If you want to talk to someone, just say it. They will make time for you." Even if they have to postpone important things.
"Well—"
"And no, don't even think about thinking that you are bothering anyone or taking away valuable time for something else." This was really a scolding. Tsuna had a bad habit of not wanting to disturb or interrupt anyone, even for things like a break and soft talk of anything stupid in order to have a good time.
"H-Hai..." Tsuna relaxed again when he saw that Reborn nodded in response, as he had become so serious that anyone could think that he had committed treason or something similar in gravity.
"Perfect." The last thing they needed was for things to be shut up...
"Eto... Reborn..." This was a stupid question, very stupid, but he had to ask it. "Why did the boys look like they were 50 years old?"
"Because they haven't been taking their proper rest; they're too worried about you to do so." That was a white lie, but not entirely untrue.
"And you haven't used one of your thousand tricks to make them sleep? Like sleeping powder or something..." Reborn laughed and laughed in his head, but on the outside he did nothing but look at him and arch an eyebrow. "Sorry..."
"I did, brat." Several times already...
"Oh... hehehe..." And yet they looked so old... oh, God...
"You shouldn't be laughing at them..." Nor finding grace in their situation.
"But it's funny..." That reminded him... "What about the mini Hibari-san?"
"Ah... The children here love you very much, so don't be afraid of them. They won't do anything to you..." But the rest of the human beings do, unfortunately. "His name is Daisuke. He's 5 years old, and he's as bloodthirsty as his father, or maybe worse; we're not sure. He's a good kid as long as you don't mess with him or something or someone he loves. According to his father, he is an omnivore. And I wanted to be a bounty hunter..." "He's got cloud flames, and fog flames, mostly clouds."
"Wait, fog?" Tsuna blinked several times. "Okay... How the hell did Hibari have a child? He's not the most romantic person..."
"Oh, Tsu, you'd be surprised..." Especially knowing that you're the one who brings them together, despite so much, so much suffering caused by it. "His mom is Chrome. They're married, by the way."
3, 2, 1...
"WHATEEEEE?" Tsuna took several deep breaths, his brain trying to process the information. "How was such a thing achieved?"
"You've arrived." Reborn replied dryly. "It wasn't easy, but you did it. Those two live happily, so be proud, brat." He couldn't blame him for turning pale and almost fainting from the shock. It was kind of shocking, but not as crazy as it seemed.
"I need a moment..." Hearing this, internally Reborn grimaced... and prepared for the mental scream that Tsuna would make. Sadly he was not wrong; he would have a headache for a long time...
"Better now?" The only thing Reborn was grateful for was that the scream was mental and not verbal, because he didn't want unwanted attention, just for that.
"Yes..." It would take him weeks to digest that Hibari and Chrome were married and had a child, but he would live... or so he thought.
"So... explain to me which exam you failed?" Just to have a good time... Tsuna always failed in the basics; once he understood that, and he was nervous, he could do anything on his own.
"Trigonometry..." It was the discouraged response and with a face of: "I didn't want to remember that".
"Hmmm... come here."
After a few minutes, Tsuna wanted to bang his head against a wall, feeling very stupid. Reborn just watched him with a mocking smile on his face, well aware that Tsuna had understood and wouldn't fail with it again, even if he wanted to. Now that they'd had a good time, he could throw some heavy questions at him...
"Tell me about Gokudera. Is there anything that bothers you about him? I remind you that you are not obliged to answer." And speaking of Gokudera... "You can come in, you know?"
"Huh, come in?" Tsuna blinked several times, and almost jumped when he heard the door open, showing a serious, sad, Gokudera with a tray in his hands. "Hey... hello, Gokudera-kun?" Only Reborn could ask him a question like that when—
"Am I allowed to come in, Juudaime?" The question was calm, soft, as if the answer to it was to say no. The tone only made Tsuna blink several times, puzzled and confused, and it showed on his face.
"Why do you ask me that?" He rarely asked; he almost always followed him wherever he went, even if he said no, and gave any kind of excuse to be around, so this was... "That question is totally alien to me. Who are you and what have you done with Martian Gokudera-kun?" He really hoped he wouldn't regret doing that; he really hoped not to...
"I... you really are the Tsuna of about 10 years ago..." Gokudera now had a smile between amused and sad. He playfully ruffled Tsuna's hair once he got close enough, and sat down in front of him, placing the tray carefully on the bed. "You must be hungry, so I brought you this..."
Gokudera couldn't help but laugh lightly at Tsuna's face at the sight of the food; it was as if he had seen something that didn't make much sense... In a certain part, it was to be expected, they weren't in Japan, so the food wasn't Japanese, and if Tsuna didn't remember, then it was something totally new to him.
"Why don't you try, I'm sure you'll like it." So sure.
"I don't think you like me, Hayato." Reborn said slowly, looking at the face that was turning green, and as if to complete, the boy spat out what he had put in his mouth.
"It's sour..." Too sour...
"...You used to like this a lot..." Tsuna's face turned greener. "Uh, okay, I understood..." How could he not like it, unless... whether it was acquired taste, or simply pretended at meetings... it could be anyone. "This is sweet; it should taste better..."
"...Okay..." It wasn't exactly something to "die for" in his opinion, but it was passable, pleasant to a certain extent...
"That one?" A nod.
"Brat, don't forget the question." Tsuna blinked and looked at him with surprise and some panic, was he crazy or what? "You want to know, don't you, Hayato?"
"Yes, I would like to know." This Tsuna would be much more sincere, or at least it would be noticeable if he was lying. Also, if he was going to be like this for a while, this way it would be more pleasant and comfortable for him...
"...Since when...?" Tsuna stopped, but they didn't need him to continue to understand. Tsuna sighed deeply, and looked somewhere but them for a moment, debating. "Okay, I guess...
"If you don't want to talk, you don't have to, Juudai—"
"I hate that you call me that." Gokudera stopped in his tracks. "I have a name, you know? It's Tsu-na-yo-shi. You can call me Tsuna, Tsu-na, T-s-u-n-a. I'd like you to call me that. No sama, or san, I don't even donate, nothing like that... only Tsuna is fine..."
"...Boss..." Of all that was expected, it wasn't that, it really wasn't.
"Is it so hard to call me by my name instead of a title?" No, you didn't really expect this. "I tried to tell you, but you said it was..." disrespectful... Tsuna looked at his hands, nervous. "After a couple of times, I gave up and just let you call me whatever you want... I thought that maybe, in time you would quit, but I see that you won't..."
"I'm sorry, Juu—Tsuna, I had no idea it bothered her so much—"
"It bothers me, because I consider you a friend, not a... subordinate. Friends don't treat each other like that, do they? They treat each other on the same level... am I wrong?" O Lord... he felt like a tremendous idiot, and he was a genius... What a genius he was!
"I... I'm sorry, Tsuna..." I really was an idiot... "Then you have to call me by my name, isn't that a good deal?" Gokudera ignored Reborn's mocking look as best he could.
"I guess..." Great, again the adoring look... it was scarier now... much more fear... "Could you stop... look at me like this?" It was too awkward, much more so than he remembered...
"Huh, oh..." So what Reborn told him years ago was true: Tsuna was very uncomfortable with admiration, praise, and in general a lot of attention... It made sense, Tsuna wasn't exactly popular when she met him... Woe to him if he found out about all the love letters and wedding invitations he had rejected for years... I could really give him a heart attack this time.
"Uhg, sure..." Internally Hayato made a face, was it so scary? "If I may—"
"Do you still smoke?" The question was very innocent, so much so that those present felt that there was something dark behind the question...
"Yes..." What was that about?
"That means that I have to keep exchanging cigarette packets for candy or something like that..." Tsuna made a very bad face, so much work for nothing... he was still smoking. "It's bad for your health, you know?"
"...That you were the unfortunate son of a pu—digo, why the devil?"
Reborn just looked at him with an emotionless expression, and Hayato could feel very well what Reborn meant: "Really nice, hopeless idiot." The worst, in his perspective, was that Tsuna had the same expression... anyone would think—
"It's not the first time you've insulted me... nor will it be the last." When they met, when I didn't recognize him, or when I insulted a third person for something, since sometimes it was him being anonymous to avoid a fight... "But yes, it was me. Smoking is bad for your health, and you're too young for that, to get cancer, and die like an idiot."
"You could have told me!" Tsuna just looked at him more intensely, a very, very, bored face and without any other emotion, calling him an idiot in silence. "Don't tell me you did...
"You take everything as you want..." Tsuna rolled her eyes, and the next thing that came out of her mouth was unconscious. "lapdog."
Reborn whistled, drawing Tsuna's attention, and Gokudera could only look at Tsuna in utter surprise, as if he had been slapped. Not understanding this, Tsuna did the smartest thing he could have done:
"What? It's true, you rarely pay attention to me..." Nothing changed. "What, did I say something wrong?"
"You called him a lapdog." Now, Reborn disarmed, putting a hand to his mouth to hide his laughter.
"I didn't call him a lapdog..." He hadn't, had he? "And why would I call him that? He reminds me sometimes of a puppy, but lap? I've never seen him behind anyone..." Reborn laughed even more, and Hayato blushed slightly, in total embarrassment.
"...It's okay, Tsuna, it's okay..." Maybe you should have heard the perverted pineapple before... "Anything else that bothers you or you don't like about me? I don't promise anything with cigarettes; it's been a long time to be able to quit them, just like that."
"Just don't abuse them and we'll have an agreement." It wasn't like I could stop him, or he couldn't do it in secret. "Well... There's something else I don't like about you, but it's more of an awkwardness, although sometimes it's funny..." And incredibly stupid to see...
"What?" What could make you uncomfortable?
"Could you try to control how often you fight with others? You tend to blow everything up when you do it, and for silly things... It's funny, I won't deny it, and it's normal since you all love chaos and destruction..." And again the next thing that came out of his lips was totally unconscious: "but none of you are the ones enslaved in cleaning up the mess, or doing the paperwork, or being punished for not being able to control the situation, and much less your things fall apart because they never do it in your own places, lovers of destruction..." When he finished, Tsuna blinked several times. "Did I say that?"
While Reborn wasn't going to ruin his image, that didn't imply that in his head he was laughing a lot, Gokudera's face was priceless. Slowly, almost robotically, Hayato nodded.
"Oh..." Sadly, Tsuna could only think of one thing: "Where the hell did that come from, and what paperwork?" He should be running in circles with his hands on his head and shouting to the sky... if he wasn't so confused and curious.
"Hehe, don't worry so much about it..." It was probably something he never said, but that he wanted to tell them several times or once.
"Okay... Hayato-kun?" Had he gone too far, perhaps...?
"Don't worry about me, I'm fine..." Lightning and more lightning... "Do you want to go for dessert? Others would love to see you, but you don't have to if you don't want to..."