Oh God! Vinny groaned as his alarm rang, telling him to get out of bed. He inhaled and exhaled deeply, "Huuuhhhh..." as he looked at the little bit of light streaming through a crack in his curtains, chasing away whatever remnants of darkness he had enjoyed. Another day. Another day, he kept repeating to himself as he dragged himself toward the bathroom.
He walked up to the mirror and stared at it, hard, looking deep into his own eyes, lost in thought but unable to recall what he was thinking. Out of habit, he began inspecting his face, criticizing the small imperfections he thought he saw. "The lines on my face seem to be getting deeper, and one of my eyes looks slightly larger than the other. Ew." He sighed again.
Finally looking away from the mirror, he left the bathroom and made his way to the living room.
"Good morning, Mummy. Good morning, Liz," he greeted his mother and younger sister as he entered the living room, where they were sorting through papers. Liz was preparing to leave the country soon for college, and their mother was helping her out.
"Finally woke up, I see?" Liz said, mocking him. His mother just rolled her eyes at him and continued with what she was doing.
"So, are you going to look for a job today?" his mother asked.
"Yeah, I looked up some vacancies online, but finding a job related to what I studied is hard. I guess I should have been smarter about my choice of study, huh?" He tried to laugh it off, but his attempt was met with silence, only deepening the feeling of helplessness inside him. It wasn't that he wanted to be a bum living with his mother, nor that he liked being seen as worthless, but interacting with people in the real world was difficult. It made it hard to go out physically and look for jobs.
"I am so fucking pathetic," he thought to himself as he made his way to the kitchen.
He quietly entered the kitchen to check if there was any food left in the pantry. Unsurprisingly, it was empty. "Guess I'll just starve this morning. I don't deserve to complain. It's not like I help with the feeding situation... I don't deserve to say anything," he kept telling himself.
He walked past his family, who were too absorbed in their tasks to notice his presence, and retreated to his room. He flopped onto the bed, burying his face deep into the pillow. He picked up his phone and began scrolling through FipFops, trying to distract his mind from the terrible thoughts that greeted him this morning.
While scrolling, an irritating video popped up: Lamar. He was dancing on camera with his girlfriend. They looked so happy and perfect together. Vinny sighed. "God! This is pathetic. I shouldn't still feel this bad about him. I was the one who broke it off, remember?" he reminded himself as a wave of pain washed over his heart.
He quickly scrolled past it, trying to push Lamar from his mind. Then, he came across Griffin, someone he had a crush on for a while. Griffin was a tall, tanned man with piercing eyes that seemed to hypnotize anyone foolish enough to look at them for more than a few seconds. His thick hair looked so smooth and shiny it seemed spun from silk, his muscles were sculpted to perfection, and his fashion sense could rival any high-end designer.
Griffin was doing a cooking video, and the way he handled the ingredients and his voice, so alluring it could tempt anyone, made Vinny's body heat up.
"I know it's still morning, but…" he said, getting up to lock his door. He retrieved his toy from the closet where he'd hidden it and pulled out his lube.
As he watched more Griffin videos, Vinny slowly inserted his toy into himself. It had been a while since he had done this. He told himself, "It's okay, just this once." He convinced himself it was fine to indulge in this, just for today. Adding more lube with his fingers, he pushed the toy in while biting down on the pillow next to him.
As he hadn't bottomed in a while or played with his toy recently, he was tighter than expected, and it took a moment to loosen up. Once the toy slid in easily, he started moving. He placed the toy on the floor and positioned his phone in front of him, staring at Griffin's video. As he gently sat on the toy, he began moving his waist in slow circles, alternating between fast and slow rhythms. His eyes never left Griffin's eyes, his voice, his body, every detail making him hotter.
He bounced up and down on the toy, imagining Griffin's hands on him. A soft moan escaped his mouth as he quickly placed a hand over it, trying to keep quiet. His body moved like it was on autopilot, fluid and desperate.
Just as he was about to reach his peak, he gripped his neck and then his phone tighter and stared deeply into Griffin's eyes, feeling the relief flood through him as he came.
With the toy still inside, he fell back onto the floor, his knees still planted. His back was the only part of his body that hit the ground.
"This is the only way I can be with you, huh?" he murmured to the video of Griffin still playing on his phone. He knew there was no way he would ever experience this kind of connection with the real Griffin, but for now, that was fine.
"It's not like someone like me could ever be with someone like him. I'm just a creep who jacks off to his videos. I'd be lucky if he spared me a second glance."
The thought crushed whatever fleeting high he had been feeling. His mood turned sour again, and he flopped back into his bed, hoping for the day to end and for the night to last forever.