After eating, Zeus and I returned to the rat-den, but the internet was still out.
This is bad. As a rat kid, I have a reputation to maintain.
You see, I'm the type of rat kid who specializes in spoilers. I read the light novels and ruin the lives of those who only read the manga or watch the anime, right at the best part.
Of course, it's an exhausting and complex labor, but someone has to do it, and that someone is me. It is my sacred duty, my reason for existing on this earth.
If I'm not there, what would become of the world? I'd rather not imagine it... Though of course, that only happens in my imagination, because we, the rat kids, have the sacred duty to prevent it.
Woof.
What are you saying, Zeus? Should we turn on the television?
Woof.
But I don't think that will provide anything important.
Woof.
I see…
Woof.
Your words are wise… Fine. Let's try turning on the television again.
As I am enlightened by wisdom, I try to turn on the television again and can't help but be invaded by a hint of sadness. What was once an icon of human culture has been reduced to this box that barely survives amidst smartphones and fleeting memes.
As I was thinking about how fleeting life can be, I turn on the television again.
["At this moment, we are joined by Dr. Michael, an internationally renowned psychologist, to help us understand the delicate situation that has been developing…"]
Oh no, they've already brought in their "'experts with doctorates'?" Great. Aliens on the screen too?
["Dr. Michael, what is your opinion on the planet that suddenly appeared in the sky and the strange creatures attacking people? What should we do in such an unknown situation?"]
["First of all… yes, thank you for having me. Regarding the current situation, we must remain calm. Panic only makes things worse. I know it can be difficult to face the reality we are experiencing so suddenly. But everyone must try to understand the situation and cope with it."]
["And what advice would you give to be able to cope with this situation?"]
["Well, most people go through a total of 5 stages to accept such sudden and unfavorable events. The first stage is denial."]
Denial, according to him.
Denial?
What am I supposed to deny? Planets appearing suddenly? Fantasy creatures attacking humans? Do they think I'm some damn isekai wannabe? ANOTHER WORLD MY ASS! This is the same world, just with monsters… are you fucking kidding me?
["The second is anger."]
ANGER? You want me to get angry at a giant planet that appeared out of nowhere and at bugs that look like they're from a horror video game? Sure, perfect. Excellent time for some existential rage, Doc.
["The third is bargaining."]
Come on, Doc, let's talk about this, okay?
Isn't it weird that we can watch TV in what looks like a forced worldwide summoning?
Stop the joke now and I won't sue you, alright?
How about in exchange, I talk to the rat kid association so they never mess with you again? No more spoilers, no more mid-game disconnects, no more troll insults during your games—a happy life just for you, Doc. Think about it.
["The fourth is depression."]
I'm gonna dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, Uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
We rat kids can't survive an apocalypse, you get it?
Our natural habitat is the darkness of our room behind a screen. Isn't it obvious we're not suited for exercise?
Am I supposed to go out into the world and survive? There's no way in hell I can do that shit.
Anyway, I'll die of withdrawal if the internet doesn't come back soon…
["And the fifth is acceptance."]
GO TO HELL, YOU BEARDED BASTARD, AS IF I'M GOING TO ACCEPT THIS SHIT. FUCK YOU.
["Although sometimes there are relapses…"]
I turn off the television and get into bed, hugging Zeus.
I saw nothing, I heard nothing. It's plausible deniability.