It took about three hours for the power to come back on.
How do I know? Obviously, because I have a phone. What era are you living in, the stone age? Are you retarded?
Woof.
You're right, Zeus. If the power is back, the least I can do is check what the hell is going on.
Television, do your sacred duty of standing in for the internet when there's no other choice.
However, even though the power came back, the internet still hasn't. How do I know? Easy: because the mystical lights on the sacred global connection device—also known as the router—aren't all lit up. That means some dark god decided to punish me. Could it be because I haven't made the proper sacrifices? Okay, let's look for a virgin later.
Anyway, every time I opened the window, the planet was still there. Giant. Like an awkward neighbor glued to your window who won't leave even if you ignore them. And not just that: there were also golden rays falling from time to time, extremely weird explosions, and pieces of the sky glowing as if they were graphical glitches in a poorly optimized video game.
But I'm a rat kid, so I know what's happening: what my eyes are showing me is bugged. Reality isn't reliable.
That's why I need a serious source.
The internet… oh, the internet…
Since it's not back yet, I'll have to settle for the news. Yes, the news, which has the same credibility as a politician on the campaign trail.
I turn on the television.
["A few hours ago, a light suddenly enveloped the entire city, and a new planet with an appearance similar to Earth appeared in the sky. No one knows what is happening exactly, the authorities have not yet made a statement, but…"]
[KYAAAAAAAAA]
[Help, please, save me!]
[Run, run!]
[NOOOOOO]
[MY LEG! IT ATE MY LEG!]
The reporter was being all professional, but suddenly the camera spun around and showed the real scene: people running, screaming, bleeding. And there were the things attacking them… wolves? Giant ants? Is that a wasp the size of a car? Wait… was that a goblin? Can someone call Goblin Slayer, please?
["As you can see, this is not the time to worry about those things. For several hours, dozens of strange creatures like these have appeared throughout the city and are attacking people. We don't know what they are, but what we can say is that if they contin—…"]
I turned off the television.
After all, you can't trust the news.
Woof.
Exactly, Zeus agrees with me. That reminds me I haven't given him his food yet.
["Help, aaaahhh"]
["Nooooo!"]
["What is that thing?"]
["Police, call the police!"]
The screams were seeping in through my window just as I was thinking about Zeus's kibble.
Clearly, some neighbor was just playing their TV show too loud. I'll complain to the police later.
Woof.
And so, with all the logic in the universal universe, I decided the next step was to prepare my lunch. And while I was at it, Zeus's too.
After all, the priority in an apocalypse is clear: eat before you die.