Chapter One: The beginning
Dear diary,
Hmmmm… am not one to write about myself but lately my life have been chaotic, not just lately but for the past five years I have been a fan girl, most people dub me as a crazy fan girl, yeah and I agree but first let me introduce myself.
Hi. I'm Amara.
Age: 19
Profession: College student by day. Delusional fangirl 24/7.
Today?
*I got married to Juwon oppa for the tenth time*
Tell me how a human can be this fine, don't call me delusional but we are spiritually married.
He posted a selfie wearing a plain white t-shirt.
That's it.
Just cotton and perfection.
And my entire feed collapsed like my GPA during comeback season.
I had plans—actual productive ones. Like finishing my essay, replying to my group project chat.
But no.
I ended up spending two hours analyzing the lighting on his cheekbones like it was a NASA experiment.
Some people journal about their feelings.
I journal about idols I'll never meet… *yet*.
One day, I'll meet him. One day, he'll look at me and say,
"Where have you been all my life?"
And I'll say,
"On Twitter, defending your honor."
—
Sometimes I wonder how I even got here. I used to be a regular girl—Houston born, Beyoncé raised. I liked chill music, hot wings, and ignoring group chats. But then, *Starlight* debuted, and my life went *left*.
It started with one music video.
One.
Juwon oppa hit that slow turn during the chorus, and I swear my soul left my body. I didn't even know K-pop could *do that*. And now? My Spotify Wrapped is 99.9% Starlight. The other 0.1% is Beyoncé… because I still have standards.
Every time Juwon posts, my brain short-circuits.
And don't get me started on the fancams. I've seen angles of this man that NASA hasn't. He licks his lips ONCE and suddenly I'm writing wedding vows in my Notes app.
My friends don't get it.
They say things like:
"Girl, he doesn't even know you exist."
But that's where they're wrong.
Because last week?
He went live and read a comment that said, *"Juwon oppa, your smile cures depression."*
Guess who wrote that?
*Me.*
He read it.
He *laughed.*
It's official—we're spiritually married.
And don't worry, Diary. I'm not just a fangirl… I'm a professional one.
I've got burner accounts.
I've survived fanwars.
I once argued with a sasaeng for five straight hours—with gifs.
This isn't a phase.
This is a lifestyle.
---
It all started on a rainy Tuesday. I was stuck in the kitchen, doing dishes, minding my *unbothered* business when YouTube autoplay betrayed me. One second I was listening to Megan Thee Stallion, next thing—boom! A thumbnail of five sparkly boys with jawlines sharp enough to slice bread.
*Starlight – "Moonlight Fever" MV*
I clicked. Just to see. Just a peek.
Four minutes and twenty-two seconds later, I was on the floor, emotionally unstable.
*Juwon.*
He had this smirk… that look like he knew exactly what he was doing to my sanity. That boy moved like sin in human form. And don't even get me started on his vocals.
*Who sings like that and looks like that?*
I replayed that video twelve times. No regrets.
And that was it. I was pulled into the *Orbit*.
That's what we call ourselves—Starlight fans.
Not just a fandom.
A *planet-sized cult of glitter, loyalty, and chaos.*
I found my people on Stan Twitter.
We cried together during comebacks.
We screamed in all caps when Juwon dyed his hair black.
We even had matching profile pics for his birthday.
We're organized. We're powerful.
We once sold out a face mask just because he wore it once.
That's Orbit power, baby.
For the first time in forever, I felt like I *belonged*.
Not just as a fan… but as a dreamer.
Because watching them shine?
Made me want to shine too.
So yeah. That one rainy day changed everything.
And now? I'm not just Orbit.
I'm *orbiting my own dream*.
—
I know I joke a lot. I meme, I scream over comebacks, and I write fanfics at 2AM like it's my job (spoiler: it's unpaid). But underneath all that sparkle and screaming, there's me. Just a girl from a small town, stuck in the shadows of a perfect family.
My parents? Both doctors.
My sister? *Stanford pre-med*, of course.
Me? I once got a C in Intro to Philosophy and nobody's let it go since.
They never said it, not out loud—but I saw it in the way they smiled wider at her achievements. The way my mom always said, "Why can't you be more like your sister?" The way my dad sighed when I told him I wanted to major in *History*.
So when I stumbled into Orbit's fandom, it was more than music. It was rescue.
In a world where I felt unwanted, *they* wanted me.
We screamed over comebacks, cried over lyrics, and hyped each other like our lives depended on it. Maybe they did.