Friday 6:15 am
I hissed as I got out of bed, mood wonky, by the lack of sleep although it hadn't been enough since I had woken up an extra 15 minutes late. Normally I would exercise for 30 minutes before showering but I would have to cross that out since I basically have to run all the way to school. I wrap my hands around my forehead, pulling my hair back This sucks! It's not the fact I had an unofficial early school curfew, or that I barely had any proper sleep, or getting bullied by some idiots… no it was that stupid dream. It's been 2 years since I overcame the night-time trauma, I had thought it would come back after a few months, seeing it didn't I had let my guard down and actually started forgiving myself. I bend my head backwards letting the hot water rinse out the sleep from my face. But ever since he transferred back here everything just got worse. Opening my drawer, I pulled out a fresh set of uniform, laying them down I prep myself for the day. I had thought I was getting better, a quick look in the mirror before had me regretting I look like shit, my eye bags were getting darker my hair dried out and difficult to style. With little time to moan over my appearance I grabbed my school bag still rotating my thoughts. Of-course I didn't get better I had just learned to shut out the voice in my head that blamed me for everything.
HONNNNK! the loud blast of horns from a chicken truck waking me up from my slumber of thoughts as I attempted to beat the lights in a rush to cross the road. "Fuck you!" the bus driver frantic and furious took a swift look at my face and handed me a middle finger as he buzzed out the road at maximum speed. Left me wondering who was at fault it's a freaking crosswalk the least you could do was tone down your mph. Brushing it off I hurriedly crossed once it hit pedestrian. The last thing I needed was another reason to be blamed for. Many people would write my story as the victim but I really didn't care. It was my fault and I'm paying for it.
"Bulls-eye" Lana echoed somewhere in the shadows along the hall way. "you're late horsie" she bent forward tilting her head up to look at my face in a seductive gesture that had her looking like a tiny low self-worth porn model. "why're you sweating?" I paid no attention to her and handed her some spare cash. Straightening her back with her face somewhat red she takes the money trying to hide her embarrassment of being ignored. I push past her swiftly after she takes the money not waiting for another word from her. I felt a pang on my chest, feeling guilty for her, I had no choice It was easier being quiet, even though I was the one being bullied I knew I deserved it. I only hated how many people got involved in my own mistake. Call me a fool ill take it yes, I know I should blame them, I should hate them but… they're not the kind of people who would hurt others for fun. No…. not him, he wouldn't.
ʚɞ
After a quick release of nerves and sweat in the gym toilets, I quickly arrange the cleaning supplies back into my locker, take off my clothes, and get into the shower. As the president of 8 divisions under one class I had to leave a high reputation and that included not smelling like I just cleaned all the public toilets 2 hours before class starts. This had been my new routine since Rey transferred back into this school. Not that I'm complaining, he and I had been childhood friends after all. We'd been friends since pre-school and it wouldn't hurt to do almost all our volunteer works on his behalf. I bit my tongue as the ice-cold water ran down my spine clearing my bitter thoughts of subtle protests. As the gentle streaks of water poured down on my skin, slowly adjusting to the temperature and cleaning out the soap leaving my skin squeaky, my mind becomes too loud and vulnerable reminding me of my painfully existing guilt, I turned the shower off getting out and changing to my uniform. After a few moments of silence and knitting up clothes I felt my raspy voice vibrate in my throat whispering an "I deserve it" before walking out of the room feeling bashed and looking new, just as the sun shines bright and the bell rings for the first period.