The light of the moon shines through my cabin window that night keeping me awake. I try everything I can to get comfortable. I roll onto my side so I'm not facing the light. I pull my sheets up over my head. But nothing works.
I'm completely wired. Have been since dinner. Every nerve ending in my body is on high alert.
Is it the blue moon? Is my body messed up because of luna energy?
I roll onto my back and it's like the moon is pressing down on my chest, crushing me. My school counselor told me I had anxiety one time when I was freaking about this history test I thought I was going to fail. This is like anxiety times ten.
The other guys in my cabin are all snoring soundly which only adds to my frustration.
I roll back toward the window and stare at the moon.
Why do I feel like she's calling me, compelling me to do something? ...well, what? What do you want me to do?
I sigh and sit up. I'm being ridiculous.
Down by the foot of the bed my sketchbook is sticking out of my bag. Maybe drawing the moon will help focus some of this nervous energy.
I slip out of my bunk, pull my hoodie over my tank top and lace-up my trainers. I grab my sketchbook and pencil and leave the cabin.
I head off into the darkness of the forest, knowing the moon will lead me where I need to go.
It's quiet out in the woods but not eerily so. The buzz of cicadas and the trilling of bullfrogs keeps me company as I walk. The shadows are deep but there is enough moonlight that I find my footing easily.
In a short while, I emerge from the trees into a small clearing. The moon shines down in full view.
It's breathtaking. I take a deep breath and soak it in.
"Shouldn't you be sleeping?"
I jump at the sound of his voice. Jasper.
He's sitting cross-legged, on top of a boulder to my right, his hands resting on his knees, and his palms turned upward.
What is he doing out here?
"I couldn't sleep…," I say. "The moon is too bright."
Jasper sighs and looks up.
"Too bright," he whispers to himself. "Too bright and too big––and about to fall on top of us."
Has he forgotten I'm still standing here?
"It's really striking," I say, stepping further into the clearing.
"Incredibly beautiful."
"I think it's hideous," Jasper spits through clenched teeth.
I'm shocked. The moon is sacred to wolves. Our spirits are guided by her light, our moods governed by her pull. We're like the tide ebbing and flowing at her whim. It's bad manners to talk shit about her. To some, it's completely heretical.
But I'm curious. I've never met a wolf who wasn't kind of obsessed with the moon.
"You think it's ugly?" I ask, a little hesitant.
"Ugly, oppressive, you name it," he scoffs. "I find it suffocating.
Every night, no matter where you go it's there, like a spotlight. No matter what, you're always being watched. It's intolerable."
"Oh."
I can't say I relate, but I guess the alpha's heir would be under a lot of scrutiny. A lot of people would be expecting a lot from you. That's a lot of pressure.
"I'm sorry," he says. "I know I shouldn't speak like that. I don't mean to offend."
I'm taken aback. Did he just apologize?!
"It's okay," I say, wandering even closer. "I think that's the most words you've ever spoken to me."
He laughs a little, making me grin in turn.
"Besides, this blue moon thing is making everyone act weird."
Jasper chuckles even more.
"I didn't even really want to come to the festival, to be honest."
"Oh yeah." Jasper lifts an eyebrow in my direction. "Why not?"
"I guess...it all just seemed a bit much."
I can feel my cheeks warming and I start to freak out a little. Why am I blushing? Why does talking about mates with Jasper make me feel strange? Why am I telling half-truths?
"Sure," he says cooly. "It is a lot."
I look up and Jasper's watching me with this understanding grin.
Did we just find some common ground? Is that even possible?
"I mean, I can hardly complain. It must be a lot more for you, right?
Everyone is crazy excited that you're here and wondering who you're going to wind up mated to. That must be difficult."
"I suppose," he says, his eyes glazing over pensively. Then his face turns cold, his eyes settle on one spot, and his jaw tenses. "But it's my duty.
To my family and my pack."
"Riiiiight," I say, nodding, pretending I can even start to comprehend what his life must be like. I've managed to move closer to the boulder, I shift my weight and rest my shoulder against it. "I'm sorry."
"Why are you sorry?"
"It just sounds like there's a lot on your plate."
"Yeah, and I have no appetite."
"If it's any consolation my mom thinks me and my best friend are going to be mates. She can't wait for us to start pumping out grandpups."
Now Jasper laughs properly, he almost topples backward off his rocky perch, but he gracefully catches himself before he does.
"So, bonehead," he says, once he's settled again. "Why are you out here in the woods in the middle of the night?"
"Oh, well I…" After our conversation about how Jasper hates the moon, I don't really want to tell him I came out here to draw it. "I couldn't sleep so I thought I could do some sketches."
"Aisha said you were an artist."
He remembers.
"She said you're a nice kid." Wait, does this mean they've...talked about me? "And she thinks I've been too hard on you."
Wha-a-a-a-at???
I can't believe what I'm hearing. I must have caught Jasper with his guard down.
"You were probably just stressed…," I say, trying to act cool as a courgette.
"Can I see some of your work?"
I step away from the boulder, my eyes bulging out of my head. I'm not usually that shy about sharing my work. But for some reason, Jasper wanting to look at my sketches is freaking me the fudge out. What if he thinks they're stupid? What if he thinks I'm terrible?
Why do I care?
"Come on, I'm sure they're fine," he says, whisking the sketchpad out of my slippery fingers and opening it up on his lap.
My body goes into shut down mode as Jasper flips through the pages.
I watch like a deer in headlights as he spends a decent amount of time on each page, studying the pictures, appreciating them.
"Wow, bonehead," he says after a while. "These are pretty good.
You're talented."
"Um, thanks," I mumble, the flush in my cheeks has become red-hot flames of embarrassment.
"Oh hey, is that Aisha?"
Jasper's question makes my stomach drop out of my ass. He's reached the drawings of Aisha in the lake, which means he's only a few pages from finding the picture of his face!
If he sees that picture he's going to think I'm obsessed or something!
"Oh, yeah, you can probably stop now, those are just, like, preliminary sketches, they're not finished, or even very good."
Jasper glances sideways at me. "You're being weird."
"Weird?! I'm not acting weird. You're acting weird!"
I'm acting completely deranged. Way to prove his point, moron.
"You should show Aisha these. She'd love them."
There's a zero percent chance of me doing that.
Jasper turns the page and becomes very still. Silence hangs in the air between us like a cloud. I can't tell for sure but I assume he's reached the drawing of him. His eyes scan the page, taking in his own features, the ones I drew.
He doesn't say anything. And he doesn't react in any discernible way. He just stares at the picture for a long, long time, before quietly shutting the book.
I wait anxiously for him to call me a psycho or a stalker, hell, I'd even take bonehead right now. But he doesn't call me names. He just holds the book out for me to take.
"You're a talented artist, Max."
My heart is all the way in my throat. Up until now, I wasn't even sure he knew my actual name. It was certainly the last thing I expected to come out of his mouth. But here he is, looking into my eyes, saying it.
I wish he'd say it again.
"You okay?" he asks.
"Uh, yeah." I reach up to take back my sketchbook and as I do our fingers brush together.
It's like breathing for the first time. My mouth drops open as this easy, electric feeling begins at the point of contact and moves through me like a wave, flooding my senses. I feel weightless and filled with light. I feel relief and comfort and fulfillment in a way I've never experienced.
I think I'm about to faint when Jasper pulls his hand away sharply.
That feeling disappears instantly and the forest is suddenly a little more shadow-filled than before.
I shiver and wrap my arms around myself. What was that?
"You should probably get some sleep," Jasper says. The chill, friendly way in which he spoke to me just a moment ago is gone. Here is the cool, stoic, unfeeling Jasper I'm used to.
"Right," I say, suddenly wishing I was back in my cabin, under the covers. "Big day tomorrow."
He scoffs and rolls his eyes. "Of course."
"What?"
"You're really just like everyone else aren't you? Obsessed with finding a mate."
I have no idea where this is coming from but hell if I'm going to let him speak to me like that.
"I told you the only person who cares about mates is my pup-obsessed mother. Don't you listen?"
"Oh, so this whole thing is a joke to you?"
Jasper stares at me with piercing, spiteful eyes and, without thinking, my feet begin stepping backward. Automatically, I retreat toward the forest.
"No, it's not a joke but I thought you said…" "This is a big deal," he says, pushing off from the rock and landing gracefully, like a ninja. "You have no idea how big."
"I get it, it's a lot of pressure but…" "How could you understand?" Jasper turns his face to me and his eyes are cold, uncaring. "You're just some dumb kid."
My jaw starts quivering but there's no way I'm going to start crying in front of him. As much as my body is trying to make me, it's not going to happen.
"And you're just the alpha's dumb son. You're not even the alpha but you're acting like the fate of the whole pack is on your shoulders.
You're not so special, you know!"
Jasper's entire body becomes rigid and his look of apathy turns to pure, ice-cold disdain.
"Go back to bed, Max."
"Don't tell me what to do!"
"I said LEAVE!"
Jasper's growl is fierce and resonant. I'm forced back by the sheer force of the sound.
His face softens, he can tell that he's just frightened the skittles out of me. But I barely register the change. I'm already turning, already running back into the forest.
I run back through the darkness until I reach the cabin and dive under my covers. I'm shaking as I clutch the thin blanket to my chest.
Why does he think it's ok to talk to people like that?
And why has he upset me so much?
My life would be way simpler if I'd never run into him.
I try to breathe and stop myself from shaking. I just want the festival to be over already.
I just want to go home, so I can forget all about this stupid place.
And I can forget all about Jasper Apollo!