This is a terrible idea.
Approaching the alpha's estate feels like strolling up to a high security prison and begging to be taken out by a sniper.
I have Jasper's backpack slung over a shoulder with his washed and ironed clothes inside.
Hopefully, they're my ticket in.
Katie said that she would cover for me and tell my parents we were hanging out, in case they call her place to check up on me. I've spent basically all of my savings on a cab out to the Hamptons.
Now that I'm here, however, I'm starting to think this whole thing has been a mistake. The gates loom over me like I'm an ant–easy to squash.
There's a keypad and a speaker on a column to the right. I pull my shoulders back and march to it. This may be a mistake but I've come all this way. There's no chickening out now.
I press the call button and wait for a response. Nothing happens.
What if I've shown up and nobody is home? I wait for a long moment before pressing the buzzer again. Still nothing. I'm about to turn around and head home when I hear a click and some static and then a woman's voice.
"Hello, can I help you?"
I freeze. I can't do this. I don't even know who the woman on the other end is.
Maybe if I don't say anything she'll think it's a prank and forget I ever rang.
"I can see you," she says. I glance up to the top of the fence where a security camera is pointing in my direction. Of course.
"H-hi," I say, leaning into the speaker.
"Can I help?"
"Yeah, I was just wondering if...if…" I'm still freaking out. This is never going to work. Why did I think Jasper would answer the door at his own house?
I remember something, something Jasper said about the house having a manager.
"Is that Melissa?" I ask, crossing my fingers.
"Yes, who is this?"
I breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe this is my in.
"I'm a friend of Jasper's. I was here the other night and borrowed some clothes." I twist my shoulder so the backpack is in full view of the camera. "I just came to bring them back."
There's a long crackly pause and then a beep and the gates swing open.
"Come in."
It worked!
My collar is damp with sweat by the time I arrive at the end of the driveway. The house looks the same in the daylight. Cold and hard. To my left the black town car is sitting in front of the garage doors. The hairs on my arms stand to attention.
I'd almost forgotten about the car, chalking it up to coincidence. But seeing it sitting there, dark and low to the ground, my stomach is suddenly full of dread.
Somewhere deep in my soul I know I have to do this. But as I ring the doorbell I glance back to the car.
Something doesn't feel right.
Melissa pulls the door open and I'm refreshed by how normal she looks. Softly curled brown hair falls over the shoulders of her blue woolen sweater. She stands on one pink sock-covered foot, leaning against the doorframe, perfectly at home.
"Hi," she says, smiling broadly. "You must be Max."
I shake my head in disbelief. "You know my name?"
"Jodie told me. She's great at remembering names, especially when she gets to stay up past bedtime and eat unhealthy snacks with unexpected visitors."
I feel my face flush and glance at the ground. One of my shoes is untied, it must have come undone on the walk up.
So Jasper didn't tell her about me then.
I rub the back of my neck. "Yeah, sorry, about that."
"It's not your fault, " she says, waving a hand dismissively. "It's your friend Jasper who should know better. Speaking of…" She narrows her eyes at me.
"Jasper doesn't usually ask his friends around to the house. Is he expecting you?"
"Uh, not really," I say. "He just lent me this stuff after I fell in the pool and I wanted to return it."
"Right." She nods but continues to stare at me with a suspicious pout. "So, he'll probably be surprised to see you then?"
"Probably." My voice catches in my throat, making me sound like I've just hit puberty.
"Good, Jasper's been in a real mood lately. Maybe a surprise is just what the doctor ordered. That or a kick in the ass. Come on through."
Melissa opens the door wide and ushers me inside.
"Do you know the way to his room?"
Even if I didn't remember my way there it wouldn't matter. The second I walk into the house I can feel Jasper's presence.
"I can find it," I say, heading toward the stairs.
"Do me a favor," Melissa says. "Don't tell him I let you in?"
I laugh. "Sure."
Jasper's door is closed when I arrive, so I knock but there's no answer.
I turn the handle. It's dark inside and Jasper's usually all-to-appealing scent is mixed with a stale musty odor.
"What are you doing here?"
I jump. I hadn't spotted him in the dimness. Jasper is on his bed, sitting cross-legged. Probably meditating.
He opens one eye as I walk in. His room looks different. Dirty plates and half-empty water glasses are scattered across the desktop. Books are strewn around the floor. Laundry is overflowing from the hamper like a designer label landslide. It's almost as messy as my room.
"Are you okay?" I ask. I want to open the curtains and let some sunlight in but Jasper might kill me if I do.
"I'm fine," he responds. "How did you get in?"
"I'm not supposed to say."
"Melissa." He shakes his head in frustrated disbelief.
"Yeah, but it wasn't her fault I told her we were...friends."
"What do you want?"
What do I want? I want him to get off that stupid bed and talk to me like a person. I want him to acknowledge that there's something between us whether he likes it or not. I want him to act like he feels something, anything!
"I brought your clothes and your bag back."
"You didn't need to."
Neither of us speaks for a second, I shift my weight from one foot to the other, then finally, I drop the bag at the foot of his bed.
Well, I did. And here it is.
"Is that all?" he asks.
I don't know why I bothered coming here. I should have known this is how it would go.
"Yeah," I say, running a hand down the side of my face. "That's it."
I turn to go but stop myself at the door. If I leave this room right now I'm going to regret it. I'm going to walk outside and be filled with the same unresolved sick feeling I've had since I last saw him. The one that sapped me of my appetite and turned me into a zombie at school.
I swing around and face him. "Actually no, that's not it."
He groans and rolls his head back.
"Jasper, we need to talk about this. We can't just ignore it."
He swings his legs off the side of the bed and stands in one fluid gesture. "There's nothing to talk about."
"How can you say that? Whatever this is, it's eating me up inside. I can't think, I can't eat, I can barely function."
"You're going to have to learn."
"I can't do that!"
Jasper rushes at me. "You don't have a choice!"
My chin starts wobbling. I feel like my chest is collapsing.
"Why not?" I try to get the words out without sobbing but it's too late. Tears are already falling onto Jasper's very expensive carpet.
"My father has told me to choose a mate. A woman who is fit to become the luna of this pack."
"What?"
"In two weeks at the Harvest Moon Celebration, I'm going to announce my chosen mate in front of the whole pack. I don't have a choice."
My vision blurs. My head throbs. My heart...is torn apart.
How is this happening? He's going to sacrifice our connection just because his father told him to.
The pain in my chest is so intense, I can only imagine what it will be like when Jasper breaks our mate bond for good.
"Max, are you––?"
"What is wrong with you?!" I yell. "How can you just stand there and pretend it's not real?"
Spit flies from my mouth as I continue to break down.
"Don't you feel empty? I do! I feel like nothing matters, like life is meaningless. But maybe if we just accepted each other, if we..."
Jasper scoffs and turns his face away.
"Don't you feel anything?" I ask.
"I…" His jaw clenches and unclenches. "I do feel things," he grits out. "But what you're not getting is it doesn't matter."
"I don't believe you."
"Face the facts, Max! Whatever exists between us is irrelevant. The pack needs a strong alpha and a strong alpha has a luna by his side. That's all there is to it."
I don't know what else to say.
Jasper straightens his spine, regaining his composure.
"The alpha has given his command and in two weeks I will have chosen a new mate. A female."
I scrunch my hands into fists and my body judders with sobs. We stand in the dark––me crying and Jasper doing nothing to comfort me.
"You should leave now," he says, finally.
"But you're... you're my…" I meet Jasper's gaze. My eyes sting but I keep them locked with his. "You're my mate."
He narrows his eyes. "There's no version of this that ends the way you want it to."
"I can't believe that," I say.
"Believe it! Someone like me could never end up with a person like you."
I fold over as if I've been punched in the gut.
Jasper doesn't move.
His words are cold––empty and final. There's nothing more to say.
Any shred of hope I was clinging onto is gone.
I bite down, set my jaw and turn to go. I hate him for hurting me this much and I wish there was a way I could hurt him back.
In the hall I stop and look back over my shoulder. I have one last question for Jasper.
"Whose car is that out front?"
"What?"
"The black town car out front, whose is it?"
"My dad's," he says.
I run my hand down Jasper's door frame.
"I saw it––outside the warehouse when we rescued Aisha."
He narrows his eyes. "What are you saying?"
"Your dad was there, Jasper. He was part of it."
"That's impossible," he spits. "You have no proof."
"You can sense what I'm feeling, right? Does it feel like I'm lying?"
Silence.
Before he can say anything else I leave. I hurry out of Jasper's house, down his stupidly long drive, and out the ridiculous gate. I don't breathe until I'm out by the road with the gate swinging shut behind me.
I think I might break down and cry but I don't. A wave of exhaustion crashes over me and I drop to my knees.
I stay like this for a while, letting the ocean breeze cool my stinging cheeks.
Then finally, when I'm ready to stand again, I pull out my phone and order a cab.
Screw the cost, I've already lost everything that matters.