"That's it," I say. "I'm done."
"Max, are you sure?" Katie asks down the phone line.
I dig my feet into my blanket and press my head back against my bedroom wall. It may be Monday but I've managed to convince my parents I'm not feeling well, so they've let me stay home from school.
The truth is I'm not sick but I'm not well either. I haven't left my room since I came home yesterday and, right now, I'm not sure if I'll ever want to again. All I want to do is sit on my bed and pretend like nothing exists.
I texted Katie something along those lines and she called as soon as possible. Right now she's in a toilet stall when she should be in biology.
"Yes. I'm sure. Jasper's made it pretty clear he doesn't care so why should I?"
"He's your mate. Isn't that worth fighting for?"
"You know me, Katie. Since when do I care about mates?" There's a long pause. I think I hear a flushing sound in the background.
"Well...since you met Jasper," Katie says in a quiet voice.
She's right. Mates always seemed like such a basic thing to go wild over until I found mine. And that feeling, the one we had in the woods that night, it's hard to forget. Hard to move on from.
If Jasper can do it so easily, though, so can I.
"Whatever. He's going to choose someone else. He doesn't want me."
"Are you sure? What if his dad is forcing him to? You said the alpha was tough on him."
I scoff. Tough is an understatement. Bordering on abuse is closer to the truth.
"Even so, you're asking me to fight for something when he's already given up."
"I just think it's worth one last shot," Katie says and then pauses. I can vaguely hear a door swing open.
"Are you there?"
"Yes, sorry. I just thought someone was coming in. All I'm saying is––you've seen how hard it's been for me with Todd and Simon. I'm so hopeless I can't even choose which one of them I want to be with."
"Yeah, you're gonna be in trouble when they find out you're still seeing them both."
"I know, don't remind me. But that's not the point. The point is Jasper's in the same situation, only he has to choose between his mate and the life he's been born into. He'd be sacrificing everything. Sounds hard, right?"
"Maybe," I mutter.
"I just think if you want something––and I know you do––you should fight for it."
"I'm just not sure––" "Oh no, Max I have to go…" I hear an adult voice––a teacher?––asking Katie what she's doing and then the line goes dead.
I grunt and toss my phone across the bed. Then I slide sideways down the wall until I'm lying with my knees pulled up to my chest.
Even with the curtains closed, it isn't dark enough. I want the world to disappear. I want to sink into my mattress and never get up again.
Katie may be right. Maybe Jasper is in a tricky situation but why does that mean I'm the one who has to do all the heavy lifting? Why is it my fight and not his?
I hate that I want this so bad. I hate that I've been reduced to this ball of anxiety. I never even cared about all of this stuff and now it's the only thing occupying my mind. Why is that?
So much for thinking I was different.
I close my eyes and try to fall asleep when the doorbell rings. It's louder than normal like the world is calling me back to it––unable to let me escape.
I jam my eyes shut and wait, hoping whoever it is will go away. But it keeps ringing and ringing. Damn, the world is persistent.
Finally, I groan and roll out of bed.
"I'm coming!" I moan as I run down the stairs.
The bell is still ringing as I open the door.
Aisha is standing on the doormat, her finger hovering over the button. "You look like shit."
"What are you doing here?" I ask.
"Thought you could use some fresh air."
"Aisha, I'm not in the moo––" "Go put on some pants, I'm taking you for a walk."
"I never had a chance to say a proper thank you," Aisha says once we're a good distance from the house. "For saving me."
I'm taking Aisha down to the river. Sunshine is glowing through the emerald canopy and the birdsong of the forest is chirpy as hell. If I wasn't in such a foul mood it would be a beautiful day.
But Aisha is right––the fresh air is making me feel marginally better.
At least I don't feel like crying right this second.
"Don't worry about it."
"No Max, don't do that. Don't minimize the amazing thing you did.
You went running into a rogue nest, even though it was dangerous, just to save me. What you did was amazing."
"Okay." I blush. "You're welcome."
"You and Jasper made quite the team." She smirks and glances at me.
"Tell him that," I scoff. "I bet you're invited to the Harvest Moon party or whatever."
"I am." She nods. "My family attends every year."
"Then you're in for a real show."
"Tell me about it," she says. "I nearly had a lead role."
"What?"
Aisha sighs and stops walking, she tugs at a branch nearby and pulls off a leaf.
"Jasper asked me," she says, tearing the leaf in half. "To be his mate."
I'm instantly dizzy.
"Don't worry," she says, dropping the fragments of leaf and reaching out to steady me. "I said no. Of course, I said no."
"Oh, okay." My center of gravity stabilizes a little.
"Gave him a piece of my mind too."
We start walking again.
"You did?"
"Hell yeah. He had no business asking me to be his mate when I know full well he already has one. And he knows I'm in love with Troy. I chewed him out for a good half hour."
"So, he hasn't found a new mate yet?"
"I don't know. There are other people he can ask."
Suddenly, this beautiful day feels like an insult. I sneer at the ethereal beams of yellow light cascading through the leaves. The bubbling sound of flowing water from the nearby lake sets my teeth on edge. How dare the world be this uplifting when there's nothing to feel good about.
"But Max, you should know this wasn't his decision. His dad is forcing him to make a choice."
"That's the thing I don't get," I say as we reach the lake. I head to my usual spot and sit, clearing away some fallen leaves as I do. "Why does his dad want him to be mated so badly?"
"Alpha Jericho has high standards for Jasper." Aisha comes to sit next to me and we look down at the stream passing by. "In his mind, a future alpha should be mated by now. He was sixteen when his pairing was arranged."
"Wait, Jericho's mating was arranged?"
"That's the other thing. Arranged mates are pretty common in high-ranking families. They like to keep the bloodlines as pure as possible. So for Jericho, allowing Jasper to choose someone is progressive."
"It's barbaric."
"Maybe. But we're talking centuries, hell, thousands of years of tradition here. The alpha needs a mate to continue his family's bloodline.
And Jasper's whole existence is about preparing him to take over that role.
This is just the next step."
"That sucks."
"I know." She rests a comforting hand on my knee. "I'm sorry."
A plump little robin lands on a branch nearby. For a second I feel bad for the little guy, all by himself out here. Until a second robin swoops in, landing next to the first. Dumb birds.
"How well do you know the alpha?" I ask.
"I've known him all my life," Aisha says. "But he's not much of a talker. Why?"
"I saw his car outside the warehouse where the rogues had you."
"You saw his…what?"
"I recognized it when I was at Jasper's house. The same car, with the same black-out windows. It was parked outside the warehouse. I was wondering… Do you think the alpha could have had something to do with your kidnapping?"
Aisha wraps her arms tightly around her legs and stares at a mossy patch by her feet.
"The whole time they had me they kept talking about how much they were getting paid. Debating whether I was worth the money. Lucky for me, I guess I was. Otherwise, I'm sure they would have killed me or...worse."
"I'm sorry you had to go through all that."
"There was one thing that stood out. The way they were talking about whoever had hired them, it didn't sound like they fully trusted them. I just thought they were paranoid because they were dealing with criminals.
But maybe it was because whoever their 'boss' was, he doesn't run in their usual circles."
"Not a rogue you mean?"
"Exactly. Which would mean it was someone from a pack."
"Do you think Jericho would…" I stop when I see the tear trickling down Aisha's cheek.
"We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to."
"No, it's fine," she says, wiping her face. "I knew there was more to it than just a random rogue attack. They didn't care about me, they were just doing it for the money. But I still don't know why someone would want to kidnap me. Especially the alpha."
Aisha unwraps her legs and stretches them out in front of her.
"I told Jericho all this. He promised he'd look into it but so far––" "Nothing?"
"Nada."
"He could be covering it up?"
"It's possible." She shrugs. I know she doesn't want to believe that her alpha––the man who's supposed to protect her and look out for her–– could be the one who paid to have her kidnapped. But as far as I can see there are no other suspects.
"Why though?" she asks.
"Maybe..." I start but then pause, and swallow.
"It's okay, Max. Just say it."
"Maybe he didn't like that you were dating a human."
"Maybe, but why kidnap me? Why not just kill Troy?"
We both turn our gazes to the river. It swims by but we've reached a dead-end in our thinking. Why would the alpha kidnap his son's best friend? It doesn't make sense. But his car places him at the warehouse.
Unfortunately, there isn't anyone we can take this information to.
The pack's security forces all answer to the alpha. Human detectives would be completely out of their depth. Jasper will side with his father no matter what we say.
"Why don't you come with me?" Aisha asks finally. "To the Harvest Moon celebration? I can bring a plus one."
"I don't think that's a good idea."
"We could ask around, maybe speak to Jericho."
"Are you serious? Have you forgotten? Jasper is going to announce his new mate."
"I haven't forgotten, Max. I was going to see if you wanted to come anyway."
I almost laugh. "Why would I want to see that?"
Aisha turns so her body is facing mine.
"Once Jasper announces his new mate, he'll mark her in front of everybody."
"Mark her? You mean like…?"
"Bite her neck, basically. And when he does, the bond you two have will be broken. And once it's broken, there's no repairing it."
"So what? I'd be going to say goodbye."
"Maybe. Or maybe you could go and fight, like you fought the rogues for me––but do it for him."
I roll my eyes. "I don't think he wants saving."
"Then do it for yourself." She slaps my arm with the back of her hand. "Do you want to live the rest of your life wondering what might have happened if you just showed up?"
The last time I showed up, Jasper told me what he really thought.
"I get it, okay? But Jasper has made it brilliantly clear he wants nothing to do with me. Going would just be some messed up form of self-harm."
"You've got some time," Aisha says. "Just think about it, okay?"
I sigh. "Okay."
"I should probably be getting back."
We walk to the house quietly. The ground feels more unsteady underfoot than usual as if the whole country has tilted. Nothing in the world is how people say it is. Alpha's are untrustworthy and mates let you down. I wonder if Aisha is feeling the same way.
"Come on in," I say, leading Aisha through the back door. "Do you want a drink or something before you go? I think Mom stocked up on La Croix."
"I'm good, dude. Thanks."
We wander into the hall and Aisha turns to me.
"Don't assume you can't make a difference, okay, Max? You've already made such a difference for me."
We hug and while Aisha's head is resting on my shoulder she says, "what's that letter?"
On the floor in front of the door is a familiar-looking envelope.
"It looks like…" The last time I saw an envelope like this it was from the royal secretary. My invitation to the Blue Moon Festival.
I grab the letter and tear through the familiar red seal on the back.
"It's an invitation," I say, reading the swirling cursive. "To the Harvest Moon Celebration at the alpha's house. But my family never gets invited to important pack events..."
Aisha is staring at me, her eyes wide and beaming with hope.
"What?" I ask.
"He must have invited you," she says, turning things over in her mind. "He wants you there."
"He wants me...but why?"
Aisha steps forward and takes hold of both of my hands, the invitation crumples between my fingers.
"Maybe it's a sign that he's ready to fight as well."
"Maybe it's a mistake."
"Max, Jasper doesn't reach out often. This is an olive branch. Don't overlook it."
I stare at the invitation. Did Jasper invite me? Is this the sign I've been waiting for? Should I just ignore it like he's ignored me so many times?
"I don't know what to do," I say.
Aisha shakes her head like she can't believe what I'm saying.
"It's simple," she says. "You have to go."