Losing someone you love is a suffering I know all too well. I've lost my wife due to a cancer, more specifically pancreatic cancer, I watched my wife slowly while knowing I can't stop it. And now, the time of her death has arrived, as I listen to her last words, "If possible, please forget me a little more slowly..", I watched the light in her eyes fade, her hand turns cold, and her smile that I've always cherished turns into sadness that won't ever leave my mind.
I knelt while holding her cold hand, hoping a miracle would happen, hoping I would... I would see her smile once again... but the truth is rather harsh...
A month flew by and here I am, in the middle of the night, visiting the places we used to go hoping I would get the same feeling that I felt when we were together, but the only thing I felt was like having a hole in my heart, a bottomless hole that can't be filled with anything valuable in this world, accompanied with a strong feeling of longing, I couldn't forget her last words, I've come to realize, now I'm all alone. I hopped in my car while drinking alcohol, I started, hit the gas and drove through the streets. The breeze hitting my face, drying my eyes that are filled with tears.
A few moments later, I've reached a narrow path, without a second thought I drove on it. The street was narrow, dark and steep, as I drink the last of my alcohol, a blinding lights appears before me. I stopped thinking for a moment, I neither care about myself nor the world now, I'm just hoping that in that light, my wife is standing behind.
In that brief moment, a loud crash pierced my ears, I saw my chest getting pierced by steels yet I can't feel the pain, the only thing I felt was warm as if my wife was embracing, and so I embraced it too...
After that, I suddenly felt uncomfortable as if I'm trapped in a small cage, It's an unfamiliar yet familiar feeling, leaving me no room to think of what happened, a familiar voice of a girl shouted in front of me, "For the fourth time, as I said I'm not ready yet, that's why I'm rejecting you. And-and my parents are strict, what if they found out?", I again , I opened my eyes and saw a pathway and realized that I'm bowing down, I didn't think much of that but rather, I was confused as to how I am still alive, for I know that, those lights that swallowed me whole are a cars front light.
I've thought to myself, "Am I dreaming? It can't be, this feels too real". while wondering how I am still alive, the voice started to talk again, " H-hey, are you listening to me?". After I've heard that, I slowly raised my head and I saw her.
Even though she looks like her younger self, it was her, my wife who've died a month ago, that smile that's so light and warm, face that's so beautiful, dressed in her high school uniform, I stood there, frozen, unable to process what I'm seeing. After a moment, tears started to flow out of my eyes, my nose gets runny, trembling with mixed emotions of longing, and happiness, I shouted, "Wahhhh! You're back" and quickly tried to hug her, only to be pushed back.
I questioned her while wiping my tears, " Why did you suddenly do that?"
Girl blushing, "I-I do like you but.. I just told you that my parents are strict! We can't be together right now!", she followed with, "And why are you suddenly crying? We- didn't we promise back then that we'll be together once we grow up?" while slowly walking towards me, trying to comfort me.
"What do you mean? We've been married for 5 ye-", my words are cut off after I noticed that I'm at a school, I pulled my phone and and turns my camera on, I saw it, my younger self. All of a sudden, my memories started to flood my thoughts, my mind became clearer, I can recall how I died. Was it rebirth? reincarnation? or the timeline broke? Anyhow, I've come to realize, I'm not just me, I'm me.. again where I'm still a high schooler... Can I really start all over again?