For as long as I can remember, sex has been treated like a taboo in religious spaces. It is whispered about, never openly discussed, except when it is condemned. Pastors preach against fornication with the same fire they reserve for murder, as though both were equally damning in the eyes of God. Entire congregations are kept in guilt and shame simply because they have a natural human desire.
But when I stripped away the layers of fear, I began to see the hypocrisy. These same "men of God" who thunder about the evils of fornication are often the very ones caught in secret scandals sleeping with their members, keeping mistresses, or using power to exploit vulnerable women. They turn a natural act into sin for everyone else, while they themselves indulge under the cover of spiritual authority.
I asked myself: What exactly makes sex a sin? If two adults, both consenting, come together without force, without deceit, without using the act as a transaction of money or power why should that be condemned? Is it not simply a gift of nature, a bond of flesh and soul, an expression of intimacy and life itself?
The problem is not sex. The problem is the way society and religion have framed it. Religion has painted sex outside marriage as filth, yet never fully explained why. They say, "Because God forbids it." But when pressed for deeper explanation, they return to circular logic: "It is sin because it is sin." That is not revelation that is dogma.
And the worst part? This dogma has enslaved countless young men and women. They burn with desire, but suppress it in fear, leading to guilt, secrecy, and unhealthy expressions. Some even believe that feeling aroused is already a sin, forgetting that they were created with those same urges by the God they claim to worship.
When I began to reflect more deeply, I saw that the real sin is not consensual sex it is exploitation, abuse, and deception. Rape is sin because it violates the body and soul of another. Transactional sex built on greed and manipulation is sin because it cheapens humanity into currency. But two people, in honesty and desire, coming together in private why should that be branded with eternal condemnation?
Yet religion thrives on control, and the easiest way to control people is to make them ashamed of what is natural. By turning sex into sin, pastors gain power. They stand as gatekeepers of forgiveness, demanding confessions, counseling sessions, and even financial "sacrifices" before declaring one "cleansed." What a cunning system!
I am not advocating recklessness. I am not saying that sex should be taken lightly or without responsibility. Every act has consequences emotional, physical, sometimes spiritual. But responsibility is not the same as condemnation. We can teach responsibility without chaining people in guilt.
And if we are truly honest, marriage itself does not sanctify sex. Marriage is a social contract, a recognition by culture and law. Two people can be married and still use sex as a weapon, a tool of manipulation, or an act without love. And two people outside marriage can share intimacy that is pure, respectful, and deeply meaningful. So again, where exactly does the "sin" lie?
Perhaps the greatest tragedy is how much energy religion spends on policing bedrooms, while ignoring bigger evils. Corruption flourishes, injustice multiplies, people starve, widows suffer yet the pulpit remains obsessed with who slept with whom. Men who exploit their members financially are never disciplined, but a young couple who dared to share intimacy is dragged before the whole church for public shame.
If truth must be told, some realities about sex can only be fully understood by God. Only He can truly measure the intention of hearts, the purity of motives, the depth of consent. We see the surface, He sees the soul. But one thing I believe is clear: consensual desire, free from coercion and exploitation, should not be equated with sin.
Life is already full of burdens why add unnecessary chains where freedom should exist? Why make people carry guilt for something that is part of their very design? The body was not given to us as a curse, but as a temple; not as a prison, but as a gift.
And perhaps that is the irony. By condemning sex so harshly, religion has made it more alluring, more secretive, more dangerous. But by embracing it with wisdom and responsibility, we could actually free people from shame and hypocrisy.
Sex is not the enemy. Ignorance, abuse, and manipulation are.