It had been a week since then and during that entire time she wasn't able to attend school due to her sickness but she was able to attend the club session on Sunday but we didn't speak, and my club mates took notice of that, it was days from her birthday, on Thursday.
I had thought about my feelings towards her, more than I have thought about anything in my entire life and I knew one thing for sure, I felt the same.
My finger hovered over the 'send' button on my phone, my message just contained the 4 words: "I feel the same.", but despite the overly simple message I was trying to convey I was struggling to even send it. I just couldn't do it, the timing felt off for some reason, I didn't want to be the type of person who would accept a girl's heartfelt confession over text, but I did know a good time I could tell her in person, on her birthday.
Soon I had to go to school, and I was sure she was coming to school today as she was there on Sunday. As healthy as she could be given the circumstances, as I started putting on my uniform I wondered if she would still be distant with me, or if she would act like nothing happened.\
*****
It was my homeroom period, and I had only seen Hana once when classes were about to start. She was at her locker chatting with what looked to be Kido Yoru, one of our club mates.As I began to think that Hana was going to show, she suddenly slid open the door and entered, quickly shuffling over to her seat and promptly sitting down in complete silence.
I moved my gaze to Hana's hands, she always had a tendency to get fidgety when she was nervous, and low and behold she was fiddling with what looked to be a pen, she repeatedly unscrewed the top and screwed it back on, occasionally getting ink on her fingers. The atmosphere between me and Hana felt too distant, almost as if she might have regretted what she said, because I haven't said anything of it to her since that day. In fact we only texted or gamed until now, but the texts were just the usual "good morning" and "good night" and nothing more, however while we were gaming, I don't know what about the atmosphere changed when we both decided to get on the virtual world but she would always talk to me like she used to, and I would do the same.
Today was most likely one where she wouldn't tutor me, which was fine but I hoped my grades didn't suffer because of it. Many silent moments passed, she probably didn't have the courage to speak to me at all. But I was much more stubborn, than to give in to social anxiety.
"Hana."
Hana nearly jumped out of her seat and almost dropped her glasses too, which almost made a repeat of how we first met. She was, by the looks of it, extremely timid, and reserved, which was unlike her usual outgoing and eccentric personality.
"Yeah?"
"Your birthday is coming up this week."
Hana raised her eyebrow and quickly pulled out her phone to check the date, her eyes widened in surprise as she realized I was right, she had completely forgotten that later this week her birthday was going to happen.
"Oh, yeah."
"You doing alright?"
Hana silently stared at me, and then to the floor.
"I-"
"Listen up!"
Suddenly everyone's conversations came to a halt, me and Hana's included, silence enveloped the room, my homeroom teacher stood up from his chair.
"I need to say quite a few things, starting with you two in the photography club."
I stupidly raised my brown and pointed at myself, despite the only 2 people in the photography club being me and Hana.
"Yes, you."
"What would that be, sir?"
"Next month on the 15th we will be having a club festival, I'm not sure if your club mates told you this or not, so I will just in case, you will need to have a table in the gym or Decorate your club room to showcase your club and have some activities people can do, teachers and staff will go around rating how you present your club, while students should be able to experience a-"
He thought for a second, he clearly had not planned a speech about how this was going to go, that's for sure, he then moved his gaze away from me and to everybody else in the room.
"Snippet of what experiences your club may offer, most of you are first-years, so I wouldn't be surprised if you aren't in a club, but the festival will be the perfect time to see what's for you."
He then proceeded to walk back to his chair, and sat down.
"That is all."
Immediately conversations resumed, people stopped silently rocking in their chairs,
Hana crossed her arms, wearing a pouty expression on her face.
"On top of work, now I have this? I'm not going to be able to get much gaming in."
"Well I mean, it could be worse right?"
"That means less time with you."
"Are you assuming that I won't be working on the club festival as well?"
"That's not what I mean its just-"
Silence
"Just what?"
She lowered her voice to a whisper, just barely audible enough for me to hear.
"Everything just feels so awkward between us."
At times we have had awkward moments but this has definitely been one of the worst ones.
She continued speaking.
"Whenever I talk to you online, it feels like how we used to be, you know?"
"Before I found out that you were my class mate, and that you weren't a dude? Speaking of which, why would you never correct me whenever I called you a 'he'?"
"Yes, also I just had no reason to, and I didn't really care."
"Sir yes sir."
"Hey!"
"Oh, so now you care?"
Hana tugged on the collar of her blazer, to anyone else it would look like the skin on her neck was irritated, but I knew she was embarrassed.
"Idiot."
"Yeah, I guess we both are."
Hana let a laugh slip and then immediately covered her mouth with one hand, she was trying not to be too conspicuous. I paused for a second, I needed to find an excuse to hang out with her, even if it was just for the sake of trying to get us out of this awkward rut.
"You don't have work today, right?"
"Yeah it's Monday, why?"
"Wana catch a movie with me?"
Instantly her face went flat, as a distinct redness flowed up her cheeks, one that I was very used to by now.
"Did you just ask me out on a date?"
I realized now what implications were present after I said what I said, and immediately felt a rising warmth in my face.
"You totally just did."
"Sure whatever, it's a date."
"Hold on one second, after class I need to text my mom to see if she's ok with it, I also need to wear something nice, and so do you."
"Do I have-"
"Yes."
Soon enough the bells rang, everyone was free to do whatever they wanted.
Well except me, I needed to dig around my closet for a damn tuxedo or something.