The day passed in silence.
I spent most of it in the garden trying to read. The quiet of the garden provided a perfect backdrop for reflections of last night events . The gentle rustling of leaves and the occasional chirp of a bird seemed to echo the thoughts swirling in my mind, the gentle breeze moving slowly and at the same time encouraging my mind to wander farther and farther away from my book.
The dream that filled a good part of my childhood, I dream I failed to have for so long, I had began to forget what it felt like, the chill that choked my spine with realization that it was a dream that could never come true, the heaviness in my heart when the reoccurring thoughts filled my mind of what could have and at the same time never been, the raw pain that engulfed my being till it felt physical, the sadness that crippled down to my very soul, and finally the tears that filled my eyes that were so think and heavy with pain it might as well be blood.
I recalled the moment master walked in, the peace and relief that passed through my body, the silent acknowledgement of the pain deep inside my heart, the silence that followed after he sat down, like he was pretending he didn't just find me crying, the hug that shouldered half my pain just my letting my head rest on his shoulder, his careful stroking unusual for rough quaristins hands, the warmth that filled my chest when his lips made contact with my forehead, soft but firm like a gentle reminder that though I might not have the life in the dream, the perfect life not as a slave but as a free born, this was a close second, and I was lucky to have this.
I replayed the conversations, not so heavy with words but surplus in meaning , a conversation that didn't need empty words to fill it's volume but was packed so much with meaning and mutual trust that the only we could understand. His refusal to press even though he had the right,showed how much he respected my personal space,he didn't say it like he was talking to someone who didn't matter nor like someone who must say it but as a friend, a gentle reminder
My heart filled with warmth whenever I thought of master spending a night with me, leaving the comfort of his huge room for my little space, just so he could comfort me. I marveled at the thought that he would spend the night with a creature below his standard in a room not befitting of his presence, what a humble man!
My cheeks would light up whenever I thought of his laughter, and the vibrations I felt that filled me with comfort, the warmth his body spread to me, a feeling that nulled the pain of the dream, like I was no longer alone. Each memory felt vivid, as if etched in the air around me. As the sun began to dip below the horizon, casting a warm glow over the garden and my footsteps echoed on the floor, I realized how much those events had impacted me, leaving me with a sense of introspection and a deeper understanding of my connection with master I hold dear.
I don't know about much, neither am I capable of much ,but one thing I know is I will do anything, anything at all whether in my power or not to preserve the relationship master and I built over the years, I'll do anything to protect the feelings that filled my heart last night,the feeling of acceptance and equality,so I can experience it everyday else.