For the first three years of his life, Nathan grew up in a loving home, with Oma who always cooked warm meals, and Opa who wore a neat shirt every morning and went to church to help the pastor.
But when it came to Papa… Nathan truly had no idea.
Papa never wore a uniform. He didn't carry a briefcase like the ones Nathan often saw in storybooks. Sometimes he was still asleep in the morning. Sometimes he hadn't come home by evening. Sometimes he spent the whole day with Nathan, and other times, he disappeared without a trace.
To Nathan, Opa's job made much more sense. Opa often took him along to church, greeted the congregation, and sat through sermons. Nathan knew Opa liked helping with the service preparations. It was a job he could see with his own eyes.
But Papa?
"What does Papa actually do?" Nathan once wondered to himself, watching Papa sit on the porch, lost in thought, a cup of cold coffee in his hand.
Maybe one day, Papa would tell him. But for now, to Nathan, Papa remained a mystery.
---
That afternoon, the air felt stifling. The sky was overcast, but the rain hadn't come. Nathan had just woken up from his nap. He sat at the edge of the sofa, rubbing his eyes, his hair still messy. He was about to go down for a drink when he heard Papa and Opa's voices in the living room.
But it wasn't their usual tone. This time, Opa's voice was raised.
"I've told you over and over again!" Opa shouted, jabbing a finger at Papa's chest. "If you keep this up, it's your child who's going to suffer!"
Nathan froze on the staircase. He had never seen Opa angry, especially not at Papa. Usually, Opa spoke gently, softly, always with a smile. But now… his face was tense. His eyes sharp.
Papa, on the other hand, said nothing. His face looked dull, his eyes tired and puffy, like he hadn't slept. He didn't fight back. He didn't even respond.
"What's going on?" Nathan wondered. A heavy feeling settled in his chest. He didn't fully understand what was happening, but the tension in the air made him uneasy.
He hugged the small stuffed toy he had brought down from his room and quietly stepped back behind the wall, hiding. He didn't want to be seen. But he also wanted to know… was this about Miss Kristin? About Papa's job?
Or… about him?
---
That morning, the sky was clear. Nathan stood in front of the kindergarten gate, holding Papa's hand while glancing around. It was Monday, Miss Kristin was supposed to be back.
But once again, it was Miss Lidya who greeted them at the gate.
Nathan let out a small sigh. Though Miss Lidya was always kind and patient, his heart still felt like it was waiting for something. Something unfinished.
It wasn't until the following week that the figure he'd been waiting for finally returned.
Miss Kristin arrived early, standing in front of the classroom with her usual smile, but Nathan could tell something was different. Her smile was faint. Her eyes slightly puffy. And her warm brown skin, which usually seemed to glow, now looked pale, as if holding something in.
As Miss Kristin greeted each student one by one, Nathan remained quiet. He didn't pull away, but he didn't lean in either. He just watched.
His wide, round eyes held unspoken questions.
"Where did you go, Miss?" he wondered. "Papa was acting strange when you weren't around. Even Opa got angry..."
And though Nathan didn't yet know exactly what had happened, his small instincts were beginning to pick up on it:
this was something more than just being "sick."
---
Nathan sat in the corner of the living room, nibbling on a biscuit, his eyes observing a pile of small boxes filled with cakes and souvenirs being carefully wrapped by the neighborhood aunties. His brows furrowed. It wasn't anyone's birthday, but the house suddenly felt busy, like a big event was about to happen.
"Why is it so crowded?" he mumbled softly. Then his eyes shifted toward the kitchen, Papa was talking to someone while checking his phone, Oma was arranging the cakes, and Opa stood by the door, greeting guests one by one.
The next day, on Saturday, Nathan was dressed in long pants, shiny shoes, and a batik shirt matching the outfits worn by Oma, Opa, and Papa.
When he saw himself in the mirror, he froze. Then his eyes widened.
"An engagement?!" he panicked. "Is Papa getting married?!"
Nathan's heart pounded fast. He suddenly wanted to crawl under the bed and hide. But Papa had already taken his hand, leading him into the car with the whole extended family. He couldn't go anywhere now, only sit still, quietly making plans in his head.
If this really was an engagement, then he had to do something.
Anything.
---
Nathan lightly stomped his foot on the car floor, his lips in a pout. "Why does it have to be her?" he thought. But all that came out of his mouth was a long sigh and a quiet huff.
"Where are we going, Oma?" he finally asked, his voice flat.
Oma turned from the front seat and gave him a gentle smile.
"To Miss Kristin's house."
Nathan immediately looked up, his brows furrowing.
"What for?"
"We're going to ask Miss Kristin to be your Mama," Oma replied without hesitation.
Nathan turned toward the window, watching the world blur past in reverse. His throat tightened. Suddenly, the world felt too small. He clutched the hem of his batik shirt.
"Ma… I didn't ask for a new Mama," he whispered in his heart.
"I just want the old one."
Nathan wanted to say no. He wanted to run, to hide, or pretend to have a stomachache. But he couldn't. Papa calmly lifted his small body and placed him in the car seat. Nathan could only sit quietly, hugging his favorite stuffed toy, trying to hide the uneasy feeling weighing down his chest.
The car rolled forward slowly. Inside, the atmosphere was silent. Oma and Opa sat in the front, speaking softly, while Nathan stared blankly out the window. His heart was full of questions. His tiny feet swung his stuffed toy back and forth on his lap.
After a while, the car stopped along a narrow, somewhat busy street. Papa got out first, opened the back door, and took Nathan's hand. One by one, the rest of the family stepped out from the car behind them, carrying packages, trays of food, and offerings.
The group walked down a narrow alley. Nathan walked between Papa and Oma. On both sides, small houses stood closely packed together. Children played near the roadside, watching the well-dressed visitors pass by with curious eyes.
Nathan knew they were heading to Miss Kristin's house.
And with every step, it felt like his heart was dragging a heavy weight behind it.
---