This was the original opening chapter of this book as written by Vargr the Skald. It felt too drawn out so I changed it and used some of it in the later chapters.
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It was supposed to be a joke…
A cringe chuuni moment alone in my room. Shouting out jutsus like you're a ninja in Naruto, acting like a typical edgelord from every single isekai action anime ever, doing poses like a JoJo character.
Doing handsigns and saying Japanese words you don't understand isn't supposed to transmitigate you to a whole different reality.
Yet there I was;
My fingers slowly rose up dramatically… cringyly… as I made the familiar sign. Thumbs, middle, and ring fingers pressed together. Pointer finger and pinkie curled inwards to my palm.
"Ryoiki Tenkai… Fukuma Mizushi." I drawled in my best impression of Sukuna, the King of Curses.
Fighting back a wave of cringe, a grown ass man doing chuuni shit in his shitty apartment.
Doesn't get any more sad than that.
"The fuck am I doing with my life…" I sighed.
I did it again, just for shits and giggles, not thinking anything of it.
Then I blacked out.
What came next was a whirlwind of scenery. From forests to temple shrines, to mountains of bodies and entire oceans of blood.
Laughter echoed around me, a strange occurrence seeing that I couldn't even tell if I was awake or not. A haze had settled in my vision as if I was dreaming, but I clearly remember being away and acting like a middle school kid who just watched anime for the first time.
I didn't remember falling asleep or even passing out.
It didn't take a genius to put two and two together to figure out that something was terribly wrong.
The world shifted around me again, everything was dark. Warm liquid soaked into my socks and the hem of the jeans I had been wearing.
Looking down I saw that I was standing in a pool, no, a seeming endless lake of blood. The laughter came again, deep and touched with insanity.
I turned around and immediately wished I hadn't.
A shrine of bones had appeared behind me, bovine skulls, deformed mouths, a defaced shrine.
And on top of it all, a throne with a singular figure sitting casually on it.
"How interesting… a human, accessing MY domain."
'Fuck…' my thoughts came to a screeching halt.
'It's Fraudkuna… what the fuck is he doing here, wait why is he real? Isn't-
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!"
'Shit he can hear my thoughts?!'
Sukuna glared at me, clearly having heard my thoughts. I would have panicked if I wasn't so confused.
"Tch…" the King of Curses clicked his teeth, "listen brat… you better win, both of our lives depend on it."
"Huh?"
I didn't even get the chance to voice my confusion fully. The domain shattered around me as I was yanked backwards and slammed through something that felt like icy water.
When my senses fully returned to me I was now standing in a large circular sand pit. Looking around myself I spotted what could only be described as a sort of colosseum. A roaring crowd cheered and shouted in the stands, across from me stood another man.
"Hey what's going on here?" I called out to him.
He looked at me like I was trash, sneering at me and crossing his arms.
"You foolish brat! You who can't even see the glory of Mount Tai dare question your betters?!"
'The fuck?'
A loud voice echoed through the colosseum from the stands.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I welcome you to the six hundred and sixty sixth annual transmitigation battle."
I grew more and more confused with each word that the commentator shouted. Transmitigation battle… transmitigation was a favourite trope in a lot of books, novels and fanfiction alike.
A transmitigation game…
I could only assume it was some sort of game to decide if someone got isekai'ed or not. While I was trying to process everything the commentator continued to commentate.
"For this year's spectacle two challengers from opposite ends of the globe have come forth to see who will be given the opportunity to be transmitigated into a multiverse of their own!"
The loud cheers from the crowd drowned out all other noise. I could hardly hear myself think, but it was all starting to make sense to me.
Unfortunately this wasn't a hallucination, I had been roped into something totally wack and not something I had prepared for.
The commentator continued, "The first challenge, give your introduction!"
Clearly the other guy was the 'first challenger', he stepped forward and with his nasally voice loudly called out;
"I AM HUANG HUNDAN, THE YOUNG MASTER OF THE PENG CLAN FROM DRAGON COUNTRY! THAT IS ALL YOU FILTHY PEASANTS GET TO KNOW, NOW BOW BEFORE ME!"
The arena was quiet… I could have sworn I heard a cricket chirping somewhere. Then someone from the crowd burst out laughing.
"Hahaha! His name is literally yellow bastard… the fuck kind of name is that?!"
More snickers followed, the poor guy was clearly unamused if how red his face was getting was any indication.
The commentator didn't let things get out of hand; he pressed forward and spoke again, silencing everyone else.
"Interesting choice of words, and now the second challenger!"
The arena went quiet again, all eyes were on me. I could have gulped like a total scrub all nervous and fidgety. But I didn't take four years of theater arts for nothing. If anything I thrived on adapting and performing on the spot.
I raised a hand and gave a casual wave to everyone before speaking.
"My name's Alex, I'm from Texas."
The reception I got was much warmer than Huang's. The crowd absolutely went nuts.
"Fuck yeah! TEXAS!!!!"
"MURIKA!!!!"
"FUCK YEAH!"
"STEERS AND QUEERS!"
'What?' I tried to find whoever said that last bit.
Then someone shouted; "GET ON WITH IT!"
"Right then, for this duel the two competitors will be fighting with… no powers, no magic, JUST THEIR FISTS!"
I sighed, I've already come to terms with the fact that there wasn't any way for me to get out of this. I looked over to my supposed opponent, who was still screaming nonsensical shit despite no one really listening to him.
"FROGS IN A WELL!!! I AM THE HEIR TO THE GOLDEN JADE DRAGON CELESTIAL FIRE GOD ENLIGHTENMENT CULTIVATION PILL SECT!"
"Dude what the fuck are you even talking about?" I grumbled.
Here I thought I had been chuuni acting like Sukuna in my room. But this fuckwad seemed to genuinely think he was some sort of main character or something. From his dumb pointy eyebrows, to his Lucius Malfoy style hair, to his overly effeminate face.
"Contestants ready?"
I shrugged, the 'young master' pointed a slender finger at me.
"FIGHT!"
I may not have been an MMA fighter, but I could fight. Growing up on a farm in East Texas did that to people. Especially when you had two older brothers and a younger sister that had the worst taste in men.
Huang tried to do some fancy Naruto jutsu hand signs or something. Clearly he wasn't listening when the commentator said no magic or powers.
I almost felt bad when my fist collided with his nose. The crunch of cartilage shattering under my fist made me wince, not in pain but in pity for the guy whose nose I just broke.
He let out a girly yelp, jumped to his feet and took on some weird stance. I threw another punch, he did a fancy move trying to grab my wrist, my elbow flew into his jaw.
The poor bastard fell to the ground in a heap of restrained tears and silk. I turned to where I assumed the commentator box was and waited for them to announce my victory. Clearly Huang didn't know shit about fighting and wouldn't be able to do much else.
Unsurprisingly no announcement came, I guess they wanted to beat the snot out of the guy until he was unconscious.
Huang shakily stood up, blood pouring down his face from a broken nose, jaw swelling up already, unshed tears making his eyes red.
"How dare you lay your filthy hands on me brat!"
I sighed again, "Stay the fuck down you dumbass."
"I will not be- URGHHHHH."
He collapsed before he could finish whatever Shakespearean insult he was about to spew. Men do that when you violently introduce your foot to their balls.
I'm not proud of admitting it, but I had been a big bully back in high school.
So when I found myself kicking the shit out of the groaning man while he was down, I wasn't so surprised by my instinctual actions.
"Ladies and gentlemen, it appears we have a winner!"
I let out a huff and gave Huang one last kick to the face for good measure. A part of me really enjoyed bullying the pompous prick.
'Finally, we can move on.'
"As the winner of this competition, you will be sent to your own multiverse to enjoy endless adventure. Of course you won't be sent out without a boon."
'Really want to ask why this is happening… I didn't die, nor did I make any deals with shady individuals. A little too late now though.'
"Alex from Texas, if you recall you had a vision before arriving, that was a hint at your prize for winning this competition."
'Right… the King of Frauds, can I reroll?' I mentally complained about my supposed boon.
"As for the LOSER," my attention went back to the sobbing man, "you face… immediate erasure!"
Huang didn't even have time to scream, he was vaporised on the spot. The crowd cheered, I felt strange.
Clearly I had just watched some poor mentally deranged man die via divine smiting but ultimately I felt nothing.
'Maybe it's Sukuna's influence?' I reasoned.
"Now… the council of judges will decide on your home world."
The colosseum went deathly quiet, anxiety crept up my spine. It hadn't been this quiet earlier, there was no noise. At least to me there wasn't.
And that was what was the most disturbing.
I could practically hear my own blood, the thump of my heart, and nothing else. No whispers, no rustle of cloth, not even so much as a breeze.
Finally after what seemed like an endless minute the loud commentators' voice came again.
"The council has spoken, your new home world will be…"
{If you want to read this full deleted chapter it's posted as a Auxiliary chapter}