Chapter 16 – Special Delivery to the Mortal Realm
The portal spat Ne Job out like a cat rejecting medicine.
"AAAAHHHH—"
WHUMP.
He landed face-first in a pile of turnips. Farmers stared. Chickens screamed. Somewhere, a dog barked as if to announce his humiliation.
Ne Job groaned and pulled a carrot out of his hair. "Okay… still alive. Still an intern. Still unpaid." He sat up and realized the scroll was glowing even brighter, its golden chains rattling like an angry creditor.
A timer rune pulsed on its surface. The incense stick had already burned a third.
"Oh no, no, no, I just got here!" Ne Job scrambled to his feet. "Where do I even deliver this?!"
---
Reading the Summons (Barely)
He unrolled the scroll. Immediately, celestial fire blasted into the air, forming words so complicated they might as well have been abstract art.
Ne Job squinted. "Uh… decree of the… Jade Bureaucracy… Article 44, Subsection—oh come on, who writes like this?!"
The fire briefly formed the name:
Recipient: Magistrate Hu of East River Town.
"East River Town," Ne Job muttered. "Okay, that sounds easy enough. Where's that?"
A passing farmer answered by tossing another turnip at his head.
---
Asking Directions
After twenty minutes of frantic running in random directions, Ne Job stopped at a noodle stall, panting.
"Excuse me, do you know where East River Town is?" he asked the old vendor.
The vendor squinted. "East River Town? That's three valleys over, past the bandit hills, through the cursed marsh, then straight until you see the broken pagoda."
Ne Job's jaw dropped. "That's… that's so far! I only have—" he checked the scroll, which was now sparking ominously, "—ten minutes left!"
The old man shrugged. "Buy noodles for the road?"
The scroll gave a sharp SNAP, singeing Ne Job's sleeve.
"No time! And I'm broke anyway!"
---
Shortcut by Chaos
Ne Job stumbled onto a cliff path overlooking a river. The chains around the scroll tugged him forward like a leash.
"Wait, wait, wait, I can't fly!" he yelled.
Too late. The scroll yanked.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
He shot through the air like a screaming comet, narrowly missing a flock of geese. His robes caught fire briefly before the wind extinguished it.
Below, travelers gawked at the sight of a flaming intern hurtling past.
One monk whispered, "Was that… a demon?"
Another replied, "No. Clearly a tax collector."
---
Trouble in East River Town
By some miracle (or bureaucratic cruelty), Ne Job crash-landed directly in East River Town's central square, leaving a crater in front of the magistrate's office.
Dust filled the air. Villagers screamed. Soldiers drew their spears.
"Who dares disturb the authority of Magistrate Hu?!" barked a guard captain.
Ne Job staggered up from the crater, ash in his hair, scroll clutched to his chest. "Delivery… one divine summons… signature required…"
The crowd gasped. The guards instantly dropped to one knee.
From within the office, a portly man in elegant robes waddled out. Magistrate Hu, cheeks round as buns, eyes sharp as knives.
"A summons from Heaven?" he said, voice quivering. "Let me see it."
---
Bureaucracy vs. Bureaucracy
Ne Job held out the scroll. But when Hu touched it, the chains tightened.
"Signature required," the scroll intoned in a booming celestial voice. "In proper format."
Hu pulled out a brush. "Very well. I, Magistrate Hu, acknowledge receipt—"
BZZZT! The scroll shocked him.
"Incorrect format," it droned.
Hu scowled. "What nonsense is this?!"
Ne Job peeked at the fine print glowing across the parchment. "Uh… says here you need to use your full official name, plus seal, date, and reason for acknowledgement."
Hu roared. "My seal is locked in the treasury! It takes half an hour to retrieve!"
The scroll timer flared. Only five minutes left.
---
Improvised Solution
Ne Job panicked. "We don't have time! Can't you just… stamp it with your face? Bite it? Spit on it?!"
The scroll hissed louder, golden sparks flying.
Hu's face turned purple. "Are you telling me, a magistrate, how to sign official documents?!"
"Yes! Please!" Ne Job begged. "My job depends on it! Your job probably too!"
The crowd murmured. Villagers whispered about Heaven's wrath. Soldiers fidgeted nervously.
Finally, Hu cursed, grabbed the scroll, and slammed his forehead into it. WHUMP.
The scroll glowed. Words etched themselves into the parchment: Signature Accepted: Hu Bangzheng, Magistrate of East River Town.
The golden chains shattered. The scroll folded itself neatly and dissolved into light.
Ne Job collapsed in relief. "Oh thank the bureaucracy."
---
The Catch
But before the relief could settle, the ground shook. The sky darkened.
A voice thundered overhead:
"Unauthorized signature method detected. Delivery incomplete."
The scroll's ashes reformed, rising into the air like a vengeful phoenix. Chains rewrapped around it, thicker and sharper.
"No, no, no, you said accepted!" Ne Job screamed. "You can't just change your mind!"
The scroll's voice boomed: "Penalty Protocol: Intern Termination."
The parchment unfolded into a monstrous, glowing construct with wings of contracts and claws made of quills.
The villagers screamed and scattered. Guards dropped their weapons. Magistrate Hu dove back inside his office.
Ne Job stared in horror.
"Oh great," he muttered. "I'm about to be murdered… by paperwork."
---
Cliffhanger
The construct screeched, lunging straight for him with a talon of sharpened quills.
Ne Job grabbed the nearest object—a broken noodle bowl—and held it up like a shield.
"Assistant Yue is never going to believe this!"
The construct's claw slashed down, paper ripping through stone like butter.
And then—just before it struck—another hand caught the blow.
A figure stepped into the square, robes fluttering, aura blazing.
"Really," the newcomer said calmly. "Leaving interns unsupervised… how reckless."
Ne Job blinked. "Wait… you?!"