Chapter 7 — Swarley (Nicknames, Nonsense & Nuclear Petty)
Ted Mosby believed nicknames faded with time.
Barney Stinson believed nicknames only mattered if you chose them yourself.
And Ivar Scherbatsky? He believed nicknames were weapons — and once fired, they were impossible to recall.
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The Coffee Shop Incident
At the café, Barney strutted up to the counter.
"Name for the order?" the barista asked.
"Barney."
Ten minutes later: "Caramel macchiato for… Swarley?"
The gang erupted in laughter.
Robin gasped, clutching her stomach. "Swarley?!"
Ted wheezed. "That's… that's amazing."
Barney's face went red. "It was a mistake. A typo. Drop it."
Megan smirked. "Sorry, Swarley, but that's not how nicknames work."
Yvonne added, deadpan: "Swarley sounds like a rejected Pokémon."
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The Spread
By nightfall, MacLaren's was buzzing.
Everywhere Barney went:
The bartender called him Swarley.
A waitress winked: "Another round, Swarley?"
Even strangers at the jukebox: "Hey, Swarley, you gonna play something good?"
Barney growled. "I'm being targeted. This is harassment!"
Ivar sipped his whiskey, green eyes glinting. "Correction: this is culture."
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Ivar's Escalation
The next day, Barney stormed into Northern Star HQ, looking for backup.
"Ivar! They're calling me Swarley. It's destroying my brand. Fix it!"
Ivar leaned back in his chair, steepling his fingers. "No."
"What do you mean no?!"
"I mean," Ivar said calmly, "I already paid three bars, two coffee shops, and a taxi company to call you Swarley. By tomorrow, half the city will know."
Barney froze. "You… you monster."
Yvonne, passing by with a stack of files, added: "Correction: genius."
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Marshall's Side Story
Meanwhile, Marshall was dating again — badly. He misread signals, stumbled through awkward moments, and panicked at the thought of replacing Lily.
Robin offered encouragement. "You'll get there. It just… takes time."
Marshall sighed. "Yeah, but I don't want to be the guy everyone laughs at."
From across the booth, Barney snapped, "You think you've got problems? Try being called Swarley in a strip club!"
Marshall grinned for the first time in weeks. "Honestly, I needed that."
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Closing Beat
By the end of the episode:
Ted was still laughing at the nickname.
Robin kept the joke alive with merciless precision.
Megan and Yvonne both joined in, giving Barney zero escape.
Marshall got a small boost of hope from Barney's humiliation.
And Ivar? He sat in the corner, calm as ever, watching the chaos unfold.
Because sometimes the best way to lift one friend up… was by dragging another down.
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End of Chapter 7.
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👉 Next is Chapter 8 ("Atlantic City") — the chaotic wedding trip. Do you want me to play it close to canon (Marshall & Lily's impulsive wedding plan), or expand it into a bigger arc where Ivar bankrolls the trip, Yvonne gambles like a shark, and Megan drags the chaos toward "Girls Gone Wild" levels?