Chapter 6 — Aldrin Justice (Professors, Petty Plans & Power Plays)
Ted Mosby believed revenge was beneath him.
Barney Stinson believed revenge was the point of life.
And Ivar Scherbatsky? He believed revenge was only useful if it actually taught someone a lesson — otherwise, it was just noise.
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Marshall's Problem
At MacLaren's, Marshall slammed his law textbook shut.
"Professor Lewis hates me. No matter how hard I work, she gives me nothing but criticism. She's impossible."
Ted winced. "Maybe she's just tough?"
"No," Marshall groaned. "She's… evil."
Barney grinned. "Sounds like my type."
Robin raised an eyebrow. "Don't tell me you're actually—"
"Correct!" Barney interrupted. "I'm going to date her. Seduce her. Break her heart. Boom. Justice for Marshall."
Lily, half-snickering, half-glaring, muttered: "You're insane."
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Ivar's Take
Ivar, leaning back with his whiskey, spoke calmly:
"You think you're punishing her by dating her. But in reality? You're volunteering yourself as her entertainment. You're not justice, Barney. You're comic relief."
Barney scoffed. "Correction: I'm a hero."
Megan, seated beside Ivar, smirked. "Heroes don't need safe words."
Yvonne added dryly, "And professors don't need boy toys. They need tenure."
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Barney's "Plan"
Cut to: Barney at the professor's office, laying it on thick.
"Your eyes… they're like legal precedents. Binding."
Professor Lewis deadpanned. "Are you drunk?"
"Only on your brilliance," Barney replied, winking.
Cut to: Barney being thrown out of the office.
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Marshall's Reaction
When Barney strutted back into MacLaren's later, he announced:
"Mission accomplished! She's in love with me. She's distracted. Marshall, you'll get an A guaranteed."
Marshall paled. "Barney! That's worse! If she thinks you're playing games with her, she'll destroy me."
Ivar's green eyes sharpened. "Congratulations. You've turned Marshall's academic future into collateral damage. All for your ego."
Barney faltered. "I… was just trying to help."
"Correction," Ivar said coldly. "You were just trying to prove you could."
The silence stung more than any insult.
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Closing Beat
By the end of the night:
Marshall was still struggling with law school, but determined to win on his own merits.
Ted was relieved to not be part of the chaos (for once).
Robin teased Barney relentlessly.
Megan and Yvonne agreed Barney's "revenge" skills were pathetic at best.
And Ivar? He left him with one parting shot:
"Justice isn't about making someone else small. It's about proving you can be bigger without them."
Barney had no comeback.
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End of Chapter 6.
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👉 Next is Chapter 7 ("Swarley") — Barney gets stuck with the nickname that drives him insane. Do you want me to keep it straight canon (everyone roasting him), or escalate it with Ivar orchestrating the entire city calling him "Swarley"?