Chapter 5 — World's Greatest Couple (Roommates, Rent & Reality Checks)
Ted Mosby believed living together tested love.
Barney Stinson believed living together tested sanity.
And Ivar Scherbatsky? He believed living together tested whether you were stupid enough to let Barney near your furniture.
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Lily's New Situation
At MacLaren's, Lily announced: "So… I moved in with Barney."
The booth went silent.
Marshall dropped his fries. "WHAT?!"
Barney spread his arms like a proud king. "Ladies and gentlemen, meet my new roommate. She brings art. I bring awesome."
Robin whispered to Megan, "Place your bets on how long before this explodes."
Megan smirked. "Two weeks, tops."
Yvonne raised an eyebrow. "Three days."
Ivar sipped his whiskey. "One day."
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Chaos at the Apartment
Cut to: Barney's apartment.
Lily unpacked, immediately horrified by:
A stripper pole in the living room.
A wall of signed cocktail napkins from ex-girlfriends.
A neon sign over the bed reading: 'Legendary.'
"Barney," Lily groaned. "This is a frat house with a credit card."
"Correction," Barney grinned. "This is heaven."
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Megan & Yvonne Step In
The next night, Megan and Yvonne swung by to check on Lily.
Yvonne wrinkled her nose at the neon glow. "You live here now?"
Megan picked up a framed photo of Barney with two showgirls. "Classy décor. Really screams 'midlife crisis.'"
"Hey!" Barney protested. "This is art!"
"Then why does it smell like Axe body spray?" Yvonne muttered.
Lily groaned. "Thank you. Finally someone else sees it."
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Ivar's Quiet Move
Meanwhile, in the shadows, Ivar handled business.
He sat in his office, reviewing Lily's accounts. Quietly, methodically, he arranged another payment to slash her debt — no fanfare, no credit.
When Megan asked why, he answered simply:
"Marshall will forgive her one day. But when he does, I don't want money to be the chain around their necks."
Megan softened. "You're scarier when you're sweet, you know that?"
Ivar smirked. "Good."
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The Blow-Up
Inevitably, Lily snapped.
"Barney, I can't live like this! You leave suits on every surface, your dates eat my yogurt, and your idea of house rules is 'don't die in the hot tub.'"
Barney looked wounded. "Those are good rules!"
The gang staged an intervention — Megan and Yvonne leading the charge.
"Lily," Megan said, "you're a grown woman. You don't have to play college dorm for rent."
"And Barney," Yvonne added, "if you traumatize her, I'll personally code a game where you die on repeat. Slowly."
Barney paled. "Noted."
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Closing Beat
By the end of the week, Lily had left Barney's apartment. Marshall still ached, but at least Lily wasn't drowning in neon chaos.
Ted kept hoping things would return to normal.
Robin kept her walls up.
Barney kept insisting he was the "world's greatest roommate."
Megan and Yvonne bonded over roasting him relentlessly.
And Ivar? He watched it all unfold, quietly writing another check Lily would never know about.
Because sometimes protecting people meant saving them from their choices — and sometimes it meant saving them from Barney.
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End of Chapter 5.
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👉 Next is Chapter 6 ("Aldrin Justice") — canon has Barney dating Marshall's professor for revenge. Do you want me to play that straight (with Ivar calling Barney out), or expand it so Megan and Yvonne personally step in to roast Barney's ridiculous plan?