As his lips moved closer to mine, my heart skipped a beat. But before they could touch, I pulled myself away — instantly, instinctively. From the very beginning, I'd promised myself one thing: my first kiss would belong only to my first love.
Yes, Tori was my first boyfriend, but we never kissed, never went on a date, never even had a video call. Sometimes I wonder, could I even call him my boyfriend when nothing ever happened between us, except for that one awkward hug? I remember how terrified I was back then, worried someone might see us.
And about Neel… my heart longed for his hug, but nothing more. Deep down, I knew — even if circumstances pushed me toward him, my heart didn't truly want it. The thought alone made me restless. All I wished for at that moment was for him to go back home as soon as possible. Cause all the conflicts between me, my brain and heart wasn't bearable for me.
When the bus stopped for a thirty-minute break, everyone got off. I followed Mily and Taran, who were eager to grab something to eat. We sat around a table, chatting, pretending nothing had happened. After finishing, everyone started heading back to the bus. I walked last, behind them all.
That's when Neel slowed his pace. As I passed, he slipped something into my hand — a chocolate bar and a folded note. My fingers tightened around them, heart trembling. It wasn't the first time he'd given me chocolate; he knew I loved them. He'd done this every time he visited. Once, when he hadn't brought one, I'd texted him after he left. He told me he'd left it in Anin's drawer — waiting for me to find.
Back on the bus, Neel stood waiting.
"I need to go to the washroom," I said, glancing at my sister.
She told Neel to accompany me.
We got off together. But after taking a few steps away, I stopped.
"I don't need to go," I said softly.
He looked confused. "Then why—"
I took a deep breath. "Let me hug you one more time," I whispered. "I feel like my heart will explode if I can't."
Without a word, he stepped closer and wrapped his arms around me. It wasn't a long hug — but it was deep, real, heavy with everything unspoken between us.
When I finally said, "Thank you… we should go," he didn't reply. He simply kissed my cheek — once, then twice — the second time brushing against my neck.
My body froze. My heart pounded so loudly I could barely breathe.
That was the moment I realized — sometimes the things you try hardest to avoid find their own way to reach you.
But deep down, I had already decided that I wouldn't act this way anymore. I would stop it here. This is the last...