Chapter 13: The Hottest Negotiation – Muspelheim's Interior Design Crisis.
[MUSPELHEIM – SURTUR'S FORTRESS]
The Fire Demon reluctantly led Thor and Loki through the sweltering hallways of Surtur's fortress. Everything here was built for utility, not ambiance: black rock, roaring fire pits, and the constant, deafening sound of metal being hammered.
It was aggressively masculine and smelled like a billion years of coal.
"Absolutely abysmal acoustics," Loki muttered, inspecting a wall with theatrical distaste. "And the lighting is just... angry. No subtle layering. We must address the mood immediately."
Thor, meanwhile, was sweating profusely, but trying to maintain the 'Enforcement Officer' demeanor. He pointed Mjolnir at a bubbling lava pool. "We require a demonstration of your heat resistance! We cannot have our new silk drapes spontaneously combusting over the All-Father's breakfast table!"
The lead demon, named Kroll, stopped. "WHY ARE YOU SO LOUD? AND WHY DO YOU CARRY THAT TINY HAMMER?"
"It's a measuring tool!" Thor roared, waving Mjolnir vaguely. "Perfect for ensuring precise thermal drape alignment! Now, the materials!"
Kroll gestured to a large, scorching-hot room filled with roaring furnaces. "WE USE FIRE. FIRE RESISTS FIRE. OUR RAW MATERIAL IS THE EARTH ITSELF. LEAVE."
Loki gasped, placing a hand to his chest as if personally offended. "But, my dear Fire Lord, that won't do! We require a source of heat resistance, something unique, something timeless! We heard rumors of an ancient, perfectly contained energy source—a vintage eternal flame—that would be ideal for our indoor fire pits line. It adds character!"
He leaned closer to Kroll, adopting a conspiratorial stage whisper. "And frankly, Asgard's current fire pits are simply passé. We need to elevate the brand."
Kroll's eyes narrowed, but the sheer absurdity was throwing off his battle instincts. "The Eternal Flame is a myth of old wars! It has nothing to do with your foolish... drapes!"
"On the contrary," Loki countered, pulling out a detailed, completely fabricated schematic of the Muspelheim fortress. "My sources indicate the Flame is stored in the Antiquities and Raw Materials wing, precisely where the predecessor's skull is located. A skull, by the way, which would make a stunning centerpiece for a rustic outdoor patio."
Loki was banking on the Demon culture having zero concept of irony or home staging.
Thor stepped in, using his "aggressive competence" role to intimidate the negotiation. "Show us the antiquity vault! We need samples of the original material that housed this 'mythical flame'! Standard bulk-purchase protocol requires full resource verification!"
Kroll hesitated. The Eternal Flame was sacred, but the sheer confidence and loudness of the Asgardians—especially the one with the terrifying hammer—made him doubt. Perhaps these bizarre Asgardians truly were just incredibly irritating bureaucrats.
"The skull of our predecessor... is not for sale," Kroll rumbled, leading them deeper into the fortress toward a section marked by crumbling, ancient runes.
"Of course not for sale," Loki scoffed, following briskly. "Just for loan for tensile strength testing. We'll return it, along with a free consultation on glowing floor treatments."
The air grew intensely hotter, pulsating with a dark energy that even Thor felt. They were approaching the deepest, oldest part of the fortress.
Finally, they reached a massive, iron-reinforced vault door. Kroll stopped, signaling his guards. "THIS IS THE CRYT. ANCIENT SECRETS. NO LINENS HERE."
"Perfect!" Loki exclaimed. "We'll take a quick peek at the aesthetic. Thor, ready the hammer for ambiance testing."
As Kroll fumbled with the complex ancient locks, Loki subtly conjured two shimmering illusions—not of himself, but of two extremely bored and critical Asgardian Interior Design Consultants—and had them materialize right next to Kroll, whispering in high-pitched, judgemental tones about the lock mechanism's "lack of symmetry."
Kroll immediately turned, furious and confused by the sudden appearance of more irritating voices. "WHERE DID THESE NEW, TINY VOICES COME FROM!?"
This was the distraction Loki needed. While Kroll was yelling at the illusory consultants about the "terrible lack of flow" in the corridor, Loki silently slipped past the guards, using an ancient, fire-retardant illusion spell of his mother's creation.
He was inside the vault.
The room was vast, dominated by a single, colossal skull resting on a slab of molten rock. Within the eye socket of that skull pulsed the very object they sought: The Eternal Flame. It was a terrifying, beautiful pillar of dark red and gold power.
Loki approached it cautiously. He didn't have time to concoct a complex magical theft. He needed something simple, fast, and completely untraceable.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out the small, fire-retardant candy apple he'd taken from the Dark Elf prisoner. It was cheap, sturdy, and now enhanced with a simple enchantment to withstand extreme heat for a few seconds.
With a deep breath, Loki extended his hand, the absurdity of the situation making him smirk one last time.
"Thermal drapes, indeed," he whispered.
He plunged the enchanted candy apple into the Eternal Flame, scooping up a tiny, contained ember of the fire. The apple sizzled, the magic held, and he quickly sealed the ember inside a small, crystalline vial he carried for emergency mischief.
He retreated, slipping out of the vault just as Thor, tired of waiting, yelled and smashed Mjolnir into the ground outside, creating a massive, distracting tremor that finally broke Kroll's patience.
"ENOUGH! THE CONSUTANTS ARE LIES! WE ATTACK!" Kroll roared, finally realizing he'd been duped.
Loki materialized next to Thor, handing the crystalline vial to his brother, and dusting off his ruffled sash. "Mission accomplished, Brother. The fire pit sample has been acquired. Time to enact the return policy—aggressively."
Thor's face split into a wide, battle-ready grin. "Finally! I was getting sick of talking about trim!"
As the Fire Demons charged, Thor raised Mjolnir, and Loki summoned a dazzling, confusing array of illusions—not just clones, but shimmering floor designs and walls made of neon green steam. The battle for the Eternal Flame was on, and it was going to be loud, confusing, and incredibly stylish.
To Be Continued...