Outside of this office window, i'm looking at to the raining weather who doesn't care if this life of mine would be the same forever till im old, or it will change into beautiful and romantic one.
My Name is nevel ein, age 27. I've been this office worker slave for about 5 years long. Constantly working like some robot who can't even know how to stop, I continue embraced the power of black company type of worker who will eventually wither like some leaf in the branch when they're changing the seasons. I know very well of myself that this days of mine will be continued till I died alone in apartment because I can't even pay my rent in times and having my landlord harsh words in every day in first months.
Well what can I do anyway, I'm wasting my young days drinking and constantly smoking with your typical bad students in school. Let's say it's type of karma for what I've done in these all years of my life. Though once I finally realize how hard it's to make money for myself, I'm stopping myself from all those activities of myself. Mom... dad... I hope you guys can forgive your stupid son of yours from knowing this is eventually happen to him and yet he never listen to his parent's of him. I'm sorry.
Talking about those regret also comes with my biggest one that I've been trying to forget all this times. Yes regret for not having enough courage to tell my crush that I love her so much that i will back to past and hit myself so hard so myself back then can do that stupid action at least once. But yeah it's all filled with hope and dream because it's already long gone anyway.
Her name is senia illa, she have beautiful blue eyes that glow colorful when the sun glow between them and glimerring light brown hair that portrait a beautiful branch of tree that been constantly getting change by seasons and yet she remain untouched by ages. Not only that her personality also your typical heroine who will always win in the end of story between the chaos battle between her and childhood friends of male leads and also some unknown entity that author suddenly insert so the male lead will be hard to choose between three of them. Though I believe childhood romance relationship is strong, you can't expect nowadays story will offer them power to win male lead heart. The personality of her that so kind yet charming also mystery and also quiet behaviour surrounding her. Making yourself as character wanted to develop more and thorough more hidden trait behind her story.
Yes and that what's myself from the past failed to do so, she's not even have bunch of male friends to begin with, even her female classmate only interact with her when it's about group project or school event. Then you might ask why i waste those beautiful moment? The only answer i truly can tell is that I'm not that worthy of man myself in the past. In the first year, I've been constantly smoking with friend of mine because they will leave me if I'm not following theirs activities at school. Even the worst one is drunk in the middle of math classes at the corner of the school and constantly skipping the class of mine several times and having roughly a good grade to graduate from high school's.
Although all of those stupid behavior of mine been known well in the entire school. Senia never even once judged me and badmouthing me behind my back like everyone in the classes are. Hell she even give me her book's so I can copy the materials in the class that she beautifully written and even myself whose at that times dumb as hell can even understand it well. It's happen not only once, but almost every single times, and everytime she offer help, she always give warm smile and kind behaviour around me in the class. You must be crazy not falling in love with this kind of woman i said to myself back then. How even goddess like her exist in the first place right?
And also in that moment too that I truly fall in love with her even more.
Hey, you've been daze for a while, did you sick or something?"
Ask senia with gentle voice of her.
"Ah no, there's a fly around you so I've been daze on how to catch them"
I said stupidly because I don't even prepare on how to answer her sudden of words.
"Hihi,I see, can't believe fly made you daze an entire minute there" Answer her while looking at me with that cute laugh.
In that moment I don't even know how to reply her so I just shrug my head acting like I'm just your typical dumb male leads who can't even continue the conversation with their heroine.
Reminding myself from that moment also like slapping myself knowing that I don't even supposed stand beside her, I'm just your delinquent students who can't even stay in class while teacher explains important things for myself every day, though that idea of mine eventually gone too after i know that she's right now accept me for who i am at that times.
I regret for not try again, be better and at least not skipping class once, and it failed miserably because through first years till third. I've ended up become way worse everyday through the fear of get leaves out behind from my friends circle that's been more awful everyday. And therefore all of those three years of mine just goes away, senia also become more distant to me while still believing on myself that i can be better at that time, sadly i must hurt her heart knowing that I only become worse and worse every day. In the day of graduate, I don't even have a courage of myself to face her and left all first knowing I'm already been bad mouthing by everyone even in the graduation ceremony.
And here i am, been living well, atleast I'm not died yet because of overworked situation I've been facing with. Remembering all those beautiful and yet awful years made me hungry and unconsciously made me through all works till it's already a lunch break and now it's already past 10 minute and I only got 10 minutes left to get myself stuffed with some food. Yes a ramen and coffee is what I've been constantly eat for. Healthy? No, just enough for me to survive this and having enough money to pay my rent in times.
Therefore I'm going to down to the 5 floor of the lunch cafe and started preparing some cheap ramen and a cup of coffee so I don't fall asleep in the middle of work again like I did in the past who made my boss angry and yapping those rules of office work of his, god..
i can hope I can just skip those scene like any visual novel I read.
While I'm preparing those ramen and coffee, I'm having a thought of myself wondering what Illena has been doing all these years. I already cut contact with her once we graduated from high school and I didn't even save her number since I'm your typical coward who can't even ask a girl something when the situation doesn't seem desperate, like me when I need someone else's books so I can copy them for myself.
Well, I hope for the best for her, for her future, and for any man who makes her fall in love with him. I wish her the best, knowing I'm all but a part of the story that she's been through in chapter 1, while she's already in her chapter 30 in the story, forgotten and only there to become a build-up for her story to become interesting as a popular story would become.
Having those thoughts, I finally finish getting myself a warm ramen with a bit of hot sauce and a warm coffee from an product that having worse rating of all of those product out there and it's here because they're cheap and company Preparing some cheap ramen and a cup of coffee so I don't fall asleep in the middle of work again like I did before.
While I'm preparing those ramen and coffee, I'm having a thought of myself wondering what Illena has been doing all these years. I already cut contact with her once we graduated from high school and I didn't even save her number since I'm your typical coward who can't even ask a girl something when the situation doesn't seem desperate, like me when I need someone else's books so I can copy them for myself.
Eventually, I can only hope for the best for her, for her future, and for any man who makes her fall in love with him. I wish her the best, knowing I'm all but a part of the story that she's been through in chapter 1, while she's already in her chapter 30 in the story, forgotten and only there to become a build-up for her story to become interesting as a popular story would become.
After reminiscent those scene in my head again, I finally finish getting myself a warm ramen with a bit of hot sauce and a hot coffee to keep myself from getting yelled at, at those moment I only have 5 minutes to finish this and yet while I'm walk toward the chair of cafeteria in office, my vision become really blurry and gray while my movement also become weak every foot i set at. And in that moment i knew, i might die young at this times. My head hits the ground while my cup of ramen and coffee cup get thrown into a random direction. I heard a loud shout from my college that trying to calling my name while my vision constantly become more dark and blank hearing alongside it. I don't even know if I'm die right there, but I know very well that i might have more bunch of regret than I have before. Oh mom dad, once again I'm sorry.
Minutes has passed. I finally woken up by a loud old people speech, they're remind me of my old days when that old chairman speech in the front of students during graduation ceremony, I thought it was just some sort of flashback of mine before i died, but once i wake my eyes more wide and look around. I knew it well that it's not your typical after death flashback, it's exactly the day where opening speech of new students was announced.
In that moment i should've panicked knowing that I've been thrown into the past, but another me also relieve, knowing that i might really death at that times in the office, and now I'm back into the past in the moment of my first years as high school students and having this chance once again.
"Hah.. What's should i do now really?"
I said while sighed myself not believing it
Look's like i have no other choice than to do better now. Though i have lot of question about this nonsense, I already know what to do in this type of situation after reading that typical regression story. so yeah I suppose I should follow them too and do something that I unable to do from the past.
I might be also fulfilled this unfinished love to her.