Chapter 2: Milk, Morons, and Menus
Days blurred into a haze of milk, naps, and the incessant cooing of the peacock-headdress lady (whose name, he eventually learned, was Lady Elara) and the walrus-mustached man (Sergeant Gruff, apparently a former… well, something important that involved swords). Ethan spent his time alternating between existential dread and desperate attempts to control his tiny, flailing limbs.
The constant blinking of the SYSTEM: TUTORIAL MODE: RECOMMENDED (Y/N)? in the corner of his vision was driving him slowly mad. How was he supposed to choose? He was a baby! He couldn't even drool on command!
He tried concentrating, willing the "Y" to light up with the force of his mental prowess. Nothing. He tried thinking really, really hard about debugging a particularly nasty segmentation fault. Still nothing. He even tried imagining himself as a powerful CEO, dictating commands to his underlings. Nada.
The System, it seemed, was stubbornly unresponsive to baby-level mental input.
One afternoon, while Lady Elara was attempting to dress him in a particularly frilly outfit that resembled a miniature wedding dress, Ethan accidentally kicked her in the face.
It wasn't intentional, of course. He was just flailing. But Lady Elara gasped, stumbled backward, and dropped a jewel-encrusted comb.
As the comb clattered to the floor, a new message popped up in Ethan's vision.
SYSTEM: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!
SYSTEM: "ACCIDENTAL ASSAULT" - KICKED A NOBLE IN THE FACE. REWARD: 1 REPUTATION POINT.
SYSTEM: TUTORIAL MODE: AVAILABLE. INITIATE (Y/N)?
This time, the "Y" was already highlighted. Apparently, inflicting accidental bodily harm was the key to unlocking the System's features.
Ethan stared at the blinking "Y," then back at Lady Elara, who was rubbing her nose with a bewildered expression. He felt a pang of guilt, quickly followed by a surge of triumph.
He had a Reputation Point! And the tutorial!
He concentrated with all his might, picturing the highlighted "Y" in his mind.
This time, it worked.
The blue text shimmered, and the screen cleared. A new interface replaced the previous one.
SYSTEM: TUTORIAL MODE ACTIVATED.
Welcome to the System Interface!
Please select from the following options:
1. Status
2. Skills
3. Shop
4. Reputation
5. Settings
The numbers blinked invitingly. Ethan, of course, couldn't select anything. He was still a baby. But at least now he had a menu.
He focused his thoughts on "1. Status." He imagined pressing the number with his mind.
The screen flickered again.
SYSTEM: STATUS
Name: Ethan Blake
Title: Lord (Infant)
Level: 1
HP: 10/10 (Seriously? Even a slime has more HP than me, Ethan thought.)
MP: 0/0 (No magic? Figures.)
Stats:
- Strength: 1 (Pathetic.)
- Dexterity: 1 (Equally pathetic.)
- Intelligence: 10 (Okay, that's more like it.)
- Wisdom: 5 (Apparently, reincarnation doesn't automatically make you wise.)
- Charisma: 6 (Thanks, Baby Charm.)
- Luck: ? (The System seems unsure. Ethan suspected his Luck stat was currently hovering somewhere around "catastrophically bad.")
Reputation Points: 1
Ethan studied his status screen with a mixture of amusement and despair. He was, statistically speaking, the weakest character in the game.
Suddenly, Sergeant Gruff's booming voice interrupted his mental menu-diving.
"Milord, time for your… ahem… tactical refueling!"
Sergeant Gruff brandished a bottle of milk with a disturbingly enthusiastic grin.
Ethan groaned inwardly. Tactical refueling? He was being fed like a war machine.
As Sergeant Gruff approached, Ethan noticed something peculiar. Hovering above the Sergeant's head, in faint, shimmering letters, was a label.
[Sergeant Gruff - Loyal Caretaker. Level 25.]
Ethan blinked. Was everyone labeled in this world?
He glanced at Lady Elara. Sure enough, above her head, another label floated.
[Lady Elara - Dutiful Mother. Level 30.]
This was getting weirder by the second. He was in a game, inside a game. Or maybe he was just going insane.
As Sergeant Gruff shoved the bottle into his mouth, Ethan couldn't help but wonder: what level was he going to have to reach before he could escape this baby-sized prison? And more importantly, how many nobles would he have to accidentally kick in the face to get there?
End Chapter 2